Quotes / Not Quite Dead

Over a week ago, Bart was hit by a car and knocked the hell out near his home in Tampa. Bart was pronounced dead and both Fox 13 and Fox 29 donít say who pronounced him dead. If it was a vet, then Iím assuming that vet bought their degree for $5 off of the Internet and got their training from playing with the Barbie vet play set. Fox 13 says that Bartís human Ellis Hutson was so upset about Bartís death that he couldnít dig a grave himself. So he asked a neighbor to dig a grave in his backyard. Ellis says he watched his neighbor bury his friend. Ellis figured that the angels took Bart to the great big Q-tip in the sky and began mourning him. But five days later, Bart rose from the dead and dug himself out of that grave. The potent fuckery that lives in the Florida air and all the meth in the soil probably brought Bart back to life...the driver of the car who hit Bart and the vet who declared Bart dead better join the Witness Protection Program and move out of state. Because Bart is back and heís going to get revenge on those who wrote him off as dead. Actually, Bart is probably going to come after all us humans for doing him wrong. I always knew the zombie apocalypse would be led by a bad ass pussy from Florida.
Michael K., "Zombie Cat Lives"

"They haven't spotted us! They are all snoring in their beds! No — they are in the casino, celebrating our sinking! Not yet, kameraden, not yet!"

"Why. Do people. Never! Just! Die!?! I mean come on! Seriously here! Who's writing this!?!"
Nick Arson, Tales of Galismera

It's over, it's done with, and luckily
You planned each potential contingency
You blinded his eyes temporarily
You drove that knife through his chest cavity
You shot him in every extremity
You forced him right off of the balcony
There's no way in hell that he'd possibly
Get up and walk right off your property
(That stuff only happens on the TV)
Goldentusk, Halloween theme

All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
— Rule 13 of the Evil Overlord List

The Chosen One: Oh, Master! You're alive!
Master Tang: I only did this: HGGGGGNN!
(Tang drops his head on the ground as if he's dead)
Master Tang: That doesn't mean a person is dead!

Oh... Okay! I escaped, then! Brilliant! Love it when I do that.

Ajay: Kane never would've done this!
Kilian: Kane. Is. Dead.
(one mission later)
Kane: Once again, the world is quick to bury me...

"Do not count a human dead until you've seen the body. And even then you can make a mistake."
Bene Gesserit saying, Dune

Wedding Guest: Look! The dead prince!
Concorde: He's not quite dead.
Prince Herbert: Oh, I feel much better.

Look at me still talking
when there's Science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me glad I'm not you.
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are still alive.
And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.

Lonzak: HALT, IN THE NAME OF CHAOTICA! (sees our hero) PROTON!
Buster: Buddy of yours?
Captain Proton: We've met.
Lonzak: Surprised? You thought I'd perished in that den of crocodiles. I SURVIVED! CLINGING TO THE THOUGHT THAT I WOULD ONE DAY — Urrrrghhhh!

The Baker: I thought you were dead.
The Mysterious Man: Not completely. Are we ever?

Lancelot: Brave, brave Concorde! You shall not have died in vain!
Concorde: Uh, I'm-I'm not quite dead, sir.
Lancelot: Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!
Concorde: Uh, I-I think uh, I could pull through, sir.
Lancelot: Oh, I see.

Woods: Do not enter. I swear to God, I will shove this wheelchair right up your-
Mason: Ass. Hey, Woods - you look like hammered shit.
Woods: You stay right there... Mason... I shot you!
Mason: Turns out you're a lousy shot.

"Don't look so smug! I know what you're thinking, but Tempest Keep was merely a setback."
Kael'thas Sunstrider, World of Warcraft

"Oh no, Blizzard killed your favorite character. Oh, don't fret. Odds are, they'll be returning in an expansion or two! Trust me, I know!"
Muradin Bronzebeard, Heroes of the Storm