Quotes / Memetic Molester

"JESUS, HE'S IN MY HOUSE! ...okay, so that's terrifying. In the movies, the villains are in it for the valuables; but here, they seem to be only interested in— Kevin. Where's Chris Hansen and that suspiciously-benign plate of cookies when you need 'em?"
JonTron plays Home Alone for the NES

"It's unclear if the diner is named after the man, or vice versa, but zany Max, with his round 90' s glasses and tower of frizzy hair, certainly fits the bill. A magician who can't so much as hand out a menu without magicking it from his 'empty' palm, he's now cursed with the tedious, but honestly, often-correct assumption that any wacky adult character in an old sitcom is, with 21st century hindsight, a predatory paedophile."
Stuart Millard on Saved by the Bell, So Excited, So Scared

"Zack is pimping out his friend to help fix her debt, and when she says she feels cheap, his response is 'You're not cheap. We made $36.'

Which if you adjust for 1989 dollars is still
child prostitution."

"Anthropologists tend to see distinctions between societies that enforce rules of social conduct based on guilt and those that enforce them based on shame. They should probably study wherever it is Dagwood came from, since he is clearly capable of neither."

Chris: I cannot even fathom how someone would arrive at a conclusion like ďhey, letís relaunch Superman into movies by giving him a son that he doesnít know about that some other dude raises for five years.Ē At the very least, itís pretty awful for Lois, because either she knows or suspects that itís Supermanís and is both lying to Richard and writing articles about how the world doesnít need people like her son, or she doesnít know because Superman erased her memory after they had sex, which is F***ING HORRIFYING.
David: Thatís the thing, this makes perfect sense in-character for the Donner Superman, right down to the snooping on Lois.
Chris: And this movie pretty much proves that if youíre even slightly less charming than Christopher Reeve, itís impossible to pull it off. Case in point: The first time he meets Richard, Clark gives him this absolute death-stare.
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Superman Returns

"Tucker appears to be a big phony which may be due to [Jeff] Bridges. Bridges always has this broad fake grin which borders on creepy. Maybe Coppola told Bridges to always be jocular but it comes off as Bridges hamming it up. He just doesnít come off as a real person when he only has one expression and that is to blow up the wide angle lens with a toothy pervy grin."

He rapes you with his eyes.
Luciene, on portraits of William Gladstone

"Tonight. YOU."

"That look is from the 'Guy You Alert the Flight Attendant About' collection."
(Later) "That look from the 'Guy In Car Peeping In On Yoga Class Through Binoculars' collection!"

"You're crazy. I like that."

"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is rape, and I am the sun."
Fark headline, 2010-09-02

"I'm gonna violate you!"
Yazan Gable, Mobile Suit Zeta Gundam

Senor Koquonfaes, from Yahtzee's review of the Nintendo 3DS

I know you feel this.
Preserve Shepard's body if possible.
Shepard, submit now.
Struggle if you wish, your mind will be mine.
I will find you again.
Harbinger brings the No Yay, Mass Effect 2

Jecht: Come on, come on, come on, come on!
Terra: Get away!
— Typical fight scene in Dissidia: Final Fantasy

Jecht: You better not cry, you'll make me uncomfortable.
— Jecht again, when facing off against Terra.

"Leeron is gay. He is so gay. Gay. He loves my asshole. Asshole."
Leeron's theme song, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

Orochimaru: I am not a pedophile! I just want his body!
(There was an awkward silence.)
It's For a Good Cause, I Swear!, a Naruto fanfic. note 

"Oh heavens just look at the time! It's Rape O'Clock"
YouTube commenter on Gengetu's final attack.

Entrust your heart to me... I shall purify you.
Humans are such fragile creatures. When we're naked like this, anxiety overcomes us. And species that defy their instincts...

"Oh-hohohohohohoho, this must be your first time, because you are tight!"
Cell, while absorbing Piccolo's arm, Dragonball Z Abridged