Unfortunately for Father Jack, only one of those new phrases will be any help when it comes to obtaining alcohol.
Maybe we could teach him to say one or two things. Nothing too specific — a few all-purpose sentences, like "That would be an ecumenical matter". Yes, I can't think of any religious question that can't be answered by that. It's what I always say when people ask me questions. That's the great thing about Catholicism — it's so vague, and nobody really knows what it's all about.
A trio of Bishops are coming to Craggy Island to promote the Holy Stone of Clonrichert into a Class-Two holy relic. Ted does not look forward to the visit, given the eccentricities of the parochial house's residents. Of particular issue is Father Jack, whom Ted tries to train into controlling his bad habits and deflecting questions.
On the day of the visit, the Bishops spend some time with the priests. Dougal gets to talking with Bishop O'Neill about how there's no proof that God truly exists, causing O'Neill to put his faith into serious question. Ted's time with Bishop Jordan ends unexpectedly when he dies of shock from a sewer grate spraying water into his robes (caused from an earlier attempt to fix the parochial house's toilet). And despite Jack's willingness to behave after Ted's training, Bishop Facks' exuberance and incessant finger-poking sets him off, prompting a very painful retaliation. By the end of the day, Facks is in the ambulance to have the Holy Stone removed from his rear, O'Neill has renounced his faith and is now a hippie, and Jordan's dead body is being hauled off to the funeral home. In Ted's words, "That went pretty well, I thought."
Tropes featured in this episode:
- A Rare Sentence: "Bishops love sci-fi!"
- Artistic License – Religion: In the Catholic Church, a Second-Class relic would be something a saint often used or wore. It is hard to think of how such a large stone could be either.
- Ass Shove: Jack, Bishop Facks, and the Holy Stone of Clonrichert. Mercifully offscreen.Ted: Will it still be a Class Two relic when they remove?
- Bait-and-Switch: When Dougal proposes that he and Ted play a game, the choice is between Chess and Buckaroo. To Ted's surprise, Dougal says he quite fancies a game of Chess — before revealing that he was only joking, he wants to play Buckaroo.
- Blind Without 'Em: After a dog stole her contacts, Mrs Doyle is almost blind even with her glasses.
- Chekhov's Gun: After Ted fixes the toilet, he flushes it to make sure it works. The scene cuts to outside the house, where water shoots up out of a square vent. Later on, Bishop Jordan is standing in the front yard directly over said vent as Ted uses the restroom.
- Comical Overreacting: Bishop Jordan's mild joke about how he sometimes thinks he should be the one making the tea for his housekeeper (who apparently isn't quite the best) causes Miss Doyle to laugh uproariously for a disproportionately long time, requiring Ted and Dougal to eventually remove her from the room.
- Continuity Nod: The Holy Stone of Clonrichert was first mentioned, though not seen, in "Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest" when Ted suggested the young nun visit it before leaving the island.
- Failed a Spot Check: Dougal is watching for the arrival of the bishops through a pair of binoculars. He turns to find them watching him from the sofa.
- Gone Horribly Right: Ted 'training' Jack causes the bishops to take to him a little too well.Bishop O'Neill: I was just saying, Father, I'm looking forward to discussing the social effects of some of the Church's thinking on issues of personal morality.Ted: (whispers to Jack) Ecumenical...Jack: That would be an ecumenical matter!Bishop O'Neil: Yes, I... I suppose it would. Good point, Father.Jack: Yes!Bishop Facks: That's what we need! A more positive attitude, like Father Hackett's!Ted: What?Bishop O'Neil: I agree. I can see Father Hackett making a valuable contribution over the next few days.Ted: Oh God!Jack: Yes!
- Immediate Self-Contradiction: Ted says that while Jack may be bad, he's not a dog that can be trained, only for Jack to start scratching at their bedroom door exactly like one.Ted: There he is now. He probably wants to go out.
- Mundane Made Awesome: Bishop Fack's final finger poke.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: The bishops' visit to Craggy island ends with one dead, one a hippy and the other with a Class Two relic in his rectum.Ted: Went pretty well, I thought.
- Non Sequitur: Dougal's "There was a spider in the bath last night" when a bishop asks if they have any incense seems to come completely out of the blue, although a likely explanation is that he misheard 'incense' as 'insects'.
- Pygmalion Plot: Ted tries his best to make Jack presentable and coherent for the bishops' visit with elocution lessons and a wash and brush-up.
- Rage Breaking Point: When Bishop Facks' incessant finger-waving in Jack's face culminates in an epic poke on the shoulder, Jack snatches up the Holy Stone in rage and shoves it someplace unspeakable.
- Rule of Three: Bishop Facks, Bishop O'Neill and Bishop Jordan.
- Schmuck Bait: When Ted sticks his head in the broken toilet Dougal pulls the chain and the toilet flush miraculously works. Lampshaded by Ted:Ted: Maybe it only works when my head is in it!
- Shout-Out: The Ferrero Roche pyramid and Bishop O'Neill's line about it was a reference to a famous ad for the product that was on British TV in the 1990s.
- Tempting Fate: Just as Ted reassures himself that the bishops will see nothing out of the ordinary, Jack sticks his head into the fireplace to light his cigarette and comes out with the top of his head on fire.
- Bishop Jordan mentions his heart attack the previous year and asks Ted to give him a bit of a warning before he does anything sudden. Dougal then shouts loudly as he remembers Aliens is on that night.
- Truth in Television: The Catholic Church does indeed classify relics but the Holy Stone would be Second-Class and not 'Class Two'.
- Wild Card Excuse: To keep him from responding to the Bishops in his usual foul manner, Ted teaches Jack to reply to any question asked of him with "That would be an ecumenical matter." It works... up to a point, which Bishop Facks learns painfully.
That would be an ecumenical matter!
