Quotes / Dull Surprise

Fan Works
Commander Chakotay, his features deadpan with fury, stormed onto Holodeck Two.
Software Error, a Star Trek: Voyager Parody Fic

Film — Live-Action

Neo, The Matrix

Live-Action TV

Mal: Fear is nothing to be ashamed of, Doctor.
Simon: This isn't fear. This is anger.
Mal: Well, kind of hard to tell one from t'other, face like yours.
Simon: Well, I imagine if it were fear my eyes would be wider.


Their small-town eyes will gape at you
In dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received at seventeen
— "At Seventeen", Janis Ian


"Hard Rain is one of those movies that never convince you their stories are actually happening. From beginning to end, I was acutely aware of actors being paid to stand in cold water."

Web Animation

"Aiden and his sister both look at the grave of the child (that is his sole motivation) the way they'd look at a middling-difficult Sudoku puzzle."

Web Original

"Its important that you watch Robert Beltran’s performance very carefully in this episode because you can see an actor who has completely given up on the show he is tied to. He doesn’t just sound bored, he’s practically comatose and doesn’t bother to inject any emotion into his (admittedly functional) dialogue. Even when his face turns to goo he barely registers any pain or response...."The Demon class planet! One of our more interesting missions!" — proof that even as a replicant Chakotay still talks absolute bollocks."

"Clark and Lois are moving into their new apartment, and we get a limp attempt at banter..."I can decipher your scrawl," which I think is meant to be cutesy and back and forth, but because of Tom Welling’s deadpan sociopath delivery, it seems genuinely insulting. Maybe do a second take sometimes, guys."
Chris Sims on Smallville ("Dominion")

"Tom Welling turned in a lot of strong moments but it turns out to have been a very good thing this show was only ever "about Clark Kent, not Superman" because it strikes me as decidedly unlikely he could ever really have delivered a reliable dual-identity: in fits and starts toward the end, he gave us "mild-manners," but it seemed fairly obvious he wanted Clark Kent to be Superman as much as his version of Clark did. All things considered, he seems only ever to have always been himself, neither really Clark nor Superman."

"By the way, I call him 'Triple H' and not, 'Arlo Jayne' because while watching, not for a second could I suspend my disbelief that the main character wasn’t Hunter Hearst Helmsley. The Game shows less emotional range in this entire film than in a typical promo, displaying approximately three emotions: cool and collected, slightly perturbed, and in physical pain. (And even then, there’s not a whole lot of difference among the three. Quick, try to guess what he’s doing in this scene. Give up? The correct answer is, 'getting shot.')"

"If Paz de la Huerta had even a smidgeon of acting ability Nurse 3 D probably wouldn't work at all. It's basically a mix of American Mary and Single White Female...On paper, that sounds like a recipe for a perfectly rote slasher/thriller that you'd forget about within moments of the film's conclusion, but since even merely saying a character's name proves to be an insurmountable task for Paz, it takes on this bizarre, nearly alien tone that, intentionally or not, turns the film into a trashy comic delight."

"I watched The Other Woman the other day and Kate Upton had the charisma of an ingrown nipple hair and she made the driftwood in the beach scenes look like they were alive and full of emotions. It was so bad that it was performance art."

"The acting, no surprises here, sucks. It’s strange that Mariah really can’t play Mariah all that well."

"The Daily Mail generously described Kristen as “quite emotional” with Sam Waterston on the set of her latest film Anesthesia, which is an apt name since she usually looks like she got into a slap fight with a syringe full of numbing agent and never recovered. KStew reached down into her acting bag of tricks (that has about as much range as the busted wireless router in a McDonald’s PlayPlace) and pulled out a facial expression that could mean anything from elation to sadness to needing a wardrobe change because she gambled with a fart and lost."

"Horrible black magic stuff happens to what are either the most unflappable, or possibly just the most stoned, people on earth...two villagers run in, and react exactly the way one would expect after stumbling on a disembodied head eating an unborn baby out of a dying woman's vagina."

"The Empress responds to Profion’s accusations by raising her voice slightly....Profion does a cool golf clap and declares, 'A wonderful performance.' (Jeremy) Irons really earned his paycheck just choking that out, though he gets to follow it up with, 'Is now not the time we should act?' That’s probably more what he was thinking."

General Plotdevice: So wait, are you ALL mutants? What about January Jones?
Kevin Bacon: Her too. Her ability is to suck all life out of any line of dialogue.
January Jones: also i read minds and turn to diamond
Kevin Bacon: And let's not forget your power to make sexy lingerie look strangely bland.

In the comments of the previous strip, I said, “In hindsight, the ideal thing would have been to cast Aragorn as a dumb, distracted stoner. He spends about half of the movie blinking very, very slowly. I can come up with a shot of him looking baked or mouth-open stoopid in just about any scene. I should make a “I am so high” montage out of all these shots.“

The amount of screen time he spends in a vacant stare or a prolonged blink is sort of alarming. I’ve come to think of him as Stareagorn.

Web Video

"Can someone please tell me what emotion Batman is expressing with that line? Confusion? Irony? Sadness? Anger? Acceptance? Disgust? Surprise? Anticipation? Contempt? Awe? Disappointment? Shame? Sympathy? Rage?! Oh wait, that's me. Agony? Frustration? Apathy? It's apathy, isn't it? (Sighs) OK, you don't care, Batman, so we don't either."
Linkara on the "Bees. My God." quote from Amazons Attack

Claudia: We have a tragedy here.
Chick: (in the same dull voice) I flunked acting.

"I also like how Cloud reacts to the fact that his nemesis that he thought he'd killed in the climax of the game is finally back to life. (wiggles eyebrows) That's pretty much the extent of most of the emotions in this movie."

"OK, so, like, the most important thing ever'' happens: Anakin tells Samuel L. Jackson that Palpatine is a Sith, and that he's gonna get them all!

Then they just start walking at what can't even be described as a "brisk" pace.

"You know, everybody in this movie takes really bad news shockingly well. Did everyone just drink a Xanax cocktail?"

Western Animation

You're not acting hard enough!

Real Life

"I’ve seen my boys fight over a toy with more intensity than that."