History Quotes / TheComputerIsACheatingBastard

''[=MacReady=] [[{{Ragequit}} pours his drink into the computer tower]], frying it''\\

[[folder: Video Games]]

->"''The Queen is a cheating whore!'' Seriously, I hate this fuckin' bitch! Kiss your cards goodbye, or be prepared to reload ''constantly'', because the Queen chooses her own rule. I mean, what kinda bullshit is that? Lady, this isn't 'Nam, there are rules. Everyone's just gotta play along with your own creepy lil' world, here? Says ''who?'' Who says I can't just cave your head in with my gunblade and take your goddamn cards?"

->''"what, did you think i was just gonna stand there and take it?"''
-->-- [[spoiler:'''Sans''']], after dodging a strike from the player, ''Videogame/{{Undertale}}''

-->-- '''Sans''', after dodging a strike from the player, ''Videogame/{{Undertale}}''

-->--'''''VideoGame/FTLFasterThanLight'''''

->Even when you're spinning through the outer abysses of outer space, you still feel like an underdog despite being part of the big, bad Empire, and that's because the titular TIE fighter [[WhatAPieceOfJunk is a flimsy craft]]. One wrong decision, one stupid mistake, and a single collision or strafe shot can end a mission that has been building up for 10 minutes or more. You play by a [[OneHitPointWonder one-hit KO rule]], but your enemies sure '''don't!'''

'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' on ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVIII''

->The thing about video game basketball is that the computer decides whether or not the ball goes in when you shoot.

->You don't know how the intruders managed to get past your Zoltan Energy Shield!

->''"Hmph... This game cheats! [[{{Angrish}} ...!!!]] I was shielding! SHIEEELDING!!! [[BigNo NO!!!]] I did NOT press that!"''
-->-- '''[[YouAllLookFamiliar An unnamed Toad]]''', ''VideoGame/MarioAndLuigiSuperstarSaga''

-->-- '''[[spoiler: Sans]]''', after dodging a strike from the player, ''Videogame/{{Undertale}}'' (an RPG)

->The player can't survive more than a measly handfuls of bullet ripping though their flesh, while the armored enemies can take so many rounds to the torso you'd think there'd be nothing left but a spinal column and the Corn Flakes they had for breakfast. They can spot you in pitch darkness even with your flashlight off, and they can shoot you from halfway to Neverland because their guns have magic accuracy that evaporates the instant ''you'' get your hands on them.

->''"Luke, for example, has a move where he throws his lightsaber at you. Not only does this move do about 75% of your life on hit, it’s also entirely unblockable. The AI can and will use this move against you if it has the meter to do so, and it doesn’t have to worry about trying to get in the half circle motion required to do it."''

->Oh, and to add insult to injury, Seth is generally regarded as one of the [[CharacterTiers least effective player characters]] in the game. That's right: He's only awesome when he's computer-controlled. Because the computer is a cheap, cheating bastard.

->Tryin' to outrun these guys without steppin' in the holes is a pain in the ass...And how come ''they'' can pass over a hole and ''you'' can't? Yeah, yeah, go ahead! Pass over the hole again, yeah. ''Fuck'' you. [[YourMom I'm gonna pass over your mom's hole.]]

->Yeah, you know it's a Franchise/{{Pokemon}} LetsPlay if you get random criticals when you don't need them, your opponent gets them all the time at the most crucial moments, you don't catch Pokémon when they're in perfectly catchable ranges.

'''Noah:''' The fuck--? He used a teleporter? ''That cheating son of a bitch!'' I swear to God, if I ever play ''VideoGame/UltimaVII'' again I'm gonna track him down so I can go to the Forge of Virtue, take [[UnholyNuke the dark core of Exodus]] and send it to the void '''''[[AssShove straight up this cocksucker's cheating ass!]]''''' Who builds a teleporter to cheat at something this fucking petty?!

->How the hell do you have a Dragonite at Level 49, you hacker?! It evolves at 55! This guy...I swear man, this guy hacks.

->''"Hmph... This game cheats! ...!!! I was shielding! SHIEEELDING!!! [[BigNo NO!!!]] I did NOT press that!"''

->Even when you're spinning through the outer abysses of outer space, you still feel like an underdog despite being part of the big, bad Empire, and that's because the titular TIE fighter [[WhatAPieceOfJunk is a flimsy craft]]. One wrong decision, one stupid mistake, and a single collision or strafe shot can end a mission that has been building up for 10 minutes or more. You play by a [[OneHitPointWonder one-hit KO rule]], but you're enemies sure '''don't!'''

->Even when you're spinning through he outer abysses of outer space, you still feel like an underdog despite being part of the big, bad Empire, and that's because the titular TIE fighter [[WhatAPieceOfJunk is a flimsy craft]]. One wrong decision, one stupid mistake, and a single collision or strafe shot can end a mission that has been building up for 10 minutes or more. You play by a [[OneHitPointWonder one-hit KO rule]], but you're enemies sure '''don't!'''

->Yeah, you know it's a {{Pokemon}} LetsPlay if you get random criticals when you don't need them, your opponent gets them all the time at the most crucial moments, you don't catch Pokémon when they're in perfectly catchable ranges.

-->--'''[[http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/kusoge/kusoge-teraskasi.htm Bobinator]]''' on ''Franchise/{{Star Wars}}: Masters of Teräs Käsi'' -- UsefulNotes/PlayStation (1997)

-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' on ''Franchise/{{Ultima}}: Runes of Virtue''

'''Noah:''' The fuck--? He used a teleporter? ''That cheating son of a bitch!'' I swear to God, if I ever play ''[[VideoGame/UltimaVII]]'' again I'm gonna track him down so I can go to the Forge of Virtue, take [[UnholyNuke the dark core of Exodus]] and send it to the void '''''[[AssShove straight up this cocksucker's cheating ass!]]''''' Who builds a teleporter to cheat at something this fucking petty?!

->Wven when you're spinning through he outer abysses of outer space, you still feel like an underdog despite being part of the big, bad Empire, and that's because the titular TIE fighter [[WhatAPieceOfJunk is a flimsy craft]]. One wrong decision, one stupid mistake, and a single collision or strafe shot can end a mission that has been building up for 10 minutes or more. You play by a [[OneHitPointWonder one-hit KO rule]], but you're enemies sure '''don't!'''

'''Noah:''' The fuck--? He used a teleporter? ''That cheating son of a bitch!'' I swear to God, if I ever play ''[[VideoGame/UltimaVIITheBlackGate Ultima VII]]'' again I'm gonna track him down so I can go to the Forge of Virtue, take [[UnholyNuke the dark core of Exodus]] and send it to the void '''''[[AssShove straight up this cocksucker's cheating ass!]]''''' Who builds a teleporter to cheat at something this fucking petty?!