Literature / The Cannibals Of Candyland

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There exists a race of cannibals who are made out of candy. They live in an underground world filled with lollipop forests and gumdrop goblins. During the day, while you are away at work, they come above ground and prowl our streets for food. Their prey: your children. They lure young boys and girls to them with their sweet scent and bright colorful candy coating, then rip them apart with razor sharp teeth and claws.

When he was a child, Franklin Pierce witnessed the death of his siblings at the hands of a candy woman with pink cotton candy hair. Since that day, the candy people have become his obsession. He has spent his entire life trying to prove that they exist. And after discovering the entrance to the underground world of the candy people, Franklin finds himself venturing into their sugary domain. His mission: capture one of them and bring it back, dead or alive.

Cannibals of Candyland is an erotic horror story for the bizarro reader from the mind of Carlton Mellick III. Dark, disturbing, and absurd; this isn't the board game version of candy land you used to play as a kid.


This work provides examples of:

  • Artificial Limbs: Jujub replaces both of Franklin's legs with candy prosthetics.
  • Artistic License Biology: The Candy People apparently evolved through natural mutation their candy physiologies from their cannibalistic ancestors over the course of a few generations to better catch and capture their prey. The absurdity of such a fact is later pointed out by Franklin.
  • Artistic License Linguistics: The title refers to the Candy People as "Cannibals" as they eat human children. The Candy People however are not technically human, thus technically not making them cannibals.
  • Half-Human Hybrid: Some time after Franklin and Jujub have sex, she lays a giant, chocolate Cadbury egg. By the end of the book, it hatches - the egg's yolk made of gooey caramel, revealing a human baby with jellybeans for eyes.
  • Major Injury Underreaction: Franklin has his limbs removed with various bits of his flesh removed and replaced with candy molds across his whole body. Franklin is not screaming in agony the whole time though, simply describing the gangrenous flesh lining his ribcage as like "ants crawling all over him." This can be explained away given his robot brain.
  • My Brain Is Big: Franklin had his mind digitally transmitted into a mechanical brain that he replaced his own brain with. He can open his skullcap in order to "let it breath", the hinges becoming stuck open later on.
  • Polyamory: Franklin's wife openly cheats on him, sharing her lover with her live-in mother.
  • Theme Naming: The Candy People are each named after a type of candy or a flavor (Jujub, Root Beer Float, Black Licorice, Wedding Cake, etc).
  • They Have the Scent!: The Candy People give off a natural pheromone that attracts children to them, usually pertaining to a sweet scent people associate with candy. Jujub for example smells strongly of strawberries. Franklin uses these pheromones to help dull the pain of his own stripped, rotting flesh.

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