Web Video / Diamonds Cut

Diamondís Cut is a James Bond fan film, made in Australia in late 2011. The plot of an hour-long film has the 007 going to the Land Down Under to solve the mystery besides the recent assassination of M. The film features cast mostly in their late teens, even for the role of Q,(unintentionally preceding the canonical young Q in Skyfall.), budget seemingly measured in single digits and intentional So Bad, It's Good quality invoked in order compensate. It can be watched here.

In late 2012, a sequel, called Property of a Lady, was released. Unlike the traditional Bond films, it directly draws upon the story of the first, and has the director himself act as the new M. It also has better directed action scenes and budget sufficiently increased to afford proper cars for the chase scenes. The link is here

Diamond's Cut features the following tropes:

  • Arms Dealer: Two of these act as secondary villains in the movie. Even though they sell firearms, they apparently arenít trained and didnít even bother to bring any guns the first time Bond encounters them. One eventually gets throttled to death with a fallen branch, but the other survives by being too late to arrive to a fight, thus setting up a potential sequel.)
  • Bang Bang BANG: Averted. Guns fire pretty quietly in the film, assuming, of course, that they fire at all.
  • Bloodless Carnage: Virtually any fight is this because of the budget limitations, but this is especially prominent during the Mís death not only is there no blood spilt, as camera lingers over his body, but the window remains absolutely undamaged when it should by rights have been broken by the sniperís bullet.
  • Bond Villain Stupidity: Itís a Bond fan film, so of course it would be in there.
  • Deliberately Monochrome: The creditsí scene, which makes it look cool in spite of the budget limitations.
  • Drowning My Sorrows: Done soon after M's assassination as Bond is grieving his death.
  • FaceĖHeel Turn: Australian MI-6 agent and Bondís supposed informant.
  • Hammer Space: Terrorist sniper at the beginning of London scene uses a laser sight. Try as hard as you might, there is no way youíre going to find it on his rifle, probably because the actual effect was obtained through the use of laser pointer.
  • Hand Wave: The reason for the Big Bad M seems to be this: apparently stealing oil from other companies and passing off as your own totally warrants sending one of your agents to England to assassinate the head of British Secret Service.
    • Justified and expanded upon in the sequel, where it's revealed that the first Big Bad was just a pawn of new M, who arranged the assassination to get the top job himself.
    • Also, how does Q know to send Bond straight to Adelaide city in Australia, which is conveniently where the film took place? Simple; he looked at the bullet and found a special indentation only used by the two arms dealers in that place!
  • HeelĖFace Turn: Lara Brooks. As an employee of traitorous MI-6 agent, she was originally going along with his plan, but eventually rescued Bond from allegedly certain death.
  • Hollywood Darkness: Somewhat averted; it is genuinely dark when 007 switches off the lights to take the terrrists in the opening scene by surprise. The resultant combat is therefore mostly shown through the security cameras feed.
  • Instant Death Bullet: Pretty much the way every gun works in that film, with the exception of double-crossing informant, who was wounded in the leg by Bond before finally getting shot to death.*
  • Improvised Weapon: Somewhat overlaps with environmental kills, as 007 kills two final villains with sticks lying around: the armsí dealer gets throttled with a fallen tree limb, while final villain gets stabbed through the stomach with a branch.
    • Also, the chase scene at the supermarket earlier. The second armsí dealer is running away and Bond would need a car to catch up, but he doesnít have one. So what does he do? He picks up a shopping trolley and rides it downwards to catch up while staring directly at the camera as the Bond music is played out loud. This is Played for Laughs taken Up to 11.
    • Terrorists throwing empty boxes at Bond, which he catches and throws back even as they both have guns.
  • Law of Inverse Recoil: Seems to be present, although guns are fired too rarely to be really sure. One could consider the armsí dealer missing Bond with his pistol at point-blank range as either an aversion of this or plain Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy at work.
  • Laser Sight: Used by the terrorist sniper in spite of his weapon already possessing the optical sights on it. It only seems to be there to add drama to Mí death.
  • Let's Split Up, Gang: The main villain inexplicably does this with his henchmen twice, even though all of them carry guns and would have easily been able to gun down Bond as he first appears at point-blank range.
  • Non-Indicative Title: As one comment on Yout Tube points out, the whole film has nothing to do with diamonds. This was fixed in the sequel: see Title Drop below.
  • Remembered Too Late: The second Arms Dealer. Apparently, he only survives because of that.
  • Styrofoam Rocks: The boxes thrown between Bond and terrorists are obviously empty and wouldnít hurt anyone, especially when both Bond and terrorists have guns.
  • Why Don't Ya Just Shoot Him?: The viewer might be tempted to swear at their screen as in most engagements both parties will carry guns and have numerous opportunities to use them, yet ignore them to stretch out the fight and pad out the running time.
    • And like any canon Bond villain, the antagonist of this piece will also leave 007 alone instead of just shooting him.

Property of a Lady features the following tropes:

  • Actionized Sequel: This film has a somewhat greater proportion of action scenes then Diamond's Cut. More importantly, those scenes have all improved relative to the original.
  • Armor-Piercing Question: When M gives his lecture about their duty to the crown, he says that they eventually become property of the lady and stay that way unless they get stolen. Bond takes this time to ask: ďSir, were you stolen?Ē
  • The Bad Guy Wins: The film ends with Bond captured, his girlfriend shot and in hospital and new M turning traitor without anyone aware of it. Of course, this would no longer be the case if a Threequel is produced.
  • Batter Up!: The Dragon to new M and the leader of his mooks gets a bat as he's preparing to interrogate Bond
  • Car Chase: Two of them, one where Bond uses a stolen car, and another where he follows on a motorcycle. For real-world reasons, both occur well within the speed limit.
  • Distaff Counterpart: Bondís primary motivation in the first film had been revenge for Mís death. Here, heís ambushed by the mistress of the villain he killed in the first film for no reason other than revenge.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Bond is ambushed at night by the partner of the villain he killed in the first film. Thereís even a video confession of her crying and wanting to avenge his death.
  • Flashback: One occurs in the middle of the film as Bond is left alone and remembers the old M before he was killed.
  • Forgotten Fallen Friend: Averted with M: after his death, Bond grieves for him and considers his mission to be that of revenge. This isnít forgotten in the second film, either.
  • Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique: Averted when the new M interrogated the two mooks captured by Bond. Instead of torturing them, he simply shoots one dead to let the other know that he's serious.
  • Just a Flesh Wound: One of the minor villains is shot in the leg, and not only doesnít bleed out, but manages to walk about 15 min. later in the film.
  • Nice Job Fixing It, Villain!: In one fight scene, a tough shades-wearing villain overpowers Bond and begins choking the life out of him. He would have succeeded if it wasnít for his back-up arriving in another car. The sound of the approach distracted him and allowed Bond to break free.
  • Reality Ensues: The two car chases both occur within the speed limit.
    • Bond has the smarts to call an ambulance when he finds his girlfriend severely wounded.
  • Sinister Shades: One of the tough unnamed villains sports them. True to form, he manages to get the edge on Bond in a fight scene for a while.
  • Stuffed into the Fridge: Happens to Bondís girlfriend as she is specifically targeted to have an effect on Bon. However, Bond is wise enough to call an ambulance and itís implied she survives.
  • Tempting Fate: One of the captured mooks refuses to talk, saying that they will be released from prison in a few yearsí time on minor charges, and so have no reason to cooperate. Cue M deciding things require a more radical approach.
  • Title Drop: This line by the new M: ďWhen we give it all to the service, we become property of the lady.Ē
  • You Can't Thwart Stage One: Subverted, since it's technically stage 2 for new M, who has used assassination in the first film to get the job himself.