WMG / Homestuck Jossed Felt

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    Who Is Lord English? Not these guys 
Vriska will become Lord English
Based on the recent appearance of a broken 8-ball(?) in relation to LE, and the fact that Doc Scratch really cares what she does. She is also arguably the most powerful of the trolls, and wants to be (or is) the one behind everything. For a little self-regulation, here's some points against: Doc Scratch apparantly tried to kill Vriska, though it's possible he knew it wouldn't kill her; Vriska doesn't want to be the bad guy, she wants to be the hero, even if that means creating the bad guy so she can beat them.
  • Her powers will completely change from Luck to Time that makes sense. Moreover, English is male.
    • Jossed, she's dead.

Above it is mentioned that Vriska cannot be Lord English because Lord English is in fact male. Am I correct in assuming Hussie has only ever written "The demon is already here"? It was the fans who shortened it to "He is already here". The demon may in fact be female.
  • Doc referred to him with male pronouns, as did Slick and co.
    • Technically Jossed, but Jade might be a candidate host now.

Vriska will create Lord English
Because of many of the thoughts related above: She's powerful, Scratch cares what she does, and she's willing to create the Bad Guy so that she can them defeat them and be the hero. On a similar note......
  • Extrememly unlikely at this point. She doesn't even know he exists.
    • Jossed; at the very least she does not do so consciously.

Gamzee is Lord English
Think about it. He's called the "Most Important Character in Homestuck." He may well lead to the deaths of all the other trolls. On top of that, his ancestor was the Grand Highblood, which may make him large enough to fit in the Cairo Jacket.
  • Gamzee Makara may never have existed, or he may have been killed and replaced by Lord English. Either those or he's being possessed.
    • It was a joke. Besides, he also has no time traveling powers.
      • Jossed, he's taken down by Karkat easily.
      • And then uses Doc Scratch as a host.

Doc Scratch is Lord English merged with the First Guardian code.
The original Lord English was unleashed on the Kids dimension. Somehow, somebody in the Alternia-verse managed to obtain his genetic code (probably related to Jack somehow, since he seems to be the only thing that moved from the Kids' world to Alternia-verse) and make it into a First Guardian - Doc Scratch.
  • Semi-confirmed. The First Guardian code is part of what allows English to manifest; however, the rest of the particulars are incorrect.

Well, think about it. Whenever Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff appear, they warp and distort the comic. Maybe Lord English isn't them directly, but was, at some point, somehow made with them. For evidence, I present the ominous passage found on this page.
  • Plausible; but you have to remember LE is a) the Big Bad (probably) and b) way beyond a single session. SBAHJ is too comedic for genuine villainry.
    • That passage is Andrew Hussie speaking. I mean, it DOES explicitly say that it was "the authors HOT SELF INSERT....." here.

Lord English is the bunny.
Because why not.
  • Too short
    • Still possible, monsterfier and the one that makes things smaller. Unlikely.
  • Jossed.

Lord English is Diamonds Droog.
His cold, calculating personality combined with his weapon of choice already fitting The Felt's theme, The Ultra Violence Cue-Stick, make him an obvious choice.
  • He has also shown remarkable combat prowess, and seems to have an agenda of his own.
  • If this is to believed, because he wields a cuestick, then that would mean he's the one knocking people around, he's the pool shark in control of it all. Using Doc Scratch(The Cueball) he's bouncing people, timelines, etc, off of each other to reach his goal.
    • Stitch doesn't recognize him as English, and Stitch has seen English. That's the only flaw I can find, aside from his height
  • Jossed.

Lord English is Eddie Morton
Based on this page.
  • Morton's dead.

Lord English is a Hero of Time from another, failed, Sburb session.
And managed to escape the reset. Sorta unlikely, but still.
  • Indeed unlikely; Andrew hasn't introduced any random new characters in quite some time and LE is probably someone already in the cast.
  • Jossed.
  • Actually, semi-confirmed! Openbound confirms that Caliborn is LE and his class is Lord of Time. The only thing that remains to be seen is whether or not his session was a failure.

The anime girls found in the Squiddles static are unconscious parts of Lord English
Think Power Rangers or Captain Planet for a moment here. As the Squiddles are horror-terrors, inhabiting the Furthest Ring, at one time, they were alive and...humanoid to a degree. (cough...Slenderman...cough) As humans, we see Squiddles when they are Cthulu, and by extension, we see anime girls when those images are really their humanoid forms. As Hussie spoofs a lot of things in Homestuck, the anime girls will appear somehow in a future act as a spoof of manga and anime, and when these girls summon their zords or have their powers combine, Lord English descends.

And, as this theory needs a bit of stupid to really be considered, a rare edition of Hunk Rump will be discovered to contain Penthouse-like letters working as an instruction manual/cheat sheet to ScRUMP, the new version of the session created by when the Kids and Trolls scratch occur, revealing Gamzee's cult to be behind Bard Quest's Dragon and behind the imprisonment of the the four Jail Broken prisoners, using Prince Persia Sword Time Shit to have them relive their nightmares until the Pony of Doom meets the Donkey of Despair and the cult feels rewarded by their efforts. Before anything like this happens, though, Lord English must descend, in the Kids-Trolls combined session, as this session is different from everything else due to the What Pumpkins of all Pumpkins, the Pimp-Coat-Kin, empowered by Nic Cage of all things, required for Gamzee's cult to attain their goals.
  • The Squiddles flash is non canon, those girls were in jokes for the animators. This is pretty noticeable by the pretty blatant sexual content for instance, which is canon is not present in the show.

Lord English is an expy of Mobster Kingpin
The evidence: Mobster Kingpin's flagship is the Chicago Overcoat, Lord English has a Cairo Overcoat; Mobster Kingpin was temporarily a member of the Midnight Crew, and all four permanent members of the Midnight Crew have counterparts in Homestuck; Lord English is implicitly an Eldritch Abomination or Humanoid Abomination, Mobster Kingpin can go One-Winged Angel and transform into his Eldritch Abomination form, Demonhead Mobster Kingpin; it has been speculated that Lord English is the cue stick in the Felt's pool theme, which wouldn't work for Mobster Kingpin, but he would fit in as the pool player; finally, Mobster Kingpin would fit perfectly in The Felt's gangster theme as The Don.
  • Probably not. No character from PS have explicitly appeared and the Homestuck MC are very different from the PS MC.
  • Jossed.

Snowman is Lord English
  • Based on the fact that she appears in the site banners after Doc Scratch's house is lit on fire and Slick dies(?).
    • Nah, Snowman already exists in the universe. English can't enter until Doc dies.
      • Snowman is the BQ from the troll session so she can't be LE because she entered the trollverse with no special conditions. Moreover; Female and too short.
  • Jossed.

Nic Cage is Lord English
  • Nic Cage is the only person awesome enough to be Lord English, after all, he is a vampire. And he is already here.
  • Jossed.

The Grand Highblood is Lord English.
Motherfucker's huge. I could see him wearing that coat.
  • Dead on Alternia long before beginning of Hivebent.
  • Jossed.

Lord English is Jade's grandson
Doc Scratch said that Lord English would arrange his own creation, because he's already here. Jade's grandson helped Jade send John's present which created the chain of sequences that led to this whole mess.
  • Probably not! Remember, English is part of Sburb proper and is greater than any single session. Moreover J will likely not make any appearances until the epilogue at this rate.
    • Speculation within speculation Jossed; Jake has already appeared in Act 6. Further, where is it said that Lord English is a part of SBURB itself?
  • Jossed

Lord English is Bec Noir.

Why? Lord English is described as an indestructible demon that will utterly destroy everything upon his arrival. Bec Noir comes VERY close to that description, and has resigned himself to destroying everything that exists.
  • He's way too short and there is no conceivable way Snowman would ever work for a Jack Noir. The parallels between Noir and English are deliberately there in order to have mislead people into thinking English was the villain of the Troll's story.
  • Made more unlikely, as Doc Scratch discussed why Lord English would be an acceptable alternative to Bec Noir. It's not impossible, but even literally omniscient beings would have to be unaware of it.
  • Jossed.

Lord English is Pickle Inspector
Let's see, PI is very tall, has appeared in a ludicrous amount of forms and variations (One such form was a god), heck the poor guy even looks somewhat like a cuestick! ...This is highly unlikely, but the prospect of PI dressed in a huge green overcoat that's too wide for him with flashing cueball eyes was too funny to dismiss.
  • Jossed.

Lord English is Falkor from The NeverEnding Story.
  • Lord English has been confirmed to have cue-ball eyes, as in when he's tormenting Aradia's ancestor. The connection between him and Falkor can be found on this page. Also, Falkor has been connected to AH, thus explaining how Andrew got the Cairo Overcoat. And, to top it all off, he's ALREADY HERE.
    • A panel mentions AH having to 'drag Falkor out behind the shed and put him down'. So either Jossed, or that's how the game ends.
  • Jossed.

The MSPA Reader is Lord English.
First off, I'm saying the character is, not us as a whole.

Think about it: No matter where the main characters go, no matter what they do, the Reader is still watching them. He is already there, waiting for them to make their next move, anticipating how it will all go down. There was even a time when he (or us, depending on your perception of things) could decide how their universe worked, i.e. submitting commands for them to follow. And since a meta guy like hussie can break through walls easily, whose to say the reader doesn't have a wall they could break through on their own? It'd be a pretty surefire way to take a universe in Homestuck and salvage it for their own, because to him, this is all just a silly comic that he reads in his little land of Stumps and Dismay.
  • Let's just say this is an MSPA Reader theory so no one has to move it around.

Pardon the crude way of putting it, but the theory goes like this: Lord English is a being beyond the universe, right? So, why does he have to be a character already revealed? Sure, Lord English is just his title, but there is no evidence besides that to support the idea that he is a character already seen. Him being Pickle Inspector, or the reader, is quite plausible, but even then the latter would be too Mind-Screwy, and the former is just too kind and quiet to be a malicious demon. Therefore, Lord English is really his own character, and has yet to truly be revealed, as he is not one of the current characters revealed.
  • Because in all of Andrew's work for the past few years, he has without fail introduced the villain in the guise of a protagonist before their motivations become revealed. Mobster Kingpin, Jack Noir, Doc Scratch, Betty Crocker, etc.
    • ...That is not the definition of a protagonist.
    • We didn't know Doc, Jack, or MK were villains until later in the story; ie the guise of a protagonist.
  • And while it's been a long time since Hussie introduced a new character, considering how important he's been in the background of much of Act 5, in a very real sense, HE IS ALREADY HERE.
  • Confirmed, sort of, though he actually seems to be an Evil Counterpart to Doc. Jossed in spirit though, as he's been retroactively hinted at since Cal's introduction, again in the guise of a protagonist.

Lord English Was Once a Man
And he was Dave.
  • Jossed.
    • Okay, then... He was Jake. Come on, one of the Alpha kids is named Jake English? And the Alpha kids are introduced right after we see Lord English enter the world in Intermission 2? If they're not one and the same, they're at least connected somehow, because that kind of thing being a coincidence is just too far-fetched to be anything but ridiculous and implausible.
      • And when he puts on his computers, he looks very much like Lord English. There is a connection. There must be.
      • Red Herring potentially. We've yet to know, but that's a separate WMG at any rate.

Lord English is Wossy
Because if in real life, you saw an Englishman in that coat, and couldn't see his face, and were told to guess his identity, what would be your first thought?
  • Jossed. We can see his face now.

Everyone is Lord English.
Be it everyone in Sburb, or literally everyone. He is the living representation of the worst you could ever fall. That is why his true name inspires ultimate terror; discovering that it's your own.
  • Jossed.

Lord English is Betty Crocker
As of the latest updates, Nannasprite says Betty Crocker wasn't human. There's only one person diabolical enough to assume the guise of the batterwitch herself...
  • Even more likely now, considering who sent Dave the Miracles video.
    • Jossed. At this point it is very likely that Betty Crocker is Feferi's ancestor, who is nevertheless destined to become Lord English's servant.

Lord English is an Infovore
Of the sort seen in Stross's Atrocity Archives. Both of them are 'summoned' with someone's death, and generally both of them will eat your universe when they arrive in it.

Lord English is completely unaware that he is Lord English - and, more specifically, Lord English is Karkat
Lord English is summoned upon the end of the world, and goes back in time to ensure the events that lead to his own creation. Thus, he exists solely to bring about the end of the world - but what if he doesn't realize this? Karkat has confessed to being the one who gave the cancer to the human's universe, and his actions have directly led to other failed timelines and bad things happening in the alpha-timeline. He could have been summoned as Lord English as a grub (when he would not be able to remember it) and sent back in time to Alternia - explaining his mutant-blood, as he was not actually born through traditional troll reproduction. He doesn't realize that he's solely responsible for the end of the world; he just is.
  • Karkat's responsibility for everything that happens may be just as much a result of the curse or Paradox Space.
  • Jossed.

Lord English is to Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff as the Noble Circle of Horrorterrors are to the squiddles
All of them clearly warp their respective realities- however, SBAHJ is far too light hearted to literally be Lord English. Dave will destroy the Green Sun/ kill Doc Scratch, and catch a glimpse (or more) of Lord English. This reverberates back through his life, and SBAHJ become his subconcious representation of a reality warper.
  • Jossed

Lord English is the pockets
The Felt are pool-themed. Doc Scratch is the cueball, the numbered members are the numbered balls and the Handmaid seems to represent the cuestick. The only things left are the table, the player, the rack and the chalk. Since Lord English is basically a Planet Eater turned Up to Eleven, he corresponds to the pool table's pockets.
  • Cue stick by Word of God. Handmaid and Empress do not represent anything in the pool metaphors.

Doc Scratch is Lord English
Or rather, Lord English is Doc Scratch. It's not a reverse Calvin and Hobbes-type thing. Lord English has been flash-stepping Doc Scratch all along to help arrange his own summoning. Logically, this must mean Bro is Lord English.
  • Ultimate speculation Jossed, though he IS Doc Scratch.
  • To those who get confused: Doc Scratch is Lord English, but most of the details here are Jossed.
    • Though the parallel to a puppetmaster with Bro and Cal was intentional.

Jake English will become Lord English, hence the connection between their names.
There's already connections between the two (skulls, right leg, name), and that seems like the most straightforward explanation. Jake goes evil and starts calling himself "Lord" instead.
  • Lord English is only a nickname.
  • It's more likely that Jake is in the care of Doc Scratch or Lord English. Jade was in the care of Bec after her grandfather died when she was a baby; if it were to parallel the Beta session, then Jake would be in the care of the First Guardian following his grandmother's death, which could be Doc Scratch or Lord English. It would just as likely explain why Jake has all of the English-related gear. If Scratch raised him, then it is likely Jake only has the name as part of his preparation to serve English. And if English did instead, perhaps he only took the name English because he didn't know of any other to use by the time he got his placronym?
  • At this point this is way too obvious to be anything other that a Red Herring.
  • I think Andrew is just trolling us at this point.
  • If anything, it's foreshadowing about Jade. Beta!Jade is currently a combination of Dream Self, God Tier, and First Guardian. And thanks to Intermission 2, we know that First Guardian = Lord English. Jake inherited the computers from his grandma, and English was almost definitely the last name she gave herself when she ran away from the batterwitch (which I think we can infer still happens).
    • Uhm... no. Doc Scratch is the host for Lord English, not just any first guardian. (the Cueball is most likely required for a first guardian to become Lord English's host).
      • Given what English looks like, Lil Cal seems to be a more likely prerequisite for hostdom than the Cueball.
      • And remember, Doc Scratch was created using Lil Cal's ghost slime.
      • Chicken, egg. Since Doc Scratch is Lord English's host, and we've never seen him without a host, it's impossible to tell which way that relationship goes. However, there is but one Lord English... though there's no indication that he doesn't have different manifestations in different universes, to correspond to differing cultural concepts of death.
      • A 6 A 6 A 5 confirms that Lil Cal is the prerequisite.
  • Thanks to Caliborn's subtle prose, Jossed.

Lord English is...
  • White Text Guy
    • I'm surprised that no one until now pointed out that this was confirmed! A looooooong time ago.
  • Alternate Future Dream Johnnote 
  • Andrew's long magic dog.note 
  • Chaotic Good. Mostly because it'd be slightly ironic (LE = CG, hur hur hur!), no other good reason.
  • The reader. Homestuck chain of command: You -> reader in Land of Stumps and Dismay -> Andrew Hussie -> Exile -> Server player -> Client player. Read this page, and decide where Lord English falls.
  • Andrew Hussie. Him not being Lord English was just some kind of Red Herring or something. He will shapeshift to a form in which the coat will fit perfectly.
  • The REAL John. I remember there being a WMG that states that there are two Johns and the one we know is not the real one. Lord English's power will be described as "John's power divided by zero". Alternatively, Lord English is some kinda past/future/badass/male Jade.
  • Gamzee. Said to be the most important character? Check. Being the guy who dealt the most damage? Check. Epic rampage? Check. Cairo Overcoat? His ancestor is the enormous Grand Highblood, so when Gamzee grows up, he may be able to fit into it.
  • Bec. Bec is a sentient being with god-like time/space based powers who probably can't be killed, and eats green glowing radioactive things for breakfast. That's all there really is to say on the matter.
  • ...actually one of the good guys. note 
  • ...all the Felt. note 
  • ...not a good guy or a bad guy. He simply eats dead universes, not unlike how humans eat steak or chicken: it's just sustenance.
  • Pickle Inspector. Because PI is tall and thin, and we don't know the scale for the Felt. And since PI used himself to make the universe, he is "already here" indeed.
  • A Monster Clown Angel of Death Because a Joker is more powerful than an Ace, and the Alternian concept of angels is that they are just a form of demon that brings about the end.
  • The Frog / Bilious Slick note 
  • John's Dad - and he's looking to retire note 
  • Jade's penpal. They're the only two known characters who haven't been fully revealed yet, we know that the friend somehow got his/her hands on the kids' most powerful weapons, and we know that both of them are associated with the color green. Sure, it might not be the same shade, but let's not nitpick.
  • Rose. note 
  • fedorafreak. After being badass enough to survive for several hours on Skaia-smashed Earth, he is hit by Bec's huge fireball of destruction. However, he's so badass that instead of being incinerated, he absorbs the energy, connecting himself to the Green Sun and becoming extraordinarily powerful.

Dave becomes Lord English
  • On the Cairo Overcoat there is an 8-ball that is broken the same way as Daves record.
    • That was a self referential thing by Andrew, probably not canon.
  • The Felt have time based powers.
  • Lord English can mess with space. So can anything created with Daves comics.
    • English can't mess with space, he's an immortal demon of Time. Any of his other powers would be over Reality itself.
  • Daves Felt Duds.
    • All the above stuff is silly; but based on a dreamchatlog between Dave and Rose...possibly? By flying into the Green Sun, Dave may suicide to deliver the Tumor, becoming Lord English in the process, possibly through an irregular ascension to God Tiers. The Felt are based on whatever video game or show that created the poster on Dave's wall. Some possible support for this
      • Rose mentions that one person's death is integral to the preservation of Reality itself, and it's seemingly connected to the mission to the Green Sun
      • Dave's dream that he flew into the Sun to escape from his constant meaningless deaths
      • Karkat mentions Dave is way better with time stuff than Aradia ever was.
      • Aradia's ascension was in the embers of Bec Noir's green explosion. There could be a parallel in Dave's transformation into English in the Green Sun.
      • The only known immortals are god tiered players; it's possible that by becoming English, Dave's just or heroic requirements for death would be impossible, as English would be above morality. That would explain that the only reason Slick could be able to kill him would be through glitches in reality
      • Doc is already based on Cal and SBAHJ, it wouldn't be that hard to imagine English is doing everything as some sort of tier 14 ironic gesture.
      • Dawn of Man from Mobius Trip and Hadron Kaleido is possibly about Dave becoming English, the last few lines are "It's been a long long time since the day I was born. It's been a long long time and yet no time at all (x2) If anyone's out there to see what I have done...can somebody tell me what I to become? Our tiny lives, they fly right by. Who were they, and next to them, who the hell am I?"

      • Rose having been accosted by DD?, Dave's off to save her. He seems incredibly upset and insistent that he must be the one on the mission, and it takes alot for Rose to convince him to abandon it.
      • Jossed by [S] Cascade

Lord English is Betty Crocker.
Doc Scratch says It seems she is acting out again and the last line She knew the baroness was not human! :B
  • This puts John's phobia in a sinister new light.
  • Remember how all the kids made specialized Gushers? Yeah that is in no way going to bite them in the ass.
    • Then who is Skipper Plumbthroat?
  • If LE is Betty Crocker then her final form will be a birthday cake the size of the universe and John will use the windy thing to blow out the candles and end his birthday.
  • Possibly Jossed.

Lord English is...
  • Gamebro... because that may be the only character that hasn't been considered yet.
    • That statue that was made accidentally was actual size.
    • Behind his shades are those pool balls eyes.
    • He really is that shade of green that's not just some image editing

Lord English actually doesn't fit his Cairo Overcoat
This is more misdirection from Hussie. The question is, is the coat too big, or is the coat too small?

Lord English and Jack Noir are the same being
The latest flash game seems to hint heavily toward this direction, since Karkat mentions that he recognized "the demon" that destroyed their universe. Therefore, it's highly probable that "Lord English" is in fact the fully prototyped version of Jack Noir from the kids' session, who somehow ended up being warped into the trolls' session by the rift. The last prototyping (especially if Bec ends up being prototyped) is likely to elevate Noir's power level to Game Breaker territory.
  • As of "[s] Jade: Enter," theory completely confirmed officially inconclusive
    • As of later developments; probably not!

We have already seen Lord English
Its this thing. Or at least a statue of him... Or a stuffed severed tentacle that was part of him... straighten it out and it looks (vaguely) like a cue stick...
  • Nope, sorry. That's Typhoeus, as he appears in the comic.
    • Ah, so that isn't Lord English. Okay new theory (which is actually old and obvious): Typheus may be John's Denizen (as suggested by the MSPA wiki here)
      • Yes that's confirmed now.

Spidery Vampire is Lord English
They both have weird eyes, and probably it'll be Spidery Vampire that'll inspire Jake to create Lord English, going back in time and giving him his theme, creating another Stable Time Loop.
  • Probably partly Jossed; Aranea has been confirmed to be pre-Scratch Mindfang/Vriska.

Lord English is God-Tier Jake
  • With all the Lord English related stuff Jake has in his room (not to mention his name), it's almost unthinkable that he's not directly connected to Lord English in some way (though Hussie has been known to troll). If the Kid!Guardians play SBURB, and Jake ends up in a similar situation as Jade, it's not unthinkable that he will also attain a Green-Sun Empowered God Tier. Given the proper prototypings and/or situations, a God Tier Jake may well end up with a villainous bent, thus creating "Lord" Jake English.
    • Jossed. His name, and all the English-like stuff around, is simply his grandmother's way of needling the Condesce. Given the nature of time in Homestuck that's not in itself conclusive, but everything we know about Caliborn is.

Lord English has already begun to feed
Specifically, he feeds by means of not-quite-stable time loops, which spiral in on 'simpler' situations. Given all of the insanity we've seen thus far, this might seem odd, but consider what would be possible with a cast of thousands, and how mind-bogglingly difficult it would be to follow. In any case, lives have been consumed, leaving behind traces and echoes, like the houses that we never see anyone in, and the publications that, going by the properties of the Captchalogue cards, could exist without authors. What we are witnessing could be the trials of the sixteen children best capable of staving off defeat. Or, the fourteen children best at that, and John and Karkat.
  • This is stupid, he feeds on universes.

When Lord English is officially introduced, there will be two of him.
One will be the Lord English that whose summoning was orchestrated by Doc Scratch, and the other will be the Lord English that was already there. Further upon that, the two Lord English will merge together to become a supreme being which will most likely be the True Final Boss.
  • Uh no. The LE Scratch summoned immediately went back in time to become the LE who is already here.
    • Hold it! This is partially confirmed in a few ways. One, when Lord English was introduced as Caliborn, he was actually two Cherubs sharing the same body. Also, look at what he (Caliborn) does to Jack Noir, who has a familiar gold tooth, one leg replaced with a gold peg leg, and Lord English's flashing pool ball eyes. It leads me to believe that since Caliborn himself caused this to happen, and is confirmed to become Lord English, that he can simply infuse himself into another being's soul through Cal, thus creating multiple Lord English beings!

Lord English (or Vriska?) caused John's house to be built without a garage
If John's house had a garage, his dad would have parked in it. To my knowledge, people usually leave their cars unlocked when they're in a garage. Therefore, if John's house had a garage, he would have had the bunny the whole time, meaning Jack couldn't take power, the Trolls' session wouldn't have broken, and everything would generally have gone better. Therefore, it is possible that a being of power managed to abuse weird time shit to ensure their own existence, simply by subconciously convincing an architect that garages were just a fad.
  • Maybe John's garage just was full of shit like a lot of peoples.

     Doc Scratch and the Green Sun 

White Text is one of the Gods of the Outer Ring.
The way he talks could mean to imply that he's on some equal level to them. Add to that the omniscience speech...
  • And the demon's server is seen floating among the Gods of the Outer Ring, though we don't know the ontological relation between the demon and the server. (It's quite like the server that holds Rose's walkthrough, for whatever that's worth.)
  • Jossed. He's Alternia's first guardian.[WMG: The Cue Balls are Doc Scratch's... balls]]
The magic cue balls are Doc Scratch's manhood. It's why we've only seen two, and why he got so pissed when he found out Vriska had one. Also why it had his powers and why he could control it like it was part of himself.
  • That is disgusting. Also Doc probably doesn't even have sexual organs.
    • Yea, Doc Scratch outright states he has no means of biological reproduction. Jossed, thank God.

When Doc Scratch told Karkat not to turn his back on the body, he wasn't talking about those in the room... at the moment.
My theory is that he's referring to Gamzee, as he was bleeding come Zero Hour!. Karkat mostly kills him, presumes he's dead, then gets clubbed from behind after he turns his back on him to check on one of the kids, or something.
  • Remains to be seen, probably meant Kanaya though.

The role played by Doc Scratch in the post-Scratch troll universe will be played in the post-Scratch kids' universe by... the surviving kids and trolls.
If we assume the kids and ancestors always switch places when a scratch occurs, for any kids to survive it doesn't seem to be something accounted for. It could be that the kids could still play the roles of ancestors, with their memory intact, and with those roles greatly broadened, to the role of shaping their very universe to be able to complete the game and, preferably, break the chain of misfortune descending from the trolls to the kids.

here's hoping this doesn't get lost...
  • Found it but unfortunately jossed.

If Doc Scratch exists in the Alpha Session, he will take on a different form.
The Doc Scratch in Alternia was created from the combination of a cue ball and a clown puppet (Lil Cal), as well as the "honk HONK" code (among other codes). The First Guardian of the pre-scratch Earth was created using the MEOW code, which may very well come back into play here. If the pattern holds, Earth's version of Doc Scratch may very well be a giant cat with a cueball for a head, as well as yet another "clever" pun.
  • It's stated in-comic that all FGs are created using the same code. Rose and the trolls just wrote it using different letters.
  • Tentatively Jossed. The God Cat doesn't have a cueball for a head and seems more like Bec in spirit than Scratch. GCat is a clever pun, though.
  • Jossed: Doc Scratch is just one example of a First Guardian. Of course different First Guardians can fulfill the same role as him while looking completely different.

Doc Scratch is a MEOW-code clone of Eridan.
Eridan is the perfect sort of target for the MEOW code, where Halley was the most imperfect possible target: Intelligent, logical, bitter, and arrogant. We have seen no adult trolls, nor humanoid Luses. Presumably, at some point Nepeta's Lusus whispered the MEOW code and unlocked it, just as Jaspers did for Rose. Doc Scratch is then cloned from something related to one of the existing characters, but in the troll session, there really isn't anyone available aside from the players themselves. Doc Scratch's rivalry with Vriska, which borders on Kismesis, and his continued interest in her even after he has repeatedly renounced her behavior only supports this idea, as it parallels Eridan's one-sided kismesis with Vriska as the intensity of her black romance with Tavros shifts (shortly before it goes completely haywire).
  • Jossed. Doc Scratch is cloned from the code, a Magic Cue Ball, and Lil' Cal.

Altenatively, Doc Scratch is a MEOW-code clone of the Ophiuchus troll.
No support for this except that if I had to guess, I'd say Ophiuchus' blood would be green.
  • Also Jossed.
  • [Although the guess about Ophiuchus' blood was accurate, or at least close.]

White Text Guy is the SOLE player from the previous session
The Trolls' Troll, if you will. He's already in the Trolls' medium watching their entire game play out; in the one panel we've seen of him, the person he talks to is seen as annoying, and he speaks in vague tones about things that may or may not have already happened.

He also happened to enter the game by himself, because I just happen to think that'd be intriguing. One might cite his apparant aloofness and talk of strategy as proof, but we have no idea what this player is like at all — it may not even be remotely humanoid.
  • Jossed. Doc Scratch is far weirder than this.

D c Scratch's goal
He's telling Rose how to initiate the Scratch because it will end the universe, allowing L[ ]rd English to enter it. He is already here!
  • D c Scratch doesn't lie, as long as we assume we don't have a Lying Creator. He wouldn't lie about the destruction of the universe because he's assured of it's inevitability regardless of what the kids do. Therefore, the Scratch does what he says it does: reset the universe. He admitted that the kids aren't guaranteed to exist in the reboot, so there's no reason not to tell them if it would be completely destroyed. It's not clear why he advises it, though; it surely can't be a condition for L[ ]rd English's appearance. Perhaps he's indirectly pointing them to an escape routine, as he's said there is a possible way they can survive the reboot, but for whatever reason he won't tell them what that is.
    • Well, from what I can gather, the whole point of sburb is to have the chosen players beat the black kingdom from destroying Skaia and then have there universe get destroyed by L[]rd English (after the players create another, forming a vicious, neverending cycle of destruction). In the kids session, they did something that wasn't supposed to happen (prototyping Bec) which made their session unwinable. So the reason why Doc Scratch wants them to reset, is so that the session can start all over, and flow the way it was supposed to.
  • The Scratch doesn't end the universe, just reset it. Scratch however is manipulating Rose, in ways we have yet to see.
  • His goal was actually for her to create the Green Sun.

Doc Scratch is a MEOW-code clone of all twelve trolls.
Assuming that all the troll kids are straight paradox clones of themselves, not combined from other DNA (which wouldn't make sense in context), the machine could easily slough off their ectoplasmic DNA structures into a single large mixed vat. Karkat would, in all likelihood, ignore this vat, because seriously he doesn't want to see it, but that wouldn't stop DD from mixing it with the MEOW code.
  • Close, but ultimately Jossed. Doc Scratch was created with the trolls' session's version of the MEOW code, but that was completely different, and he was cloned from Cal and his own cue ball.

Doc Scratch's job is to kill Snowman in the very end.
If Doc Scratch is manipulating everything in order to bring about Lord English, he must kill Snowman in order to end the universe, bringing about Lord English. This would make sense with the pool metaphor, as the cue ball must pocket the eight ball to end the game.
  • It's Slick's job.

The person AG was talking to was Serpentarius.
It exists out of the original 12 zodiac signs and the person AG was talking to doesn't have a trolltag. Because Serpentarius exists out of the original 12 zodiac animals and thus outside whatever "rules" they have, he doesn't need a trolltag to talk to people. This also solves the nucleotide combination problem since there weren't any possible combinations left. Furthermore is the relationship between AG and the unknown guy. It is clear that she does not particularly like him. Also, the constellation of Scorpio appears to be below Serpentarius' feet, giving more credit into the theory that the guy in white is Serpentarius as, according to the guy in white, AG was used and manipulated by him as a Lord does to his or her pawn.
  • Jossed. Doc Scratch is far weirder than this.

Doc Scratch's death will cause the scratch
He wants to die, so it's beneficial to him anyway. What happens when you pocket the cue ball? You scratch.
  • Jossed. Unrelated entirely actually.

Doc Scratch's head is actually a mask/helmet. His secret identity is...
Dad. Because why not, it's not like we know where he's from.
  • Cal skull.

Destroying the Green Sun doesn't kill those connected to it, it simply removed their Guardian abilities and reverts them to how they were before.
Jack will become a normal chess-doll-cat-bird-dog psychopath. Jadesprite will become a much happier dog-girl. Doc Scratch... who knows? Well, for one theory...
  • Presumably true at this point, based on Doc's cryptic conversations the destruction of the sun won't kill him outright.
    • And now irrelevant.

Doc Scratch wants the Green Sun destroyed to sabotage Lord English's plans.
Doc Scratch has never once failed to complete his objective, and never will, and he cannot act against his objective, however First Guardians need the Green Sun as a power source, and will die without it. Doc Scratch is using Loophole Abuse and the dark spots in his virtual omniscience to rebel against Lord English, facilitating the destruction of the Green Sun to prevent new instances of himself from being spawned.
  • Or he's genuinely trying to serve English because that makes more sense than whatever this is. English seemingly isn't powered by the Sun at any rate.
  • Isn't it stated that English is only unleashed by the destruction of a universe?
  • Oh so very Jossed.

Doc Scratch was the source of Mindfang's diary
Two words: "troll fanfiction". Although Scratch has said in the past that he never lies except by omission, we only have his word for that, and Hussie just implied that he was making up at least the story he was telling about the Sufferer and Condence. Our only other source for the ancestors is the diary, and we've already established Scratch's penchant for manipulating Vriska...could the whole deal with the ancestors be Scratch's way of shaping at least Vriska, if not all twelve trolls to varying extents, to suit his own ends?
  • Partially jossed. Some Word of God confirms that Mindfang's diary is factually true, if embellished and trashy.

The First Guardians ARE capable of commiting suicide.
The reason Doc Scratch can't is because it would stop LE from coming into power.
  • Nope. Doc's death is the trigger to bring LE into the universe, no matter what. He is physically incapable of harming himself.

First Guardians
I was reading back and found a couple odd things about First Guardians.

1: Karkat (or someone) mentions that every planet has a First Guardian, but it seems that First Guardians are created within a session. So what exactly does this mean? Was whoever said this wrong or is it possible that each and every planet has a chance at the game?

2: The use of the word Guardian in their name. Guardian is also used to refer to a lusus or a parent within the story. So I take it that the First Guardians are sort of a lusus to the planet as a whole basically. Since Guardians tend to die in or before the session I wonder if the First Guardian dying is supposed to happen as well? Bec seems to die in a sense, but Doc Scratch seemed fine. Though the trolls never got to complete their game and Doc Scratch wants to die, so maybe.

3: Doc Scratch is the First Guardian of Alternia, but according he says that prior to the Alternian Scratch he wasn't a part of that world. Now if whoever said that every planet has a First Guardian is right, this means there was a different First Guardian on the Pre-Scratch Alternia.
  • Doc Scratch didn't look particularly fine after Hussie got through with him...
    • Which is why he pissed off Hussie, only the author can kill an omnipotent being that easily... which allowed Lord English to take over his body, which is the reason he wanted to die... So I suppose he pissed him off on purpose?

  • Jossed on a couple levels here:
    • Every planet with sentient life that is able to play Sburb has a First Guardian. It seems some necessary level of technology needs to be reached, at least one of instant electronic communication and relative social stability, as Victorian England didn't play Sburb nor the tumultuous warlike Alternian culture before the relatively static modern trolls.
    • There was no First Guardian for Pre-Scratch Alternia, which is partially why they had to Scratch.
    • First Guardians however are pretty close to being a Guardian for the universe.

Maplehoof is the First Guardian of this session.
From what one can infer from this update, Lord English seems to take on the form of what the general consensus' vision of Death looks like. Therefore, it should stand to reason that the First Guardian would be vision of the forebringer of Death in myths. One of these particular visions on Earth is a rider on a very pale white horse.

Also, Maplehoof doesn't have any eyes to speak of, much like Bec.

The Felt are Uranium beings.
Interviews have stated that Uranium (The green grist) exists, and there are Uranium monsters. It seems that the Midnight Crew are Oil/Shale beings, so that the Felt can only be Uranium Gangsters. What happened to the Amber(yellow) and Chalk(white) Gangsters for the other elements? They're all dead.
  • Tying into this, consider this....the Felt all have powers that either warp the fabric of time or reality itself. What are the Uranium imps seen doing in the LOFAF?
    • Imps and Underlings in general don't bleed. The Felt do.
      • Clearly, the gangsters are a "second-tier" enemy type, who get the post-medium ring forms instead. In particular, they are related to Doomed Dave. They embody his knowledge of the Felt and Midnight Crew. Then, images of them somehow make their way to Earth through shenanigans, and a game developer found them, and created games about them. Henceforth, a stable time paradox, fitting with Dave's nature as Knight of Time. By messing with the fragile timeline, he created a related phenomenon that was in itself a stable time loop.
  • The white (chalk) ones are Problem Sleuth, Ace Dick, Pickle Inspector, and Mobster Kingpin.
  • Jossed.

When Jade enters the Medium, alternate universe versions of the Felt will appear.
Tying in to the above theory, it's not implausible to think so, since we've seen alternate versions of the Midnight Crew in Derse.
  • Jossed.

The surviving members of The Felt are connected to (or are) the twelve Trolls
With the exception of Lord English, there are twelve remaining members of The Felt. Additionally, Spades Slick makes repeated mentions of confusing time-related shenanigans with respect to the members of The Felt;
"Best to avoid DIE (6) in any direct confrontations unless you want a temporal mess on your hands."
"But it looks like there's already been some action in here. Or there will be. You can never take tense for granted with these goons."
The Felt seems to exhibit the same sort of temporal disconnectedness as the Trolls have claimed to have.
  • The Felt are all guys, and also all bleed red. The trolls don't.
    • Straight jossed with later acts like the Trolls dying all over the place.

Snowman is Rose's Mother
  • Not unless Rose's Mother can become the black queen of another universe.

The Felt will become very significant in the troll intermission
This is pretty much just a shot in the dark, but oh well. There has been discusion about the world ending in the trolls' session, such as here. Where have we heard of that before? That's right, Snowman. "If you kill her you destroy the universe." Coincidence? There's no such thing where Andrew is involved.
  • Nope.

The Felt are frogclones made in the cloning labs by the kids and trolls.
A recent update shows that the cloning lab is made not to repopulate the planets with people, but... with FROGS. Perhaps the Felt are strange frog clones made in these cloning labs.
  • Recent developments seem to joss the underlying assumption.

Quarters is the bartender
Based on the 'Quart' in his name. He mixes sinister drinks in his BLENDER. His ability is to BLEND timelines together. He has multiple jars of liquid time.
  • You do not under any circumstances drink the liquid time.
    • You hate time hangovers you hate time hangovers you hate time hangovers
  • This is the saddest thing I've ever had to say, but it's looking jossed.

Cal was used to make the 14 green members of The Felt.
Moreover, the felt members would be Cal's imperfect clones. The time-related powers could easily be mutations of Cal's teleporting power from way, way back in Dave's dreams.
  • True in the case of Scratch, at least. Hee hee hoo hoo haa haa.
    • Cal doesn't have teleporting powers, that was simply Dave subconsciously manipulating him because he thought Cal had teleporting powers. Confused?
    • They also bleed and Cal doesn't.
      • But Doc Scratch does.
      • The Felt are unrelated to Cal, though they are seemingly related to Cal, having more in common with Lord English.

Clover and Quarters are the same person
Quarters just appears less often. Perhaps even a fraction of the time. Bordering on the titular.
  • But Slick seems to think Quarters is dead during the intermission... if Clover and Quarters can be respectively alive and dead at the same time, isn't that a pretty good fundamental litmus test for whether they're two different people?
  • Slick's also an idiot. Quarters could simply have disappeared and Slick counted him dead.
    • Jossed.
      • You know for something that is Jossed this was remarkably close.

Whoever uses Quarter's "Quarter" can become him
You just have to be lucky for it to work, and Clover is VERY lucky. This also explains why Spades thought Quarters was dead before, when he really only killed the person using the coin.
  • Then why is the other side a 4? I could understand one being 14, but by your logic the other side of the coin should be blank.
    • Each member has their own Quarter to use as a last resort.
      • Good call; not exactly but pretty close. Still, only Clover can switch places with Quarters

Slick won't be the one to kill Snowman— but Jack (Bec) Noir will.
Slick wasn't able to do it because his caliginous feelings for her were too strong: they'd built up their kismesissitude for years after being exiled and killing her would seem like a waste. He would basically rather put up with his huge bitch forever than end the universe, since doing so consequently ends the relationship. Jack, on the other hand, killed his version of the Black Queen using the first chance he got, and thus has no deeper attachment to her. Since Jack is confirmed for ending up in the troll's session, he will somehow run into Snowman and— mistaking her for his session's queen— kill her in his murderous rage, without realizing he's ending the universe.
  • Still has no known way to get to the Trollverse, so we're still confused.
  • Jossed by [S] Cascade

Andrew will accidentally summon Lord English
Seems like the kind of thing he'd do. Especially considering how his current battle against Doc Scratch is going.
  • Confirmed. At the very least, he plays a critical role by killing Doc Scratch.
    • Jossed actually. Word of God is that Andrew's attack on Doc Scratch didn't harm him at all.

Snowman is Rose's Mother

The Felt will become very significant in the troll intermission
This is pretty much just a shot in the dark, but oh well. There has been discusion about the world ending in the trolls' session, such as here. Where have we heard of that before? That's right, Snowman. "If you kill her you destroy the universe." Coincidence? There's no such thing where Andrew is involved.

Where we talk about Matchsticks and Quarters' time powers.
Andrew seems to be rather tired of addressing this question, but, given what we've seen of the two missing Felts in the semi-canon Felt-venture, it'd be safe to assume what their powers might be:

  • First, we have Matchsticks. People have been WMG that his powers involve pausing time, similar to how a pair of matchsticks put together look like the pause symbol on a remote. In the Felt-venture, he has a belt with a wide assortment of matches. With that said, it can be deduced that whenever he strikes a match, time itself for everyone but him will pause, up until the point when the match itself burns out.
    • Perhaps it's an area-of-affect kind of deal, as in time slows down for everyone and everything but him in the area lit by the match. The brighter the illumination from the match, the more things slow down, leading bullets to be pretty much useless against him when he has one lit.
  • Secondly, we have Quarters. In the Felt-venture, he carries around a HUGE rack, and is the tallest member of the Felt. It can be assumed that his time power involves 'racking up', namely, taking that huge rack and placing it downwards over himself (and possibly his other Felts given its size) and resetting the events of the present day for all within. Similar to how in pool, you rack up when you wish to start over a new game. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if that Rack doubles as a quarter-staff.
    • Just a friendly reminder that Felt is not canon at all.
      • Yeah, but Professor got the info from Andrew for Lord English and the other felties.
    • Spades refers to offing Crowbar, Matchsticks and Quarters as "depleting them of some of their muscle," which might mean that Matchsticks and Quarters have some bruiser tendencies and maybe even bruiser-like time powers. Just something to possibly keep into consideration.
      • This Troper was under the impression that Spades meant "Muscle" as in overall manpower/crew strength.
    • Hussie recently speculated that he's now keeping certain details secret just to annoy people, including these time powers. My brain chose to interpret that as "Those details will somehow become plot-critical in a confusing fashion." So, the most tangled-up thing I could think of was: the Felt are actually native to the kids' universe. They traveled to Alternia via some sort of Quarter-operated oblong phone booth that's larger on the inside than the outside (because let's face it, not getting 14 people, even if some of them are small and floaty, into one normal-sized booth).
    • When Quarters finally made his apperance in The Felt Adventure, he mentions to have "Temporal Intuition" and that his rack takes "Time Prints". Perhaps the rack can 'record' someone in the form of a ball (i.e. taking a 'print' of the person's life up until that point) to be used either to a) copy thier powers/examine thier experiences or b) revive them later somehow in case they die (this could also explain why the Felt have apparently survived multiple fights with the M.Crew despite being decimated easily during the M.Crew intermission). Then again the terms are so vague they could mean anything.
  • All of this shit is jossed: Matchsticks teleports in fires and Quarters does summon magic.

If Lord English represents a cue stick, Doc scratch represents the cue ball, The Felt represent billiard balls, Felt mansion represents a pool table and the Midnight crew plus Snowman and Mayonaka represent the six holes of a pool table. Then there will be two more as of yet unseen characters who represent a pool rack and the chalk that goes on the tip of a cuestick.
  • Mayonaka isn't canon, and Snowman already represents one of the balls of the Felt.
  • Jossed then.

The Felt, as an orchestra, perform the Music of the Spheres, relating to perfect harmony; kill the Felt, kill the harmony, kill the order, as desired by the chaotic forces known as Horror Terrors/Squiddles.
Two things behind this assumption-one, the Felt soundtrack, and two, this wiki entry which has astrology as a link in the upper-right. Now, considering the Trolls are based around the Zodiac, and they're important, this will become further explored in a future act, if Hussie decides to choose so. Plus, when they are explored, the Felt soundtrack will be played in flashes forward and backwards relative to the act.
  • The Felt album is dubiously non-canon. In canon proper, the Felt are really just a bunch of thugs.

The Felt exist in the Alpha Session.
A corollary to the Doc Scratch theory above. Presumably, he and The Felt are a package deal.
  • On the other hand, there's no Midnight Crew.
    • We haven't even been to the Alpha Session yet (only its Earth), and considering the Crew have equivalents in the Beta Kids' Session, it's reasonable to think they're integral parts of the game.
      • But there is no Midnight Crew on the post-reckoning planet. Of course the agents exist, but the Crew itself and seemingly the Felt were one-off deals thus far.
      • Unless they have gills, Jossed. The principle however was well thought out; it simply seems to be that because the Condesce shaped Alpha Earth and not Doc Scratch, there are her Imperial Drones instead of the Felt.
      • Not quite Jossed. Maybe they're pirates instead of gangsters; Lord English has a peg leg, after all. Plus, Hussie has said he might show how the Felt became the Felt, suggesting some sort of appearance. And Clover is ambiguously alive.
      • Dirk's exposition about Future Earth does not include them. It would also run counter to the Condesce's fear of Lord English, so it's pretty much confirmed at this point that they're not on Alpha Earth.

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