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Pre Ass Kicking One Liner: Literature
  • Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:
    • "NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!"
    • Also: "You shouldn't have done that."note 
  • In Summer Knight, Harry Dresden rushes into a battle against a faction of The Fair Folk, belting out, "I don't believe in fairies!"
    • In Welcome To The Jungle, when asked what his profession is, Harry replies he works in "accounts payable" because he "makes sure everyone gets what's coming to them." Later, when he's going off to confront the Big Bad we get this exchange:
      Will: But what if you need help? Where will you be??
      Harry: Balancing some books.
    • In Small Favor, Harry comes up with this after Michael is shot.
    • Later, in Changes, when vampires are attacking his building and the people inside it, Harry comments internally on wizards being subtle and quick to anger.
      Harry: Fuck Subtle. *steps around the corner and starts roasting some vampires*
    • In Turn Coat we have Listens-To-Wind versus Shagnasty the Skinwalker.
      Shagnasty: You are not a holy man. You do not follow the Old Ways, or the Binding Ways. You have no power over me.
      Listens-To-Wind: Don't plan to bind or banish you, old ghost. Just gonna kick your ass up between your ears.
    • In Changes, from either God or an Archangel, via Murphy:
    False gods! Pretenders! Usurpers of truth! Destroyers of faith, of families, of lives, of children! For your crimes against the Mayans, against the peoples of the world, now will you answer! Your time has come! Face judgment Almighty!
    • In Ghost Story, we get this line from Mortimer right before he obliterates the Corpsetaker's ghost:
      "But it seems to me, you half-wit, that you probably shouldn’t have left a freaking ectomancer a pit full of wraiths to play with."
  • Come and have a go... If you think you're hard enough. From Tanith Low, before asskicking everyone ever.
  • "Men of Tanith! Do you want to live forever?"
    • Based off an actual quote from the Battle of Belleau Wood during World War One by USMC Gunnery Sergeant Dan Daly.
      "Come on, you sons of bitches, do you want to live forever?"
      • An even earlier version attributes it to Frederick the Great, King of Prussia at the battle of Kolin.
        "Ihr Racker, wollt ihr ewig leben?"
    • This quote is echoed once again in Starship Troopers.
    • Also, in Necropolis, Kowle's "Where is your courage? Where is your strength? Where is your conviction?" with the questions punctuated by the execution of his own men.
  • Discworld: "Where's... my... cow? Is that my cow? It goes hruuugh IT! IS A HIPPOPOTAMUS! THAT! IS! NOT! MY! COW!"
    • AND NOW THERE REMAINS ONLY ONE FINAL QUESTION — HAVE YOU BEEN NAUGHTY... OR NICE?
    • WHILE IT IS TRUE WE HAVE TO RIDE OUT, IT DOESN'T SAY ANYWHERE AGAINST WHOM
    • Subverted, but at the same time a Crowning Moment Of Awesome: "C'mon if you think you're hard enough!!!"
      • Some old man told me you live and learn. Well, I have lived, and now I've learned that the edge of a sword is infinitely long. I've also learned how to make damn good yoghurt, although this is not a skill I intend to employ today. Shall we go get' em, boys?
    • Vimes to Sybil in Jingo: "Just going out to kick some arse, dear." Of course, the fight doesn't start immediately afterwards.
  • The Last Battle: "This is my password. The light is dawning, the lie broken. Now guard thee, miscreant, for I am Tirian of Narnia."
  • Watership Down. Bigwig's Determinator speech, "My Chief Rabbit has told me to defend this run, and until he says otherwise I shall stay here," scares the hraka out of the Efrafans, who mainly respect brute strength and have assumed up to this point that Bigwig was the Chief Rabbit of his warren. If he's not, there must be an even bigger Bad Ass Bunny around somewhere. Has emotional meaning as well, since Bigwig swore never to call Hazel the Chief Rabbit until the day he stops fighting.
  • Éowyn's speech to the Witch-king in The Lord of the Rings. This is the second half.
    "But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund's daughter, and you stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you if you touch him."
  • From a scene in David Weber's Safehold book, Off Armageddon Reef, right before protagonist Merlin Athrawes attacks a Smug Snake's Mooks:
    Smug Snake: After all, what do you think the odds are of you managing to defeat fifteen of my best?
    Merlin: Better than average.
    • This was also used by Mick Dundee.
    "What are the odds of you getting out of here with that coat?"
    Knife through a mohawk
    "Better than average."
  • In Illium, Zeus and the Greek pantheon stand ready to destroy the combined Greek and Trojan armies (long, spoilery story), and then all of humanity. He delivers the classic "Any last words" line in a godly fashion... to which Achilles responds "Surrender now, and we'll spare your goddess's lives so they can be our slaves and courtesans." Despite being a fairly stupid (but awesome) asshole in this story, that may be the best response to such a line, ever.
  • Rastignac's "It's between you and me now, Paris!" in Le Père Goriot.
  • The Wheel of Time has :
    Mat Cauthon: Carai an Caldazar! Carai an Ellisande! Al Ellisande! (For the honor of the Red Eagle! For the Honor of the Rose of the Sun! The Rose of the Sun!)
    Mat Cauthon: Dovie'andi se tovya sagain. (It's time to toss the dice.)
    Mazrim Taim: Asha'man, Kill!
  • The Elenium's confrontation between King Wargun and Sparkhawk, when the King is pulling rank and Sparhawk doesn't feel like cooperating.
    King Wargun: I have a thousand picked men at my back!
    Sparhawk: How many are you prepared to lose?
  • The Sten series book Fleet of the Damned provides this: "We are now attacking a Tahn battlefleet. There are at least two battleships with the fleet. We are going to kill them." Ironically, Sten didn't consider this an example, and in fact felt it would be a waste of time to give an "England Expects." He was commanding an obsolete heavy cruiser, and they did destroy one state-of-the-art battleship, and cripple the other beyond repair.
  • Steven Erikson's Malazan Book of the FallenMemories of Ice
    After Quick Ben unleashes half of his warrens (sources of magical power) to blast Korbal Broach through a wall, Bauchelain, partner of the aforementioned Korbal Broach, notes that Quick Ben's power is most impressive, but that, in retrospect, he ought to have saved at least half his warrens.
    "But Bauchelain," replies Quick Ben, "I did."
    He then blows Bauchelain through the wall too.
  • In the Codex Alera series by Jim Butcher, Aldrick ex Gladius, one of the recurring antagonists, is widely renowned as the second best swordsman in the known lands, only being passed up by one other. He often uses this fact to unnerve his opponents, and his skill ensures that it's hammered in quickly enough.
    Aldrick: The only man to best me with a blade was Araris Valerian....and you aren't Araris.
    • Subverted, however, in the first book. The person he's attacking isn't Araris...but he's very close by. Aldrick's brief Villainous Breakdown when Araris intervenes is a sight to behold.
    • Also in the fourth book, in response to an antagonist complaining about being made to chase all over the place for "two pathetic sneaks." the third protagonist present Gaius Sextus who was hidden out of sight of the antagonist says "Three." Cue Curbstomp Battle.
  • From True Grit by Charles Portis (and both film versions), we have this exchange before the final showdown:
    Rooster: I mean to kill you in one minute, Ned, or see you hanged at Fort Smith at Judge Parker's convenience. Which'll it be?
    Ned: I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!
    Rooster: Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!
  • Solomon Kane, before his Knife Fight with the Fishhawk:
    "There be many fires, scum, some hotter than others - but save the fires of Hell - all fires - may be - quenched - by - blood!"
  • In Bryan Young's Lost At The Con, the alcoholic gonzo journalist protagonist is trying to defend a young female cosplayer from handsy frat boys, and getting his ass kicked, when suddenly...
    Cybernetic!Abraham Lincoln: A house divided against itself cannot stand. [starts punching frat boys in the face]
  • Percy Jackson and the Olympians series:
    • Jason Grace in The Lost Hero has one badass and laconic enough to be worthy of a Roman Praetor; "My turn."
    • "You. Me. To the finish."
  • Grettir in The Saga of Grettir the Strong:
    "Defend yourself if you want; you will never have better occasion for it than now."
  • Galaxy of Fear: The Brain Spiders, Zak is aware that the B'Omarr monks are interested in enlightenment and the idea of transcending material concerns, so when he threatens one...
    "Don't move or I'll enlighten you in a whole new way."
    • It works.
  • In Son of Neptune, the heroes are fighting the giant Alcyoneus, who is invincible as long as he remains in Alaska. After dragging him away from his base, Frank delivers the following line:
    "Welcome to Canada, idiot."
  • "Fairest and fallen... greetings and defiance!"
  • In the final of Animorphs Rachel faces the whole crew of the enemy ship by herself. While in her White Bear morph.
    Rachel:"Scared? You should be."

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