Exposed Embarrassing Purchase

Homestarmecium: Hey there, Bubsamecium. I need to buy some embarrassing items for my embarrassing body part.
Bubsamecium: Certainly! SIX TUBES OF REAR END CREAM, COMIN' RIGHT UP!

— Strong Bad Email #140 "high school"

When someone is buying something embarrassing (often but not always porn), and the cashier or delivery person loudly reads the name of the product, telling everyone else in the store exactly what they're buying. Can involve a Cover Up Purchase, but not necessarily. Trojan Gauntlet is a subtrope. Can happen during a Tampon Run. Sometimes this is because the cashier has No Indoor Voice, but sometimes they're just a troll or jerkass. See also Unmanly Secret.

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Examples:

Advertising

• In a German TV spot from the year 1988/1989, a man wants to buy some condoms and hid them behind some other goods, when he saw a beautiful woman. But the saleswoman then asks loudly, what the price of these condoms is. This got downplayed by the fact, that the other customer, including the beautiful woman, all knew the price and had no problem saying it loudly, too.

Anime & Manga

• In season 3 of Aggretsuko, Retsuko tries to return her copy of the microtransaction-laden virtual boyfriend VR game she's become addicted to, only to suffer this at the hands of the cashier.
• In A Certain Scientific Railgun:
  Postman: I have a delivery for a Ms. Shirai Kuroko.
  Mikoto: Yes? Can you tell me what the delivery is?
  Postman: It says it's computer parts.
  Kuroko (thinking to herself): Phew, these companies know enough to be discreet about their products.
  Mikoto: Who's the sender?
  Postman: Love Potions and Aphrodisiacs Incorporated.
  Kuroko: THEN WHY THE HELL DID THEY BOTHER LABELING IT COMPUTER PARTS THEN?
• In GTO: The Early Years, Onizuka orders some dirty videotapes, using a fake name and arranging to have them delivered to him at a cafe. Unfortunately, the delivery guy is his rival Mafuyu, who revels in embarrassing Onizuka by loudly reading the titles, and thanking him for his business by his real name.
• Teasing Master Takagi-san: It isn't the clerk who reveals that Nishikata has purchased the latest volume of a particularly girly shoujo-manga, but his close friend and champion of their one-sided prank war, Takagi.
• Inverted in the Yuri manga Video Rental Shop, where a customer deliberately forgets to return an erotic DVD, hoping Tsukioka will be embarrassed to say the title. Instead, she gets her male supervisor to read it out loud, and the customer is the embarrassed one.
  Manager: Thank you for waiting ma'am. The title of your missing item is "Bombshell Warrior Zoil: Pantyshot Lesbian Battle Royale".

Comic Strips

• More of an embarrassing check-out: In a Bloom County strip, a radio DJ announces on the air they have Binkley's backpack. The DJ then pulls out a library book, and reveals the title to be Bedwetting: Beat It Through Self-Hipnosis.
• In one FoxTrot strip, Jason and Peter go to the store, and Jason scratches out the bar codes on certain items, causing the cashier to yell things like "price check on extra-strength dandruff shampoo!"

Film — Live-Action

• Austin Powers's Swedish Penis Enlarger Pump, though in this case he'd already bought it and wasn't in a store. His embarrassment isn't helped by the fact that he kept all the purchase information... or that he apparently wrote a book about how much he loves it.
  Clerk: [giving Austin back his items] One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump.
  Austin: [to Vanessa, embarrassed] That's not mine.
  Clerk: One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger... signed by Austin Powers.
  Austin: I'm telling ya, baby, that's not mine!
  Clerk: One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by... Austin Powers.
  Austin: I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby!
  Clerk: One book, Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me: (This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby), by... Austin Powers.
  Austin: [stunned] ...Ah.
  Clerk: Just sign the form.
• Bananas: Fielding Mellish (Woody Allen) tries to discreetly purchase a number of pornographic magazines, only to have the store clerk shout loudly to the back of the store to price-check each title.
• A Guy Thing: Paul goes to a pharmacy after realising he might have crabs. He asks an employee about medicine, and they shout across the store to another worker about which aisle it's in. Of course, they don't hear him, so he has to shout "Crab Medicine!" much to Paul's embarrassment.
• In Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, one of Tom's moneymaking schemes is the "Embarrassing Cheque" scheme mentioned in the real-life section.
• In Me, Myself & Irene, Charley Baileygates' Jerkass Split Personality "Hank" starts his rampage of revenge on the (equally jerkish) townspeople who pissed Charlie off by noticing that the woman that made Charlie snap was secretly trying to purchase a cream named "Vagiclean" and making it known to the whole store through the PA.
  Hank Evans: "Vagiclean," huh? What's the matter, honey? Little extra cheese on the taco?
  Mrs. Bittman: Excuse me?
  Hank Evans: No, excuse me. There's no tag on this. [Hank grabs the cashier's PA microphone] Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. That's Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough.
  [Hank inhales like he's going to yell, while a horrified Mrs. Bittman covers her children's ears in preparation]
  Hank: [continues matter-of-factly] Better rush on that.
• In The Naked Gun 2½, Lt. Frank Drebin encourages an employee of the ACDC Love Boutique to cooperate with the police because he is "the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people in this town!" Drebin is then greeted by another employee of the boutique, who lets him know the Model D83 Sure Grip Swedish Suck Machine he ordered has come in.
  Drebin: "It's a gift!"
• In Rat Race, Nick is horrified to find out that he's being billed by the hotel he stayed at for watching "Afro Whores" on his in-room TV (especially because there's a black family waiting in line behind him).

Literature

• Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need has a section on hotels and what you can expect to find there, including people who talk too loud at night, staff who won't leave until you tip them, and the entertainment options.
  4. There will be a choice of six in-room movies, (including The Bad News Bears) all of which you have already seen except for the dirty one. However, we do not recommend that you watch the dirty movie, because it will go on your hotel bill, which could cause embarrassment when you check out the next morning and the desk clerk, in a hearty voice that echoes all over the lobby, says: "We certainly hope you enjoyed your stay at the Hyatt Sheraton Hilton Crowne Royale Majestic Princess, Mr. Penderson, especially your in-room viewing of Big Hooter Mommas."
• In the children's picture book John, Paul, George, and Ben, the founding fathers of the United States are portrayed in various silly, cartoonish ways. Paul Revere is depicted as shouting every word that he says, and one scene has him working at a cash register and loudly announcing that the female customer in front of him is buying extra large underwear.
• Sweet Valley High: When Elizabeth starts her period, they go to the store to buy pads. Already embarrassed, they're even moreso when the clerk gets on the loudspeaker to do a price check.
• You (Kepnes): When he meets Beck, Joe sells a guy a "shame" copy of The Da Vinci Code alongside Franny and Zooey. After the guy's rude to him about his supposedly menial job, Joe shouts out about The Da Vinci Code.

Live-Action TV

• In an episode of The Big Bang Theory, Howard builds a robotic arm that will be used on the ISS for mechanical repairs when it strikes him that the hand can be used for turning more than just screwdrivers in zero G. Cutting to later when Leonard and Raj have to bring him into the emergency room. The duty nurse calls for a wheelchair for a "patient with a robot hand grasping his penis," over the ER loudspeaker. When Howard asks her to be a little more discreet, she tells him, "I'm sorry, we don't have a code for a "Robot Hand Grasping a Man's Penis."
• CSI supplies a particularly ironic example: in the episode "Assume Nothing" (Season 4, Episode 1), Brass interrogates a possible murder suspect who has an alibi: he was watching a porno PPV at his hotel room at the time of the crime and he has the receipt. It takes Brass prompting him further for the man to reluctantly say the porno's title: "Arma-Get-It-On". He then has to repeat himself when Brass thinks he said "Armageddon".
• Degrassi Junior High: In season 2's "Great Expectations", Joey buys condoms. He already has an old couple staring at him when he picks them off the shelf, but then at the register, the cashier notices that the condoms were on special and does a price check. To make matters worse, the old couple who saw him pick the condoms off the shelf pull up behind him at the register.
  • In season 1's "The Best Laid Plans", Wheels is going to "do it" with Stephanie and goes to buy condoms with Joey, who then loudly rattles off the names for all of the brands and variations of the condoms, like "French Stallion" and "Industrial Strength". He then calls for assistance, and then walk out of the store, leaving Wheels to face the embarassment all by himself. It gets even worse later - the pharmacist he buys them off is the mother of Stephanie, the girl he planned to "do it" with.
• The happens in a Clip Show Valentine's Day episode of The Golden Girls, where the girls flashback to buying condoms before embarking on a group vacation with their boyfriends. Rose and Dorothy are embarrassed at the thought, while the more liberated Blanche isn't. Sure enough, when the clerk humiliates them by getting on the loudspeaker to ask a coworker for a price check, it's Blanche who grabs the microphone and chastises everyone for staring at them—"haven't you ever seen three vibrant, healthy, sexually active women before?. . What we have done is socially and morally responsible."
• Monty Python's Flying Circus, the Chemist Sketch. A chemist (pharmacist) reads off a list of filled prescriptions for various conditions, including "the pox", "a boil on the bum", "chest rash" and "wind", thus embarrassing the people who have to pick up their medicine.
• A variant occurs in Parks and Recreation, when Leslie is forced to tangle with her worst enemies: librarians. When she goes to check out a DVD, the librarian claims she's accrued a massive fine for a book, which she loudly announces is titled "Mysteries of the Female Orgasm." Invoked, as the woman was clearly making it up to humiliate Leslie (who responds by just having her friend grab the DVD and running the hell away).
• Occurs in a Valentine's Day episode of Roseanne. After forgetting to buy Roseanne anything for Valentine's Day, Dan is forced into going lingerie shopping for her, absolutely terrified that he will be seen as a pervert. Sure enough, when he gets into the store, two of the cashiers eye him up, with one wondering if he's a pervert, while the second correctly deduces he forgot to buy his wife a gift. The two help him through a mild panic attack and finally seem to get him settled... only for him to accidentally back into a friend of his (who had *also* forgotten to buy his wife something for Valentine's Day), leading to the two of them stammering/yelling their excuses at each other before simultaneously leaving the store without buying anything.

Web Videos

• In CollegeHumor's satirical video "Shopping for Groceries Like You're Not Single", the lead character approaches the checkout after deciding what to buy. The worker then uses the microphone to make an announcement across the store.
  Worker: Price check on nine cans of chunky soup for the guy who was crying in the goya aisle earlier.

Western Animation

• Arthur: Happens twice in the episode "That's a Baby Show!". When Arthur becomes hooked on a show called "The Love Ducks", he wants to buy a CD featuring its songs. The clerk then speaks into the intercom, asking if there are any available copies of the "Love Ducks" CD. As this draws everyone's attention, Arthur tries to cover up his interest by saying that it's for his sister. After Arthur's best friend Buster grows interested in the show, he also buys a CD from the store. When the clerk again asks through the intercom about available copies, Buster doesn't deny his love for the show and says he likes it.
• In Hey Arnold! Season 1 "Helga's Makeover", when Helga wants to show that she's feminine to attend Rhonda's slumber party, she goes to a corner store to buy a preteen beauty magazine for makeover tips, along with other magazines to cover it up. Unfortunately, the cashier has trouble scanning the beauty magazine and shouts to her co-worker asking for the price for it while describing the magazine, which gets the attention of all shoppers. Helga quickly pays for all the magazines and then runs out of the store embarrassed. It certainly didn't help that the cashier explicitly described the magazine as "the one that gives ugly girls tips on how to be pretty."
• King of the Hill: In "Hank's Dirty Laundry", Hank tries to return unwanted porn tapes to the post office, but they tell him he has to contact the company to get off their mailing list. He tries to just throw them in the trash, but an elderly postal worker calls out that he forgot his mail, reading out the ad offering to "prolong your lovemaking pleasure for just pennies a night".
• The Simpsons:
  • In the episode "How I Wet Your Mother", Homer has been wetting the bed and tries to deal with it by wearing adult diapers. However, when he goes to buy them, a voice says over the megaphone his name and that he is buying adult diapers.
  • In "Homer vs. The Eighth Commandment", Lisa (who is on a Soapbox Sadie crusade to prevent her family from committing the titular sin, "Thou Shalt Not Steal", after learning it in Sunday school and figuring out that Homer broke it by getting stolen cable) notices that Marge ate two grapes while they are in the supermarket. After Marge is embarrassed by Lisa making a scene about that in the vegetables area, she is further embarrassed when she asks the cashier to charge her for the grapes and the man demands the price over the PA.
• Tiny Toon Adventures: Montana Max is forced into taking Elmyra on a date, and they end up at a popular burger joint. Elmyra then talks Max into ordering her meal, which is something for small children called the Happy Baby Puppy Face Meal. Max tries to discreetly whisper the name to the cashier, trying to maintain his cool demeanor. But the cashier loudly states "Oh, you want the Happy Baby Puppy Face Meal!", causing the entire restaurant to burst into laughter at Max.

Real Life

• Supposedly a tactic used by con artists who use an Intentionally Awkward Title for their sex toy/pornography company, the idea being that they offer refunds for the nonexistent goods in the form of checks made out to the company's name (e.g. Big Dick's Barely Legal Porn & Anal Lube Inc.), which the customer would then be too embarrassed to take to the bank.

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