If you try to save some poor uninformed veterans from being the victims of irresponsible experimentation you will be transformed into a giant mutant lizard.
Or, looking at it from another angle: it's okay to use a deathbed promise to guilt-trip a boy into promising he'll stay away from the girlfriend he genuinely loves. Doubly so if that girlfriend, whose happiness you are destroying, is your own daughter. I mean, since when has your daughter's a) heart and b) ability to control her own life ever mattered?
Every significant problem in the world can be solved by having the best weapons, but only as long as you're the only one with them. The optimal course of action is to build exactly one of the most powerful weapon imaginable and keep it at arm's reach at all times.
To win a war in the Middle East against guerrillas with stolen and smuggled weapons, you will need at least one incredibly advanced bulletproof flying superweapon. (Hilarious because it's true)
If you're demonstrating a new weapon system for the military, the best place to do this is a war zone. Also make sure you personally attend the demonstration.
If your best friend is in the military, ditch him while the two of you are in a war zone. What's the worst that could happen?
If your life depends on a unique piece of technology, tell your assistant to destroy the only back-up because you're not "sentimental".
You invented a fully functional artificial intelligence? Make it your personal butler! Who needs Nobel Prizes anyway?
It's in the public interest for an unstable, alcoholic billionaire, elected by no one, accountable to no one, to be the exclusive owner of the world's most powerful conventional weapons system.
Never tell your friends that you're dying. It's better that they think you've lost your mind.
If someone won't give you something you want, you should steal it.
Wanting to make money off of something you help invent is BAD! But only if you're from Russia - being a successful American businessman is something to strive for, so long as you're not competing with or critical of Stark Industries.
Don't question anyone older than you. Especially if they try to convince you that the Russian person who fled one Cold War nation in hopes of peace is more likely to try to weaponize technology that was partly his than the American person who owns a weapons company.
The periodic table of elements has blank squares that have gone unnoticed for generations by chemists and high-school poster vendors.
Chemists? Feh! An engineer/weapons designer is just the guy to discover this new element.
Iron Man 3: Never trust anyone claiming to be from Homeland Security. However you can trust the bar full of drunks, the white Southern sheriff, and the shifty kid you met five minute ago.
Thor: If you find an orphaned child of your enemies, leave it for dead. Adopt it, and it'll just get jealous of your real kid and conspire against you.
A child who misbehaves arrogantly should apologize to everyone around them, even if one of their siblings caused their misbehavior in the first place by doing something like sabotaging a special day for them.
The Avengers: Building weapons against possibly hostile threats from alien technology makes you nearly as bad as the villain locked up in your prison!
Captain America: The Winter Soldier: Politicians who are critical of emotionally unstable captains of industry wielding technology designed for combat are evil!
Captain America: Civil War: Men who display high aptitudes shouldn't have to be micro-managed by the government, even if they have a history of causing collateral damage. But if a woman does it just once, then individualism must be ceded and anyone who disagrees is a traitor to the nation.
If your hands get badly injured, an entire career in surgery is over and it's time to learn sorcery.
Road safety is for muggles who can't transcend the physical realm.
Great careers mean terrible love lives.
If your house doesn't have wi-fi, you're a savage.
If you try to negotiate with your enemy, they will kill you. There's a reason every hero before you prefers to fight (or dance like a dork).
Possession of an artifact that can solve world hunger, reverse property damage and save lives is forbidden, even during a period when alien invasions and terrorist attacks are happening faster than a team of superheroes can anticipate.
Using an artifact beyond its intended use (or for mundane tasks generally) is contemptible and you absolutely deserve sorcerers coming after you.
Channeling the Dark Dimension gives you lots of fun powers!
Sorcery eliminates the need for a beverage industry!
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: Your long-lost father who plays catch with you and helps you accept your powers is evil!
It’s okay not to tell your kids that they have an evil and nigh-omnipotent older sister until you're about to die and the seal keeping her away is mere minutes from breaking. They'll manage to deal with her despite being completely unprepared, and they won't be mad at you for lying to them their whole lives.
Women who break ceilings after going through rougher ordeals than their male contemporaries for the same rewards are evil!
You're not allowed to grieve, because if you do, The Bad Guy Wins!
Always go for the head.
You should give environmentally conscious people everything they want because it is no use fighting them. Attempting to debate against them or show resistance towards them will only lead to disaster for you and your loved ones.
Anybody whose species falls victim to extinction due to environmental problems like overpopulation, automatically gives them the right to act like a god towards other species and wipe out huge portions of their population, even if such a species is actually underpopulated.
Don't worry if your father figure is a lunatic who kidnapped you, raised you to be a weapon, mutilated your sister figure, and then kidnaps you again. He really does love you.
If you grieve over a loved one who has been murdered by someone who thinks they are doing good for society and the universe then you are a selfish Ungrateful Bastard
Mass murder and genocide solves all of your environmental problems.
If your family is wiped out by things you can't control, the only way to cope is by being what you tried so hard to avoid earlier!
A recovering alcoholic who spent years avoiding their responsibilities after a traumatic failure is unfit to rule Asgard. On the other hand, a different recovering alcoholic who spent centuries avoiding their responsibilities after a traumatic failure is their ideal successor and will do a fantastic job because she's not fat. Fat people suck!
One should always attempt to undo their mistakes. Moving on is for suckers!
When performing a complicated, irreversible procedure, make sure your patient understands the details and can make requests before starting instead of explaining everything while you're in the middle of doing it.
Anyone who prioritizes the safety of the multiverse over the lives of five people whose potential deaths are entirely due to their own actions is a heartless bastard and should be ignored.
Always mess with an unknown artifact of which you have no idea how to operate. Hey, there is a good chance you might help your friend!
Never try to get rid of a lifelong crippling disability. It will only turn you into a bloodsucking monster.
Great scientists violate codes of ethics when pursuing new developments and breakthroughs.
True blood brothers either mock each other's shortcomings (such as never getting a job) or encourage each other not to find love or romantic fulfillment. You just exist for your sibling and vice-versa.
