Your Funniest Tabletop Story

...Is this an edition where chromatic dragons can shapeshift?

Well, the gold dragon he accidentally seduced^* What did you think the "Good with dragons" referred to? :D in previous module can change shape, white dragons can't

Aka, he didn't know that, just assumed its something universal to all dragons.

edited 28th Jul '17 12:11:32 AM by SpookyMask

So this is someone who thought "the Bard" created by Fredrik K.T. Andersson (look it up under Hot Skitty-on-Wailord Action) would make a good character to play?

So did I, in fact. Especially as shapeshifting is more of an "evil" power. I also thought that dragons could simply cast spells. That said, such inability wouldn't stop The Bard.

edited 28th Jul '17 3:07:14 AM by Medinoc

^^Nah, they were a air ship pirate captain(classwise swashbuckler) who wanted to recruit the gold dragon to the crew That is why it was accidental seduction

The whole party lost it when second dragon diplomacy roll was nat 20. And note, that quote is exactly what they said in character. Its ridiculous with dice how they have tendency to make one off jokes into running gags <_<

edited 28th Jul '17 3:09:36 AM by SpookyMask

Not for dragons in D&D. Only the gold and silver dragons (both good, since they're metallic) can shapeshift as a special ability. Though any dragon old enough to cast as a level 10 sorcerer (that's quite old, btw) could cast polymorph. White dragons have low caster levels compared to other dragons, too.

Iirc, Red Dragons can also use Polymorph.

I pretend this is an ability all dragons possess.

Or none of them do.

Any dragon old enough can cast polymorph. Dragons get spells as 11th level sorcerers (the level is always odd) at an age between "old" and "wyrm", depending on their kind. Only silver and gold dragons can shapeshift as a supernatural ability, and from the "very young" age category (silver dragons can even do it from the start).

A few months ago in our Star Wars d20 game, we did a Time Skip, during which one of our characters managed to get off the ground a small starship of his own design. He's trying to commercialize it, so every time we shoot down some fighters with it, we radio their mothership and send them our ship's pricing grid.

That's brilliant XD

Turns out my monk is a baaaad drunk. He reacted very badly to suddenly finding his real father and being unable to get any closure or even conversation because the guy was in a coma. I also explained that, as he likes to always have full control over his own body and mind, he hadn't drunk any alcohol in roughly the last nine years, therefore has almost no tolerance. It was extremely fun to RP

Got the fallout from that tonight, should be interesting.

That reminds me of something that happened to my sorcerer a while back, and by 'a while back,' I mean at the start of his campaign. We ended up having a social visit with some gods due to the usual plot setting up shenanigans, and I decided the best way to get to know these gods was to have a drinking contest with one of them. Naturally, the dragon god steps forth. I was figuring he'd beat me and I'd get to act drunk the rest of the session, which is always fun, but the dice decided it would be funnier if I rolled a nat 20 and he rolled a nat 1. To this day, Heth still brags about beating a dragon god in drinking contest, and the others just roll their eyes and assure any doubters that yes, this loonie did in fact drink a dragon under the table.

Drinking with gods right at the beginning of the campaign, bold! The only roll I made was whether I would throw up or not, you have to draw the line of believability somewhere.

So the fallout was a killer hangover, being a tiefling he was able to cast Darkness on the bed to protect himself from the light coming in the window, and his cleric friend made some kind of hangover cure that involved an egg.

The GM basically decided that the godly ale we were using didn't effect me very much because I was mortal, and the sheer perfection of the brew was unrecognized by my body. It's fun to see what D Ms will do to deal with nat 20s in that sort of situations.

So my players find a well that answers one question they ask:

First PC: *sees a skull* "Where I can find a big sword?" *tells second PC that he saw skull in well that answered a question"

Second PC: *sees a duck* "What this about skulls in well?"

Third PC: *sees a devil* "How much is this adamantine nail worth?"

Fourth PC: *forgot what he saw exactly* "Is my father still alive?"

Fifth PC: *doesn't look into well* "No way I'm going to ask questions from weird well."

Honestly, I was laughing out loud at one of players actually asking serious questions, at that point it was really unexpected

one of our players has a habit of rolling really, really, REALLY badly in our games..... his rolls were recently averaged out..... they average at 97.... in the 40k RPG's....

Get that person playing World of Darkness, stat. And find a way to crib off their dice rolls somehow.

edited 16th Oct '17 4:09:39 PM by ViperMagnum357

When he played d&d he played a Kobold..... that was basically a Kobold commando, that is how well he rolled for stats, he seems to universally roll high

In the Curse of Strahd game I'm a player in, our party just took control of the town of Vallaki today. Which I think is pretty hilarious in-and-of-itself.

Last session, because we took too long at another location, Vallaki's protective reliquary was stolen enabling Strahd to attack the town. The villagers were threatening to riot, blaming the burgomeister. So we talked to the burgomeister and Lady Walkter to weigh our options regarding who should be in charge. We determined that the burgomeister was not fit to rule, but that Lady Walkter being in charge was basically allowing Strahd to win. We also guessed that if we continued to oppose Strahd, Vallaki may not be so welcoming anymore if we let her take control, and we weren't too keen on letting Strahd basically having full control of the only friendly town we've found so far.

Fortunately, we had a lead that we gained from the sorcerer detecting Lady Walkter's thoughts. By following it, we found the man who stole the reliquary. Our DM ruled that by having our assistant Van Richten cast the hallow spell, we could create a new secret place for the reliquary that could protect the town. So we created this new holy place in the basement of the tavern and told our allies to protect it. Then we waited. We knew Lady Walkter would lead a coup, but we didn't interfere; we had a plan that would keep Strahd out of Vallaki.

Lady Walkter declared herself burgomeister after the burgomeister's death. But, you see, one of our warlock's has can cast disguise self at-will and has the actor feat. Because we didn't completely ruin our relationship with Lady Walkter during our first visit (If we hadn't found the reliquary, we would have let her rule.), she welcomed us in a second time. We were alone with our victim. The warlock cast silence, and we guarded the door. The DM didn't even make us fight. So the warlock became the burgomeister. We had a funeral for her adult children. (We couldn't risk letting them live.) And we made a fake reliquary out of Lady Walkter's bones (The DM allowed us to use necrotic damage to melt the flesh off the bones.) to use as a decoy.

Now "the burgomeister" has declared that increasing relations with other towns to improve trade is important, and plans to travel themselves. So we left our ally to work as "acting burgomeister" while we're gone.

So, as far as we can tell, the town is safe both from Strahd's violence and from his influence, and we're in control of a key town of Barovia.

edited 21st Oct '17 3:16:18 PM by Braincogs

So, I was invited to use some of my lore and characters as part of a campaign - I tried not to be a sadistic GM, and do things fairly if providing a good challenge. The villain provoked one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.

This is a campaign with some crossover elements, so I decided to look something up and had Belkhide the Soul Collector, a vile villain sealed away in ancient times, be responsible for ripping out the souls of this race called the Kender I had heard were rather disliked in their home series. This was portrayed as one of the reasons he was sealed away.

I was not prepared for what happened.

Two players entirely re-rolled their characters and re-designed them into being people out to hasten Belkhide's revival, instead of being out to stop him from returning. They declared Belkhide "did the world a great service". I made a whole new side to the campaign for their villainous characters and their efforts to free the Soul Collector.

They had decided right as they heard what he did this was a monster they absolutely had to help in any way shape or form due to what he did. They found the annihilation of this hated bunch welcome given nothing bad of the sort would happen in D&D's Dragonlance setting.

This culminated in a successful Xanatos Gambit that freed Belkhide either way, and the two players involved veritably cackled with glee and served up some of the few remaining Kender to Belkhide as a welcome home present.

Even the players who didn't overtly join Belkhide thought that among his many evil deeds, the whole soul taking thing was a welcome event.

Belkhide's revival also saw a priest blessing one guy's ladle, as they had no other weapons when Belkhide attacked them at a market place, and smacking him with it to guarantee an escape.

So as a whole, I learned not to underestimate hatred of a Canon Sue.

tl;dr: People hated this group of pseudo-hobbits so much they leaped at the chance to revive a bad guy even other bad guys didn't like. I'm frankly astounded - and more than a little amused by some of the things they said in the course of it. "Can we feed him more Kender?" indeed.

edited 26th Nov '17 10:32:12 PM by NickTheSwing

The Kender weren't really so terrible as a race. It's just that anyone who plays a Kender PC does so just so he can be an annoying jerkass and get away with it. Good concept, bad execution.

The way the kender are set up to be roleplayed affects that quite a bit, I think. It encourages players to do things the rest of the party (and probably DM)'s gonna find annoying, and yeah, the majority of players probably can't be trusted to exercise restraint with it.

They gave aarakocra the same kleptomaniac/"where I come from everything is everybody's" flavor, which IMO is just more reason not to allow them in an ongoing campaign.

TL;DR: Yes, they are. The flavor on them makes them a bad player race. Lore can do that.

edited 27th Nov '17 10:58:17 AM by Knowlessman

The villainous player characters were also good for a laugh.

One of them played a ratman who specialized in Magitech weapons, specifically bombs and weird gimmicky weapons that had just as much chance to hurt him as they did the heroes. His thing was leading the heroes along into traps, and more than once the player managed, by chuckling evilly, to get the heroes to not do something ostensibly because it would lead into a trap...only for there to be no trap.

The other guy was a "High Exemplar Sorcerer of Vicelogia", basically rolling dice to determine the effects of his eldritch magic. Doubles made the damage skyrocket, and in general the closer the rolled numbers were to each other, the higher the damage output went. High risk, high reward. He played his character as quintessentially the hammy Evil Sorcerer. The player always did his best Evil Laugh whenever the character did...which was oddly often.

They had oodles of fun.

sooooooo one played a Skaven..... SUMMON THE WITCH HUNTERS! BURN THE HERETIC!