"Those traitorous squirrels lacked the will to serve me!"''
— Random Spark
"We're in Castle Heterodyne with exploding collars around our necks, caught between a fake Heterodyne and a real one (as well as assorted criminals, maniacs, and various monsters), and I suspect that even if we found any beer in here, it would be evil, or at least flat."
— Othar Trygvassen, Gentleman Adventurer!
"I will DESTROY 'Her Undying Majesty' - melt what is left of your miserable island to SLAG - AND BOIL THE SEAS AROUND YOU FOR THE NEXT THOUSAND YEARS!"
"A good magician never reveals how a trick is done. An evil magician never leaves any evidence that there was a trick in the first place. So which am I going to have to be today?"
"This has a small, but fascinating, chance of actually working! Let's do it!"
Tarvek: I am not enjoying this — but I can do it all day! Understood?
Gil: Ha! That's a really good impersonation of my father!
Tarvek: "...♥And now I will establish an illegitimate government based on brute force, which will eventually leave you under the heel of my debauched libertine of a son.♥ So make sure to hide all the booze and women.♥ Oh, yes."
"Don't try to boggle me mister talking cat. This is Mechanicsburg. You are by no means the strangest thing in this town."
— Carson von Mekkhan
"There's more to being an evil despot than getting cake whenever you want it."
— Tarvek Sturmvoraus
Doctor Yglyn: Now! Are you prepared for the dark rites and twisted oaths of the Heterodynes?!
Agatha: Am I?
Yglyn: Oh. Ha! Sorry for the excess drama, I usually do the cathedral tour!
Agatha: So...dark rites?
Yglyn: Oh, my, yes! They accumulate, you know!
Yglyn: Some are purely ceremonial, but some utilize mysterious lost sciences to hold back hideous extradimensional beings that would ravage our world!
Agatha: Well, I guess we'd better at least do those...
Yglyn: Ooooh! You can tell the difference?! Wonderful!
"Look. It's very simple. Yes, she's technically dead. But it's kind of a rolling death thing—so she's not all the way dead dead."