"Rites Of Spring" is an episode in the fourth season of The Golden Girls.
As the pool party hosted by a friend of the girls' is drawing near, Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose weigh themselves and wonder what the best weight-loss strategy they could use, but each method they come up with gets shot down due to their past experience involving said method ending without granting them the expected results. Sophia, however, is worried that she might be losing too much weight after finding out she lost a pound after weighing herself.
Tropes in this episode:
- Bait-and-Switch Comment: The girls' last experience with personality enhancement lessons included Stan trying to promote one such lesson to them before attempting to mooch off from them again — and getting ordered to Get Out! by Dorothy before he could. The girls' conversation regarding Stan as they walk into the kitchen for cheesecake has this trope in place.Blanche: Dorothy, I still can't understand to this day how you could have married that man.
Dorothy: Picture a guy twenty years younger; long, wavy hair; rippling muscles.
Rose: I can't believe Stan ever looked like that.
Dorothy: He didn't, but do you think that, if I met a man like that, I would have married Stan? - Be Careful What You Wish For: Blanche dresses herself with her bikini in preparation for the pool party and asks Dorothy for her "honest opinion". Too bad for Blanche, Dorothy gives her just that.Blanche: I think I look pretty good, but you give me your honest advice. Can I still pull this off?
- Cosmetic Catastrophe: The last time Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose tried to have a makeover, it ended up being this trope, as they wound up with Sophia's hairstyle.Blanche: Sophia, I still can not believe you talked us into that.Sophia: Please, you three looked gorgeous.Rose: We didn't even look like ourselves.Sophia: What's your point?Dorothy: Ma, you are not helping matters.
- Flashback: The girls' reminiscences of their past experiences in various weight-loss strategies are shown this way. It's zigzagged in that, unlike other flashback episodes (including some The Golden Girls itself did), the memories are brand-new footage instead of clips from previous shows.
- Framing Device: The Flashbacks in this episode are presented as individual stories within the narrative.
- Hidden Depths: Rose—traditionally the most gullible and easily tricked of the girls—is the only one who resists Yvonne's aggressive sales tactics and Reverse Psychology, saving herself hundreds of dollars on unnecessary purchases. It also prevents her from looking like a fool in the exercise outfits Dorothy and Blanche end up wearing (see Impossibly Tacky Clothes below).
- I Take Offense to That Last One: As one of the Flashbacks reveals, the last time the girls (sans Sophia) went to a health club in an attempt to lose weight, Blanche was reluctant because it was women-only, suggesting a co-ed gym they visited instead. Dorothy protests:Dorothy: Come on, now, Blanche, that was nothing but a pickup scene — people running around in skimpy outfits collecting phone numbers.Blanche: That's not true. I was not in an skimpy outfit, and I got all these. *pulling out a stack of pieces of paper*
- Impossibly Tacky Clothes: Dorothy and Blanche end up with such clothing during the last time the girls (without Sophia) joined a health club, as the result of Yvonne, who worked there, coaxing them into such purchases. This is also why they decide against joining another health club this year. Here's an illustration.
Rose: Nice outfits, girls.
Dorothy and Blanche: Shut up, Rose. - Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Eduardo, the handsome hairdresser who Sophia recommends in one flashback, turns out to be one of these. He talks a big game about how he crafts each of his client's appearances and cuts to their unique facial features...only to reveal that he's only capable of making one hairstyle—Sophia's.
- Literal-Minded: When Rose, Blanche, and Dorothy take a jazzercise class, teacher Yvonne shouts out the name of each exercise before the group does it. When Yvonne grabs her side in pain and cries "charlie horse" (referring to the muscle cramp), Rose happily mimics her, thinking it's the next move.
- Mistaken for Gay: While the girls were inside a health club, a woman named Yvonne approached them. Blanche immediately complained about being hit on by a woman, before Yvonne clarified that she worked there.
- Reaction Shot: All of the girls (sans Sophia) have this once Eduardo reveals the result of his "masterpiece": Rose shows confusion, Dorothy is stony-faced, and Blanche looks incredulous. See for yourself.
- "Shaggy Dog" Story: After the girls exhaust all the weight-loss choices they've come up with, all of which have been rejected due to the ill results they received when they utilized them in the past, Dorothy tries to remind them that the party is on Saturday two weeks later, only for Rose to correct her by saying that the party this year is scheduled on Sunday instead. Blanche takes it to suggest that they can put off dieting for one more day, and the episode ends with everyone getting ready to devour the freshly-baked cake that Sophia made.
- Take Our Word for It:
- Blanche shows Dorothy how her body looks while wearing her bikini, but the viewers don't get to find out firsthand because her pajamas obscure the view of her body from the audience.
- What the numbers read on the scale when the girls weigh themselves are never revealed (the exception being Sophia, who states her result as "98 pounds"). Their reactions upon weighing themselves, however, make it clear that they've already gained more weight than they realized or wanted to have.
- For Blanche:Blanche: Gasp!Sophia: (looking at the scale right as Blanche steps off it) Whoa!Blanche: Sophia, were you looking?Sophia: Uh, no, not until you stepped off, but I know it's not a good sign when the first rebound goes into low 120's.
- For Dorothy:Rose: (looking at the scale as Dorothy weighs herself) I always thought you had to pass 0 to hit that number.
- For Rose:Dorothy, Blanche, and Sophia: (looking at the scale as Rose weighs herself) Moo!
- For Blanche:
- Tempting Fate:
- Blanche asks Dorothy for her "honest advice" about how Blanche's body in her bikini looks. Too bad for Blanche, Dorothy's "honest advice" is not pleasant for her.
- Dorothy doesn't believe she has gained weight. The reading on the scale tells a different story.
- Rose claims that she never gains weight and that she weighs the same as she did on her wedding day with Charlie. Her reaction of shock and the other girls saying "Moo" when they look at the scale while Rose weighs herself prove Rose wrong.
- Dorothy complains about how tedious and boring balancing checkbooks is right as the doorbell rings.Dorothy: (walking to open the door) OK, ma, I'll try it again. But, believe me, there is nothing in this world I hate more. (the door is opened to reveal Stan at the doorstop) I spoke too soon.
- You Are Fat: Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose are forced to reckon with the truth that they've gained weight after weighing themselves.
