Recap / Birds of a Feather S9E1: Ghost

Tracey: It's gotta be you. Who else is that careless with drawers? An' no Dorien jokes, please, I'm not in the mood.

— Tracey Stubbs accusing Sharon Theodopolopodous of leaving the drawers open night after night.

• Date First Aired: 16/11/1998

The sisters are having a problem with their VHS - it has a mind of its own. Meanwhile, Tracey is annoyed with Sharon's slobbish habits, especially when she accuses Sharon of leaving the drawers open night after night. When Sharon reveals that it isn't her, however, Tracey suspects that there is a poltergeist at play, although Sharon and Dorien won't believe her. Well, not until she sees the ghost at work herself, leading to them holding a Spooky Séance.

Soon, they hold the séance but it doesn't go well, leading to the sisters believing the spirit to be called "Smym". However, it's still there, so they try to get an exorcist. Unfortunately, Dorien is the only one to have even basic knowledge at this time of night so she is made to volunteer. As Dorien prepares, the girls realize that the ghostly presence came from the VHS, leading to it blowing up.

Soon, they have their old VHS. As it turns out, the person which they got the VHS from knew it was haunted all along and likes to send it off just to escape the bumping. It is also revealed that the ghost used to be an old woman named Elsie who had a terrible life and who got her only pleasure from the VHS. However, as it turns out, Elsie is still haunting the house, although Sharon allows her to stay on the condition that she keeps herself hidden from the other girls.

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Tropes in this episode:

• Bottle Episode: The episode only features Sharon and Tracey's house (and briefly Dorien's flat), and the only characters (aside from Elsie, who is an invisible ghost) to appear at all are Sharon, Tracey, and Dorien.
• Bedsheet Ghost: Sharon tries to scare Tracey by putting a bedsheet over her head and pretending to be a ghost right after she sarcastically tells Dorien that she should do that if she wants to scare her.
• Continuity Nod: Dorien brings up how unnatural Richard's children are.
• Curse Cut Short: Tracey stops Sharon before she can finish saying "up me arse".
• Fictional Document: The books Tracey and Dorien look at in an attempt to remove the ghost, including Direct Your Will, Psychic Weaponry, The Occult Companion, Paranormal Potions & Spells and Occult Self Defense.
• The Ghost: Lily, a medium from Edmonton.
• Ghostly Animals:
  • When Dorien suggests that the force haunting them may not be human, Sharon questions if it means that they're being haunted by a dead dog.
    Dorien: Ghosts, poltergeists, we don't know! It's a presence. It might not be human, even.
    Sharon: You mean we could be haunted by a Cocker Spaniel?
  • Sharon later also suggests that a lamp may be haunted by the spirit of a dead moth when Tracey thinks the lamp is watching her.
    Dorien: Oh, Tracey, who would haunt a lamp?
    Sharon: The ghost of a moth?
• Ghostly Chill: Tracey suspects that there is a poltergeist in their house based on the fact that she feels an unnatural chill when she goes into their living room.
• Greedy Jew: Dorien makes a joke about doing a full Jewish exorcism - she gets rid of the ghosts and instead gives a full invoice.
• Haunted House: Elsie is still haunting the house by the end of the episode, although Sharon convinces her to hide from the other girls. This is a detail that is never mentioned again in the series.
• Haunted Technology: The plot has the girls dealing with a haunted VHS player.
• Hollywood Exorcism: Dorien performs one to get Elsie out of the house, involving purifying her aura, imagining a magic circle, talking to several angels, chanting, and imagining a flaming sword.
  Tracey: Wha's that?
  Dorien: A sword. I have to imagine a sword that ignites a circle of fire.
  Tracey: You mind my carpet.
• Hysterical Woman: Tracey and Sharon spend most of the episode in a panic when they think their house is haunted while Dorien tries to bring them back to reality.
• I Need a Freaking Drink: Sharon's reaction to the idea that the reason her VHS player is recording programs starring dead people is that the VHS player in question is haunted is to go to the kitchen and have a beer.
  Sharon: You need a beer, girl.
• Malaproper: Sharon mixes up "exorcism" and "circumcision".
• Minimalist Cast: Only Tracey, Sharon and Dorien appear in this episode.
• Once for Yes, Twice for No: Sharon and Tracey ask Elsie (under the belief that she's a male ghost named "Smym") to knock twice for yes and once for no. She responds by bumping once, leading Tracey to believe that she isn't there.
• One-Steve Limit: When guessing the ghosts name, Tracey and Sharon try "Stan", "Sylvia" and "Sheila", the names of Sharon's mate with dodgy goods, the girls' deceased auntie and a One-Shot Character from "Sisters are Doing It...".
• One-Word Title: The title of this episode is "Ghost".
• Only Sane Man: Dorien. Tracey and Sharon are too frightened to be rational, and Dorien manages to host a successful séance to remove the ghost from their VHS player.
• Paranormal Episode: This episode sees the girls deal with a VHS that is possessed by the spirit of an elderly lady.
• Poltergeist: Elsie, when she is not a case of Haunted Technology, mainly manifests by leaving the drawers open and moving stuff about.
• Posthumous Character: Elsie, who lived a hard life and then after death began to haunt a VHS.
• Pregnancy Makes You Crazy: In a continuation of her behavior last series, Tracey is still acting extremely irritable, which she attributes to her hormones as a result of her pregnancy.
  Tracey: It's me 'ormones, innit? I'm in ferment. I'm sufferin' from mood swings.
  Sharon: No, it's me that's sufferin' from 'em!
• Rapid-Fire Name Guessing: During the Spooky Séance, the girls try to work out the ghost's name. This quickly turns frustrating for Dorien once Tracey and Sharon don't wait for enough letters before guessing.
  Dorien: The first letter... is "S".
  Tracey: Stan?
  Sharon: Sylvia?
  Tracey: Sheila?
  Sharon: Stella?
  Tracey: Shaun!
  Dorien: Oh, for God's sake! This is not charades, you don't have to guess!
• Shout-Out:
  • Sharon ends up watching Minder when trying to get the VHS player to work in the first scene, and then during her struggles she remarks that "Dennis Waterman's gone into one".
  • Dorien is excited at the idea that Michael Aspel might come to Shalentrace to report on the paranormal activity.
  • When home alone, Sharon tries to see if the VHS recorded Absolutely Fabulous, but Terry and June comes on instead. She's confused at this, but remarks that at least she still gets to see June Whitfield (who starred in both), before trying for Absolutely Fabulous again and getting Dad's Army, Steptoe and Son, and This Is Your Life:
    Sharon: 'Ang on, i's Eamonn Andrews, he's dead, in'e? All these people are dead, I've found a channel for dead people? I's recorded 'em all. When did it do that? (Beat) When they was alive, ya silly cow.
  • Dorien suggests watching A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), but Tracey is too frightened after her experiences with the ghost.
  • Lily the medium once contacted Winston Churchill from beyond the grave and claimed to have gotten the results of the Cup Final.
  • When Dorien suggests getting an exorcist, Tracey thinks she means the film and snaps at her for thinking about videos at time like this.
  • Sharon tries to call Dorien "The Wicked Witch of the West".
• Spooky Séance: The girls have one in a bid to root out the ghost which has been haunting them, which ends in them believing the ghost is named "Smym".
  Dorien: Terrific. Trust you two to have a dyslexic ghost. It's just about your mark, isn't it? A ghost with learning difficulties!
• Stuff Blowing Up: The VHS player explodes during the séance.
• Take That!:
  • Tracey wants a priest with "mad staring eyes like Peter Cushing" to deal with the ghost.
  • When Sharon gets the idea to use a flaming cross to get rid of "Smym", Dorien snaps that they aren't in the Ku Klux Klan.
• The End... Or Is It?: The ending reveals Elsie is still haunting the house and Sharon is letting her, although not telling the others.

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