Web Video / The Twilight Chronicles
A Youtube series created by a group of Canadian high school students. The series is a more sexually disturbing take on Twilight
, reworking characters and plots from the original series. The show has an extremely campy tone, notable for Vulgar Humor
and for it's Soap Opera
-like Love Dodecahedron
The series doesn't have a main character, instead splitting the focus between four leads:
- Edward Cullen, a gay, pregnant, slutty vampire who's still in love with his ex-boyfriend Jacob, and has slept with basically everyone on the show, including his mother, a little boy, and Starry the Star.
- Bella, an Alpha Bitch on a quest to find a little boy to bring to Satan, otherwise her portal vagina (yes, you read that right) which allows her to return to Earth whenever she is killed will be revoked.
- Jacob, Edward's ex-boyfriend who's now dating Edward's Mother. He's also bisexual, notable because he's the only LGBT character on the show who isn't a complete stereotype.
- Edward's Mom, Edward's mother and Jacob's current girlfriend. She freely admits to being a slut, even sleeping with her own son. She was briefly Put on a Bus after her actress was unavailable for filming for a time, but The Bus Came Back, and for now it looks like she's here to stay.
Other, less major characters include:
- Starry the Star, a pedophilic plush toy star, who's been hinted to be manipulating events behind the scenes.
- Little Boy, a random little boy (played by Gen Borg's little brother) who exists mainly to be the butt of Starry's pedophile jokes.
- Satan, the devil himself, who wants a little boy for reasons probably better left un-probed; he forces Bella to bring him one or he will revoke her portal powers.
- Victoria, a "glamorous" prostitute from Mexico, who shows up briefly and appears to be a complete nympho who likes dogs.
- Carlisle Cullen, Edward's father. He and Edward's Mother are apparently Happily Married. Showed up first in Edward's dream sequence, then in the real world.
The series has produced nine episodes to date, with a tenth and possibly eleventh set to air sometime soon.
This series provides examples of:
- Acting for Two - Gen Borg plays Bella and Jacob, and is often credited twice in the main titles. Spenser Doherty plays Edward and voices Starry, and also played Rebecca Black in one episode. Jamie Kathleen played Edward's Mom and Satan in one episode.
- All Gays Are Promiscuous
- All Just a Dream - Episode 7.
- All Love Is Unrequited - Edward to Jacob.
- Alpha Bitch - Bella.
- Ambiguous Gender - Edward and Edward's Mom.
- And Starring - "and Gen Borg as Jacob" in Episodes 4-5. Jamie Kathleen is credited with "and" in Episode 8.
- Back from the Dead - Bella's vagina is a portal to Hell, and when she's in Hell, it's a portal to Earth. Essentially, she cannot be killed. She's come back from the dead three times now.
- Played straight with Edward's Mom, who was killed off in Episode 2 and remained absent for several episodes, coming back in Episode 6.
- Bi the Way - Jacob.
- Bury Your Gays - Inverted. Edward and Jacob, the show's only gay/bi characters, are the only ones who haven't died or gone to Hell.
- Cast Full of Gay - Edward, Jacob and Starry for sure, Edward's Mom possibly.
- Children Are Innocent - Horribly, horribly subverted when a little boy announces he slept with Edward Cullen.
- Continuity Lockout - The show was confusing from the beginning, but if you skip an episode, don't expect to have any idea what's going on.
- In addition, understanding the series requires a working knowledge of the characters of Twilight.
- Deal with the Devil - Bella literally made one with Satan. If she doesn't bring him a little boy, he'll revoke her portal powers permanently, meaning that she cannot return from the dead.
- Edward's Mom made one of these with Bella so she would let her return to Earth. The conditions have yet to be revealed.
- Does This Remind You of Anything? - Starry is a pedophile who speaks in a hushed falsetto and ends most of his sentences with "Hee hee!"
- Evolving Credits - New opening credits are shot for every episode, and, unusually, include guest stars for that episode, invariably credited as "Special Guest Star".
- Fake Memories - Starry gives these to Jacob (although exactly how he did this is unknown) causing him to remember an orgy that never happened, casting doubt on the father of Edward's baby.
- Idiosyncratic Episode Naming - Several episodes are titled after Ke$ha songs.
- Implied Love Interest - Carlisle and Victoria. Carlisle mentions that they slept together... in a dream sequence. It's not clear what their relationship is in the real world.
- Incest Is Relative - Edward and his mother, although they've had no romantic interaction since the first episode.
- Ironic Hell - For Starry.
- Love Triangle - Edward, Jacob and Edward's Mom.
- Love Dodecahedron - Let's break it down. Edward and Jacob were dating, but Edward slept with Starry and his mother, causing Jacob to break up with him. Jacob started dating Edward's Mom, but she died. Victoria, who may be dating Carlisle in Mexico, shows up and hits on Jacob and Edward, settles for Jacob's dog, and leaves. Edward's Mom comes back to life, and she and Jacob get back together. Carlisle shows up and Edward's Mom gets together with her, but Carlisle is cheating on her with Bella. Whew.
- Mr. Seahorse - Edward.
- Musical Episode - Episode 7, or at least it was supposed to be. Edward's musical number was overdubbed with the actual song to cover for his off-key singing, and Bella's was just dancing.
- No Name Given - Edward's Mom.
- Promotion to Opening Titles - RJ Borg got one in Episode 5. This lasted all of two episodes, and he hasn't been seen since.
- PutOnABus/BusCrash/TheBusCameBack - Edward's Mom was simply written out of Episode 3 due to her unavailability, but Episode 4 killed her off for real. She returned from the dead in Episode 6.
- Real Song Theme Tune - "We R Who We R" by Ke$ha.
- Schedule Slip - Episodes are uploaded randomly and there's no filming schedule.
- Sensitive Guy and Manly Man - Edward and Jacob. Care to guess as to which one's which?
- Special Edition Title - Episode 7.
- The Other Darrin - Satan. In Episode 3, he was played by Nathan Mancini. In Episode 6, he was played by Jamie Kathleen.
- Two Lines, No Waiting - The A Plot is usually Edward and Jacob, sometimes with Edward's Mom and the B Plot is usually Bella.