Quotes: The Computer Is a Cheating Bastard
"The thing about video game basketball is that the computer decides whether or not the ball goes in when you shoot."
Bob: Matrix! Help!
Matrix: I can't! The rules are clear!
Bob: You're a renegade! CHEAT!
: Oh, right.
, computer characters abusing the trope, again.
"Yeah, you know it's a Pokémon Let's Play if you get random criticals when you don't need them, your opponent gets them all the time at the most crucial moments, you don't catch Pokémon when they're in perfectly catchable ranges."
"You know how in most FPSs you're some sort of hybrid of man and refrigerator who can take the entire munitions dump to the face, while the enemy all have armor made of whip cream and skulls made of cake? Well it seems going into this game everyone got their character sheets mixed up: The player can't survive more than a measly handfuls of bullet ripping though their flesh, while the armored enemies can take so many rounds to the torso you'd think there'd be nothing left but a spinal column and the Corn Flakes they had for breakfast. They can spot you in pitch darkness even with your flashlight off, and they can shoot you from halfway to Neverland because their guns have magic accuracy that evaporates the instant
you get your hands on them."
"This is a chess puzzle, sort of—but not really—in that the basic objective is to capture your opponent's king, and believe me, that is far easier said than done. And that's for a couple reasons, but the main reason is
the computer fucking cheats. And the reason for that is you have pawns and knights... at the beginning of the game, your knights are completely frozen until all of your pawns have been killed. However, at the beginning of the game, all of the computer's pieces can move freely, so the only way to activate your knights is to purposely try to get your pawns killed as quickly as possible (and indeed, this is the correct strategy). However, the computer
seems to know this and purposely goes out of its way to not kill your pieces, because it makes a beeline straight for your king. This means the computer has way more options since it starts with five pieces to your
three... I musta played this game thirty or forty times before I actually managed to beat it fair, and I
did have a cheat code. But I didn't use it because I— this game made it personal at some point, y'know? I really had to be this game
fair, mano-a-mano. It was like Kasparov and Deep Blue."
"Oh, and to add insult to injury, Seth is generally regarded as one of the least effective player characters in the game. That's right: He's only awesome when he's computer-controlled. Because the computer is a cheap, cheating bastard."
"How the hell do you have a Dragonite at Level 49, you hacker?! It evolves at 55! This guy...I swear man, this guy hacks."
"Don't you know? 'CC' in Mario Kart refers to 'Cheating Capacity'. On 50cc, they have a much lower cheating capacity than on 150cc, where everyone but you is hacking to go max speed all the time."
—Post on VGF on the cheatsy AI in Mario Kart.