Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada is a comedy book published in 2017 by The Beaverton and written by Luke Gordon and Alex Huntley.
It documents the "history" of Canada in the form of fake newspaper clippings. These newspaper clippings note important events, famous people, or just the mundane activities of citizens - and all of them are satires of the periods in question.
Glorious and/or Free provides examples of:
- All Men Are Perverts: "Fresh floozies arrive from France!" (August 2, 1663)"You have no idea how happy I am, " said one Jean-Paul Morin, a merchant who arrived in New France some 12 years ago. "I’ve had to use trees … creatively; I don’t even remember what a woman looks like!"
- All Women Are Lustful: "The only reason I became a doctor was to look at penises" by Dr. Emily Stowe (July 16, 1880)
- Artistic License – History: The entire point of the book.
- Black Comedy: In spades. The book frequently jokes about brutal wars, mistreatment of natives and immigrants, low life expectancy, and so much more.
- Deliberate Values Dissonance: Frequently. The book depicts the xenophobia and chauvinism of past times mostly in a comedic way.
- Faux Horrific:
- "Neighbours outraged by proposed two-storey building in downtown Toronto" (November 29, 1834). The citizens of the city call the building "Toronto's Tower of Babylon".
- "Scandal! Anglican to marry Lutheran" (June 12, 1859). The article even mentions how the Anglican family will now need to drink from Lutheran water fountains and eat at Lutheran restaurants.
- Femme Fatale Spy: Parodied in "Diefenbaker appoints Soviet spy as minister of extramarital affairs" (February 23, 1960)"I’ve been spending many late nights with Gerda reviewing our West German bases and locations of our Bomarc missiles. She always brings that silly, tiny camera with her … but no camera could ever capture those sharp green eyes. She’s copied every document with an elegance and grace that makes a man tremble and beg for more"— Pierre Sévigny, Associate Minister of Defence.
- General Failure: "Allied victory assured after Sam Hughes joins Germans" (August 22, 1918). Sam Hughes didn't have the best military reputation in Real Life, but the book kicks it up to eleven.Hughes was made Colonel General and given command of 250,000 men. Under his personal direction, half of these troops became casualties within 10 minutes ... After a disastrous opening campaign, Hughes requested he be promptly awarded an Iron Cross for outstanding courage only he witnessed.
- Gone Horribly Right: "Indian impersonator Grey Owl has land seized, moved to reserve" (September 5, 1935)
- Horrible Judge of Character: "King Meets Hitler" (June 29, 1937) has Prime Minister King meeting with the Obviously Evil Adolf Hitler. King doesn't seem to get what Hitler is aiming at.He expressed his desire to create an Aryan master race and his intention to one day wipe out the Jewish race. I replied that one of Canada's main exports was wheat, a key ingredient in German beer.
He then informed me that he plans to kill millions of people and obliterate any nation that doesn't stand behind the Third Reich. I told him there were many towns in Ontario that still celebrate Oktoberfest. - Hilarious in Hindsight: In-Universe. "Unlike Prussia or the Ottoman Empire, Canada does not have what it takes to last as a country" (December 1, 1867)
- Implausible Deniability: "Tories deny burning down Parliament despite “Burn Down Parliament” slogan" (April 25, 1849)"It’s merely a figure of speech," said Tory leader William Henry Boulton to the press while holding a torch.
- It's Not Porn, It's Art: "Pair of breasts drawn on plane inspires air crews" (November 3, 1943) - in which someone draws a busty topless woman on a WWII aircraft."I was inspired by Botticelli's The Birth of Venus", said navigator F/O Frank McGeorge from Toronto, who helped draw the outline of the flawless areolas and erect nipples.
- Overly Long Name: "Angry mother calls son by using all of his 329 middle and family names" (October 22, 1723)"Louise-Oliver Félix Jean-Baptiste Pierre Philippe," she began. "Francois Claude Baudouin Christophe Clément Slain Armand Gilbert Arnaud Bertrand Émile Étienne Rodrigue Théodore Stéphane Frédéric Hubert Gernard Aristide Théophane Valentin Victor Jules Baptiste Octave Antoine Charles Henri Paul Maurice Ignace Guilliame McJagger Benoit Toussaint Lubin-Aubin Alphonse Césaire Hippolyte Ferdinand Abroise Kieth Richards Eudes Bastien Gustave Artus Jean-Jaques Nicolas Guilliame-Charles Maximilien-Lazare Firmin Noel Denys..."
- Take That!:
- "Notre Dame Society founds Montreal exclusively for devout Christians and drunk university students" (May 17, 1642)
- "General Brock’s dying words: “Name a mediocre university after me”" (October 13, 1812)
- Too Kinky to Torture: "Almighty God rewards Jesuits with torture" (March 17, 1649). Two Jesuit missionaries are about to face martyrdom at the hands of Iroquois, and they begin praying for their deaths to be painful ones like those of famous saints.
- Worst News Judgement Ever: Plenty of articles are about completely mundane things, rather than the kinds of issues one would expect a national newspaper to report on.
