An Honest Thief is a short story written by Barbadian author Timothy Callender.
Local landowner Selwyn Spencer owns a banana tree, which is his pride and joy, and the caring of which he treats as Serious Business. He's also got a reputation in his village as a "bad man," and nobody dares to cross his path, particularly where said banana tree is concerned. In fact, he adores the tree and its fruit so much he's willing to shoot anybody who tries to tamper with it.
But Mr. Spencer's level of authority gets challenged when an ex-convict called Bulldog comes to live in the village. The two men immediately clash over the bananas when Mr. Spencer refuses to let Bulldog taste even one of the fruit; offended, Bulldog declares that at a certain time he's going to steal the entire bunch of bananas whether Mr. Spencer likes it or not.
Callender has stated that this short story remains one of his favorites.
Tropes in An Honest Thief:
- BFG: Mr. Spencer owns a rifle, and has used it in the past. It's why the villagers don't mess with him.
- "Could Have Avoided This!" Plot: Bulldog asks Mr. Spencer on two occasions, the second time with the word "please," to let him try one of Mr. Spencer's bananas. If Mr. Spencer had just complied with the request, the second half of the story wouldn't have happened. Mrs. Spencer even tells her husband to just give Bulldog a banana and settle the quarrel that way, but Mr. Spencer won't listen.
- Dope Slap: Mrs. Spencer would often get this from her husband in the early days, whenever she criticized his obsession over the banana tree.
- The Dreaded: Bulldog has had several newspaper stories written about his crimes, so he's surprised that Mr. Spencer hasn't heard of him, when they first meet.Bulldog: Read any newspaper that print since 1950, and you will see that I always getting convicted for wounding with intent. I is a master at wounding with intent.
- Even Evil Has Standards: According to the narrative, Bulldog likes to give his victims a fifty-fifty chance; hence his motive for telling Mr. Spencer exactly what time he's coming to steal the bananas, so that Mr. Spencer can at least have a fighting chance.
- Exact Words: Bulldog sends a message to Mr. Spencer that he'll steal the bananas between 6:00 p.m. and 2:00 a.m. on a certain night; Mr. Spencer proceeds to set up a watchful vigil with his gun, beginning from before 6:00 p.m. Cue 1:59 a.m., when Mr. Spencer's distracted for a few seconds...
- Hair-Trigger Temper: Mr. Spencer.
- Honor Before Reason: Why Mr. Spencer refuses to pick the bananas like his wife keeps suggesting.Mr. Spencer: This is a matter of principle. I refuse to take the easy way out.
- Must Have Caffeine: Mr. Spencer drinks a lot of black coffee during his vigil in the hours when he's expecting Bulldog to come and steal the bananas.
- Names to Run Away from Really Fast: Bulldog.
- Only Known by Their Nickname: Bulldog.
- Overly Long Name: Mr. Spencer has one.Mr. Spencer: Bulldog is a blasted robber and he must be stopped, and I, Adolphus Selwyn McKenzie Hezekiah Spencer, is the onliest man to do it.
- Only Sane Woman: Mrs. Spencer makes a number of sensible suggestions to her husband regarding the safekeeping of the bananas, including just picking them right away before Bulldog can get them. However, she gets ignored because of Honor Before Reason.
- Serious Business: The banana tree and its fruit are this for Mr. Spencer, and they are the focus of the conflict between him and Bulldog.
- Verbal Tic: Mr. Spencer has a habit of repeating things three times when he's especially indignant.Villagers: Bulldog will beat you!Mr. Spencer: Beat who? Beat who? Beat who?
