How can a Christian and a neo-pagan coexist as mates?

I had a fight with my (Christian) mate today, and I've been thinking.

She finds my belief in Hedon and reincarnation genuinely appalling to her God.

I find her worship of a divine psychopath that wants me to burn in Hell because I don't bow down to it genuinely appalling to what I perceive as the rights of any sentient being.

I love her more than life, and I think she feels the same.

But how the hell can this work?

Does she genuinely think that God wants you to burn in hell, or are you exaggerating?

I suppose it could work if you just... agreed to disagree and backed away from the topic whenever it arose in conversation?

Put aside religion? It's not like there haven't been friendships in which one friend disagrees with the other.

Yeah, pretty much. She said to me "Well we know where you're going." She immediately apologized and looked horrified at herself, but that's not something you say out of nowhere. Either that's what she meant to tell me and then regretted it or she's said it enough in the past for it to be a habit.

I wish I could. Doesn't seem like that's going to be an option considering the above.

I find her worship of a divine psychopath that wants me to burn in Hell because I don't bow down to it genuinely appalling to what I perceive as the rights of any sentient being.

Justa letcha know, lots of Christians don't believe in this version of God. There isn't a universal stance on hell, punishment, sin, etc. Dunno about the person specified in the OP, though.

This is probably a silly question, but... are you sure she wasn't just joking around? And then realised it might have offended you and taken it back?

I mean, I joke about that sort of thing occasionally with family members (my family's christian, but my brother isn't practicing and considers himself more of an agnostic), but I don't mean it. And it sounds like a frivolous thing to say.

edited 27th Dec '10 10:43:55 PM by LoniJay

Fucking>religion.

I think agreeing not to talk about religion is the best policy here. Just accept that you'll disagree on this issue and don't let that bleed into any other parts of your lives.

Unitarian Univeralism is entirely compatible with Neo-Paganism.

There are strains of each religion which complement each other, and strains of those that oppose each other.

As for personal advice, since you have the latter, I don't think there's much reconciliation on something such as that. And don't understand how you and a person with such a personality difference got together. But I can't perfectly say about such matters.

edited 28th Dec '10 2:49:45 AM by Ukonkivi

@OP: Easily, as along as they actually respect each other and can agree to disagree.

I agree that she might have been joking when saying that you are going to Hell: that does not follow at all from the contents of Christianity, at least not in most denominations.

As for the general issue, it seems complicated - not impossible, but definitely fairly difficult.

Just avoiding the topic of religion will not work on the long term, I think: it would perhaps be more useful if each one would make some effort to understand and appreciate the value of the other one's religious tradition, but even then it's not going to be an easy ride.

As an aside: Hedon? Never heard of that (unless you are just talking about hedonism, but I don't think you are), and Wikipedia failed me. What is it?

Easy, the same way any two people who differ by a feature that is fucking irrelevant to their characters coexist as mates: they ignore the unimportant stuff.

Seriously. Maybe God in some denominations is supposed to judge people by faith and not works, but the rest of us here on Earth gotta judge eachother by their actions. So ignore her belief. Seriously. If she still does good by you and those around her, she's a good friend. If she acts like a jerk, then you know something's wrong. Her belief never has to come into it.

Seconding Midnight Velvet. Also I was friends with a Wiccan, so I have to say that, from personal experience, Christians can get along with neo-pagans.  ^*

I'm a fairly easy person to get along with, so having different beliefs than I do is alright as long as you are not trying to bash it into my skull.

edited 28th Dec '10 6:57:17 AM by EldritchBlueRose

Getting along with people of different religions? Sure, no problem.

But a long-term romantic relationship is a whole different matter, I think - I am not saying that it is impossible, but it will take an impressive amount of effort in order to give it even just a chance to work.

Put down your phony gods: at least her religion is codified.

^See, make sure she doesn't do that.

Threadhop: By mate, do you mean "friend", or "significant other"? My answer depends on the meaning. With friends, you can co-exist with vastly differing opinions and world viewpoints. You're friends, not life-partners. There were a couple of subjects me and one of my friends couldn't talk about, as either or both of us would devolve into pointless griping. So we just didn't go there anymore. So to answer the question as far as friends go, then yes, I think you can coexist.

With a significant other, it's harder to do. I've been married for seven years, so I can attest to some epic levels of squabbling and stuff over some really stupid and pointless things. If we had significant differences in opinion and viewpoints about such a thing as religion (or any other heavy subject like politics, for example), I can see more tension being present. It's rather difficult and uncomfortable to sleep in the same bed with the person you just had a two-hour screaming match with, especially if you go to bed still arguing with them in your head until the wee hours of the morning. Been there, done that. Yeah there's the couch out in the livingroom, but couches arne't as comfortable to sleep on after you hit 30 or so.

I didn't marry her just so I'd have a life-long debate about important issues, or so I would have to walk on eggshells aroudn her about certain subjects. Being married is already filled with enough tension, I don't want any more. My marriage vows didn't include "I choose you to disagree with me on core values and moral foundational things, this day and every day." Bad bad bad way to go about picking a life partner. I'd be really hesitant to marry someone if we disagree over a Really Important Issue. What's our national divorce rate again, something like 50 percent? I didn't marry her just so I could have a divorce later. Especially since we've had two children at this point.

Now, if religion isn't a big deal to either person, then there's no conflict - My wife has totally no opinion about certain things that get me riled up (she doesn't care about Tropes at all), so all I end up doing is venting at her about why such and such is wrong or right or stupid or whatever, and all she says is "okay" - it's a non-issue to her, so I might as well save my breath.

My SO is a Christian, but he believes that much of the bible has been corrupted and that the important things are Jesus' teachings about loving others and trying to be a good person. I tease him sometimes about not really being much of a Christian, but he considers himself one and we get along fine.

"At least her religion is codified."

Right, because how popular a religion is determines how correct it is.

Hedon, friend, is the trinity goddess central to a young/ really really old (depending on how you look at it) faith which unfortunately happens to have the same name as a philosophy that excuses rich people to have orgies and get smashed in Barbados every summer.

If you like, I can get you in contact with Penny; she can explain better than I can.

I'm mostly over the issue now. I know it'll be difficult, but we're more alike than different in practice if not beliefs. (Girl acts more pagan than me sometimes, heheh.)

Thank you guys for the advice, and for getting me through a rough time.

Answer: By going through a romantic comedy plotline!!!!

I've been in this situation, it didn't work out for me, but mostly because while I wanted to agree to disagree, she felt it was irreconcilable.

Needless to say, some of this is where my hate of Christianity comes from, I'll admit, but I think we could have made it work just fine. Probably would have married her.

My BFF is a christian neo pagan, I'm not sure how that's meant to work.

edited 28th Dec '10 11:25:36 PM by joeyjojo

Do they still use the term One-True-Wayism?

If one person believes that their way must be the one true way and everyone else is evil, subhuman and needs to be saved from divine retribution for taking the wrong WMG about the nature of the universe, then they cannot be friends with someone of a different faction of their own religion, let alone another religion.

But the shortest answer to your immediate situation is this: Where in the Bible does it say you are going to hell? It doesn't and actually I would doubt that she has even read it, since most Christians have not.

I am going to be extremely harsh and insensitive here, but please bear with me:

I am amazed that people manage to develop such conflicts and drama around a set of notions that not only are usually inconsistent nonsense, but do not tell them anything about real life. My advice (difficult to follow, but absolutely utterly 100% effective) would be that both ov you give up on religion entirely. You'd be amazed at how liberating it is, after the initial shock: you will feel as if your gods, your overbearing, dominating, authoritarian "parents" who are constantly dissappointed in you, have just died. You are an orphan, and adult, you are free, and what you do with the rest of your life is UP TO YOU. This is what the phrase "God Is Dead" really means.

BTW, whatever happened to the "Religion's Claim To Be Non Disprovable" thread?

That would be so if you came from a horrible oppressive little branch of the religion; I do not think it's true for the majority of religous people.

edited 29th Dec '10 4:57:02 AM by LoniJay