To put into perspective how much of a badass Jack Bauer really is... he had Imhotep and Robocop running scared from him... and during season seven, Cell was a minor villain. World-destroying, Super Saiyan-whipping Cell. And Jack Bauer tortured the living hell out of him. Toward the end of season 8, he impaled Zoran Lezaravich on a fireplace poker. Don't fuck with Jack.
Alcatraz: Dr. Grant reveals that that the notorious prison's inmates weren't moved but timeshifted (or something) — and now they're back and extremely pissed. Hurley is also there.
Awake: Lucius Malfoy is certain that one of two realities (one where his wife is alive while his son is dead, and vis-versa) is real and one's just a dream, but which one? Maybe the one where his partner is Fes and/or his therapist is Gen. Shang?
The Golden Globes have been hosted by David Brent.
The Tony Awards: What got Wolverine the job hosting the Oscars. Previously hosted by Simba and Timon, which went into funny/awkward territory when their musical clobbered everyone else's.
Trillian herself shows up as her big sister's Benjamin Franklin-obsessed second cousin and The Cheshire Cat is occasionally Angel's psychiatrist.
Agent Granger is the very concerned dad of a missing boy not really, he kidnapped him to spite his ex. Is it just me or are all his one-off characters huge jerkasses?.
Boy Meets World: Kevin's real life younger brother navigates growing up with his best friend Paul and his Love Interest (later wife), who hosted The Dish. His older brother is none other than Lion-O.
Livingston Dell is a terribly inept orchid thief, er, "enthusiast".
Agent Megan is a famous, reclusive author whose stories are actually writen by three separate people.
Adriana and Hardison are robbed at a poker game They both expected it, she was waiting to kill the robber while he planned to use the robbery to kill a player who slighted him.
But everyone's here to watch Detective Kelly put his shades on.
Cracker: Hagrid is a criminal psychologist who works for Manchester police force, under The Ninth Doctor and later Jim Royle. He works most closely with his partner Lily Potter with who there is unresolved sexual tension, despite the fact he is married to a long suffering Mary Queen of Scotts.
Eureka: in season 4, Gaius Baltar hitchhikes a ride from the 1940s back to the present. Later, superhacker Chaos guest-stars as the head of the nonviolent weapons lab.
Also, why is Hiro the one chopping up and poking around inside bodies in the remake? That was supposed to be Sylar's thing, though he tended to stick to just the head...
T-Bag can manipulate the earth and Darth Maul is a super-speedy hitman/juggler.
Higher Ground: At a boarding school for troubled teens overseen by Sully, an abused, drug-addicted Anakin Skywalker falls in love with an also-abused former prostitute, JJ Jarreau. Meanwhile, Kaylee goes goth, takes a seven iron to her father, and then develops an adorable friendship with Tudgeman.
Counselor Troi is a female politician who could not deal with her loutish husband any more.
Dr. BarneyTobiasHorribleMD is a shy chocolatier who just wants to snuggle with a woman and maybe eat her calf muscles.
Dr. Octopus is a rich, possibly mildly retarded momma's boy who never learned how to interact with women. Note: Stabbing people is not a good way to ask for an apology.
Mork is a guy with very conflicting views on control (he hates "sheeple"... unless they're his sheeple).
Wonder Woman is a thief and a liar (and her daughter Daena thinks Rape Is OK When It Is Female On Male (and extremely funny if the female uses roofies and a cattle prod).
Sophie is a rape victim and Brenda appears for a second when her accused boyfriend is chased by a mob and hit by a car.
Computer nerd Danny Tanner's wife falls for dance director Jack Skellington; after she appears to be poisoned, Jack is suspected while Danny retains Lily St. Regis as his lawyer.
River Song shows up from time to time as a really snappy defense attorney. Interestingly, her character is named— Spoilers! Miranda Pond — River's real name is Melody Pond.
; first she's the frequently-injured daughter of two famous singers, then a few years later she's a high-school prostitute and murderer of the sleazy doctor who had sex with her, taped it and wouldn't give her the tape.
CherryHalliwell is a swinger, a con artist, and in love with her brother.
TianaMkutsi is a maid who accuses a well-heeled guy of raping her. If the headline this was ripped from is any indication, the detectives are going to discover she has some credibility issues.
The Girl WhoDumped Mark Zuckerberg is an ex-fattie who bullied a current-fattie into a wheelchair, so his pals got revenge by sodomizing her. Pretty sure this is an Old Shame.
Dawson hates the classmate who got him kicked out of med school so much that he uses weaponized genetic attraction to seduce the guy's donor and legitimate teenage daughters for revenge.
Steve (Miranda's baby-daddy and later husband) has a fetish for amputating the legs of beautiful women. Fortunately he more-or-less knew what he was doing and it was more-or-less consensual, unfortunately the "less" eventually caught up to him and his last victim.
LOST: Charlie Salinger becomes the defacto leader of a band of survivors on a mysterious island. Other survivors include Merry Brandybuck as an expy of one of the Gallagher brothers. MayorBatmanuel is there too, and he doesn't age.
Simka is a Granola Girl florist who correctly guesses that Monk's ideal plant is a thisle a cactus artificial.
HodginsHodges is a cheating husband who accidentally kills his mistress and later tries to kill her pregnant dog (their dogs mated, and his dog's characteristics are easily recgonizable).
The Nanny: After breaking up with her boyfriend and losing her job at a bridal suite (her boyfriend owned the bridal suite), Pamela Finklestein becomes a door-to-door cosmetics salesgirl, until one day, she convinces widower British Broadway producer Shane Donovan into hiring her as the new nanny for his three children Supergirl, Ben Harvey and Mia Ross. Shane's butler, a holographic Professor Moriarty, takes an immediate liking to Pam, but Shane's longtime business partner, Julie Rayburn, sees her as an obstacle to winning Shane's affections, even though he never regards her as anything more than a business partner.
"The Nuchshlep": Shane agrees to let Supergirl go on a date with her boyfriend Cyclops, provided Pam accompanies them.
"Ode to Barbara Joan": Pam finds herself bonding with Julie's father, Kelly Robinson, much to the irritation of Julie.
"The Playwright": In order to teach Ben a lesson about not looking down on his classmate Rubber Woman, Pam must make amends with former classmate Paul Lassiter.
"Pishke Business": Pam must pose as Julie in order to persuade businessman Vizzini to invest in Shane's latest play after Julie unwittingly attacks him.
"Stock Tip": Pam introduces Shane to Arnie Becker, who works on Wall Street, but not in the way Pam thought...
"The Nanny Behind the Man": Pam sets her grandmother Millie up with playwright Admiral Hansen, whom Shane hopes will let him produce his play.
"Frannie and the Professor": Julie makes a bet with her brother David St. Hubbins about whether Pam can go on Jeopardy! and win.
"The Tart with Heart": To prove she's more than a pretty face, Pam dates blind man George Costanza.
ADA Rubirosa is a government courier who didn't want her partner and only friend to leave her to get married so she dragged him into drug running behind his back.
NUMB3RS: An elf uses math to help the FBI solve crimes; his father is a Taxi driver who survived an alien attack while his best friend and colleague is Renfield the Carpathian.
Evan's departure featured the appearance of said small-time actor, Bruce, Ron Burgandy, Raymond, Donna, and the boss of The Secretary The Secratary's boss is now their boss.
Saving Grace: Elastigirl is a hard-drinking slut of a cop working for Almond Joy who gets a chance to change her ways by untraditional angel Tom Nuttall. Her best friend Maya Gallo knows about the "new person" in her life, and Odo is a priest who abused our heroine as a child and who gets killed in the season two premiere.
Supernatural: Alec and Dean fight monsters while they look for their dad, The Comedian. Later on, they meet quite a few interesting people, including some angels (specifically one of the many terrorists from 24 and one of the many scary guys from Prison Break), the Army husband from Army Wives, Penhall and his Captain, and one of the dudes from Jericho.
"Where Silence Has Lease": Dr. Silberman is a space entity who starts to psychologically torment the Enterprise crew.
"Elementary, Dear Data: In a holodeck program, Dr. Okun, as Sherlock Holmes, takes on Holmes's greatest nemesis, Niles the butler, who is slowly gaining awareness of his existence as a hologram.
"Yesterday's Enterprise": Rachel Creed returns within an alternate timeline (it's complicated) and finds herself falling for Shooter McGavin.
"Suddenly Human": Professor X debates with alien captain Derek Powers over who has custody over an orphaned human boy.
"The Wounded": Duncan Malloy's former captain, Samuel Norton is conducting independent attacks against the Kardashians.
"Cause and Effect": The Enterprise finds itself stuck in a time loop with a 23rd century Federation ship commanded by Captain Fraiser Crane.
"The Perfect Mate": XeniaGrey is the perfect woman for Prof. X... unfortunately she wasn't intended for him.
"Imaginary Friend": Heidi's imaginary friend appears in the form of August Leffler.
"Ship in a Bottle": Niles the butler is back, and he wants H.M. Murdock to help him break free from the confines of a holodeck.
"Chain of Command" (Parts I and II): Starfleet Captain Vilos Cohaagen gets assigned as the new Enterprise captain, so Professor X is assigned to undertake a covert mission. But during the mission, he gets captured and is ultimately tortured by Cardassian interrogator Ra's Al Ghul.
"The Pegasus": Xanatos is called upon by his former captain, now Admiral John Locke to salvage a top-secret cloaking device.
"Homeward": Weasel's adoptive brother Eddie Valentine seeks help from the Enterprise crew in saving an alien civilization from planetary destruction.
"Q Who?": Discord appears and causes trouble for the Enterprise crew while also warning them of the Borg.
Three's Company: Clifford the Big Red Dog pretends he's gay so that he can live with two girls (including dumb blonde Carol Lambert) without rousing the suspicions of his landlords, stick-in-the mud Mr. McCleery and his sex-starved wife Frances Temple. Carol later moves out and is replaced, first by klutzy farm girl Jamie Ewing Barnes, then by intelligent nurse Della Churchill. Mr. McCleery and Frances also move away and are replaced by goofy, flamboyantly-dressed Barney Fife as the new landlord.
Tipping the Velvet: Emma Peel's lesbian daughter, working as an oyster-girl in Victorian Whitstable, falls in love with music-hall drag king Alex Drake.
A Touch of Frost:Del Boy is a serious and devoted detectictive, determined to put criminals behind bars, while hoping the police don't notice him selling dodgy dvds and microwaves
Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson (not the surfer/singer): ImamGoliath narrates while Jules personifies the larger-than-life Johnson, who had the nerve to be a fast-living sports star in 1910 and African American at the same time. Darth Vader later portrays Johnson in a play, which strikes a chord with Muhammad Ali ("Just replace women with religion and that's my story!").
V : Man-Bat, with help from Darryl Revok and Victor Basta, forms a team of Earthlings to fight against man-eating aliens lead by Miss Peacock. Freddy Krueger is one of the few good aliens in the series... and he's also the comic relief.
The Vampire Diaries: Boone is evil to his little brother. Mia is caught between Boone and his brother, and finds out that her Uncle Sark is actually her father.
Veep: Elaine is a heartbeat away from being the first female president.
A particularly jarring one: they have to pick a ranking member of the government to stay in the White House during the State of the Union, just in case. Who does the President pick to run the country if everyone is blown up? The Mayorof Sunnydale!
