Quotes / Our Dwarves Are All the Same

Literature

Dwarves and mountains have one thing in common: It takes an almighty hammer and a tremendous amount of persistence to overcome them.

— The Dwarves

On the Nature of Dwarves.
Commonly found in gloomy mountain caverns, these dimunitive creatures will fell an Orcus Gigantus with a single blow of their deadly axes, for no weapon in Girdlegard can match the finely fashioned ax of the dwarves. Afterward, they will drink beer by the barrelful without discernible effect. Such is the resilience of the dwarven female...

— The War of the Dwarves

Now and then you hear malicious remarks about dwarves. They are said to be of inferior build, to be cranky, to have a weird sense of humor; it is told that they only drink beer that is as black as night and are not able to appreciate music unless a hundred voices are bellowing in unison. But I say: only when you have been a guest in their majestic halls, as I once was, should you have the right to pronounce on these rumors and confirm them all to be true.
Let us not laugh at them as if they were lovable children with long beards, but, on the contrary, let us praise the magnificent way they have preserved all of us from total destruction. More than once.

— The Fabulous Rodario, The Revenge of the Dwarves

Ih did aforetimes ask a dwerff as what, other than such dwerff, he fain had byn born. Ih offert the chois of myghtie draggon, all seeing magus or his own god vraccas. He did look at me in wonder and did shayk his hed, saying: ye mightie draggons were perforce slain by a dwerff, syns draggons are no more; ye all seeing magus lykewyse was vanquysht by a dwerff, syns he is no more. And vraccas neyther schal ih be, for ther be no thing left to mak, better than his dwerffis.^Translation I once asked a dwarf as what, other than a dwarf, he wished to have been born. I offered the choice of a mighty dragon, an all-seeing Magus or his own god Vraccas. He looked at me in wonder and shook his head, saying: "The mighty dragon was already slain by a dwarf, since dragons are no more; the all-seeing Magus likewise was vanquished by a dwarf, since he is no more. And Vraccas neither shall I be, for there is no thing left to make better than his dwarves."

— Excerpt from "Descryptions of ye Ffolk of Girdlegyrd: Manneris and Karacterystycs", The Revenge of the Dwarves

"It's a bit stereotypical, isn't it?" said the dwarf. "I mean, it's a bit dwarfs = miners. I don't see why we have to be type-cast like this all the time."
"But most dwarfs are miners," said Soll desperately.
"Well, OK, but they're not happy about it," said another dwarf.

— Moving Pictures (Discworld)

The dwarves of yore made mighty spells
Where hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
In hallowed halls beneath the fells.

— The dwarves' folk song from The Hobbit

DWARFS are short, muscular, bearded PEOPLE much given to mining and forging. They mostly live hidden inside hills, where they do their mining. Until recently, almost no female Dwarfs had been sighted, but now they are seen quite often. They do not always have beards, but seem to be squat like the males. All Dwarfs, perhaps through living so long immured in DWARVEN FASTNESSES, have a very old-fashioned, surly demeanour. They bow a lot, but also grumble. They recite long epics about the marvellous deeds of their ancestors. The advantage of their old-fashioned ways, however, is that they are very honourable and always keep their word once they have been induced to give it. They will join the forces of GOOD and supply ARMOUR, but before this the Tour may well have a difficult time with them. Dwarfs will take all Tourists prisoner for trespassing in their Fastness, and it will involve much persuasive talking to get them to be friendly.

—The Tough Guide to Fantasyland

Music

Brothers of the mine rejoice!
(Swing, swing, swing with me!)
Raise your pick and raise your voice!
(Sing, sing, sing with me!)
Down and down into the deep,
Who knows what we'll find beneath?
Diamonds, rubies, gold, and more,
Hidden in the mountains store.

Born underground,
Suckled from a teat of stone,
Raised in the dark,
The safety of our mountain home;
Skin made of iron,
Steel in our bones,
To dig and dig makes us free,
Come on, brothers, sing with me!

I am a dwarf, and I'm digging a hole,
Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole.
I am a dwarf, and I'm digging a hole,
Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole!

—"Diggy Diggy Hole", by Yogscast

Tabletop Games

Dwarves are one of the easiest races in D&D to roleplay. They have well-defined personalities, and it's easy to imagine a dwarf character in your mind as you play. Everybody knows how dwarves are supposed to look and act. Accordingly, making a dwarf character is often a matter of deciding how much you want to play against type. You can be a doughty dwarf fighter, a sneaky dwarf archer/rogue, or even the vanishingly rare dwarf sorcerer.

— Races of Stone, a Dungeons & Dragons supplement that discusses dwarves in depth.

Dwarves are creatures of stone, and like stone they change only in response to extremes. The dwarves of the many worlds have much in common, but never allow those similarities to blind you to their unique traits.

— Mordenkainen, Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes

When I were but a lad, my father, the King, taught me three things:
Never accept a gift from an Elf.
Never trust gold that glistens in darkness.
Never forget a grudge.
On his deathbed I swore to uphold these values to me own dying day, and Grungni willing I will.

— King Alrik Ranulfsson of Karak Hirn, Warhammer

Video Games

Wow, a dwarf that smells like a brewery! You never see that ANYWHERE.

— Anders, Dragon Age: Origins – Awakening

Bodhan: I've been looking everywhere for you, Messere. If only you humans didn't all look the same.
Hawke: We can't all be short and bearded like your people, Bodhan.
Bodhan: Indeed. It's quite a shame, really...

— Dragon Age II

Ideally humans will end up with enough parameters to end up like various different civilizations, and the other civilizations will probably become more alien to humans as humans take up more of the slack. Dwarves are an exception to that since they should keep some familiarity to be easily playable, and they should continue to exemplify the highs and lows of human craft and inebriation.

— Dwarf Fortress creator Toady One, explicitly indicating how and why his dwarves will exemplify this trope.

A Dwemer of eight can create a golem, but an eight of Dwemer can become one.^note Translation: "A Dwemer child of eight can create a golem, but only a truly great warrior and armorer can masquerade as one."

— Ancient Tales of the Dwemer, Part VI: Chimarvamidium

When the Chimer first abandoned the herds and tents of their nomadic ancestors, and built the first Great Houses, we loved the Daedra, and worshipped them as gods. But our brethren, the Dwemer, scorned the Daedra, and mocked our foolish rituals, and preferred instead their gods of Reason and Logic. So the Chimer and Dwemer were always at bitter war, until the Nords came and invaded Resdayn. Only then did the Chimer and Dwemer put away their strife and join together to cast out the invaders.

— Vivec, The Battle of Red Mountain, and the Rise and Fall of the Tribunal, The Elder Scrolls

That's why the Dwemer are the weirdest race in Tamriel and, frankly, also the scariest. They look(ed) like us, they sometimes act(ed) like us, but when you really put them under the magnifying glass you see nothing but vessels that house an intelligence and value system that is by all accounts Beyond Human Comprehension. [...] There isn't even a word to describe the Dwarven view on divinity. They were atheists on a world where gods exist.

—Michael Kirkbride on The Elder Scrolls' Dwemer

Now Dwarves, Sire, are like angry beards on legs. Angry, beer-soaked beards on legs.

— Gnarl, Overlord

Player Character: I thought Dwarves were short with long braided beards.
Zaid: What? That's just an old stereotype! Most dwarves are normal height and prefer not to have ridiculous facial hair.

— Rune Factory 3

Mining is hard work. Good thing we're dwarves!

—All of the Dwarf Player Characters, Deep Rock Galactic

The old rhymes
They‘re on my mind

We‘re one tribe
We share our memories
Clear and bright
We walk as one
Our lines are bound together
We share fate
We share one fate
We share fate

Voices calling, I‘m the one
A glorious vision
What may come

Now let our axes sing an anthem
The glory of all dwarves

Protector of the free lands
We redeem our mission
We‘re brothers, one by one
Divine Smith‘s valiant sons
By Vraccas
It‘s our destiny

We are the chosen
We are the children
We are forged in fire
And made of stone

We are the guardians of the realm
From the beginning till the end
We will praise the Divine
Who will last till eternity

Forged in fire we were born
We‘re made of stone
By Old father‘s hand
Gave life to us, and more
Then from father to son
He made us dwarves
The guardians of the lands
Still we carry on
Stand side by side
We will defeat the fiercest enemy

We are the chosen
We are the children
We are forged in fire and made of stone
We are the guardians of the realm
From the beginning till the end
We will praise the Divine
He will last till eternity

We are the chosen
We are the children
We are forged in fire and made of stone
We are the guardians of the realm
From the beginning till the end
We will praise the Divine
The old smith
We‘ll be thine

We are the chosen
We are the chosen ones
We are the children

We‘re the children
We are born to be
The guardians of the realm

We‘re the children
We are born to be
The eternal guardians of the land

— Children of the Smith, the video game adaptation of The Dwarves

Web Comics

Gimli: Think about it. What is the defining characteristic of dwarves.
Aragorn: Low charisma?
Gimli: I mean besides that.
Legolas: Bearded women?
Gimli: Not that either.
The GM: Rampant alcoholism?
Gimli: No! Well, maybe a bit. I'm talking about the fact that dwarves are lawful!

— DM of the Rings

Cleric: Does he have any distinguishing features?
Haley: Well... he's short.
Celia: He has a beard.
Haley: He wears heavy armor.
Cleric: Ummm, OK... how about any unusual personality traits?
Haley: He likes beer.
Celia: He has an accent.
Haley: He worships Thor.
Celia: And hates trees!
Cleric: Can you tell me anything about him that differentiates him from every other dwarf?

— The Order of the Stick, strip 602

I'm a dwarf!

— Skull, providing his new D&D character's entire backstory in PvP

Web Original

Dwarves typically consist of seventeen main organs: the beard, the boozehole, the gratuitous Scottish accent, 13 livers and an axe.

— 1d4chan

Moreover, much like his elves, they aren't very distinct characters. Someone's said once that there are no dwarves in fantasy, just one dwarf copy and pasted all over with a few details changed, and in no other fantasy fiction I've seen truer evidence of this.

— from Candlekeep forums, on R.A. Salvatore's dwarves

Born underground, grown inside a rocky womb
The earth is our cradle; the mountain shall become our tomb
Face us on the battlefield, you will meet your doom
We do not fear what lies beneath
We can never dig too deep!

I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole
Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole
I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole
Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole...

— The Yogscast, "Diggy Diggy Hole"

Alright, listen to me, you knife-eared piece of shit! If you go any further with that piss-stained pubic hair you call a wig, I'm gonna wreck your shit so hard that you won't even be able to walk with your limp dick! I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your shaven perfect little ass that your breath is gonna smell like shoe polish! Then I'm gonna take that little red anal bead on your belt, and push it in your face! I'm gonna flagellate you with my fucking beard! I'm gonna build you a pair of runic mechanical balls, and use surgical precision to sew them to your groin where your manhood ought to be just so that I can kick them with my iron fucking feet, you TWAT!

— Urist, Warhammer: Ravandil's Quest

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