Quotes: Memetic Molester

"JESUS, HE'S IN MY HOUSE! ...okay, so that's terrifying. In the movies, the villains are in it for the valuables; but here, they seem to be only interested in— Kevin. Where's Chris Hansen and that suspiciously-benign plate of cookies when you need 'em?"
JonTron plays Home Alone for the NES

"Lisa gets good grades and her dad gives her his credit card to go shopping. She "goes overboard" and spends about $400. Before she even talks to her dad about it, the gang decides she just needs to earn $400 and pay her dad back. Zack takes over the money-making scheme and begins with a little raffle time in class. The item they'll be trying to win? A chance to make out with Lisa.

Zack is pimping out his friend to help fix her debt, and when she says she feels cheap, his response is 'You're not cheap. We made $36.'

Which if you adjust for 1989 dollars is still
child prostitution."

"Anthropologists tend to see distinctions between societies that enforce rules of social conduct based on guilt and those that enforce them based on shame. They should probably study wherever it is Dagwood came from, since he is clearly capable of neither."

Chris: I cannot even fathom how someone would arrive at a conclusion like “hey, let’s relaunch Superman into movies by giving him a son that he doesn’t know about that some other dude raises for five years.” At the very least, it’s pretty awful for Lois, because either she knows or suspects that it’s Superman’s and is both lying to Richard and writing articles about how the world doesn’t need people like her son, or she doesn’t know because Superman erased her memory after they had sex, which is F***ING HORRIFYING.
David: That’s the thing, this makes perfect sense in-character for the Donner Superman, right down to the snooping on Lois... He’s a creepy dude with serious self-esteem issues and a need to control people.
Chris: And this movie pretty much proves that if you’re even slightly less charming than Christopher Reeve, it’s impossible to pull it off. Case in point: The first time he meets Richard, Clark gives him this absolute death-stare.
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Superman Returns

"I also have a problem with Tucker himself and I have no idea whether to pin it on the direction, the acting, or the writing... Tucker appears to be a big phony which may be due to [Jeff] Bridges. Bridges always has this broad fake grin which borders on creepy. Maybe Coppola told Bridges to always be jocular but it comes off as Bridges hamming it up. He just doesn’t come off as a real person when he only has one expression and that is to blow up the wide angle lens with a toothy pervy grin."

Hey guys, your friend Steven Moffat here. I’m pretty busy working on Sherlock now, but I thought I’d drop by Tumblr with a friendly warning.

For God’s sake, don’t make Peter Capaldi mad. Don’t do it. Don’t you do it.

He’s not like normal actors. He reads *everything*. Livejournal, Insanejournal, Dreamwidth… he’s everywhere. He wrote a 49-chapter fic about Donna Noble and a female Sixth Doctor in a lesbian relationship, for Christ’s sake, and it was *good*! If you anger him, he will come for you in the night!

Always at night. Never during the day. We think this may be a weakness, but it could just be his own sadistic choice.

All he wants—all he’s ever wanted—was to be the Doctor. God help us. God help us all, the things he’s done. You think Matt Smith wanted to leave? He woke up one morning and found that all the hair had been shaved from his head, with Peter Capaldi sitting at the foot of his bed, stroking it like a pet.

I once asked Christopher Eccleston why he wouldn’t come back for the 50th Anniversary Special. He didn’t answer, only asked a question. “Is Peter Capaldi there?” I didn’t answer, but my silence told him everything. He’s still in America, playing the bad guy in sci-fi movies. He’s safe there. At least, I hope he is.

You think John Hurt was in the Special? It was Capaldi. He was wearing John’s skin. I didn’t even know until it was time for his close-up. Then he… he took it off. I remember, he said “I am everything.” That close-up wasn’t for the cameras. It was how he looked at all of us… all those who doubted.
Tumblr ultimatum

He rapes you with his eyes.
Luciene, on portraits of William Gladstone

"Tonight. YOU."

"That look is from the 'Guy You Alert the Flight Attendant About' collection."
(Later) "That look from the 'Guy In Car Peeping In On Yoga Class Through Binoculars' collection!"

"You're crazy. I like that."

"I was born to rape."
—Joseph Fritzl

"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is rape, and I am the sun."
Fark.com headline, 2010-09-02

"I'm gonna violate you!"
Yazan Gable, Zeta Gundam

Senor Koquonfaes, from Yahtzee's review of the Nintendo 3DS

Harbinger brings the No Yay, Mass Effect 2

Jecht: Come on, come on, come on, come on!
Terra: Get away!
— Typical fight scene in Dissidia: Final Fantasy

Jecht: You better not cry, you'll make me uncomfortable.
— Jecht again, when facing off against Terra.

"Leeron is gay. He is so gay. Gay. He loves my asshole. Asshole."
Leeron's theme song, Gurren Lagann

Orochimaru: I am not a pedophile! I just want his body!
(There was an awkward silence.)
It's For a Good Cause, I Swear!, a Naruto fanfic. note 

"Oh heavens just look at the time! It's Rape O'Clock"
YouTube commenter on Gengetu's final attack.