"Yes, with these heathens at my command, the kingdoms of the world shall bow to the might of... THE LORD OF GOATS! (Beat) ...I may have to work on the title a bit more."
"[For some reason] Everyone thinks I'm a joke! 'Uh hello Pixie Lad, Where's Captain Steel?'"
— Does This Cape Make Me Look Fat? by Chelsea Cain and Marc Mohan
Tali: Commander Shepard, this is Admiral Zaal'Koris vas Qwib-Qwib. Do not ask about the name.
Shepard: You have a ship named 'Qwib-Qwib'?
Tali: Oh, here we go...
Shepard: You have a ship named 'Qwib-Qwib'?
Tali: Oh, here we go...
"Hey partner, is your real name 'Suck One', or did your parents just fuckin' hate you?"
— Fred Neuman on Suk Kwan, Dead Head Fred
Homer: See, I got this friend named...Joey Jo-Jo...Junior...Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
[a man leaves, weeping]
Barney: Hey, Joey Jo-Jo!
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
[a man leaves, weeping]
Barney: Hey, Joey Jo-Jo!
— The Simpsons "The Last Temptation of Homer"
"Hey, you'd know what would be a better name than the Gay Ghost? Anything. I mean c'mon now, seriously..."
— Superdickery; here
"Is this supposed to make me afraid of Crystal Boy? Because his name is still 'Crystal Boy'."
Drift: Dent? He called himself Dent? As in—as in Dent?
Ratchet: Yeah, well, all the best names are taken.
Ratchet: Yeah, well, all the best names are taken.
Spider-Man: "Paste-Pot Pete"?
Paste-Pot Pete: Yes! And I—
Spider-Man: Wuh-wuh-wu-hahahahahaha! Paste-Pot Pee-hee-hee! (continues laughing)
Paste-Pot Pete: Hey...
Spider-Man: Henh heh heh (*hack*) Oh! Think I just shot some webs outta my nose.
Paste-Pot Pete: Shut up! Before I—
Spider-Man: Wait! One second. Hoo boy. Ah. Okay. Alright, I'm ready now, really...
(beat)
Spider-Man: No I'm not! BWAH HAHAHA! Paste-Pot Pee-hee hee hee dee-hee hee heenh! (laugh hysterically)
Paste-Pot Pete: (walking away angrily) That's it. I'm changin' my name.
Spider-Man: Man, I needed that.
Paste-Pot Pete: Yes! And I—
Spider-Man: Wuh-wuh-wu-hahahahahaha! Paste-Pot Pee-hee-hee! (continues laughing)
Paste-Pot Pete: Hey...
Spider-Man: Henh heh heh (*hack*) Oh! Think I just shot some webs outta my nose.
Paste-Pot Pete: Shut up! Before I—
Spider-Man: Wait! One second. Hoo boy. Ah. Okay. Alright, I'm ready now, really...
(beat)
Spider-Man: No I'm not! BWAH HAHAHA! Paste-Pot Pee-hee hee hee dee-hee hee heenh! (laugh hysterically)
Paste-Pot Pete: (walking away angrily) That's it. I'm changin' my name.
Spider-Man: Man, I needed that.
— Spider-Man/Human Torch #1
Travis Touchdown: Let all your shitty fish friends know! You don't fuck with Cool Hand Teasy Greasy!
Fen: You're seriously going with that?
Fen: You're seriously going with that?
Otto Osworth: 'Stinky Pile of Poo'?! Sir, that's a TERRIBLE name!
The Earl of Sandwich: It was my mother's maiden name!
The Earl of Sandwich: It was my mother's maiden name!
"Granted, it is a mundane name, but 'Kilgrave?' Talk about obvious. Was 'Murdercorpse' already taken?"
— Jessica Jones, Jessica Jones (2015)
Taserface: It is time for the Ravagers to once again rise to glory with a new Captain: TASERFACE!
Ravagers: [cheer enthusiastically]
Rocket: [laughing] I-I-I'm sorry, I'm-... Your name, i-it's Taserface?
Taserface: That's right.
Rocket: Do you... shoot tasers outta your face?
Taserface: [extravagantly] IT'S METAPHORICAL!
Ravagers: [cheer enthusiastically]
Rocket: [genuinely curious] For what?
Taserface: For... it is a name what strikes fear into the hearts of anyone what hears it!
Ravagers: [half-hearted sounds of agreement]
[...]
Rocket: I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir, looking in the mirror, and in all seriousness saying to yourself, [super-gruff voice] "Y'know what would be a REALLY kickass name? TASERFACE!!!" [normal voice] That's how I hear you in my head! What was your second choice? "Scrotumhat"?!
Ravagers: [break out laughing]
Ravagers: [cheer enthusiastically]
Rocket: [laughing] I-I-I'm sorry, I'm-... Your name, i-it's Taserface?
Taserface: That's right.
Rocket: Do you... shoot tasers outta your face?
Taserface: [extravagantly] IT'S METAPHORICAL!
Ravagers: [cheer enthusiastically]
Rocket: [genuinely curious] For what?
Taserface: For... it is a name what strikes fear into the hearts of anyone what hears it!
Ravagers: [half-hearted sounds of agreement]
[...]
Rocket: I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir, looking in the mirror, and in all seriousness saying to yourself, [super-gruff voice] "Y'know what would be a REALLY kickass name? TASERFACE!!!" [normal voice] That's how I hear you in my head! What was your second choice? "Scrotumhat"?!
Ravagers: [break out laughing]
Taserface: New plan! We're killing you first!
Rocket Raccoon: Well, dying is certainly better than having to live an entire life as a moronic shitbag who thinks 'Taserface' is a cool name!
Rocket Raccoon: Well, dying is certainly better than having to live an entire life as a moronic shitbag who thinks 'Taserface' is a cool name!
Wizard: Say my name so my powers will flow through you.
Billy Batson: But I don't know your name, sir.
Wizard: [whispering] SHAZAM.
Billy Batson: [giggling] Are you for real?
Billy Batson: But I don't know your name, sir.
Wizard: [whispering] SHAZAM.
Billy Batson: [giggling] Are you for real?
Mysterio: You are no match for the power of Mysterio!
Spider-Man: Mysterio? I think I had a bowl of Mysterios for breakfast.
Spider-Man: Mysterio? I think I had a bowl of Mysterios for breakfast.
Jim: Wait, I know you. You're Unkar the Unfortunate.
Unkar: That's the name that stuck!? I was hoping for "Unkar the Ultimate!"
Unkar: That's the name that stuck!? I was hoping for "Unkar the Ultimate!"
She should've just called herself Daphne of Sunshine, like Neville of Chaos. Or Sunny Daphne like Sunny Ron. Or anything except Greengrass of Sunshine.
Greengrass of Sunshine.
It had gone from there to Greengrass of Sunshine and Blue Skies.
Then someone had added Snow-Topped Mountains and Frolicking Woodland Creatures.
Currently she was being referred to as the Sparkly Unicorn Princess of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Sparklypoo.
Greengrass of Sunshine.
It had gone from there to Greengrass of Sunshine and Blue Skies.
Then someone had added Snow-Topped Mountains and Frolicking Woodland Creatures.
Currently she was being referred to as the Sparkly Unicorn Princess of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Sparklypoo.
Henchman 21: Dude, Jet Boy and Jet Girl do not take buses.
Henchman 24: For the last time, we are not "Jet Boy and Jet Girl!" I don't care if I get to be Jet Boy! Those names suck!
Henchman 21: But it's a French song, street cred with the indie crowd. The Damned do a cover of it.
Henchman 24: Then we should be "The Damned!" That is a way cooler name!
Henchman 24: For the last time, we are not "Jet Boy and Jet Girl!" I don't care if I get to be Jet Boy! Those names suck!
Henchman 21: But it's a French song, street cred with the indie crowd. The Damned do a cover of it.
Henchman 24: Then we should be "The Damned!" That is a way cooler name!
—The Venture Brothers, "Fallen Arches"
Hank Pym: Scott, I need you to be the Ant-Man.
Scott Lang: One question... Is it too late to change the name?
Scott Lang: One question... Is it too late to change the name?
—Ant-Man trailer
Bucky: Who are you?
Battlestar: Lemar Hoskins.
Sam: I see a guy hanging out of a helicopter in tactical gear, I need a lot more than "Lemar Hoskins".
Battlestar: I'm Battlestar, John's partner.
Bucky: "Battlestar?" (Beat) STOP THE CAR!
Battlestar: Lemar Hoskins.
Sam: I see a guy hanging out of a helicopter in tactical gear, I need a lot more than "Lemar Hoskins".
Battlestar: I'm Battlestar, John's partner.
Bucky: "Battlestar?" (Beat) STOP THE CAR!
—The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, "The Star-Spangled Man"
Bakugou: Starting today, I am... GREAT EXPLOSION MURDER GOD DYNAMIGHT!
Best Jeanist: How childish...
Tenya: What a mouthful!
Nejire: Disturbing!
Mr. Compress: Tacky.
Spinner: Super tacky.
Mirio: (Genuinely impressed) Ha ha!
Best Jeanist: How childish...
Tenya: What a mouthful!
Nejire: Disturbing!
Mr. Compress: Tacky.
Spinner: Super tacky.
Mirio: (Genuinely impressed) Ha ha!
—My Hero Academia, Chapter 293
Taylor: You know how hard it is to come up with a bug-themed name that doesn’t make me sound like a supervillain or a complete dork?
Armsmaster: I wouldn’t know. I got into the game early enough that I didn’t have to worry about missing out on all of the good names.
Armsmaster: I wouldn’t know. I got into the game early enough that I didn’t have to worry about missing out on all of the good names.
Samantha Grimm: So, "Reaper"? As in "Grimm"?
John Grimm: They're Marines, Sam, not poets.
John Grimm: They're Marines, Sam, not poets.
—Doom
"A terrorist in America needed a boogeyman to bring your country to its knees. So, he appropriated Ten Rings, my Ten Rings, but because he didn't know my actual name, he invented a new one. Do you know what that name he chose? The Mandarin. He gave his figurehead the name of a chicken dish. And it worked! America was terrified... of an orange!"
Eddie Brock: And there was a really angry green man, Hulk?
Venom: And you thought "Lethal Protector" was a shit name!
Venom: And you thought "Lethal Protector" was a shit name!
Eddie: Yeah, because it is.
Shredder: Your furry friend knows me "Oroku Saki". But, you may call me... the Shredder.
Raphael: A kitchen utensil?
Shredder: You would be wise to lose your flippant ways!
Raphael: A kitchen utensil?
Shredder: You would be wise to lose your flippant ways!
Flytrap: It takes two to tango! Call me Flytrap!
Carmen Sandiego: So all the good names finally got taken?
Carmen Sandiego: So all the good names finally got taken?
— Carmen Sandiego, "The Lucharora Tango Caper"
"Firebert, you stay here and think of a better commando name!"
It was Sonic who named me Eggman. Except the joke's on him. I embraced the name! I made it my own! His mockery is now a name feared across the ages! I'm not going to adopt "Baldy McNosehair", though. My dignity has limits.
—Egg Memo #21, Sonic Frontiers
