Leela: Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together...
Fry: Goulash?
Leela: No. Well, I don't know, maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue.
Fry: Goulash?
Leela: No. Well, I don't know, maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue.
These two characters are always going out together, sitting with each other at group events, and sleeping together when they're alone. So one could assume they're dating, right? If you ask them, they'll say that's not the case. So they must be Friends with Benefits, right? No, they're a bit more intimate than that. So what exactly is their relationship status?
Well, they don't know either.
A common trope in sitcoms, especially in Will They or Won't They? situations, this is when two characters struggle to find a good way to summarize their relationship. They don't deny that there's anything there, but they can't cleanly figure out what exactly is there. Usually this has to do with Commitment Issues getting in the way, preventing them from comfortably being in a steady relationship. Perhaps they don't want all the baggage that comes from being romantic partners, or they simply want things to be open between them. This can often occur as a result of the Relationship Revolving Door — after breaking up and getting back together so many times, it can get hard to definitively say whether they're currently together or not. But they still ultimately care too much about each other to just stop hooking up or hanging out. As long as they keep things casual, they should be safe... but when people start asking for the specifics of their relationship, things may get awkward. One of them may be ready to take things more seriously and feel insulted that their not-quite-partner won't say they're dating outright.
This'll surely either culminate in finally going steady or a messy breakup.
Compare The "I Love You" Stigma and Maybe Ever After.
Examples:
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Anime & Manga
- The early parts of the post-Culture Festival Arc of Kaguya-sama: Love Is War has both Kaguya and Shirogane ask themselves this following their first kiss with Kaguya at the very least settling on the classic "more than friends, less than lovers" answer. Seeing as they officially start dating about a week later, the discussion is purely academic.
- The main plot of Science Fell in Love, So I Tried to Prove it is Himuro and Yukimura trying to scientifically prove or disprove the statement that they are in love with each other. Until they have proof, they are unwilling to categorically say that they are.
Fan Works
- Naru-Hina Chronicles: After she starts dating Choji, Ino is initially hesitant to call him her boyfriend, given that her previous romantic relationships didn't end well and she doesn't want to ruin their friendship. Later on, when being invited to the wedding of her aunt Hotaru and Iruka, Ino nervously and finally refers to Choji as her boyfriend, much to his joy.
- Yesterday Upon The Stair: Shouto and Izuku have a very close relationship, being affectionate with each other and sleeping together but without any sexual intimacy. Their classmates think they're in a homosexual romantic relationship, but after a discussion, they don't think that fits either, and neither of them can figure out what to call their relationship other than "closer than friends". Eventually with some outside help, Izuku figures out that it's a queerplatonic relationship.
Film — Live-Action
- It's Complicated: It follows Jane, a divorced mother of three, who reunites with her ex-husband, Jake, at their son's graduation. After a drunken encounter, they embark on an affair. The complexity arises as Jake has since remarried, and Jane attracts the attention of architect Adam. The difficult-to-describe relationship dynamics are lampshaded in the title.
- In the finale of Cinderella (2021), Princess Gwen isn't sure how to introduce Ella to the kingdom in relation to Prince Robert, because while they're obviously in a relationship, they're neither married nor engaged. She finally settles on simply calling Ella Robert's "new love."
Literature
- The Case Files of Jeweler Richard: Seigi and Richard have a great deal of struggle naming their relationship with each other.
- While others have plenty of suggestions over the series (mostly "lover" or "boyfriend"), the first time they even feel comfortable calling each other friends is after a conversation about it in volume 8 and they deny any other facet of their relationship other than "boss" and "employee" even after that's long past relevant.
- In volume 9, they have a conversation about what the difference between their relationship and dating even is (and come to the conclusion the answer is...not much).
- In volume 10, they have another conversation trying to settle on what their relationship is and end on "person that I like," until they finally, finally settle on "partners" in the epilogue. Because of course that couldn't mean at least seven different things.
- The Fault in Our Stars: Due to their circumstances both having a form of cancer, Hazel and Gus dance around labelling their relationship for a while. On a plane ride to Amsterdam, after watching Hazel comfort Gus while the plane takes off, the woman next to the two comments that they are adorable. Hazel responds that they're Just Friends but Gus quickly amends that comment saying "She is. I'm not." However, they do get their Relationship Upgrade in Amsterdam.
- KonoSuba:
- In the epilogue of novel 11, Megumin approaches Kazuma to thank him for his help looking after her little sister Komekko. After wistfully talking about how they first met or how Megumin decided she wanted to join Kazuma's party because he and Aqua looked like they were having fun all the time, she then suggests that the two of them become "more than friends but less than lovers". In the next few volumes, both Kazuma and Megumin, in addition to many people around them, express confusion as to what exactly that means. They'll have frank discussions about how many children they'd like to have or try to engage in adult activities (before inevitably getting interrupted), but when outright asked if they're an item they'll respond that they're "more than friends and less than lovers".
- Matching up with the "one takes the relationship more seriously than the other" aspect, Megumin becomes a Clingy Jealous Girl when other girls who also get along with Kazuma (e.g. Princess Iris) get involved. Kazuma meanwhile while an unashamed pervert is actually quite loyal to Megumin, in that while he'll shamelessly make use of the succubus dream service, he'll actually turn down confessions from other people. He also admits feeling really happy when he happens to overhear Megumin refer to him as "my man", lampshading it with "what happened to 'more than friends and less than lovers?'"
- Reign of the Seven Spellblades: Oliver and Nanao have basically been attached at the hip since they fought a Deadly Sparring match in volume 1. In volume 4, after he and Chela hold a seminar for their friends on mage sexual and romantic relations, Nanao asks him out of the blue if he wants to have children with her, then backtracks slightly and chalks it up to Culture Clash. Oliver admits he feels attracted to her but refuses to elaborate; his Internal Monologue mentions not wanting their relationship "reduced to reproduction and inheritance" the way it so often is among mages. For her part, Katie asks Nanao later if she's in love with Oliver, and Nanao replies that she feels very strong affection for him, but isn't sure she can actually call it love since she simultaneously hasn't been able to kick the desire for a Duel to the Death with him.
Nanao: If you truly love someone, can that emotion coexist with an urge to see them dead?
- In the beginning of The Turkish Gambit, Varya has some trouble mentally labeling her relationship with Petya, eventually settling on "former husband and future fiancé, and of course comrade" (they lived together for a long while as a Chastity Couple, he proposed to her before going to fight in the Russo-Turkish War, and she plans to accept that proposal). She does tell Petya she'll marry him. Later, as she gets many more dashing suitors, she begins to reconsider again and only doesn't reject Petya out of pity. Eventually, Varya still ends up with Petya, since by the last chapter, all of her other crushes and suitors are either dead, unable to commit, or ultimately unattractive in her eyes.
Live-Action TV
- Discussed in CSI: NY's 9th season Valentine's Day Episode "Blood Actually". Detectives Flack and Lovato have been flirting with each other almost all season. He pretends to have forgotten about the holiday but invites her up to a high-rise rooftop to surprise her with a fancy dinner for two.
Jamie: What are we doing, Flack?Don: What do you mean? What does it matter what we call it?[Their conversation continues without answering the question.]
- How I Met Your Mother: Robin and Barney start their relationship by having repeated sex but refusing to call themselves a couple, despite the clear evidence that they have feelings for one another. Their friends, particularly Lily, insist they actually find a good way to describe their relationship. Lily even locks them in a room and forces them to have "the talk" about defining their relationship. At the end, Barney and Robin decide to lie and pretend they're boyfriend and girlfriend... the joke being that they don't have to try that hard to pretend they love each other.
- Ted Lasso: In "We'll Never Have Paris", Nate and Jade have started dating and sleeping together, but Nate (due to his insecurities) is uncertain about what label to put on their relationship. Jade initially dodges the subject, but at the end of the episode, she pointedly refers to Nate as her boyfriend, putting him at ease and cementing their Relationship Upgrade.
- The Mick: There's a Running Gag that Mickey won't label her relationship with Love Interest Jimmy, despite the latter living with her. In the Season One finale, Mickey has to shoot Jimmy in order to cover up the fact that Chip accidentally shot his Dad. Jimmy agrees to do this, but only if they put a label on their relationship. Even under these circumstances, Mickey is still reluctant to label their relationship and tells Jimmy to ask her for something else. This gag is brought up again in Season Two when it's discovered that Sabrina is seeing another girl. When she refuses to say she's a lesbian, Mickey chastises her generation for having an aversion to labels.
- RFDS (2021): Wayne and Mira actively chose not to put a label on their relationship in an attempt to avoid making things complicated. The closest she comes is calling him her boyfriend in one episode.
- Superstore: In "Mateo's Last Day," Garrett and Dina have to fill out corporate disclosure forms due to their sexual relationship. None of the options apply to their dynamic, which they insist is emotionally detached sex. However, when asked what new option should be added to the box, they struggle to actually label their relationship and just end up going with "other."
Music
- Bastille's "Another Place" is about a hookup where the two parties go back and forth over whether or not there is or could be more to their relationship. Regardless, the two are clearly in some sort of situationship, as Dan notes in the opening line that the tie that binds them together can't be broken.
- The Chainsmokers "Call You Mine" is about the uncertainty of a relationship. While the couple in the song do love each other, they express doubt over what type of relationship they have or want. This is expressed in the bridge where her partner asks what her plans are for the rest of her lifenote while she responds that she doesn't even know what she's doing right now. All the singer wants is to call her partner hers.
- The song "Past Life" by Tame Impala is about a man remembering an old, distant flame who never quite made it clear how she felt about him:
I saw a figure, started to trigger
Memories flooded back, stopped in my tracks
Who was that? It was my lover
A lover from a past life
[...]
Well, somewhere between a lover and a friend
It was different back then
Surreal, poetic but uncertain
Video Games
- Baldur's Gate III: If the Player Character pursues Astarion, in Act 2 they can ask what he thinks their relationship is, to which he doesn't know, but he likes that, because all his previous "relationships" were victims or a result of Cazador ordering him around.
PC: What are we, to you?
Astarion: I don't know. But isn't it nice? Not to know. You're not a victim. Not a target. Not just one night it's better to forget. But then... whatever in the world could you be? - In Dragon Age: Inquisition, if the Iron Bull and Dorian are put into the active party together often enough and neither is romanced by the player, they will eventually become physically involved. However, it takes a while for them to come to an agreement as to what their relationship actually is, and Bull gets quite annoyed with Dorian for beating around the bush about it. It's complicated by the fact that they are different races, and Bull's race is despised in Dorian's homeland. They gradually sort themselves out and agree that they are a couple; by the time of the DLC Trespasser, which takes place three years after the main game, they're still in a committed relationship.
- Resident Evil: Although Everyone Can See It, the relationship between Leon Kennedy and Ada Wong is more of a situationship. They're willing to put the other's well-being over their own job and have had dates offscreen, but their jobs, in addition to their mismatched moralities, prevent any solid relationship from forming. In 4, when Ashley asks who exactly Ada is, Leon is unable to give a clear answer. By the time of 6, they still haven't quite worked out what their relationship is, but it's at a point where, when she tosses a ring to Leon, Ada has to clarify that it's not a proposal. In-game files label their relationship as "complicated".
Ashley: So, who was that woman anyway?Leon: Why do you ask?Ashley: Come on, tell me.Leon: She's like a part of me I can't let go. Let's leave it at that.
Web Animation
- Helluva Boss:
- After Millie teasingly claims Stolas to be Blitzo's boyfriend, Blitzo retaliates and awkwardly stammers to the third party, Striker, on what they "are." He eventually settles with the phrase 'transactional fucking'.
- At one point Asmodeus isn't sure how to address the nature of Blitzo and Fizzaroli's complicated relationship, and ends up going with "Fizz's former bestie then lifelong enemy then recent hero now newly-rekindled sorta-friend Blitzo".
Webcomics
- Tuna Dunn's comic "Labels
" shows a couple sitting on a couch. When the woman asks what exactly they are, meaning what their relationship is, the man only answers "human beings".
- xkcd: In "Couple", Megan and Cueball discuss whether their fling the night before qualifies as a Relationship Upgrade.
Cueball: Well, will you be my "it's complicated" on Facebook?
Websites
- Going "Facebook Official" has become a major milestone in relationships today, as many couples feel that it's not officially steady until they change their relationship status online. The site also has the status option "It's complicated" for those who aren't sure what their status is, though that's usually more for couples that are in a steady relationship but currently taking a break.
Western Animation
- Big Mouth: In Season 6, Nick falls for a girl named Danni who has beef with her apparent ex-boyfriend Travis. However, she starts hooking up with Travis again despite hating his attitude and stupidity just because she's horny, insisting they're not dating but are in an "entanglement," confusing and frustrating Nick further.
- Bob's Burgers: Parodied in "Tina and the Real Ghost" in which Tina becomes attached to a "ghost" named Jeff, who she keeps in a shoe box. When the security guard at the butterfly exhibit asks her what Jeff is, Tina says they might be friends or more than friends, but they're just "enjoying it right now without labels." The security guard doesn't question it at all. Later, Tina announces she is actually dating Jeff.
- BoJack Horseman: Diane begins casually hooking up with a bison coworker named Guy in Season 6, and he fumbles on introducing her to his friends, settling on calling her the "woman [he] works with." While she's initially okay with not having a label on their relationship, she's later angry about his struggle to commit to her, particularly since he hasn't introduced her to his son. They do eventually decide to take things more seriously.
- The Comedy Central run of Futurama gave Fry and Leela a Relationship Upgrade, but most of the episodes that focus on their romantic relationship have Leela shy away from actually calling it that. She hesitates to introduce Fry as a boyfriend to her ex in "Fry and Leela's Big Fling," instead asking Fry what he'd say they are, despite that they're on a couples' retreat (and skinny dipping together). When trying to break up with Fry in "Leela and the Genestalk," she refers to their relationship as "whatever it is that you and I had together" (Fry thinks she's talking about goulash). Despite being much more willing to take things seriously, Fry seemingly can't keep track of when they're dating or not. Starting from the last stretch of Comedy Central episodes into the Hulu revival, they become consistently an Official Couple.
Leela: I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you!Fry: We were going out?! Whoo! I mean, nooo!
- Inside Job (2021): In Season 1 Part 2, Reagan starts hooking up with Ron Staedtler, an agent of the rival Illuminati. By the episode "We Found Love in a Popeless Place", she realizes she wants to be his girlfriend, but before she can ask, she learns that he isn't willing to date. While trying to save Rome from an uber-Catholic brainwashed pope, Reagan tries to covertly convince Staedtler to figure out what their relationship actually is and offer a bit more commitment. The animatronic Heteronormative Crusader devils even try to attack them for being a "label-free couple holding hands." By the end of the episode, it turns out they both wanted to date officially, but were both too insecure to ask outright.
- Inspector Gadget (2015): Penny has this with her mortal enemy Talon (who is Doctor Claw's nephew to boot). They're clearly attracted to each other, virtually everyone who sees them interact can see it, but both are also extremely loyal to their sides. In an episode where she and Talon are spying on Gadget and a MAD agent on a date (while engaging in date-like activities themselves while doing it), when the Chief contacts her and asks "what's your status?" she sheepishly responds, "It's complicated?"
