Quotes: Take Our Word for It
"Just then, as it looked for certain that the city was about to be eaten, the earth trembled, and the sun was blotted out from the sky. Suddenly, swarms of giant bees filled the air, and three hundred million armored horsemen, covered with coats of a thousand different colors, appeared on every street corner, attacking the monster cat, in a scene of such spectacular proportions, that it could never in your life be seen in a low-budget film like this. You'll notice my mouth isn't moving, either."
Television Presenter: "So, you were saying, the vase?" Mr. Winkleman: "Yes, well, it's a family heirloom, which I think dates from 1760s." Television Presenter: "Well that's fascinating, and I'd just like to point out to viewers that it's only through the magic of television that they can actually
see us looking at this vase and describing it to them."
"The tape begins with Tony recording the intro on his balcony, and it falls apart in less than 10 seconds...he gets interrupted by a low-flying aircraft. Where a normal person would stop filming, he instead goes insane. He just starts incorporating it into his speech. He says, and I fucking quote, 'This is classified information. That's why we've got helicopters flying overhead.'
What the fucking what!? Is he out of his fucking mind, or does he think we are? He's recording a description of a concept on a VHS camcorder for retail market, and he's protecting it with helicopters!!! Why? No wait, How? ...He warns the viewer that people are using listening devices to get this information right at this very moment, but he has a SWAT team there to take care of it. I'm serious! This is not hyperbole for a comedy article! To be honest, I couldn't understand some of the SWAT team part because nearby traffic choppers beat nearby camcorder microphones every time. But he definitely said something that implied there was a SWAT team close by to protect the intellectual copyrights of his karate tape."
"When mutant Paris breaks free of his restraints and runs amok in Engineering I could not believe the low budget way they suggested this bedlam with a couple of random phaser shots firing across a blank screen! This easily goes down as the stupidest ending in any
Trek episode and ignoring the fact that Paris kidnaps Janeway and turns her into a lizard because he wants to make babies with her, but that somehow the Doctor takes these two lizards and magically manages to de-evolve them back into exactly how they were before. I have heard of some overly simplistic
Trek solutions (thereís one episode of TNG where Picard says ĎDr Crusher has managed to fix us up with her usual skill' or something as bogglingly simplistic as that) but this is insulting to the nth degree. He de-evolved them? How exactly? Is it that easy to force the evolution of a species?"
"I personally love that during the climactic scene where a giant squid attacks the station, they seemingly ran out of money (I canít confirm that) and they donít show the squid at all. Thatís like in King Kong if we had some onlookers going 'By George! That giant ape is climbing up the Empire State Building! Something should be done about it. Oh look, there are planes shooting it down aaaaaaannnnd yup. Dead.' It is a scene so embarrassing I almost feel ashamed and I didnít make this movie."