History JustForFun / TVTropesAdditionalEvilOverlordVowsCellblockI

#All of my infantry weapons shall be usable by my all my soldiers with minimum of training and common sense. They shall also be simple and rugged enough to able to operate and be maintained in an array of environments.

# If the heroes retreat and leave behind their [[TeamPet ridiculously adorable pet or team companion]] I will ''not'' take it in as my own cherished pet. I will check said [[TastesLikeDiabetes ridiculously adorable animal]] for any sort of homing device that the heroes may use to locate my evil lair when I take it in as a cherished pet. If I find such, I will either instantly destroy it, or throw it into a [=pond/lake/ocean/rain forest=] with poisonous and man-eating animals, and then drop off the creature at a local animal shelter.

# If I decide to HypnotizeThePrincess, I will just do it on someone I am attracted to, and it will just be for a few quickies or to facilitate cooperation in Rule 8 in my original guide. Anything else attempted with this damsel is likely to end badly for me.

# If I find myself I absolutely compelled to do the SlouchOfVillainy, I will retain the services of a competent chiropractor and a good in-house masseuse.
# I will ensure that my [[StateSec secret police, black knights, whatever]] shall be [[TykeBomb recruited as young as possible, and be orphans so that no one will notice that they're missing]] to ensure complete and absolute loyalty to me...However, I will make sure that it is not me who's personally responsible for their kin's demises, that's just asking for a KarmicDeath.
# Since I'm a realistic evil overlord, my main priority in any conflict will be to "not lose" rather than to actually "win".... As Sun Tzu said "Defeat lies in one's own hands whereas victory lies in the hands of the enemy" and since most of the time [[HeroicSpirit it's easier to kill a cockroach than to crush a hero's determination to win]] it will be easier in the long run

# If two countries are at war with one another, [[WarForFunAndProfit I will sell weaponry, soldiers, and supplies to both sides of the conflict]]........I will charge the country that's losing the war more for my aid because I know that they are more desperate, and I will also try and keep the war lasting as long as possible, be it through spreading rumours of surprise attack from one side or assassination of [[ActualPacifist pesky pro-peace officials in one of the country's bureaucracies]] and framing the other side for it.

# I will keep in mind that the most dangerous person in the hero's group is either [[BadassGrandpa the little old man]] or [[WaifFu the small, skinny girl.]] If the ''hero'' is either of these, well, liberal use of the KillSat is always a good plan.

# My dungeons will have no furnishings with which a hero could [[LockingMacGyverInTheStoreCupboard fashion into ways to escape.]]

# [[TryingToCatchMeFightingDirty I will not fight the hero as God intended. Sportsmanlike.]] [[Film/ThePrincessBride In other words, we will not put down our weapons and try to kill each other like civilized people.]]

# I will remember that when it comes to blows my choice is ''not'' limited to the [[ShootingSuperman use of small arms]], illegal purchase of [[RussiansWithRustingRockets second-hand]] [[NukeEm nukes]] and expensive development of awesome, but unreliable {{Death Ray}}s with subsequent even more expensive and suspicious [[KillSat orbit injection]]. For those cases when [[FiveRoundsRapid a few bullets]] fail to convey the message, there are various anti-tank munitions, [[KillItWithFire Thermite]] [[MacrossMissileMassacre Missile Massacre]], explosive-driven magnetic generators (for more hi-tech foes) and other destructive effects to try. At worst, it will give me a chance to disengage and try something else another day, as the laws of the genre are against one's demise until all ImpressivePyrotechnics options are exhausted if one keeps trying -- so it's wise to have some more up my sleeve.

# I will study [[AnotherGamingComic Joe Chaos]], [[Anime/CodeGeass Lelouch vi Britannia]], [[VideoGame/CommandAndConquerTiberianSeries Kane]], and [[Franchise/StarWars Grand Admiral Thrawn]]. I will then [[AllYourPowersCombined combine their strategies]]. In addition, if my [[VillainWithGoodPublicity PR is so good that the entire world loves me]], I will use this combined strategy to my advantage: I will get myself publically and brutally killed by an assassin who disguises themselves as the hero then gets away cleanly whilst I am using a cursed item that will ensure my resurrection in a few weeks' time. This will unite the entire planet against the hero, and I will [[CrystalDragonJesus shortly return]] [[MagnificentBastard to lead them against the man who killed their idol]]. Why a cursed item? They tend to work every single time, and they usually grant immortality, [[WhoWantsToLiveForever which some people, curiously, think is a bad thing.]]

# Some of my elite troops will spend part of their time locked up in my dungeons, turned into stone, shoved in an alternate dimension, or otherwise replicating whatever storage method I use for the people I do not for some reason choose to kill immediately. They will be recompensed for this service. That way, if the hero ever shows up and starts randomly freeing my prisoners, there will be someone on the spot to either take him out or at least thin the escapee crowd a bit.

# If I am a [[BlondGuysAreEvil male evil overlord and I am blonde]], [[DyeOrDie I will dye my hair]].

# In order to prevent GaiasVengeance (or at least a [[CaptainPlanet group of environmentalist heroes]] attacking me), I will make sure my diabolical schemes are as eco-friendly as possible.

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# I will pull a [[SystemShock SHODAN]] when it comes to dead bodies. Namely, all dead bodies will be cybernetically resurrected and augmented with not only cool abilities but brainwashed to obey me.

# I will only convince a less advanced civilization that [[AGodAmI I am a god]] if I already meet their qualifications for one, there are no rivaling deities, their religion is not a strictly pacifistic one, and I am benefited in some way by worship. If I have advanced technology, I will share it with them as long as it is not capable of destroying me in any way.
# All soldiers will be instructed that anyone I bother sending them after is [[NotWorthKilling worth killing,]] as are their close friends, especially if those friends have powers of their own.
# When reading this list, if certain elements contradict each other, I will assume the Original Overlord List to be the more GenreSavvy, and thus follow the rules on that list. Also, I will remember that some things [[AwesomeButImpractical just wouldn't work]]. For example, although there are some things I must keep on my person at all times, I cannot keep 5 guns, 3 knives, the InfinityPlusOneSword, The Infinity Plus One Armor, 5,000 Remote Detonators, 10,000 Keys, The Plans to all my various Schemes, 50,000 of whatever currency I have, several books, a couple of maps, the [[GuideDangIt Game Guide]], several PlotCoupons, my [[VillainsOUtShopping shopping list]], and my [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking teddy bear]] all on me. At least not at the same time, and labeling all those keys and detonators would be a pain.
# If TheHero is [[TheDragon my trusted lieutenant's]] son, and I won my trusted lieutenant over with his/her love of family, I will not try to kill TheHero in said lieutenant's presence.
# Just because the hero is dead for good does not mean I can be totally secure in my power. There will always be [[LegacyCharacter someone]] to take their place.
# If I am fighting in space, any who wish to be in command of any of my ships must first pass a class about space. This class will try to ensure that my commanders do not believe [[SpaceDoesNotWorkThatWay any]] [[OldSchoolDogfight of]] [[SpaceIsCold those]] [[ExplosiveDecompression commonly]] [[AsteroidThicket held]] [[SpaceIsNoisy misconceptions]] [[GravitySucks or]] [[SpaceIsAnOcean myths]] [[TwoDSpace about]] [[ExplosionsInSpace the]] [[StealthInSpace way]] [[SciFiWritersHaveNoSenseOfScale outer]] [[BatmanCanBreatheInSpace space]] [[SpaceBasedWeaponHasCutoffRange actually]] [[ArtisticLicenseAstronomy works.]] This will give me a huge tactical advantage over my enemies who do hold these beliefs.
# Screw making my defenses NintendoHard. I will make them the KobayashiMario: ''Literally'' unbeatable. No way for my enemies to win.
# [[YouNeedToGetLaid I will make sure I get laid often enough]]. I will keep in mind that GoodPeopleHaveGoodSex and make sure both parties enjoy it and [[ThePowerOfLove we care for each other]] because then we can never lose!
# Screw this minion business. I'll just steal Aquaman's powers, then use Cthulhu and Dagon as super weapons, and use the human-size Cthulhu star-spawn and deep ones as infantry.
# I will ensure that I present myself in a manner that does not garner ridicule from my enemies, unless I am trying to lower their guard at the expense of my credibility.
# [[WantonCrueltyToTheCommonComma Poor punctuation]] is unbecoming of any aspiring overlord, and no one wants to follow a leader who can't form a complete sentence, let alone an evil army.
# When starting my reign of terror, I must make sure that everything is in my favor. I won't be [[AIIsACrapshoot shortsighted fool trying to subvert the evil AI]]; I'll be the evil AI. Instead of being the naive sap who tries to unlock the SealedEvilInACan, I will be the evil that is sealed.
# To avoid a situation where the protagonist's weakness gives him a stuffy nose while my weakness causes me to die, I will have my doctors cure my weakness to at least equal to my opponent (if they are unable to cure it completely).
# To secure that my loyal subjects don't see that I'm actually an antagonist, I will work my evil empire from afar… like several countries away… using a webcam. My highest ranked men can hopefully be trusted to cause terror and such without fucking something up.
# Should I be injured, I will take a vacation rather than put gauze on it, leaving a large target for my opponent to aim at.
# My [[WeaponOfMassDestruction [=WMD=]s]] will be able to be deployed at any moment, regardless of if it is only at 60% power when the hero bursts in to stop me. That way, while the hero is feeling great for reaching me before the doomsday weapon is at full power, I can shoot him in the gut and fire the [=DeathLaser=] at the capital city (causing significantly less damage, but I still make my point).
# Forget [[EvilOverlordList Rule 81]], I just won't ever put myself in such a situation in the first place. If I ever have to fight on a moving platform that zooms under low hanging beams, I'll kill my opponent, and then kill the jackass who left a moving plaform in an area with low hanging beams.
# The giant cannon sticking out of the top of my lair will actually just be a large spotlight. The real weapon will be disguised as a tourist trap in the middle of Oklahoma or North Dakota.
# If I launch a nuke that can be stopped while in flight I will have another attack launched stealthily while the dumbasses are trying to disarm the nukes (like I'd actually waste my time nuking Hoboken, NJ).
# If the heroes have already send my plan irrevocably down the toilet, I will not attack them, and if they tell me 'it's over', I'll just surrender. Vilains sometimes have successes, but the survival chance when trying to kill the heroes as revenge for foiling your plot are abysmal.
# I will not be in a situation where surrender is my only option.
# If the feudal [[FarEast Japanese(-esque)]] village I dominate is visited by a mysterious swordsman who trounches some of my minions during their routine-terrorising, I'll go to full alert. I will not try to kill, hire, negotiate or even talk with him. I'll take my best men outside of town for a bit to see if he leaves. If he goes to help the villagers, I'll cut my losses and leave in the direction he came from. Wandering heroes like that seldom backtrack, and I'll likely find a village who's previous tyrannical rulers have been disposed off by said hero, which is now ripe for the picking.
# If I, or any of my minions, are infiltrating the hero's team, the first order of buisness is to ask him about all those innocent facts about him that I already know. The 6 words any spy dreads to hear is "I never told you my name".
# If killing an entire family is neccesary for my evil plan, I'll order my minions to toss a hand grenade under whichever bed would offer the best view of the place where the parents were killed. That's were the last son or daughter who will come after me sooner or later is hiding.
# My time-bombs will not include a bright timer, a blinking light, or a beeping sound that would allow anyone to easily find them. My remote-controled bombs will detonate immediately on triggering, not after 5 seconds of blinking light/beeping sound. If the bomb is next to the hero, he might escape, while if it's close to a villain, he'll just stare in horror.
# If I make use of a time-bomb at all, all of its wires will be red. Cutting any of them will cause it to detonate. As well, it will be set to detonate when the timer reads one hour and twelve minutes left, as no hero has ever disarmed a bomb with over an hour on the timer.
# My ventilation shafts will be man-sized - and a deathtrap.
# I will emulate a hero while doing my evil deeds. Roving parties of adventurers always seem to work for them, so why not give it a shot?
# I will choose a language in which my Legions of Doom are to give and follow orders--preferably a language my enemies do not speak. Any orders given to them in a different language than the aforementioned are to be ignored, no matter how believable the source's accent ia. [[MillionToOneChance Chances are]], the hero has someone in his party who can speak the language, regardless.
# While an Evil Overlord should have every right to spend his nation's resources on personal comfort, I will make sure before doing so that there is nothing else that desperately needs said resources. I'm probably comfortable enough as it is, and I do not want my authentic Repin to be the reason why I have ill-trained soldiers with too few weapons.
# The people of any land I conquer are now my people and should be treated accordingly. Letting my Legions of Doom rape, loot, and pillage to their hearts' content is just asking for partisan problems down the road and will give the hero plenty of allies within my own borders when he visits the area.
# If I suspect one of my most brilliant generals is plotting against me, I will make sure I have actual proof from sources less biased than I am before attempting to get rid of him.
# Any prisoners that the hero is attempting to rescue will be killed. If the hero's willing to go on a veritable suicide mission to get them out, they're clearly more useful to the hero alive than they are to me alive. The only exceptions are if they have valuable information that I can't obtain by other means, in which case they will be relocated to another detention facility.
# Unless I couldn't care less about what becomes of my empire after I die, I will not attempt to divide it among my heirs.
# If I am killed, anyone in my will who was involved in my death shall receive nothing but a much shorter life, even if my will entitled them to more.
# I will have a full understanding of what [[HollywoodTactics completely idiotic excuses for tactics]] tend to work when the hero employs them. I will develop appropriate countermeasures that are so obviously effective that [[ViewersAreMorons any imbecile]] [[BreakingTheFourthWall in front of the screen]] can tell that the hero's tactics suck in comparison to mine.
# I will ascend to power by defeating ANOTHER evil overlord. Nothing says "PR" like becoming an Evil Overlord as a hero. I will make sure that the evil overlord I defeated is [[EvilerThanThou more evil than I am]].
# Marrying for political power, wealth, or physical attraction (or any combination of the three) makes my consort a possible threat to my rule. As such, it is better for us to get married simply because we truly love each other. First of all, [[ThePowerOfLove love is power]], and it also makes it more likely that, no matter what other people think of her, I will think of my consort as being [[HotConsort very beautiful]]. Besides, no one said bad guys couldn't [[PetTheDog experience "good" feelings like love]].
# If I am holding someone hostage, I will kill them the instant the hero refuses my demands rather than give the hero time to rescue them.
# If one or all of the heroes are ShroudedInMyth, I will take all rumors as fact, just to be safe. For example, if I hear they can bend steel with their bare hands, if they are captured I will take measures to ensure that their restraints are stronger than steel.
# If I capture a hero who's known to have EyeBeams, I will not have him or her facing the cell door and I will not stand directly in front of them. Rather, I will place a clamp on their head to prevent them from turning and frying me, and so they are facing another hero.
# I will never send one of my female minions into the hero's group to seduce the hero, keep an eye on his movements, trick him into doing my dirty work, etc., because she will almost certainly fall in love with the hero, even if he already has a love interest, and turn on me at the worst possible moment. Even if she is my own lover, even if she is the most loyal minion in my ranks (heck, possibly even if she prefers women), she will still almost certainly side with the hero.
# A 0.0000000000000001% chance of my superweapon backfiring and killing me is unacceptable. [[MillionToOneChance Anything more than a 0% chance of the weapon backfiring is a 100% chance]].
# In the event that I need to seal the hero and his friends inside one of my fortress's side rooms for a while, there will be an electric device in my minion's uniforms that, when placed in contact with the wiring on the inside of a door's control panel, reverse [[EvilOverlordList which side will determine whether the door will either open or seal when the panel is shot]].
# I will not use my KillSat or any other superweapon to kill the hero, because [[NoOneCouldSurviveThat he CAN and probably WILL survive it]]. In addition, it might instead kill his love interest or a sidekick who happens to be with him, [[ItsPersonal making his quest to defeat me personal]], and thus making the hero even stronger. [[RedshirtArmy His forces]], on the other hand, are usually vulnerable and are therefore acceptable targets for a superweapon strike--not to mention most of them won't be present when and if the hero is [[LeaveHimToMe confronting me directly]], so it frees up more of my own troops (who can usually be expected to have weapons that CAN kill him) to fight the hero himself.
# If the hero is a parent, I will do everything I can to appear awesome to his child. Are you REALLY going to kill your son's idol, Mr. Hero? Do you REALLY want to run the risk of having to kill your own son somewhere down the road?
# Scientists who tell me that their project failed will not be punished unless they told me earlier that it was a success. After all, a lot of these projects revolve around things that haven't been tested, so it's inevitable that some of them won't produce the desired results.
# Experiments that can destroy cities will be conducted as far away from cities or any mayor import facilities as possible.
# I will take all people who take up arms against me seriously, no matter how ridiculous their methods are.
# The instant I have an opportunity to kill my enemy without endangering myself or my plans, I will take advantage of it.
# I will keep in mind that the laws of reality might not apply to my universe. Even if [[BreakingTheFourthWall anyone looking in from the outside]] thinks whoever created my universe is insane, I will follow the creator's rules. If women in my universe are the worst fighters in existence, then no matter how unfair it may look, I will refrain from giving my female minions any combat-related jobs. Likewise, even if my universe [[CriticalResearchFailure contradicts things everyone knows]], I follow the laws of my universe, not the real universe.
# If I absolutely must [[ArentYouGoingToRavishMe ravish]] every [[DistressedDamsel hapless damsel]] [[IHaveYouNowMyPretty who blunders my into my clutches]], I will at least take the precautions of [[BatheHerAndBringHerToMe having her properly washed first]] and using a condom.
# If my capital is seized, I will only surrender if the capital was all that was left of my country at that point or if I was seized along with the capital and have no way of escaping alive.
# Whilst I shall not approve of hostility between my citizens, thus earning me a few brownie points, I shall encourage people to laugh at those idiots with their pants on the outside.
# Should any of my {{Mook}}s [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere run away]], I will let them go instead of having my trackers follow and try to kill them. There are always more mooks, and chasing after them runs the risk that they [[MookFaceTurn befriended the hero]] during their wanderings. I will research the why the did run away - after all many mooks sport common sense.
# I will not waste resources developing [[HumongousMecha mecha]], [[EarthShatteringKaboom planet-destroying superlasers]], hovering battleships for atmospheric combat, or similar AwesomeButImpractical symbols of power. Mecha require enormous feats of engineering and programming to successfully move, let alone fight effectively.
# I will make a mecha for show, one that [[TheMerch is easily merchandisable]]. And I won't disdain FanWorks about it either. No making copyright claims about Website/YouTube videos, and no DRM on any video games made about it. I'm an evil overlord, [[EvenEvilHasStandards not the RIAA]].
# Any autodestruct sequence in any of my bastions will, resources permitting, destroy the entire facility at the same time. Failing that, it will be destroyed from the outside in, preventing any intruder from running out ahead of the blast. If the technology or magic exists, Mooks will be teleported elsewhere immediately, bolstering my popularity and preventing any need for retraining when I establish a replacement for that base.
# If the hero is allegedly dead, I'll kill him immediately after this is announced just to make sure.
# I will not use torture to extract information from captured enemies. When the AntiHero does it, [[TortureAlwaysWorks he usually gets the information he's looking for]]. When I do it to the hero or one of his allies, I will probably get nothing or lies out of them, not to mention the act [[KickTheDog costs me sympathy]].
# Any special powers I possess will only be used if I need to use them and never mentioned to anyone. While having telekinetic powers may be useful, I'd rather have the hero find out I have them at a time when it is inconvenient (preferably lethal) for him. It's also a useful last line of defense against traitors who have planned for everything else.
# Each and every bit of information I or any of my underlings have will be encrypted in the best and practical encryption available. Likewise is done for any form of communication. Any software I have must be able to deliver Checksums or other proofs of authenticity at any time -- especialy [=AIs=] and robots.
# I will hire and pay royally every hacker I can get. Said hackers will be used to make my systems more secure and to find any holes in software and hardware I or my scientists come up with.
# If I am a magican in a modern Muggle world, I will remember to get all sorts of Muggle weapons and technology that could help me or substitute for my magic. Even if my magic can't kill the hero, a well targeted missile will.
# All weapons will have biometric safety that disallows attacks aimed near me. This extends to both conventional and any super weapons. Where possible, implosion-based weaponry will be used in place of explosives for anti-vehicular roles.
# I will force Disney to remake the ''Franchise/StarWars'' prequels, and do them right. That ought to gain me the loyalty of about half the nerds on the planet, if not even more. Then I will look into Film/TheMatrix sequels and some disputed recent comic book events (you know which ones) if that isn't enough.
# If my last name [[Literature/LeftBehind is the name of a mountain range]], I'm legally changing it. Something like [[Literature/{{Discworld}} Vetinari]] would be good.
# I will not HypnotizeThePrincess for the usual reasons. I can [[AndNowYouMustMarryMe get my own consort other ways]], and inducing a FaceHeelTurn is too unreliable. Instead, it will be for fun reasons. If nothing else, I can screw with the hero a hell of a lot. I'll command the love interest to flash the hero every time [[ByThePowerOfGreyskull he says his transformation phrase]]. Even if that doesn't stop the transformation, his look alone would be worth a laugh. And just for shits and giggles, every time he says his regular CatchPhrase, she will say "I know you are, but what am I?".
# Perhaps I shouldn't have children who are evil. Good children might turn against me though. So to minimize the risk, I will adopt a girl who is wise, yet sweet, and raise her as a PrincessClassic. She won't continue my evil tradition after my death or ascension to godhood, but I'll be dead or a god, so it won't matter to me. Plus having such a sweet little girl around should earn me adoration points just by being a good parent.
# If a rebellion actually happens, and succeeds in freeing part of my empire, I will not tighten my grip on what remains, especially not [[Film/{{Stargate}} try to keep my subjects simple and uneducated]]. That will just invite greater rebellion later on.
# My minions, guards, and anyone else with official business in my stronghold will each be equipped with a ring which must be scanned as secured doors to open them. However, the scanner will scan not only the ring, but the RFID chip in the wearer's palm. Anyone who attempts to scan the ring by itself - say, the Hero who just plucked it off a guard he overpowered - will set off the silent alarm.
# Having a harem is one of the privileges of being an Evil Overlord. However, in the interest of keeping the women loyal and enthusiastic, inclusion in the harem will be on a strictly voluntary basis, and those who serve in this manner for two years will receive a full-ride scholarship at my University.
# Women who are captured will be treated the same as the male prisoners, no matter how beautiful and alluring they are. They will NOT be added to the harem or otherwise made to serve me as concubines. Part of the point of having a harem is to keep me immune to such things, after all.
# I will not get married. There are somethings that an Evil Overlord just isn't cut out for. Any woman who could become my bride would necessarily have to be Evil as well, and therefore NOT someone you want to have in you bed every night. Besides, she'd eventually just betray me anyway, and I'd either lose everything I'd worked so hard for, or I'd have to execute her - which isn't as easy as it sounds, even for an Evil Overlord. (Of course, there's ''nothing'' wrong with TheHero marrying.)
# I will make sure that bogus prophecies are spread around the populace, which pointedly do not come to pass. That way, if they ever hear the genuine article, they'll ignore it. Even the genuine prophecies only come to pass because people believe in them.
# All Innkeepers will be on my payroll, and rewarded for useful pieces of information regarding travelers from afar.
# If a wandering bard makes up an unflattering song about me, I'll have a good chuckle along with everyone else, invite him to dinner in my stronghold, and them feed him to my monster for my own private enjoyment. One must keep up the appearance of a benevolent despot, but that doesn't meant you let the bastard get away with it.
# There will be absolutely NO death traps in my private chambers which might be turned against me. They're called "private" chambers for a reason, and there should never be any need for me to bring someone in there who I might want to kill.
# My personal bodyguard will not have a mechanical arm or a laser-shooting eye as his primary weapon; he will have a pistol. Gimmicky weapons have a way of failing at crucial moments.
# If and when I capture {{the Hero}}'s pet monkey/dog/falcon/other such loyal animal, I will not attempt to have it act in any way for my amusement. It's just either going to bite me or try to steal something and escape.
# When drafting a duty schedule for my minions, I shall arrange their shifts so they'll get plenty of rest. In particular, I want my security forces to be fresh and alert should the hero or any other troublemakers show up at the gates.
# I will have the hero killed in such a way that a [[NeverFoundTheBody body will be left behind]] as proof that he's dead. As such, vaporizing him, incinerating him, breaking him apart into individual molecules, etc., are not acceptable ways to kill the hero unless something that can be definitively identified as the dead hero can be left behind--kill or be killed situations notwithstanding, of course.
# Once I kill the hero, I will have the body dissolved in acid. I will then consider the POSSIBILITY that he might really be dead.
# I will make sure I have a full understanding of how my universe operates. For example, if a fall from any height can be rendered [[SoftWater non]]-[[CatchAFallingStar lethal]] by certain [[YouFailPhysicsForever illogical]] [[GiantRobotHandsSaveLives circumstances]], I will take advantage of that. I will keep the potential for inconsistencies (i. e. the hero [[SoftWater survives a 10,000-foot fall into the sea]] and everyone else is as good as dead) in mind, though, and avoid the risk if I have any reason to believe my situation is an exception to my universe's illogical rules.
# I will appoint someone to be the guy that plays the leader of my empire while I take on the role of the mayor of a far away town that sits on the very edge of the empire. If the hero ever shows up, I'll be as nice as possible to him, but say there's little I can actually do against the evil empire. Should my decoy be defeated, I WON'T make a sudden appearance as the REAL leader. I'll just redo the plan while staying undercover (why should I break cover when the hero has probably put me at the bottom of the "Potential Leaders of the Evil Empire" list, below their own family members and an NPC who tells them about a local legend?).
# As supreme ruler of my empire, it is my prerogative to make whatever laws I deem fit. Nevertheless, I will refrain from making laws that are entirely arbitrary, nonsensical, and/or impossible to enforce without diverting manpower, funding, and other resources away from areas of far more pressing concern.
# By nature of being the bad guy, there is a good chance my EvilPlan will fail no matter how well I prepare. This being the case, I will make sure I will always have an opportunity to switch to an honest life just in case I ever decide that being evil isn't worth the trouble. (Besides, who better to handle an evil empire than one who actually has been a key part of one?)
# If I am, in my rise to power, engaging in some illegal activity, all present will be instructed to ''not'' use names. There's no point to it. If those I am working with find it ''absolutely impossible'' to work without some way to refer to each individual, I will randomly assign them names from a list of words that I create. There is no point in being Thundara, Lord of the Dance, when Dance is so much easier in practice. And though they will, of course, run drills while using these names, all drills will be done in full disguise.
# My palace guards will have regularly scheduled times when they must report in to the main security office via radio or intercom, even if it's just to report "situation normal". If any guard fails to check in at any of his appointed times, whoever's on duty in the security office is to initiate a full-scale alert on the assumption that said guard was killed or incapacitated by an intruder, and that there's now a security breach in progress. [[TheGuardsMustBeCrazy If it's found thereafter that the guard in question failed to check in because he abandoned his post or was preoccupied with anything he's not supposed to be doing while on watch,]] [[YouHaveFailedMe he's in deep shit.]]
# Any items that the hero needs to obtain will not be in the possession of my [[ThatOneBoss most annoying-to-defeat elites]], but in the possession of my [[InvincibleMinorMinion impossible-to-defeat privates]].
# If I attempt to shut down a machine that's "malfunctioning" and my scientific adviser warns me that [[InstantAIJustAddWater it has become sentient]], I'll listen and respond accordingly. If it is indeed sentient, I'll treat it as a person who can be emotionally manipulated or negotiated with.
# Even if the hero currently lacks a power, I will factor into my battle plans the possibility that he might [[EleventhHourSuperpower suddenly obtain it and turn the tide of the fight]]. Heroes have an annoying tendency to do that when all seems lost.
# I will have the cost of all new weapons projects analyzed before even a prototype is built. This way, if the planned weapon is determined to be too expensive to mass-produce, the hero won't have a [[SuperPrototype prototype]] to steal. Also, if the weapon is too expensive, even the schematics presented to me will be destroyed--I will personally oversee their destruction; leaving the task to someone else almost guarantees that they'll put it off and inadvertently allow the hero to steal the plans and reverse-engineer the weapon.
# My agents, operatives, and minions will only be permitted to utilize [[PaperThinDisguise paper-thin disguises]] in specific circumstances. These include training observers for the level of sophistication expected from garden-variety heroes, operations where the agent is ''meant'' to be identified, and entertainment. Anyone caught issuing, being issued, wearing, or developing a PaperThinDisguise without the above excuses will be fired. Preferably from a howitzer. All agents who are meant to succeed will be issued in-depth covers, be trained with their covers to prevent slips, and even receive plastic surgery or prosthetic alterations if their appearance is too well-known.
# It is possible that, by nature of being the Evil Overlord, my people will hate me no matter what I do. In that case, I will forget about being a [[VillainWithGoodPublicity villain with good PR]] and instead focus on aspects of my plan that are unaffected by how much my people hate me.
# I will not dispose of people by [[ThrownOutTheAirlock sending them into space without a suit]], [[WalkThePlank forcing them to walk overboard]], or any similar method. Such things carry a chance of the fool surviving long enough to be picked up by the hero, in which case my ex-minion will invariably divulge important information to the hero and/or [[MookFaceTurn side with him]] and suddenly become competent.
# If I decide to place a tracking device on a prisoner and then let him/her escape (for example, if I'm trying to locate that annoying rebel base that the prisoner won't tell me the location of), the device will be in the form of a nanobot hidden in the prisoner's food. The bot will stay within the prisoner's body. If possible, the nanobot will attach itself to the prisoner's nervous system and transmit a full sensory feed rather than just the now-escaped prisoner's location. In fact, just in case the prisoner accidentally gets the nanobot out through sheer luck, multiple nanobots will be hidden in the prisoner's food.
# All vehicles, uniforms, weapons, etc., will have tracking devices and recording devices hidden on them. This will allow me to keep an eye on my underlings, just in case someone's plotting my demise and/or shirking their duties. In addition, it will help me locate anything the hero steals when and if he infiltrates one of my bases and survives.
# All vehicles used by my forces shall have devices installed in them that allow me to remotely shut off their engines if they're stolen.
# I will know the name of everyone among my personal guards. [[NominalImportance People I address as "guard" tend not to live that long.]] The same holds true for anyone else who answers directly to me.
[/numlist]

# If the one item capable of destroying me [[ItOnlyWorksOnce can only be used once]], I will not trick the hero into wasting it unless: 1) absolutely nothing (that means NOTHING, not "only some [[MillionToOneChance extremely unlikely]] set of circumstances") can be done to make it usable again, 2) [[NiceJobBreakingItHero the item's use is a component of my plan]], or 3) the thing takes so long to reload, even with the aid of some special incantation, item, or other action, that the hero will be dead and the item's immediate threat to me neutralized (by means of the item's destruction, if possible) before he can use it again.

# Any robots or golems I construct will be programmed with knowledge of [[LiteralMinded all commonly used metaphors and idioms]] in both my native language and whatever village/country/planet I need to infiltrate. Especially if I live in a universe that runs on RuleOfFunny.
# If my computer is intelligent enough to argue with the hero, I will have a team of computer programmers make sure that it is impervious to any [[LogicBomb Logic Bombs]].
# In the case that my computer becomes intelligent enough to out-argue me, I will design it so that it will shut down when I press a remote device that I carry with me at all times. I will ALSO have my programmers block out all knowledge of the emergency shutdown device.
# I will learn all possible methods that could be used to revive the dead hero (or clone him, or transfer his consciousness into another vessel, etc.) and take the necessary measures to ensure no one pulls off such procedures.
# I will not even consider reviving the hero in an evil form; he would either [[TheStarscream try to overthrow me]], [[HeelFaceTurn return to the side of good]], or make one of his comrades the unofficial new hero by being slain by said ally in a [[IKnowYoureInThereSomewhereFight dramatic and tragic fight]].
# I will not use a ShrinkRay. Those things are so last generation. But if that is what I am stuck with for an ultimate weapon, I will show restraint in its use. Shrinking the hero down to three inches high and holding him or her in my hand may be cathartic, but after the inevitable escape, recapture will be nigh impossible, and there are so many ways of turning being that small into an advantage it isn't even funny.
# I will never design, build, nor use any contraption--be it magical, technological, or some mingling of the two--that [[PoweredByAForsakenChild uses a forsaken child as a power source or key component,]] that sort of thing never ends well.
# Ideally, my fortress or lair will be in a [[EagleLand state]] that appoints its appellate or Supreme Court judges; but it will never do its dirty deeds in a state that does appoint. Better yet, I will be just like the [[JohnGrisham Troy-Hogan firm]]: invisible, unidentifiable except through my high contacts, and not decorated with anything beyond minimalist art.
# I will bear in mind that this list is neither exhaustive nor infallible. After all, if all these tips are so good, why haven't the people who wrote them taken over the the world yet?
# If my EvilPlan involves getting particular woman pregnant with a powerful offspring of mine, I won’t kidnap her and then force myself on her. Since RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil I will end up crossing MoralEventHorizon, which depending on the setting may mean my quick and painful death. Instead, I will use my natural charm to woo her and convince her she wants my babies ASAP. If for whatever reason I can’t simply seduce her I will obtain her egg cells and do the whole thing in the lab. I WILL remember to treat my new child with love and care, to make sure s/he [[VideoGame/MassEffect2 doesn’t escape and use his/her extraordinary strength and intelligence against the daddy.]]
# I will never employ {{Magnetic Hero}}es unless I’m completely sure of their loyalty AND have their skulls implanted with a self-destruction device. While these people may be useful when it comes to keeping morale up and recruiting new soldiers for my Legions of Terror, they also have an annoying tendency of switching sides and taking my supposedly loyal minions with them.
# I will obtain maps of the {{absurdly spacious sewer}} system, and send a group down there at regular interval to make sure that heroes have not set up camp or are currently traveling around down there.
# I will have absolutely NO HelpfulMook servants in my castle to help a hero progress, they're better used for public relations.
# If someone is TooKinkyToTorture, I will do my best not to lose my temper, I can find [[CoolAndUnusualPunishment suitable tortures]].
# If someone with some invaluable ability is known for being [[MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic prissy, whiny, critical etc. and uses that to try and manipulate me or my underlings]], she won't be "tolerated" just because they have that ability. Instead, I can either (a) punish her further for trying it or (b) find some other use for this someone, perhaps as monster chow.
# If TheDragon is so fiercely loyal to keeping his position as NumberTwo that he would jeopardize otherwise successful plans, I'll make sure he's kept a close eye on.
# My support staff will be multilingual. Not only is it useful in international relations if need be, it will come in handy when [[BilingualBackfire dealing with someone who claims to speak no English.]]
# If possible, I will always retain an option for [[KarmaHoudini self-preservation]], even if it requires me to temporarily abandon an identity or even [[LaserGuidedAmnesia forget whoever I might have been]] for a prolonged duration of time or a noteworthy length of the plot, [[Manga/DeathNote as long as I know with absolute conviction that I will be both willing and able to regain my former identity]] and betray my enemies into a scheme in which I have sufficient (preferably absolute) control over them and anything/everything that might be even remotely tied to them.
# I will present myself at all times to the audience as a character with whom they can sympathize, [[MediumAwareness should there be any point at which a character even remotely suggests the existence of such an audience]].
# I will not hesitate to [[KickThemWhileTheyAreDown kick my enemies while they are down]], at least to the point at which they are absolutely incapable of resisting, fending off, or fighting against me. If any of the aforementioned enemies ever suggest they know anything which may be integral to or threatening towards my rule, I will hear them out only once I'm absolutely, entirely certain they've been sufficiently incapacitated so as to no longer be capable of posing a direct (or even indirect) threat to me.
# I will [[EnemyMine ally myself with the hero]] whenever convenient. I will also keep in mind that this is an alliance of convenience only.
# I will give the hero and his/her allies as many reasons as I can to support me, and try to limit (and/or shift the blame of) whatever reasons said hero may have to resent me.
# I will not betray the hero in an alliance made in good faith from which I wouldn't have anything to benefit the betrayal thereof.
# Anyone holding an officer's rank within my Legions of Terror will have only been promoted to said rank after an appropriate number of years of competent, loyal service and demonstrating the requisite aptitude for leadership and tactics. No exceptions.
# I will create several positions with impressive titles and very little to no responsibility or power. If I ever have to promote someone incompetent, I will promote him to one of these. These also provide nice options for any subordinate I want to neutralize without offending.
# I will only deploy my [[WalkingTank Imperial Walkers]] in regions where the terrian and other conditions clearly favor them over more traditional wheeled and tracked vehicles. Also, they will be armed with as many weapons as weight limitations and viable hardpoints will allow, rather than just two cannons forward on the "head" which can only swivel a maximum of 60 degrees in any direction.
# Since few things in this universe are more infuriating and inconvenient than the do-gooders [[HeelFaceTurn turning my minions against me]] [[MachiavelliWasWrong through the simplest acts of kindness and/or compassion,]] I will try to avoid [[MistreatmentInducedBetrayal being such a hardass that they would have cause to secretly resent me.]]
# I will not take an innocent person hostage and then subsequently [[MoralEventHorizon murder them]] in front of the hero solely for the purpose of illustrating what a rotten bastard I am. Doing so would just give the hero one more reason to [[BoomHeadshot blow my brains out]] right there and then.
# Before my Legions of Terror put any revolutionary new personal weapons technology into wide use on the battlefield, [[TheEnemyWeaponsAreBetter I will take into account the probability of the rebellion or my other enemies acquiring the new weapons by taking them off fallen soldiers or prisoners of war.]] I will then make contingency plans accordingly, rather than allow myself be caught flat-footed when my enemies turn my own technology against me.
# All of the kitchen knives and steak knives in my palace's kitchen will be kept in a locked cabinet when not in use. Members of the kitchen staff will be issued keys to said cabinet only if they pass a thorough background screening and their duties logically require them to have access to the knives.
# If I am ever tempted to have [[SlowDoors slowly closing doors the come down from the ceiling]], I will make sure that there are many chambers of said doors that close from the outside in, so that the hero will be trapped inside. Also, these doors will suddenly drop the last few inches to discourage the hero from [[IndyHatRoll trying anything cute]]
# If the level of technology allows for it, I will store and use C4 plastic explosives whenever I can. If it does not, explosives will be stored in a locked and well reinforced "hot room" when not in use. This room will also have plenty of fire extinguishers on hand for emergencies and a clearly-posted NO SMOKING sign, just so there is officially no excuse for being [[ExplosiveStupidity that]] [[TooDumbToLive brainless]].
# I will not use any sort of slave as a bodyguard. The same goes for anyone of a people I am keeping in permanent debt.
# If the hero has a SnarkyNonHumanSidekick, I will deal with him/her/it with that much more caution since such creatures all too often outshine their human companions both in GenreSavvy and sheer ruthlessness.
# I will have my scientists develop a binary compound that can be combined to form a reasonably safe and effective tranquilliser. The precursor compounds of which remain inert, undetectable and stay in the human body for a few weeks, unless the other compound is introduced at the same time, in which case the human in question is knocked out. My mooks will be routinely issued one compound and the local peasantry (and any foreigners I capture as prisoners) the other. Th effects of fraternising between the two groups will therefore be minimized.
# Assuming I use them in the first place, any unconventional vehicles I deploy, such as [[HoverTank hovercraft]] and [[SpiderTank mechanized walkers]], will also have treads/wheels for use in case their primary mode of transportation fails.
# Should I happen to be an Overlord in a mystical setting, I will never, ''ever'' eliminate dragons from the world no matter what they have done to me - there will only end up being a few super-powerful survivors who fight with the hero and gain him huge amounts of PR for having a cool flying death-lizard friend. Instead, I will make dragons a protected species, treat them with courtesy and respect and additionally hire a few as Legions of Terror in keeping with my status as an equal-opportunities employer. In return, I will ask them to ensure that no hero gets his hands on a pet dragon and introduce some of them to my peasants so they are not so amazed should the hero try to use his status as dragon-rider or similar to rally the people.
# No matter how small it is, no Rebel Alliance is insignificant enough to ignore. Should any arise, I will bring my full might to bear on them as soon as possible and present them to the people as a bunch of murderous, genocidal anarchists out for money.
# I will carefully read and reread any legally (or [[MagicallyBindingContract mystically]]) binding contract before I even think about signing it, ''especially'' [[ReadTheFinePrint the fine print]]. I will summon my lawyers and have them look it over as well, especially if there's anything in the contract that seems a bit fishy to me. All this goes double if it's a [[DealWithTheDevil pact with a diabolical spirit or deity]].
# I will not enter into any macho pissing contests with other Evil Overlords, especially ones that will end up with me revealing my secret back up plans in order to "win." (TheHero can do ''that.)''
# All boxes, crates, barrels, etc. that the hero or one of his allies could conceivably hide in will always be kept in specially designated areas and will have labels indicating which area they are to be stored in. If any such container is sighted somewhere other than where it is supposed to be, even if said container is not moving, all exits from that area are to be sealed from the outside, and the container in question is to be inspected by two guards--one to open the container (if less direct methods of inspection are unavailable or insufficient) and a second to report an intruder if the first guard is killed by the intruder the instant he/she opens the container. If the container is found to contain no intruder, it is to be returned to its designated storage location.
# If I choose to become a MultiversalConqueror, I will not seek help from my alternate counterparts. Chances are that either they are incompetent or we'll all be fighting each other for control of the multiverse.
# My fortress's infirmary will have well-secured cabinets in which all sedatives, painkillers, and other expensive, abusable drugs will be kept. A thorough, daily inventory of said cabinets will be taken and anyone caught getting high off the infirmary's supply can expect to be severely punished.
# Anyone I hire to fight the hero shall be bound by a carefully-worded contract that ensures their continued loyalty for as long as I require their services. Even if they're [[OnlyInItForTheMoney only in it for the money]], I need to be sure my [[HiredGuns hired guns]] won't turn on me when the hero inevitably offers them better pay.
# Should anyone manage to enter my lair, they will not be confronted by a series of minions while I sit in my inner sanctum doing nothing. They will be instead confronted by me (in addition to my most powerful warriors) the moment they walk through the door.
# My most powerful weapon/attack that can be reasonably used within the area of the battle will be [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill my first resort]], not my last.
# If I am an EmotionEater, I will not underestimate the power of the emotion in question, especially if my consumption of it has made me strong.
# I will not turn the world into something Dalí would paint. When things get that chaotic, it's hard to notice little things like the fact that the heroes have their power back.
# Sometimes, I ''will'' [[YouSaidYouWouldLetThemGo let hostages go when I promise to]]. People will actually believe me then.
# My Minions of Terror [[MoneySpider will never carry any amount of cash]]. Those that require money will be issued checkbooks or credit cards (as technology allows) for official use only. My accounts will be carefully monitored for any sign of credit-card fraud. The Hero doesn't need any more money than he already has.
# If the hero has some sort of "hidden power," I will not attempt to provoke him into releasing it so that I can have a good fight. Said hidden power will be far beyond by ability to handle. I will instead use my full power to kill him quickly and be done with it.
# If I must have a [[TrapDoor secret trap door]] in my throne room, I'll carefully memorize it's exact location and avoid standing on that spot. Also, the opening of said trap door will be triggered by a hidden push button under the arm of my chair, and not a big, obvious lever. Making puns about my enemies "dropping in" will still be optional though.
# While potentially costing more money due to replacement, any weapons or other forms of useful equipment carried by my Legion of Doom will be keyed to its user's vital signs. The moment a mook dies, small explosives/strong acid will be set off/released, rendering the equipment useless.
# I will not establish a central bank and fiat currency in my nation. Such things may seem to work out fine for a while, but as a student of history I will realize they always lead to a ruined national economy and lots of righteously pissed off subjects who will form or join a rebellion against me.
# Any and all prophecies focusing on children of a certain village, town or city or country killing me shall be averted by me first destroying the city, town, village or country with secret assassins yet spare one of the children so that I can secretly pull a GrandTheftMe on said child then stab my comatose body to death(''publicly fulfilling the prophecy'') and pretend to want revenge against the attackers of the village.
# If possible, the guards in my fortress will be equipped with devices that monitor several vitals and transmit them to the security center. If an enterprising hero attempting to sneak in kills or knocks out a guard security will immediately lock down the entire section, possibly adjacent ones as well, and dispatch several squads of EliteMooks to ''thoroughly'' sweep the entire section.
# All soldiers in my Legions of Doom, regardless of rank, will be trained to exhibit basic tactical sense, including knowledge of when to retreat, when to call for reinforcements, and when to call for ''[[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill fire support]]''.
# If my arch-nemesis [[ComicBook/TheFlash has super speed]], I will make sure any technological gadgets I have are as un-tamperable as possible. Wires are a '''BIG''' no-no. Even then, if said speedster comes within five feet of any device in my possession, I sure as hell am not going to attempt to use it on them. [[ScrewySquirrel Speedsters are dicks.]]
# My Legions of Terror will unfortunately never be HomeByChristmas unless I'm invading fucking Tonga.
# If the rebel scum discover I am to oversee a high-profile, top secret project which requires coded access, I will leak a fake code that, if it comes up, signals that my Legions of Terror are to [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill raze the vehicle that transmitted it to the ground, and then destroy the atoms]]. I will ''not'' leak the ''real'' access code as part of some harebrained trap.
# I will booby trap one of the random, hard-to-reach, health chests scattered through the kingdom with C4. I will place said explosive inside ''and behind'' the hero, so that if he sees the first charge, he will then step on the other one in a hasty retreat and die.
# I will hire a team of forty young adults, nerds, geeks, and teens to periodically look over the TVTropes EvilOverlordList Cellblocks and ask them if they can condense or shorten this list. I am an Evil Overlord and do not have the time, money, nor the patience required to read near eight hundred rules.
# If not stated before I WILL NOT COMMIT GENOCIDE they tend to [[GenocideBackfire backfire]].
# If I have a beautiful, loyal daughter, I will have her pretend to fall in love with the hero, all while giving me important information.
# I will never reveal my secret plans to anyone except my most trusted staff under any circumstances.
# If the hero has a qualm for hurting adorable animals, which they most likely do, I'll put kittens in some of your robotic mooks and convince the hero that they'll die if the mooks are broken. Or something like that.
# I'll make sure that every one of my mooks has some evident redeeming quality to them if possible, that way I can make the hero more hesitant to harm them, and should GoodIsNotNice be in effect, I'll have a plenty good reason to invoke a ''HUGE'' WhatTheHellHero
# If I plan to somehow use Santa Claus, I will be as nice as I can so my biggest Christmas wish can come true (owning a Hyper-Mega-Death Laser, or wishing the Flu on my enemies for a quick conquest mayhaps), trying to ruin the holiday seems counterproductive if this is possible; and in case he doesn't grant this wish I can just steal his sleigh and hold the North Pole for ransom.
# I'll make sure there are no lose, sharp, and heavy decorations/cargo/stone fixtures in my lair that can be knocked loose and crush/impale someone.
# If I have an alter ego "absolutely no one" knows about, and I'm able to see the end of my supposed BIG evil scheme that I can't just bounce back from, I'll continue working as my persona and keep all the things that will reveal my identity in a separate location, and not in a secret room where I live or at my place of business.
# The ParkingGarage is for shopping, not for hiding out.
# [[VideoGame/{{Skylanders}} If I banish the heroes to another world, I will make sure no one in the other world can send the heroes back.]]
#If I have a table with death trap chairs, and the hero has no idea Who I am, I will invite him to dinner at that table, and then kill him by [[IncrediblyLamePun shock.]]
# If I am holding an enemy by the neck, and they then flat out tell me that [[Anime/KillLaKill they are a decoy]], then I will snap their neck, ''then'' turn around to see what went wrong.
# The entrance to my base has two sets of portcullises or blast doors. These are never open at the same time. Anyone suspected of infiltrating my hideout is to be let in the first set and then trapped when it closes behind them. If it's the hero, I can use the murder holes or hidden explosives.
# To the note of banishing heroes to another world, [[InjusticeGodsAmongUs Make sure you're not only accustomed to that world, but had been sent there before.]] [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge it worked for Zod, so it would work for me.]]
# Make sure to ensure [[GrandTheftMe that my soul enters the Hero if he kills me.]] Also, make sure he did fire the shot and not some incompetent {{Mook}}. Or make a object that can only be destroyed by the Hero [[TakingYouWithMe using it on themselfs, with a part of my soul inside it]]. Bouns points if either MyGodWhatHaveIDone or WhatTheHellHero is used, since it would lead to the Hero [[DiabloII becoming me, or a new villian.]]
# Teach [[{{Mook}} Mooks]] by yourself like a father figure or companion. [[VideoGame/EarthBound If the]] [[Franchise/TheLegendOfZelda heroes can]] [[Franchise/FireEmblem fight together,]] [[VideoGame/{{Disgaea}} we can do it too.]]
# [[VideoGame/{{BlazBlue}} Despite being a hero, Trinity Glassfield DID have a good plan.]] As such, I will make a device or event where the Hero has to die in order to stop it. Also, make sure that said device or event [[FountainOfYouth keeps a friendly race alive]], as well as [[SavedByThePhlebotinum the hero's family.]] Also, keep yourself alive and unable to find a loophole. In case TheHero finds out.
# Don't be afraid of being TheHero, because while this is prone to [[HeelFaceTurn backfiring]], [[WesternAnimation/{{Megamind}} a successful recovery will]] [[VillainWithGoodPublicity help out in the long run.]]
# When either using a all-powerful [[BigFreakingSword weapon]] or a simple gun, I would use the gun. Likewise, if I had the choice of either [[FireEmblemAwakening taking a Macguffin from the heroes]] or [[VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaMajorasMask sicking the moon onto the earth]], [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim I will]] '''''ALWAYS''''' [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim choose the easier.]]
# When challanging yourself and your [[{{Mook}} Mooks]], steady up like if it was normal. TheHero, regardless of leveling up nor how many friends, will reach ''MANY'' death traps and pitfalls akin to [[VideoGame/DarkSouls the most hardest stages known to mankind]] while we can know the ins, outs, cliffs, and roads and can roam easily if not freely.
# No matter how much I despise them, I won't EVER KickTheDog right after I have killed or severely injure one of my nemesis' closest friends during a [[NoHoldsBarredBeatdown critical fight that I am winning or have won.]] I will instead offer a moment of silence and offer some short condolences to the Hero, maybe even throw in a funeral [[TheBadGuyWins in case my plan does come to fruition.]] because:
# in direct connection with the above, treat these things with healthy respect, and have many, many alternate fail-safe in place, one cannot be too careful...
# Similarly, if I ever get some way to control some other evildoers with some item that causes harm when they disobey, I won't hold it constantly over their heads and I won't be a {{Jerkass}} and punish them for every little thing or just ForTheEvulz.
# If I sense that the respected leader of whatever group is working for me is in fact plotting against me, I'll allow him to lead the operations for a bit. No, this isn't out of cowardice of avoiding his uprising, but rather, to let ''him'' take the heat for whatever evil plan he's got and fail while ''I'' continue to work on my own projects privately.
# If I'm some sort of [[WesternAnimation/TheNightmareBeforeChristmas hive mind creature with an artificial skin]], a {{Mummy}}, or something that has a more "common" material holding my body together, I'll make sure nothing loose is hanging off of me for the heroes to yank and pull me apart.
# If I'm somehow made edible, or if I'm turned into an insect, I'll go into hiding effective immediately an become cautious while looking for a cure. [[BigEater Big Eaters]], and karmic squashings are usually around every corner when this happens.
# Take note of the environment. If I unleash a InstantDeathRadius OneHitKill, I will check for places where TheHero can use and use it to my advantage.
# I'll enlist a BonusBoss into my army if I can. Just imagine the hero getting absolutely stone walled by a random GiantSpaceFleaFromNowhere partway through their adventure. May have to apply EldritchAbomination rules to this though.
# I'll have nothing but GoddamnBats in places with chasms, and regular {{Mooks}} will be given special equipment to bypass the both of them.
# I'll go for the groin of my enemy with my foot whenever possible.
# If I absolutely must use HumongousMecha to assault my enemies, I will use a design that cannot be tripped by grapple wires or pushed over by logs and boulders.
# If I manipulate the hero [[TheChessmaster into unwittingly serving my plans]], I will not reveal it to him in the hopes of [[HeroicBSOD crushing his spirit]], rather, I will keep him in the dark until he is unable to stop my master plan. And by unable, I mean, on another continent.
# If I am the villain of a video game, I will find a way to give myself the player character’s powers, namely; Unlimited lives, SaveScumming and cheat codes.
# TheThirtySixStratagems may be a useful reference, especially as more than one has already made the original lists. (Of course, I ''cannot'' rule out the possibility of my [[GoodCounterpart opposite number]] reading them, ever.)
# Any scientist in my employ will be trained to create {{stink bomb}}s before building any regular explosives. Foul smells can eventually be overcome; the effects of [[AshFace real explosives]] last much longer.
# Should I happen to have a temporary urge of whatever kind, I will have my trusted lieutenant take a note on whatever I say. Should it be counterproductive or harmful, I will immediately disregard it.
# My Legions of Terror will fight like a legion should. If they fail to do so, but perform admirably, they will be sent back to training. Those that do not will be demoted, as lonng as there are open positions.
# No matter what my advisers/trusted lieutenants say, I will not do anything the hero tempts me to do. I will simply shoot him.
# I will carry two modified pistols with one more bullet than the standard extended clip. I will also carry similar backup magazines so that an ammunition-starved hero cannot beat me via math.
# I will also carry a cell phone on my person, so any and all updates will be heard.
# I will ensure the ethnic balance of my minions. I will also ensure no racial discrimination takes place.
# I will always have my advisers signal the coffee break.
# All executions will be short, with any gunmen only having weapons that cannot reach my private seating. To be safe, I will also have bulletproof glass installed.
# Should I have sufficient funds, I will install the mystical devices known as 'surge protectors','capacitors', and 'backup generators'.
# If any guard expresses discomfort, he will be transferred to another post. Should that not solve the problem, he will be transferred elsewhere.
# In any fits of insanity, everything I say will be written down. Should I say something that works, I will check the possible success. Should it not, it will not be considered.
# I will never have a very attractive captive in the same cellblock as her associates. I will instead stick her in solitary confinement and leave her there until later.
# Any creatures in my service will be treated fairly. Abuse will lead to the abuser(s)' immediate death.
# I will listen to all of my minions. Any good ideas will be at least considered.
#I will not Kill any of minions for [[YouHaveOutLivedYourUsefulness 'for outliving usefulness']] instead I will let them stick around because they may be useful later.
# In accordance with the above rule, minions will only be executed should they have betrayed me. If they have pretended to but are feeding me information, they will be promoted.
# I will remind myself to never, ''ever'' do something that comes off as pretentious. I need good PR, and that will not get me it.
# I will ensure the people are ''not'' mistreated, but not enough so that I am a nice guy, although the good PR might help.
# I will oversee all training sessions for my Legions of Terror. I am the guy who hired them after all.
# If I need a virgin sacrifice, I will not publicize this fact. In fact, I will make everyone think I need an extremely slutty sacrifice. This way, nobody will sleep with my sacrifice.
# I will form an entire legion comprised purely of [[PowerRangers teenagers with attitude]]. It will be the best experience of their lives, with free birth control and condoms, all the fast food and weed in the universe, and will not actually teach them anything useful. I will let them dress how they want. If any color-coded groups start menacing me, I will proceed to look for this color coding in my teenage wasteland. If none exists, I will practice the ancient Roman practice of decimation, in which ten percent of the unit is killed, until they give themselves up. Then, I will kill all the others anyways and start anew. A few bad apples spoils the batch.
# All bards must die. Musicians in general are fine, but bards in particular must die. This goes doubly so for [[{{Sabaton}} metal bards]].
# If a [[DoctorWho funnily dressed British man]] appears out of nowhere, all plans will be suspended, all evil will be put on hold, all awful stuff will be cleaned up and we all will put on a respectable face for him. If there is anyone going by "The Master" in the area, we will deliver him to the newcomer on a silver platter.
# I will ally with [[WhatTheFuckIsWrongWithYou Nash and Tara]], and make sure that all of my minions know exactly how to be a better criminal. Furthermore, cavity searches will be mandatory, as full-sized revolvers have been found in anuses, and loaded handguns in vaginas. Also, phones are not allowed in the back pocket. Butt dialing still happens, apparently.
#My one competent lackey will be the trainer for other lackeys.
# I will strengthen my walls to be able to take multiple shots from heavy weapons.
# As a reminder,[[{{EvilOverlordList}} I will only gloat when my inevitable victory is secure, ''not right before I kill any nemeses.'']]
# '''Insanity is no excuse for failure.'''
# If I ever think that there's a potential threat(or want to be safe).I will never be in the obvious Inner Sanctum, instead I will be some where(ideally out of the base) not obvious.
# I will take measures to ensure that I am the story's greatest threat, [[EvilerThanThou rather than let myself get played by a rival]], [[BigBadWannabe superior]], [[DragonInChief or subordinate]].
# Ideally [[KillHimAlready I shouldn't use them at all]], but if I really must use [[ColdBloodedTorture prolonged and painful methods of execution]], I will make sure they can begin as soon as possible. For instance, if I intend to murder the hero by extracting his organs and selling them off one at a time, I will see to it that customers are already lined up, instead of waiting for them and giving the hero time to plan an escape.
# It does not matter how much someone looks harmless and unable to fight, if they are traveling with the hero they must be been kept around for something.
# When told "[[NoManOfWomanBorn no man can defeat me]]" I will not go round slaughtering girls. Someone will just [[RaisedAsTheOppositeGender raise their daughter as a boy]] who will have a grudge against me.
# Related to the above male heroes will be checked to make sure they are male before been engaged in battle. Heroes who hide their face are definably female.
# Of course, I'll make sure I only say "No one can defeat me." instead of "no '''man'''", or better yet, say ''nothing''.
# I will make sure no one would even comprehend [[EldritchAbomination me]], what's more, I would never stoop on the same level as a mere [[StarfishAlien winged octopus]].
# I would never have [[TheFaceless form]], I would never be [[TheUnfought fought]], that means no one would have a chance to face me.
# What makes UndyingLoyalty? Of course, TheUndead! [[SoulPower The power]] [[{{Necromancer}} over death]] means FateWorseThanDeath for anyone who dares to oppose us.
# When it comes to hostages, I plant remote controlled bombs inside them to make sure they die even if someone rescued them. Perhaps they might do some collecteral damage to my enemies? Just make sure they don't blow up in my base!

# If I am the most powerful being in the universe and am fighting the hero in personal combat, I will not hold back my true power or give him a handicap of any kind just to make things interesting.
# Satisfying as it may be to humiliate my enemies, I will [[KneelBeforeZod not demand that they kneel at my feet]]. It always goes downhill from there.
# The SmashMook and the MightyGlacier will not be provided with melee weapons. They will take advantage of their strength by dual-wielding flamethrowers. Not the realistic kind, but the kind that fires in a wide cone. And they will only guard hallways. Dodge that, hero.
# I will observe the hero's habits and try doing some research on him/her. If s/he is one of those heroes who doesn't even try to dodge incoming fire in a dramatic scene, I will always try to create as much drama as possible and shoot towards him once to save ammo.
# If I have a super weapon that I don't have to worry about the ammo for, I'll freaking use it.
# I will give my minions armor that actually does something, and I will wear the same armor to confuse my enemy.
# I will hire a comedian to make sure my one liners are damn funny so that I can kill my enemies while they're laughing.
# If a [[Series/DoctorWho twentieth century British police box]] appears out of nowhere, I will summarily drop whatever plans I have and make myself scarce. Said plans are almost certainly going to be thwarted.
# If I turn a named good guy into a mindless drone, either through mind control or more... [[BodyHorror invasive methods]], I will make sure any superfluous memories and emotions are permanently obliterated. If I cannot do this without making them mindless, I will give them identity-concealing helmets and ship them to a ThrowAwayCountry for life. I will never under any circumstances order them to kill their friends.
# My organization will NOT have any sinister sounding words such as "[[DoomyDoomsOfDoom Doom]]" or "Evil" in its title. This would only be a dead giveaway to both the heroes and common masses, and cause recruiting problems.
# Any [[SugarBowl magical lands with overly cute inhabitants]] will be destroyed by nuclear missiles launched from a distant location. Even the sweetest-looking may be home to a potential hero or his allies.
# One of my trusted lieutenants will be a leading folklore expert familiar with obscure stories from across the globe. There's no reason that Genre Savviness should be exclusive to Western and Japanese media. This especially applies if AllMythsAreTrue.
# If a prophecy tells me that my child will eventually kill me, and if I have children anyway, I will always treat them with kindness and love, and teach them to agree with my cause wholeheartedly, not just follow them. I will not disown them, try to kill them, or mistreat them in any way. That way, when their actions inevitably kill me, it will be an accident, and they will carry on my legacy.
# I will not favor any ethnic group or culture over any others in my empire. While the idea of an [[ThoseWackyNazis unstoppable master race]] may have its appeal and members of such race would be more likely to have my undying support, this will only encourage otherwise pacifist groups to actively join the rebellion.
# A Power And Skill Threshold for minions will be established. If a LeeroyJenkins or other incompetent shows himself, I will check his or her place on the Power Chart. If he or she scores above or very close to the Power Threshold, I will employ the above method of mind control to prevent such incompetence. If they score below the Power Threshold, I will have them immediately dunked in electrified acid.
# If I have achieved [[AGodAmI supreme power]] and/or [[RealityWarper mastery over the very nature of reality]], I will endeavour to transform myself into a [[MoeAnthropomorphism cute Japanese girl]], [[VideoGame/{{Touhou}} assuming I am not one already.]] This will ensure that the worst I will get after [[FailureIsTheOnlyOption my inevitable defeat]] is tea time with the heroine.
# If I ever want to keep a diary, it will be encrypted in a code no one besides me knows, and there will be no crucial information, which means no plans, names, dates, sites or information regarding anything that could be used to bring me down.
# I will not play MMORPG's. They're addictive, so I'd take up all my time playing ''VideoGame/RuneScape'' or ''VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft'' or ''VideoGame/NeverwinterNights'' and I'd never do any ruling.
# I will never, ever, let one person do all my ruling for me. Then I'm not the one who's the evil overlord.
# If I have to sign huge piles of papers, I will read all of them. It takes a long time, but it's a worthy trade-off for making sure my minions aren't trying to sneak something past me. Also, if I want something written, like a letter or a proclamation, I will dictate it myself. If anything at least as advanced as a typewriter is present in the setting, and my typing skills are such that I don't have to spend three minutes looking for each key, I will ''write'' it myself.
# If there is only one person who can do something, like work a certain metal or cast a certain spell, I will offer them employment with me. If they refuse, I will send guards to make sure that they come to no harm, and that the hero can't avail himself of their services. If the guards fail, I will coat them with honey... no, actually, good guards are too hard to come by. Screw it, I'll coat them anyway; if they failed, they obviously aren't good enough.
# I will never assume that someone is stupid just because they don't know something, like basic mathematics or how to spell a certain word. They may know a lot of things I may just need.
# I will ensure that all punishments within my empire fit the crime. Nothing inspires a rebellion like the [[AllCrimesAreEqual death penalty]] for ripping off a [[MattressTagGag mattress tag]]. Minor crimes WILL NOT be punishable by death... or torture... or an ass whuppin. Rape, kidnapping, and murder (or the attempt to do any of these) may result in harsh punishment, but you won't get the shit kicked out of you for stealing an apple.
# Whenever I kill an incompetent assassin, I will endeavor to keep his or her fate a mystery, and order a full security audit, to find out how said assassin was able to breach the outer layer of defences. I will consider pretending to have died or been gravely wounded while I sort out who is responsible for this.
# I will have at least 3 snipers hidden in various locations while I'm out making public appearances. Guarding these snipers will be a large group of soldiers. I will not deny my mortality and the fact that everyone in a high ranking position has at least 1 person who wants them dead.
# If anyone attempts to kill me they will be tortured for the rest of their life in a prison in the coldest place on the planet. Combine with the fact that I'll be considered the best ruler ever (from the above) there will be no reason for anyone to ever attempt to kill me.
# I will be very modest. I will regularly talk about God being my lord (regardless of if I'm trying to steal a holy artifact and become a god myself). This may keep people from suspecting me of being the evil demon ravaging the world.
# I will have my scientists work on projects that would benefit the people (curing cancer and [=AIDs=], breeding plants to grow in a very short time and continue to produce all year round). Who would want to kill the guy who gave you the crop that put an end to world hunger?
# While I understand that any minions that work for me are likely to be evil, I'll make it very clear that when I say I want a specific girl killed, I do NOT want them to go all lecherous when they get her. My minions will understand that if I ever find any of my men with a girl who 'is going to die anyway, so we can have some fun first', they will have the body part they were thinking with forcibly removed. If they just do the job I told them to and come back on the other hand, they'll get a coupon for the Red Light district as a bonus.
# All my guards will be trained by Ex-Spetznaz agents and MMA fighters. Should they be disarmed they will still be able to beat their assailant.
# My town guards won't be sociopathic assholes who bother people just because they have weapons and are the servants of the leader.
# Burning fields and slaughtering cattle is a very visible way to show how evil I am. But I will bear in mind that not only does it help draw allies for the hero, doing it too often can wreak havoc on the economy ''and'' cause famine. I will instruct my legions accordingly.
# I will make sure that I get lots of exercise. That does count dancing or doing star jumps to popular music. To save face, any music that has people cringing, or a song that more than five people don't like, will not be used. But, they will not be allowed to tell ME what I can do!
# I will always care for the peasants in my kingdom. That means I will ensure that they are all well-fed and they aren't whipped or beaten by anyone in my employment. A happy worker is an industrious worker, not to mention one that's not plotting my downfall.
# I will make it a habit to allow peasants more opportunity in my administration in politics and military, since history has taught us that [[BlueBlood nobles are always corrupt dicks who will try to usurp you]] and [[CorruptChurch clergymen are always going to extort money and privileges out of you]] so the best bet is to have a generation of commissioned officers and politicians who actually earned their positions rather than have [[UpperClassTwit a generation of pampered and spoiled morons who don't have the slightest idea of what they're doing]]
# I will do my best to discover what the hero's favorite books or movies are, then pay close attention the actions of said works. That way, I would be able to catch a GenreSavvy hero off guard.
# I will not rely on GambitRoulette to fulfill my EvilPlan for world conquest. I will enact several plans at once, most of which will be Gambit Blackjack at worst. If, however, my urge to play roulette is uncontrollable, I will set up an elaborate, hero-attention-grabbing string of events. [[XanatosGambit I expect this plan to fail, and its failure will lead to a secondary goal]]. [[KansasCityShuffle Thus, while the hero is distracted trying to avoid my roulette]], one of my other [[ThePlan plans]] will have already paid off.
# Destroying the world (or the universe) as my ultimate goal? VERY bad idea. I will always remember that I am part of the world/universe, and even if I could survive its end, it's not very fun if I'm the only thing left.
# In keeping with my status as an Equal-Opportunity Overlord, I will hire a number of deaf or hearing-impaired minions to guard a particular area (what that area actually is irrelevant). That area will be fitted with a sonic-based attack system. While the heroes are lying on the floor with hands over their ears in pain, but before they think to shoot out the delivery system, the deaf minions will fill them full of lead. Simple.
# I will not underestimate the power of the ErmineCapeEffect, regardless of what I actually wear. As long as it's not in lieu of good leadership (the monarchies of France, Russia, and China), it's a great way to enhance my stature among my subjects.
# If I wear any such outfit that impedes movement it will break away if necessary. If it's puffy, this is a great way to hide extra weapons as well.
# I shall never drop a loaded gun on the floor for my enemy to pick up while I run up stairs. I shall take the loaded gun and shoot tied up enemy before running up stairs.
# If in charge of a galactic empire, I shall take into account the defense budget before designing super weapons. Good financial management lessens the risk of insurrection.
# In keeping with sensitivity training, I shall hire gays and lesbians into my Legions of Terror. However, if they are put on guard duty, I will instruct them to only guard members of the opposite sex. Bisexuals employed as part of my Legions of Terror will be put to more beneficial purposes, such as weapon maintenance.
# Now that all of the above has been established, I will stop talking to myself. It gives people the wrong idea.
# Before I become an evil overlord, I will first undergo psychological treatment to remove my conscience and useless emotions like love, empathy or guilt. That way I can commit ultimate evil acts to my heart's content.
# I will be aware of my emotions and take care to keep them in perspective as no emotion is useless. Each of them is a highly conditioned evolutionary response that helped ensure my species' survival for countless years
# I will not give my DoomsdayDevice a very obviously evil name, no matter how cool it sounds. It's much easier to pretend that Project X25 is just an orbital research station (as opposed to a KillSat) than it is to convince people that something called "The Worldslayer" is intended for peaceful purposes.
# I will remember the [[MindScrew psychological benefit]] that can be had from giving completely harmless things intimidating names.
# If I am to employ tacticians for use in strategic battles, I will hire at least three of them, ensure that all three of them have no connections to each other, and have them constantly fight in mock battles with what I believe will be equivalent forces to what I expect will be fielded during the last stand.
# I shall wear white clothes that stain easily so as to invoke the LawOfChromaticSuperiority upon bloodshed.
# If my enemy is a MarySue... I'm leaving that story. Dealing with that kind of character will be far more trouble than it's worth.
# I will keep in mind that [[IKnowYouKnowIKnow heroes can read this list too]] and remain appropriately [[IndyPloy flexible in my planning.]]
# When someone is about to kill them, the majority of people will either beg for their lives, or break down completely. The minority will face their death with courage. Be careful of the minority.
# Even though WeHaveReserves I will be NiceToTheWaiter and try to minimize casualties.
# If the hero wants to topple me, he will face a PlatformHell challenge. Should he best me even then, there is no shame in fleeing, noting the hero's abilities, and rebuilding my Legions of Doom with the hero's strengths and weaknesses in mind-minimize the former, pick on the latter.
# Screw the Hague convention. My Legions of Doom will use poison-tipped ammunition. And they will always ShootTheMedicFirst.
# If I decide to place the hero into a simulated reality, it will be designed by Creator/UweBoll, [[SeltzerAndFriedberg Aaron Seltzer, and Jason Friedberg]]. The hero should go [[BrownNote insane]] [[CoolAndUnusualPunishment within minutes]].
# I will make sure that the artifact that grants me immortality also grants me eternal youth, unless the army of replacement bodies or robots are already completed.
# If exactly one thing in the world/universe/whatever can harm me, I will assume that the hero will somehow gain the ability to use that one thing against me, and plan accordingly. The same goes for any minions I may have with this characteristic.
# I will most definitely be a KarmaHoudini or an AntiVillain.
# My ultimate weapon will be [[InverseLawOfUtilityAndLethality sock'em boppers]].
# If I am in control of a modern nation like the United States, I will make sure that I firmly establish that I love NASA (or the equivalent there of) and inform people that my grand master plan is the various uses of space and other celestial bodies for world wide expansion. Plus, with increased space traffic, no one will notice the deployment of a KillSat or 20.

# I will always send my AmazonBrigade to [[WouldntHitAGirl defeat male enemies]]. I will make sure they are HappilyMarried, [[AllAmazonsWantHercules to ensure they won't fall in love with them in the case they are defeated by them.]]
# All shipments will be viewed by someone with XRayVision before being let in my base.
# Vampires will not be placed in positions of power. I can do quite well without all that {{Wangst}}, thank you very much. Also, minions who die if they go outside during the day are pretty useless.
# I will execute any vampires that are capable of sparkling on the spot, period. This is, after all, my kingdom, and I hate ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' as much as everyone. After all, EvenEvilHasStandards.
# I will investigate all vampires capable of wielding [[VideoGame/{{Boktai}} Solar-Powered]] weaponry.
# I will consider novel methods of disposal f one or more of my ''enemies'' are vampires or similar creatures, . Sunlight and silver are fine, but I doubt medieval peasants ever had the chance to test vampiric response to disintegrators.
# My jail cells will be sealed by thick reinforced metal bars, not energy fields that can be deactivated by pulling the plug. If I do have access to energy field cells, I'll just make sure they have metal bars as a backup containment method. Energy fields are harder for a hero with SuperStrength, VoluntaryShapeshifting, or [[IntangibleMan other miscellaneous abilities]] to get through.
# If three heroes have been making my life hell at the same time, showing three different personas and sets of powers, I will check the timing exactly to see if its possible for a single organism to have done it all, to prevent any rather [[IAmNotLeftHanded depressing reveals.]]
# My space stations and [[KillSat orbiting weapons]] will be assembled in space and will not be equipped with heat shields. That way, if the hero attempts a ColonyDrop, the satellite will burn up in the atmosphere long before they hit my base. They will not carry enough fuel to move out of orbit either.
# If I send multiple bounty hunters after the hero, I will not make them compete with each other. Instead, I will offer to pay them each the full value of the bounty if they bring the target in together.
# I will [[TheChessmaster study chess]]. I will get good at it. To be on the safe side, I will also have at least a working knowledge of [[ChessWithDeath Twister, Battleship, Yahtzee and other contemporary games]].
# I will remember that in a pinch a game of chess can be won by [[CuttingTheKnot using the board to knock your opponent unconscious]]. I will apply that principle to my strategy when appropriate.
# I will use lie detectors during interrogation. But only if I have access to magical and/or futuristic {{lie detector}}s that ''actually work''. There's a reason why polygraph readings aren't admissible in court.
# I will not [[LoadBearingBoss set my base to self-destruct upon my defeat]]; such sites are notoriously difficult and expensive to locate and build, and it's easier to just take it over again should it be captured, besides. I ''will'', however, set all my equipment to [[ExplosiveOverclocking short out]] and set controllable fires to destroy any projects I am currently working on, to make sure my enemies don't get their hands on them after forcing me out of my lair. I will also make sure that all data and backups for any plans in the works are saved in other locations, so I won't [[NoPlansNoPrototypeNoBackup have to start from scratch with each defeat]].
# If I develop a seemingly flawless plan, only for it to be foiled by the hero at the last second through a million-to-one stroke of luck, I will immediately start work on reusing the same plan. The odds of that trick working twice are a trillion to one. I will keep in mind that there are heroes who can succeed even if the chance of victory is Zero Percent.
# If I have the ability to teleport anywhere, at will, I will wait until the hero is asleep, and then teleport to right beside him and kill him.
# My lair in turn will be warded against both screening and teleport. If possible, the screening ward will project realistic but entirely false images to distant observers and the teleport ward will dispel the buffs on all intruders before shunting them into a suitable death trap.
# If I capture two of the hero's closest companions and [[SadisticChoice force him to choose which one to save]], I will not actually show him his two companions. Instead, I will disguise two of my henchmen as the hero's choices, so that when he inevitably [[TakeAThirdOption saves them both]], he'll be killed by the two henchmen he just "saved".
# If I employ a team of {{Muggle}} laborers to build some device that, unbeknownst to them, is crucial to my plans, I will have a reasonable idea of how fast I can expect them to work. If the foreman tells me it is impossible to finish within the specified time frame, I will listen and adjust my plans accordingly. Having him killed will not make the work go any faster, and suspicious deaths will only attract the heroes to come investigate.
# A hero entered the realm bitter and alone. He met a love interest. She's beautiful. She's smart. She becomes his everything. She is his reason to fight you. If I ever capture both, for fucks sake, DO NOT TOUCH HER IN FRONT OF THE HERO! Cuckolding a hero never works, and only has one possible [[UnstoppableRage outcome]]. Love, jealousy, revenge, and hatred make a very explosive mix.
# When taking over the world I will leave it to [[OmnidisciplinaryScientist licensed professionals]] when using a [[WaveMotionGun Laser of Death, Doom, and Destruction]]. There are good reasons why I hired all those scientists to build my [[{{BFG}} big]], [[WeaponOfMassDestruction dangerous]], and [[ItRunsOnNonsensoleum complex]] weapon. Mostly because it is big, it is dangerous, and it is complex.
# If the heroes have the power to [[ResetButton undo some of my plans]], I will just do them over and over again. It will keep them busy, and it will be a nice way to pass the time.
# If the hero [[LastSecondChance begs me to stop my]] EvilPlan before it's too late, then I will listen to him and seriously consider the merits of his offer. Sure, [[TakeOverTheWorld Taking Over The World]] would be nice, but he might know something I don't.
# I will not make a DealWithTheDevil. Ever. If I ever am in the position where {{Satan}} approaches me with an offer I think sounds good, then I will carefully review the [[GambitRoulette chain of events which led me to that situation]].
# If I ''am'' the Devil or otherwise a mystical creature who likes screwing people over with deals, I'll let someone insignificant "win" once in a blue moon. Maybe I'll pretend to lose, or maybe it'll just be a straight out "honest" exchange. Then I'll make certain that word of this incident gets out. Why? Because it works for casinos and lotteries. Far more souls will be willing to risk it than if ''every'' deal I ever make goes sour.
# I will make sure that I'm DangerouslyGenreSavvy. Though if I'm reading or using this list, I already am. In addition, I will make sure that I don't take everything at face value, but actually ''think'' about this list and how it applies. Some of the things on here are not genre savvy, but I am genre savvy enough to catch them. I will also watch for it in my minions. The ones who aren't are more likely to be incompetent, but the ones who are, are most likely looking to take my place.
# If I am immortal, then I have absolutely no excuse for ''not'' learning martial arts, [[SwordFight sword fighting]] and how to [[ImprobableAimingSkills properly aim a gun]]
# All minions will be taught how to deal with [[BareFistedMonk Bare Fisted Monks]] with reliance on Kung Fu, Karate, or similar. A good ol' fashioned grab-and-slam is unusually effective against them.
# I will not maintain MedievalStasis when I come to power; I will encourage the [[DungeonPunk march forward with technology]]. I will research PsychicPowers, FunctionalMagic, and KiAttacks to surprise any heroes with. Let's see them cope with an unexpected GenreShift from [[HighSchool High School Drama]] to DungeonPunk!
# I will not wield any gun or sword in any combination as my primary weapon. My primary weapon will always be land mines. The gun/sword is a backup.
# As cool as it might seem to have the power to fly or shoot energy blasts out of my hand, given a choice, I will always spring for one or more of the following: immortality, invulnerability, regeneration, precognition, clairvoyance, or supergenius-level intelligence. If I'm really that concerned about it, I'll just use my superhuman intellect to build a jetpack and an energy rifle.
# I will not leave clues for the hero that will eventually lead to my demise. If I do, I will make sure they are false clues, to throw the hero off my trail. In case the hero is not fooled, said false clues will ''not'' be the exact opposite of what I want the hero to do.
# As an alternative measure for [[EvilOverlordList rule 88]], I ''will'' send the same group that failed me again and again. Since they didn't die the first time, I'd rather have those incompetent fools suffer TheWorfEffect instead of my competent underlings.
# As wily old mentors are WalkingTheEarth everywhere these days, I will secure the services of some of the more morally ambiguous ones, so that my henchmen can endure TrainingFromHell and TakeALevelInBadass. It works for the heroes all the time, so why not try it out?
# I will not [[BrainwashedAndCrazy brainwash any captured heroes into turning on their friends]], [[HeroicWillpower they'll always break free in time to stop me]]. If I can catch any of them, I'm just going to [[JustShootHim shoot the guy]] and be content with one hero killed.
# Should my enemies live in an area I want to take over, I will take over EVERY AREA the heroes do NOT live in, then take over the area they do live in.
# I will subtly encourage my evil rivals to avail themselves of [[EvilOverlordList Rule 64]]. After all, a good psychiatrist will refuse to treat them, and if they go to an evil psychiatrist, they have handed a convenient master list of all their weaknesses and phobias to someone who will sell it to the highest bidder. As a corollary, I will bid high (keeping in mind the possibility that the evil psychiatrist may be planning a double-cross).
# If I hear about a prophecy or prophecies that state that a child will be born in a certain place with a birthmark or some other sign who will bring about my downfall, I will not immediately send troops to kill the child and its entire family. Instead, I will wait until the child is about five, while keeping it under surveillance, and then have it kidnapped and killed. Once this is done, I will bury the body in a careful location so the body does not get eaten by wild beasts, resurrected by the good guys or wash up on some foreign shore. And for everyone's sake, I will make sure that the child is actually dead, instead if just stabbing it once or suffocating it. Bullets are very helpful, especially fifty-fold.
# If some extremely important and powerful foreigners come into my land/s, I will not threaten to take them hostage in my capital while I find and kill the person they were after, ZAKATH. Especially if the person they were after is my enemy too. Instead, I will give them help with their quest, and ship them out of my lands ASAP. After all, "power" is only good when I have it.
# If I am aspiring to take over the world, or at least the known world, and I am informed that there is/are a person/s that can stop me if I do so, I will not kill the person who told me this and send out my entire force to kill the person/s. Instead, I will make sure that they cannot know about my plans and/or conquests until it is too late to stop me.
# I will have a staff of public servants who will behave as ''servants'' of the people; that is, be friendly and helpful. Also encourage idealistic people to work with the disadvantaged. Let them be known and liked among the population, so that they can hear any bit of gossip and learn ASAP whenever something unusual is happening. I would also encourage people talking in taverns and public places on all possible subjects, in front of public servants. This would save millions in local espionage salaries (and people engaged in such internal espionage tend to have an intimidated appearance which encourages people to shut up instead of babbling - which is what I want them to do). (This by the way is how all the German spies who parachuted in Ireland were caught within hours. Anyone who saw a stranger would mention it in the pub where the local cop was having a beer, so the authorities found out without having to pay any extra money - the cop paid for his own beer).
# If I can't replicate it, I can't fix it. If I can't fix it, I can't control it. If I can't control it, ''I will not use it.''
# When designing my fortress/fort/castle, I will not choose a Gothic design on a mountaintop in brooding, dark stone with too many towers and the occasional eagle. And it won't be surrounded by lava. Instead, I will design it somewhat in the manner of Castle Floret: on a raised hill surrounded by a moat, with a big heavy drawbridge. Also, the castle will be designed for height rather than length, and I will place the prison/gaol/dungeons right at the top.
# If any of my towns/cities/forts, etc are to be outfitted for defense against armies, including big heavy walls, I will have them buttressed from both the outside and the inside, in order to prevent an inside job.
# I will not sexually harass the princess I've captured. When I am inevitably caught red handed by the hero, he'll just be that more pissed off because he hasn't got that far with her.
# When engaging in warfare with whatever army the hero has assembled, I will ''not'' attack his army directly, even when my army outnumbers his [[MillionToOneChance a million to one]]. It will almost always be defeated through luck, tactical brilliance on the hero's end, or incompetence in my own minions. Instead, I will target his ammunition dumps, food stores, fuel reserves, and medical supplies. Without these, he can't raise an army to fight me in the first place. Remember, amateurs study tactics; ''professionals'' study logistics.
# If I am a troper for this wiki, I will not take Administrivia/ThereIsNoSuchThingAsNotability for granted. Sure, the hero may never find a use for my fears and turn-ons, but why take that chance?
# If I am in charge of a nation/empire that shares its continent with many others, and I go to war with some of them, and I am the Overlord of my few countries, I will never, ever regard another nation as "useless" simply because they have no real army. Chances are, they're renowned for poisoning and assassins, and you can kill an enemy just as easily by poisoning him as you can by actual conflict.
# If I hear about any form of magical fruit/s that can give the eater a special power, I will not:
# My execution chamber will contain a variety of complex Rube Goldberg Death Traps, with a substantial time delay from the moment the switch is thrown until the eventual horrible death, from which a victim of sufficient ingenuity might conceivably escape. Needless to say, these will never be used on any prisoner I seriously want dead; those get a single pistol-bullet to the brain. The Rube Goldberg devices will be used on condemned-but-unimportant criminals on my realm-wide reality TV show, ''Who Wants to Live?'' It's always a good idea to give your subjects BreadAndCircuses. Surviving contestants will be offered recruitment in the Assassination Regiment of my Legions of Terror, or a single pistol-bullet to the brain.
# Honor is worth its weight in gold. A ''reputation'' for honor, on the other hand, might have some practical value. Therefore, I will never make a promise I might find it inconvenient to keep, except when breaking it is certain to result in the immediate death of all persons other than myself who know it was made.
# I will take acting lessons until I can perfect the role of a fawning, cringing, servile toady. My trusted lieutenant will be trained to strut around in black robes intoning things like "Seize them!" and "Evil will triumph!" in a booming, sepulchral voice. Thus if the hero is ever brought into my presence, my lieutenant and I will switch roles, just in case the hero has something up his sleeve despite being naked and shackled (they always do, you know). This will allow me to remain in the room and keep an eye on the situation while my lieutenant becomes the target of any possible attack. My lieutenant, just to keep him from getting above himself at that moment, will have a minibomb inserted into his heart, to which I will have the detonator in my pocket.
# My Legions of Terror will not march back and forth in front of my Fortress of Evil carrying long spears and wearing flashy, terrifying uniforms. That role will be filled by expendable security guards (or even more expendable actors) hired from a private agency. My Legions of Terror will wear practical camouflage fatigues and be trained to lurk out of sight until needed.
# If a incompetent subordinate fails me, I will not execute him; that would give his friends and relations a grudge to nurse. Instead I will [[KickedUpstairs transfer him to some functionary position with no important responsibilities and no prospect of advancement]]. He will still be of some use to me but his incompetence will no longer be any major hindrance to my schemes, and everyone will praise my mercy.
# I will not try to discipline my beautiful daughter to rein in her dangerous carnal appetites. To the contrary, I will raise her to use and discard men like this week's hot fashion. That way, if she falls in love with the hero . . . well, that's what ''he'' thinks!
# I will never employ any DoomsdayDevice that is so destructive it would leave me with no world or subjects to rule over. I mean, if the world leaders can't or won't come up with the ransom, what options does that leave you?
# If I discover that the hero has an OrphansPlotTrinket in his possession, I will not show up at his door dressed in [[SpikesOfVillainy spiky armor]] with a gang of mooks and demand he give me the WhiteMagicianGirl's necklace. Not only will he wipe out my squad, but now he knows that the trinket is important and will go to great lengths to figure out my plan and keep it away from me. Instead, I will disguise myself as a merchant, and when he stops at my store to pick up the latest weapon, I will offer to buy it from him for an exorbitant amount of money, or perhaps trade it for a component of the InfinityPlusOneSword. Not only will it allay any suspicion, but if I get the necklace or whatever at the beginning of the quest, my plans will be complete before the good guys have any idea what happened. Besides, you can't get the InfinityPlusOneSword until the very end anyway, and he won't make it that far.
# I will find the BonusBoss, and do anything in my power to get it on my side. Even if the hero manages to defeat it, he'll be so weak afterward, that I can kill him without any trouble.
# I will never keep the final room where I reside, with my hostage/artifact, (or if the room is my last escape point) guarded by a a line of bosses ending in one big, almost undefeatable one. Chances are that it will be defeated, and if I have no other security, I'm stuffed.
# I will create agencies staffed by experts and competent leaders to deal with any and all natural disasters, even if the chance of it occurring is less than one percent. I will supply these agencies with twice the funding and manpower they claim to require. They will be ready to act at a moment's notice and have outposts loaded with supplies at all towns and cities of significant size and will regularly practice drills with the public of what to do in the event of a disaster. It will do me no good to crush my enemies if a freak act of nature brings my empire to its knees.
# Very often, the ChosenOne has mentors who are...let's be charitable and call them dicks. They'll use their OmniscientMoralityLicense to put the hero through hell, make them have to make hard choices whether to defend the world or their families, and generally not be very truthful when it comes down with it. Should my spies report this is the case, I will pay for the hero's little brother's education, and keep his grandparents fed and healthy, and give his IllGirl sister her operation. And there won't be any of those "mwahaha, but you have to do something evil first" deals. No, this will be be done with a smile.
# If I possess craft capable of taking cities off the map from orbit, I will not bother with a ground invasion but instead kill the hero and his [[DoomedHometown hometown]] without him ever seeing me. The hero and his or her friends need never meet me or my Legions of Doom in person.
# Additional to point 10 of the original list: if I possess a fleet of spacecraft, ocean-going vessels or whatever, I will make sure that any captured heroes are brought not to my flagship, but to a small support ship (without the capacity to destroy my flagship).
# If the only thing that can kill my enemy is a silver bullet, I will make more than just ONE silver bullet.
# I will not give myself an absurdly specific name, but rather be known as "Mr. Guy, subjugator of places." My methods will remain unknown to all but my own minions.
# If the hero's sidekicks are all or mostly [[YaoiFangirl Yaoi Fangirls]] or [[YuriFan Yuri Fanboys]], I will use this to my advantage. If we are both highly attractive [[BeautyEqualsGoodness (and the hero is NEVER not)]], they will be too distracted by my [[FoeRomanceSubtext innuendo-laden dialogue]] to even ''think'' about killing me off. As a nice bonus, the hero will likely be too confused to attack.
# If I for some reason decide to take my enemies alive, I will keep in mind modern prison standards when designing cells for my enemies. All cells will have modern concrete walls and floor, as throwing the hero in a decrepit and abandoned old part of the castle with brickwork that could potentially be dug through and leaving him to die unsupervised is right out. For important prisoners at least two guards will be posted outside the cell at all times and will have easy access to a button that will immediately kill the prisoner in case of prison riots, betrayals or attack by enemy ninjas. The cell block will also be kept under constant surveillance with hidden cameras, with the control room having remote triggers for all the 'kill prisoner' buttons.
# I will keep the fact I've just achieved immortality a secret, once it happens. Bragging about it just gives people the motivation to prove you wrong.
# If one of the villagers in my realm has a legitimate beef with a member of my Legion of Doom, I will deal with the matter in a fair and equitable manner. If they have no reason to be disgruntled, they won't bother helping the hero when he comes around.
# I will keep my peasants in check by providing a wide variety of amusements and entertainments. They won't bother helping the hero if it means they might miss their stories.
# To all potential (heterosexual) MALE Evil Overlords: All my nefarious plans can wait until after my wife's birthday, daughter's wedding or any significant girl in my life's important events. Missing said event will likely cost me very dearly under the "Hell Hath no Fury" clause. No event in the girl's life would be too insignificant, cause honestly, who kills the evil overlord when he's having tea time with "Daddy's Little Princesses and her court of Cute Stuffed Animals"?
# I do not need to beat the hero myself. In fact, the less I need to see of ThoseMeddlingKids [[Franchise/ScoobyDoo and their dog]], the better. All troops under my command will be instructed and made clear that killing the hero in battle will earn them a handsome pay bonus. Legion of Doom troops tend to respond to two things: kindness from superiors and greed. And I have just wrapped them both up in a bag of super motivation.
# When engaged in time travel, I will never ally myself with ThoseWackyNazis. It never helps and brown is such an ugly color.
# I will not censor the Internet. Nothing pisses off kids more than not being able access Wikipedia and Website/YouTube.
# Although I enjoy MoreDakka and a wide selection of {{BFG}}s as much as anyone, and it does wonders for establishing my superiority over the hero's nation, once superiority has been achieved, I will withdraw all such weapons from service in my armies, as well as all armored vehicles and aircraft. My forces may question this decision, but when the hero begins his first mission and realizes he will never acquire a weapon more powerful than his starting pistol or enjoy a vehicle section, he will resign in disgust and learn to live under my rule.
# If I manage to find out the birth date of the hero, well ''before'' the actual date, I will head for my space station and have an asteroid ([[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTKau14cvQ4 preferably one whose diameter is measured in the hundreds of miles]]) be dropped on the planet. I will then watch as the planet is quickly sterilized.
# I will not have anyone work on a project involving something that had killed their families or traumatized in any way without their explicit consent.

# My henchmen will work in groups of [[PowerTrio three]] or [[FiveManBand five]], never [[FourIsDeath four]].
# I will mandate that ''all'' groups for all purposes be of either three or five. Including all groups that fight monsters in the name of some other empire. For exactly the same reason.
# I will publicly decree that any group of four in my empire will be punished by death or imprisonment, depending on my mood that day. (I will make only token attempts to enforce this law, just enough that it remains public knowledge.) TheHero will instantly assume I have some kind of WeaksauceWeakness to the number and deliberately form a four-man party. At ''worst'', this will set him apart as a potential enemy.
# I will [[IGaveMyWord fulfill my end of all contracts]], in full, as soon as promised. Even though it might be fun to alter deals halfway through, that's just begging the other party to perform a HeelFaceTurn. And I will not quibble about ExactWords either, unless they're playing the wise guy.
# I will ''never'' promise to uphold my end of the deal before the other party upholds theirs. Just because I want repeat customers doesn't mean I can trust everyone else. (I will ensure this at the promise-''making'' point of the deal.)
# If I am in a [[SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism heavily idealistic]] series/movies/whatever and the heroes suddenly start forming a circle and singing, I will order my troops to retreat immediately. I will then use the time they're singing to put the snipers in place (preferably robot snipers immune to ThePowerOfFriendship).
# When naming my children I'll pay close attention to the meaning of the name. I wouldn't want to give them a positive [[PropheticNames prophetic name]] and having them end up helping to defeat me. Neither should I name them after anyone who betrayed or killed either/both of their parents. Mordred? Bad idea.
# If my significant other insists on ThemeNaming, I'll make sure [[OddNameOut all the children are included in the theme.]]
# If I have a lieutenant who is completely loyal to me, believing me to be on the good side despite the heroes' assurances that I am actually evil, I will ''not'' decide it is a good idea to notify them of the fact that I have secretly hated them for as long as I've known them.
# I will also consider seducing the lieutenant into turning evil himself, so that I can quit with the "I'm really good" act. If this fails, I will just kill the lieutenant -- having to lie to your trusted underlings sorta undercuts the whole point of them being trusted in the first place.
# I will not attempt to "steal Christmas". Or Easter, Thanksgiving, Hannukkah, Boxing Day, Setsubun or any other holiday widely observed by the people. There is no way it can end well. I will instead make myself well known for [[BreadAndCircuses doing highly generous, festive and visible acts]] in addition to paying proper respect to all socio-religious celebrations.
# I will encourage people to celebrate pseudo-holidays such as Valentine's Day, Flag Day, Hero Appreciation Day... okay, well, maybe not that last one, but having the populace bicker over which holidays are better than which other holidays is more helpful to me than seeing them organize themselves over complete repression of said holidays.
# If I feel the need to rig an election, I will not rig the election such that I will win everything, everywhere, with everyone loving me. I will instead rig it so that I win by a plausible, but not overwhelming, margin. I want my enemies to have the small bit of hope that they can oust me in an election and focus on doing that rather then killing me.
# I will make use of secret ballots and rig the statistics so that the heroes try to start a rebellion in the one place that my popularity is assured. It'll be amusing to watch the heroes outrun a lynch mob, and even if they don't the statistical weirdness should give the conspiracy nuts loyal to me something to play with.
# Any goggles used in my complex WILL be fully [[GogglesDoNothing functional]]
# If I ''absolutely, positively, undeniably'' MUST have a self destruct system aboard my ship, I will ensure that whoever activates will be killed when they do so. If no-one is willing to die to destroy the ship, self-destruction isn't really necessary.
# There are [[BlatantLies only two]] detonation triggers: my personal escape pod and the aforementioned button. In case my personal escape pod is boarded by the heroes, I will have a third detonation trigger for the escape pod given to my most trusted lieutenant. And even that will only work [[TakingYouWithMe after I'm already dead]], so no assassination attempts.
# I will hire sane scientists to balance the work of my Mad Scientists, and my scientists in general will be punished for abusive behavior.
# My [[MadScientist mad scientists]] will be instructed to keep [[NoPlansNoPrototypeNoBackup detailed notes, reports, and day books, which will be regularly backed up]]. Multiple backups will be stored at various locations around my sphere of influence, in every format from dead tree to external hard drives.
# I will leave backup plans on a table when no one is around. And by "backup" I mean "decoy that will fool the heroes into playing along with my evil plans."
# All backups will be regularly checked by well-paid and loyal security guards, and anyone wishing to transport or utilize them will have to be authorized beforehand. Any instance where the backup has gone missing will be reported immediately.
# If at all feasible, I will have DoomsdayDevice Version 0.9 started up five minutes after DoomsdayDevice Version 1.0. Because they will be kept in completely different facilities, my evil plans will have a fair chance of success even if the [[BigDamnHeroes heroes]] somehow manage to stop me [[JustInTime at the last second]]. In fact, if I have time, I will make and use Version 1.1 for my main plan and have Version 1.0 as my backup.
# My base of operations will not have a website. The only computers in my base with Internet access will be on a completely separate network to the main ones, and will ''not'' be 'net compatible.
# I will task my mad scientists with creating a completely proprietary OS for the computers, to prevent any on-site hacking. If there will be no way to find finances for such, I will at least use an obscure and archaic OS, preferably not binary compatible.
# Okay, a lot of problems and rules on all of these lists have something to do with mad scientists, so you know what? Before I even begin the very first act toward world conquest/whatever else I may want, if at all possible, or at least if convenient at the time, I will become a mad scientist myself so I don't have to worry about so many damn problems about the freelance variety and their daughters.
# I will make sure I am one of the 1,000 smartest people on the planet before I feel comfortable regularly employing the BatmanGambit in my schemes.
# My [[MechaMooks robots]] will be intelligent enough to point out flaws in my plans, fall back if an operation becomes impossible, and improvise new plans on the fly. Their programming will specifically forbid acting against me, valuing their own lives above the mission, and any [[WhatMeasureIsANonHuman philosophical thought]].
# Every robot in my domain must abide by my [[ThreeLawsCompliant Three Laws of Evil Robotics]]:
--> 1) A robot may not injure the Evil Overlord, or through inaction allow the Evil Overlord or his plans to come to harm.
--> 2) A robot must obey orders given to it by the Evil Overlord and his lieutenants, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
--> 3) A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
# In the event that, as suggested in previous guidelines, I am offered any wishes from a genie or other wish-granting figure, I will, after taking necessary precautions, wish for the First Law of Evil Robotics: "I wish for the power to grant my own wishes, with every wish I make following the spirit of the wish as I intend it at the time I make the wish, including this wish."

## I will also remember that I am doing this out of pragmatism as opposed to a sense of honour, and will not consider this rule binding. If breaking the contract would result in the instantaneous death of the hero and my ascent to godhood, my word will most certainly not be my bond.

## I will, however, still get all mental illnesses dealt with. [[TheSpoonyExperiment Dr.]] [[AtopTheFourthWall Insano]] never wins.

## [[TakeAThirdOption Alternately]], I will create a moral dilemma for the heroes by actually treating my captive well. Especially if I don't know how the hero would react to the death. No need to provide a trigger for the hero's UnstoppableRage, and better to provide a way to nullify it. This goes double if the person I captured is also a LoveInterest.

## I will remember that this strategy will not work in the event that this promotes the inhabitants of that area to become [[LastOfHisKind the last of their kind]]. Or if they are [[ComicBook/{{Asterix}} French]].

## Then again, since even at that age, it's a risk, I will instead do what I can to make sure the child has a content and happy life. If this child grows up to be a hero anyway, I'll make sure I've already followed the rules about good PR among the populace, so that the hero has less reason to think I need to be overthrown. If ''that'' doesn't work, I'll realize I'm in a YouCantFightFate story.
## In fact, if I hear about a prophecy at all, I will have my scholars study it and present me with the information. Then I will make sure that I do not do anything the prophecy says I will.
## Since the attempt to avoid the prophecy is what usually sets off the chain of events to its fulfillment, all prophecies will be ignored.
## In contradiction to the above, if and only if I am a VillainWithGoodPublicity, I will personally take said prophecy child under my wing and teach him how to rule an empire while not appearing evil. In the event that the child does decide to carry out the prophecy, I will turn to the heroes and ask them to help me with my child.
### And if he out-backstabs his old man, at least I'll die a proud father.
## Should I still make such an attempt, it will consist of immediately destroying said place and placing guards to ensure that nobody is ever born there. The guards will all be eunuchs.
## Even if I'm to lazy to care about all of the above: when the prophecy tells he's the one who can defeat me, [[Literature/HarryPotter I will NOT try to kill the child by myself]]. He's just a child, so if I send troop to do the job, they will never accuse me of being frightened.

## I will, however, send a squad of minions with them, so they can't just [[Literature/TheBible leave the country without telling me where they found said person]].

## This includes my own children and grandchildren, to a certain extent.

## I will always make sure that any door that needs to remain locked will have at least three locks, which cannot be picked. Also, the hinges will be placed on the outside, NOT the inside.
### In fact, before throwing anyone into my dungeons/gaol/prison, I will have them stripped and searched, and put into the minimum amount of clothing it will take to keep them warm. The cloth will not be durable or strong, so they can't use it for a rope. Even if they are very old/venerable/respected, I will not leave any personal effects, especially not medals. Also, window bars will be hammered onto the outside, not the inside.
#### What are these "windows" that everyone keeps referring to? A good, solid, deep-underground dungeon is much more effective. Especially if you have a lead- and kryptonite- lined one.

## ... and winners study finance. I will thus, if given any opportunity to, find out how the hero and/or his allies intend to pay for their war material in the first place, and utilize whatever options I have to confiscate, nationalize, tax, execute leveraged buyouts upon, or otherwise economically ruin their financial situations to prevent them from building up any ammunition dumps, food stores, etc., in the first place. Plus, if I do it right, there'll be more ill-gotten gains for me.
### In the event that the hero intends to support his logistical efforts by stealing from ''my'' stockpiles, I should give him every opportunity to do so. The part where I make sure what he's stealing from me is as laden with as many tracking devices, poisons, creative yet subtle malfunctions, and/or hidden tactical nuclear warheads on a timer as I can arrange for doesn't even need to be mentioned, does it?
## As an addendum, if I ''must'' fight the hero, I will use as small and economical a force as I can reasonably field, even if I could deploy vastly larger numbers of troops. This force will be led by my most [[MisaimedFandom well-liked]] minion(s). If my troops are outgunned, they garner sympathy and avoid [[ConservationOfNinjitsu being weakened by being part of a much larger force.]] Plus, it costs less.
## I will, however, make sure I am not in a setting where [[EasyLogistics brain-dead monkeys can handle the logistics]].

## A, immediately amass a list of all the people who had eaten the fruits and have them all killed,
## B, gather all the fruits and have them destroyed, or
## C, all of the above. Instead, I will amass a list of these people, and gather some (SOME, not ALL) of the fruits. I will eat a fruit myself and then give the others to those of my staff who need special powers, like trusted lieutenants or brilliant generals. Then, I will instruct my staff to offer employment to each of the people who had eaten a fruit in the field that they desire to work in, with a lot more equipment.
### Before doing so, I will make sure there aren't [[AchillesHeel any]] [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor nasty]] [[ThisIsYourBrainOnEvil side]] [[WithGreatPowerComesGreatInsanity effects]].
### I will also make sure that, if there are such side effects, that I will never be in a position for them to be exploited. I will also make sure that I myself am not affected by such side effects, but what better use is misdirection than as a weapon?
# If the main race of my countries/empire/nation has a very big personality flaw, such as greed or anger, I will attempt to get rid of this flaw. Personality flaws destroy nations, as the Marags found out.
# Amateurs MUST BE KEPT AWAY FROM VOLATILE SUBSTANCES. Only skilled and experienced arsonists or explosive experts will be allowed to blow anything up, and that only if they work for me.
## As well as that, I will never keep all of my explosives in one room. That has some baaaaaaaad results.

## Which will end with her discovering true love with the hero and joining his quest to conquer you. Expect her to die dramatically later on as her continued existence would interfere with the hero getting it on with the flower girl childhood friend.
## Screw it, I will either not have children, or, failing that, raise them to have healthy but accurate attitudes about sex, and have them understand that relationships are based on mutual trust and respect, not some AccidentalPervert bursting into their personal Hot Springs.
### As a corollary to this, my daughter will instinctively go for the mace in these situations, rather than the MegatonPunch. It's hard for anyone to be dashing when they're clawing at their eyes.
#### I will develop a spell called Acid Spray. Only my spouse(s) and children are permitted to know it. Anyone who is not my child and knows it is to be adopted into my family immediately.
#### And if they don't want to join? If I force them, they'll betray me. If I kill them, that's bad for PR. Better just go with the mace.

## Beforehand, I will hire a friendly pickpocket to steal it. If he is caught by the hero and becomes his sidekick, he will be my mole. I will have already implanted a bomb in his brain without his knowledge so I can kill him at the time of his inevitable HeelFaceTurn.
## Naturally, any weapons I sell him during the transaction will be faulty. They will also be coated with poison, but only on the handle.
## Depending on the laws of the universe, curse items can be an amusing (and effective) thing to sell to the hero. Just be careful when handling the merchandise.
## If I do trade the OrphansPlotTrinket for a component of the InfinityPlusOneSword, I will not give the hero the ''real'' component. A fake will suffice in this case. I will, however, ensure that all [[GuideDangIt strategy guides]] written claim that the component I provide is, indeed, the real one. Additionally, the actual stats of the InfinityPlusOneSword will be drastically overestimated in the guides, increasing the hero's desire to obtain it. This may possibly result in a HeroicBSOD once the hero spends thirty hours collecting [[RandomlyDrops randomly dropped]] components, and at last has all the others, but cannot create the sword due to the fake.
### If possible, I will obtain all the components of the InfinityPlusOneSword myself. I will then hide them in different areas around the world - none of these will actually be feasibly ''accessible'', however: for example, one component may be buried several hundred metres below the ocean floor in a randomly selected area of the sea. At least one component will be stored on my person at all times, however. The strategy guides will claim that the components are in entirely different locations, also quite hard to access. Needless to say, the guides will only be revealing the locations of fakes. By the time the hero's collected them all, I'll have put my final plans into action.
### Even better, if I can obtain all the components myself, I will make the sword and use it to fight the hero. I will keep it on my person at all times. The only way anyone else can possibly get it will be to kill me, which they will not be able to do because I have the most powerful weapon in existence. I will also look for any available Infinity Plus One Armor and accessories.
### I will find any available GameBreaker and use it as much as possible. Especially instant-kill type things.
### However, keeping it on my person at all times gives heroes a better reason to kill me: I drop the best weapons in the game. Maybe I should keep them in a safe when not in use.

## Only if I decide to attack at the same time. Like hell I'm gonna become the second member of a Sequential Boss Fight, or - me forbid - give them time to rest. If the boss and I cannot battle the heroes at the same time, I'll just hide one of the aforementioned fake InfinityPlusOneSword parts with the Bonus Boss and request that he advertise that he has an important artifact capable of destroying my plans.

## Instead, I will have it guarded by [[DeathCourse a very long hallway full of nothing but turret guns]]. The bosses will all be with me in the final room. They will all jump the hero as soon as he walks through the door. At once.
### While I run away. Or disguise myself as a previously-unknown-but-obviously-innocent hostage.

## Why? Because on that day, that day of destiny where he faces me down at my throne room; he will remember my kindness to him, and hesitate; and maybe even offer for me to join the Light Side. And I'll give a warm smile, verify he doesn't have any shield or illusion abilities, and shoot him full of lead, with 20 snipers in the rafters backing me up.
### Or better yet I will frame the mentor as the bad guy, offering said mentor's TrainingFromHell as proof of Evil and depending on the circumstances use the inevitable HeroicBSOD to either kill him while defenceless or get him to work for me.
## If the hero doesn't have a mentor that puts him through a TrainingFromHell yet, I'll pay a hefty sum to a wise-looking jerk-ass (preferable some who has some real skill) to pose as a powerful old Kung-fu or magic master who dislikes me. When the hero comes by, he must show off his power, and eventually, reluctantly, offer him training. He will then send the hero into deathtraps. If the hero survives, he'll be told "Well done, you completed the first step of your training. Now for the next 27". If the hero is in any way GenreSavvy, he'll think it normal and thank the jerk-ass for it. I will supply the deathtraps, making sure they are in no way related to the deathtraps that I actually use for my own security, and I will monitor what exactly the hero learns in case he keeps surviving.
### One better. I will make sure that the martial art he is taught will be one that is useless against my own brand of martial arts. Assuming that I have a use for the hero at all. Otherwise, I'll make sure that the "martial art" he's taught will actually make him a worse fighter than he already is.

## Spies to make sure he is there and coroners to confirm it after the fact are worth their weight in gold, however.
## The locations of anti-aircraft missiles that could shoot down my vessels will be my first targets, and given no warning.

## The first two bullets in the magazine will be ordinary bullets. These will lure my enemy into a false sense of security, ensuring he doesn't try to dodge when it counts.
### Unless the hero is NighInvulnerable or MadeOfIron, he'll still dodge the bullets because they'll hurt like a bitch. I will use all silver bullets so that when I finally hit him, it will kill him.

## Also, I will use a variety of MindControl that [[MindControlEyes deletes the victims pupils]], then outfit my new minions with artificial senses twisted as to make them do my bidding whether or not they realize it.
# As an extension of [[EvilOverlordListCellblockA rule 136]], any bomb that I build will be salvage-fused: If even a ''single'' wire (''Any'' one of them) is cut, the bomb will detonate immediately.
## That might be a ''bad'' idea, if the hero plans on [[TakingYouWithMe taking me down with him]].
### How about if the wire you need to cut to disarm the bomb is cleverly hidden directly beneath the countdown timer?
## Any bomb I build will have a psychic connection to me, and will not detonate if I may be harmed by the explosion. As soon as I'm safely out of the blast radius, the bomb may go off freely.

## As an addendum to this I will never store captured heroes' weapons, armour or HumongousMecha anywhere near the prison cell blocks. Provided I cannot immediately put them to use I will have them either melted down or booby trapped and stored in a well-fortified warehouse several miles away from my prison. If it's a mecha, I'll have the cockpit removed entirely.
# I will know when to call it quits. If for example, I live in a universe where the heroes always win no matter what I do or how GenreSavvy I've become because that's the way the universe works or because the heroes have a higher power on their side (like God or the writer), then I won't stay around until I'm wiped out. I will move to a new universe and try my luck there.
## I will consider turning over a new leaf and being a morally ambiguous AntiHero. You'd be AMAZED what you can get away with if you focus on AcceptableTargets.
### In particular, I will be either an extremely kind dictator ala Dr. Doom, or a psycho killer that's either funny or awesome, like {{Deadpool}} or Deathstroke.
# I will never write my memoirs, and if I do, I will never put anything that is a secret in them.
## I will never [[WebVideo/DoctorHorriblesSingAlongBlog discuss my nefarious plans on my blog]].

## I will also get rid of [=TiVo=].

## And I can plan for the ceremony that happens during the total eclipse, but I will remember to plan for the above events as well. While I'm out shopping for the necessary materials for the ceremony, [[VillainsOutShopping I can also shop for gifts]]. Just another way of making sure I'm prepared for everything.
## If I remember such important dates, and the hero forgets that with his love interest, the humiliation would be worth it for that alone.
### I will make it a point to remember the birthdays/anniversaries of all people opposed to me and celebrate accordingly.
### I will send gifts to the heroes who thwarted my plans of world conquest on the appropriate days, to show that I bear no grudges against them. Ruling the world would be boring without people trying to oppose me. We can also play chess in the park between the inevitable conflicts. The heroes are one rung below the QuirkyMinibossSquad on my list of friends. Which is to say, when the hero falls on hard times from turning down all those rewards, I'll offer to let him join the squad.
## Similarly, my Legion of Doom will be gender neutral and all male legionnaires will be required to take sexual harassment courses prior to working for me. I will have an [[AmazonBrigade all female detachment]] of my Legion of Doom specifically trained to deal with both equal opportunity heroes and all female bands of heroes (as well all male bands, but they are increasingly harder to come by) well before they come close to my inner sanctum. I might not have [[EvenEvilHasStandards standards]] but that is no guarantee that my co-conspirators in my League of Doom round table don't and [[WouldntHitAGirl hitting a girl]] is generally one of those that is more common. On the flip side, it also looks bad if you are beaten by a bunch of girls so having a girls-only attack group can help avoid that and the male heroes will never hit a girl. And taking down my regime might mean that they aren't pro-feminist, which will cause the female forces in my Legion of Doom to work even harder to defeat them.

## Likewise, all Legion of Doom troops limping back from a battle with the heroes will be fully compensated for injuries. At least they tried to get him, ya know?
## Wait, but then what happens if the offer of pay bonuses causes my minions to fight with ''each other'' over who gets to kill hero, leading to his subsequent escape? No, instead I'll offer a bonus to my ''entire army'', funds permitting, so that they'll all be more likely to work together to bring down my foe.
### The best method would probably be to offer a pay bonus, secretly, to the unit detached to kill the hero (on the condition that, if they fail the first time after the pay bonus was offered, they cannot get it even if they kill the hero later, unless otherwise specified, and that talking about the bonus would get them severely demoted). You want to pay the lowest amount of people you can the bonus, so that you save money, while still causing no competition. The clause that the bonus is a one time deal is so that Unit A, which failed, does not sabotage Unit B when it goes out on a mission. If units are interchangeable, IE if minion C is a part of A and B, they either get two shots at the bonus, or are stuck with only unit A (or demoted to unit D, since they failed at killing the hero). It all depends on how your army is set up, but the basic premise is similar no matter what.
### Or so that every Unit still has a reason to try, I will simply give bonuses to all troops involved in the capture. If Units A and B cooperate in capturing the hero, then they both get the bonus. I should have enough money to afford it, and I'd rather make sure that none of the minions are bitter about blowing their chance at the bonus.
#### If I can avoid dealing with Inflation, I will attempt at least one of the above compensation plans.
## Alternatively, tell all the minions that everyone in the group which killed the hero will get a bonus in the form of a night out to the bar with all their tabs paid by me. It's enough that most minions would work harder to get it, but not so much that they would kill each other for it.

## Instead, I will pay vast sums of money to Yahoo, Google, Microsoft, and other companies in order to acquire software that is used to block porn and other stuff. It worked for China, why shouldn't it do the same for me?
### Three Words: Iranian Election Fiasco.

## On the other hand, I will leave vehicles lying around, but make the controls as difficult and unreliable as possible [[ScrappyLevel so the hero will give up after the first few tries.]]
### I will not leave the keys in these vehicles. They will be provided to [=NPCs=] in the form of implanted security chips. Any [=NPC=] able to start a vehicle will be situated a very long way from the vehicles in question, and must be [[EscortMission escorted to said vehicles]] by the heroes. These [=NPCs=] will have [[OneHitPointWonder one hit point.]] Possibly ''half'' a hit point.

## Are you an evil overlord, or are you just [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVI Kefka]]?

## In ''writing''.
## If my lead researcher's family was killed by my Computer Assisted Biologically Augmented Lifeform, I won't have her in charge of my Logarithmically Engineered Governing Intelligence? especially if essential in obtaining the artifact necessary for my ascension. I'm looking at you, [[VideoGame/CommandAndConquerTiberianSeries Kane]].

## Especially if there is sand and small, sharp, bladed weapons.

## Preferably the kind of hallways that are right around a corner, lest the hero decide to take advantage of the lack of range on a flame-thrower. That's when the big guy should switch to his backup mini-gun.
## Alternatively, I will give them both long-range weapons ''and'' short-range/melee weapons or weapons that double as both, like a [[EpicFlail flail]] or a [[AxeCrazy battleaxe]] that has a machine gun or two built into it. If I do give them just a flail, I will keep the hallway smooth and free of features that [[VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaTwilightPrincess the hero can climb, swing, or clawshot onto]]. And I will also give all minions a handgun as a backup weapon, so if the hero does manage to get behind them, they can let go of the big heavy ball on a chain and JustShootHim.

## [[ImmuneToBullets Assuming there isn't a good reason s/he wouldn't try to dodge incoming fire in a dramatic scene.]]

## In the event that the darned contraption follows me, making my Beautiful But Evil Daughter look like Rose Tyler and sending her to distract the occupant may buy me some time.
## Dropping all plans and hiding may be premature. Police box occupants are often willing to offer a reasonable settlement before resorting to wholesale thwarting of evil plans. If, for example, I am offered some perfectly nice unoccupied planet elsewhere to take over in lieu of the Earth, or some means to achieve my research goals without needing to kick dogs by the thousand, I will not refuse unless I have a very, very good reason indeed.
## If a police box appears out of nowhere, and I am notified ''immediately'', I will obtain the police box and attempt to send it to a parallel universe. I will ensure that no occupants have ''left'' the box first, however. If nothing else, the occupants will be delayed for a couple of episodes before the box shows up again. During these episodes, I will build a [[VillainWithGoodPublicity good reputation]], and put my more obvious evil operations on hold. When the box returns, I'll be a benevolent leader, and with any luck, [[VillainOfTheWeek the occupants will instead defeat one of my rivals]].

## Speaking of that last point, if I discover one of my lieutenants has a past personal connection to the hero, I will not push my luck by either ordering him to kill/brutalize the hero or [[MachiavelliWasWrong treating the hero brutally while the lieutenant is watching]] (and most certainly not while they are the only other two in the room, [[Franchise/StarWars Palpatine]]). In fact, I will ideally have the lieutenant killed to be safe. If he is a trusted one and/or I don't feel like shopping for a replacement, I will casually mention his unused vacation time and hold off action against the hero until the lieutenant is sipping martinis in the Bahamas.
# I will not [[AnyoneCanDie kill]] {{God}}. [[YouKillItYouBoughtIt It]] [[AGodAmI never]] [[RageAgainstTheHeavens helps]] [[ThisCannotBe in the long run.]]
## When His son, or [[CrystalDragonJesus an equivalent thereof]], shows up, I'll convert as soon as possible.

## However, before using missiles to nuke aforesaid magical ice cream cake lands, I will first consider crop sabotage, introduction of invasive species, or other more low-key alternatives that do not implicate me. Long-shots be damned, nuking a country will still get their ''neighbors'' pissed off, and if the invasive species is [[WhatMeasureIsANonCute cute enough]] then the inhabitants should accept them as their own, allowing the satisfaction of twisted irony that you just don't get from [[StuffBlowingUp watching ]][[EarthShatteringKaboom explosions.]]
### First, I would have to ensure that the invaders are immune to the aura of [[PowerOfFriendship happiness and frienships that permeate such lands]]. One should never underestimate the power of the CareBearStare. Meanwhile, I will create false evidence that the inhabitants are really AlwaysChaoticEvil in order to eliminate sympathy.
#### Failing that, several blocks of the invaders will be trained to be [[GrumpyBear utterly indifferent]] to the land's [[MarySuetopia glamour.]]
##### Failing all this, (and ''[[EvilIsNotAToy only as a last resort]]''), I will [[DealWithTheDevil acquire]] a few [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer40000}} Hounds of Nurgle]] and send them. After all, they just want to make friends, and none of us can help the way we're made, how can they turn them away? [[NightmareFetishist Besides, look at 'em ooze! Who could say no to a face like that?]]

## I will hire Shakespeare, Nostradamus, and all other famous historical persons who can perform such tasks if I have the chance.
# If I ever hear of a prophecy that I will not die until some improbable sequence of events occurs, I will immediately hand it over to my elite team of lawyers, philosophers and cryptic crossword enthusiasts to look for any loopholes that the heroes could exploit.
## I will be certain to include my 5-year-old adviser in this newly formed team as well.
### Isn't there supposed to be a 5-year-old adviser on all advisory teams/boards/cabinets?

## Also, this ensures that, should my children one day disagree with my methods and scheme to stop me, they will still agree with my ideals and my mission, and thus continue my legacy as well (hey, it worked for [[Franchise/{{Batman}} Ra's Al Ghul]]... sort of...)
### This also increases the chances that "kill me" means "switch off the machine after I fall into a peaceful coma at age 125".
## I will make sure to give my child immortality, along with myself. This ensures that "eventually" is stretched to its limit.
### At some point I will arrange to switch bodies with my child while leaving a device inside my original body that activates should my child's orginal body AKA my new body dies and destroys my child's mind while putting a copy of my mind takes over... That way even if he does fufill the prophecy in anyway either by me killing my old body while possesing my child's body or by the child killing my new body I'll still live through it while staying on top.

## Also, encouraging ethnic diversity is a good way to make sure that your minions remain competent.

## Also, any deathtraps I do have installed will have three-tier backups, and be initiated instantly. Lowering the heroes into my electric acid vat a couple inches at a time just gives them a longer period to figure out how to bypass the lasers, Deathbot Squad, and Bottomless Pit which infinitely shoots out mutants.
# If I have the power to shapeshift, I will make myself look like an adorable little girl holding a teddy bear. Rather than killing or maiming people in an adorable way and thusly scaring the shit out of everyone, I will use tears, begging, tantrums, and smiles to manipulate others into doing my nefarious bidding, and then quietly send them on year-long all-expenses paid vacations somewhere bucolic. That way, people will love me and want to protect me when the hero comes in swinging rather than hand me over to him. If all else fails, I will maintain my adorable exterior rather than revealing my true form; even if they have definitive proof that I am an evil spawn from the depths of hell, even the brooding AntiHero will hesitate before killing a little girl, and while they are hesitating I will pull a dainty miniature Derringer from inside my teddy bear, shoot the hero in the head, and make a speedy exit. [[TheSimpsons Because nobody ever expected Maggie to shoot Mr. Burns.]]

## Nope, [[{{Gorn}} you can still get killed in bloody manner]] even after [[VisualNovel/SayaNoUta hiding all tentacles in innocent form.]]

## Unless a game is [[SeriousBusiness popular enough]] to [[Franchise/YuGiOh significantly affect the world economy, its champions live like rock stars, and at least two other terrorist groups use it]]. In that case, my [[TheDragon Dragon]] will conquer the game world, while I prepare a more conventional invasion with tanks and planes and stuff. As long as I make sure that [[IKnowMortalKombat skills learned from the game]] are useless against me, my enemies will never know what hit them.
### If I get that [[TheDragon dragon]], I wish make sure they are - or make sure they become - a perfectly sportsmanlike and amicable player who is aware of their humanity, to not give them a TemptingFate of being being defeated by a sportsmanlike and amicable hero-player while they do not consider the possibility of them losing.
### Alternately, my Dragon can help me with my invasion and I'll hire a 19-year-old boy or three to conquer the game world. I'll pay him in chips, soft drink and the opportunity to play in a room in my fortress, far from any parents nagging him to get a real job. My gamer knowing or caring about my overall plan is optional; so long as I phrase any orders I might have for him as a self-imposed limitation or challenge he'll follow them.
## On the other hand, sending copies of the games to everyone in my Empire is a good idea, they will be to busy playing the games to do anything else. And I'll play them anyway. I'm an Evil Overlord, I should be able to play whatever games I want.

## However, I will remember that delegation is a good thing in moderation. My evil empire should not start falling to pieces just because I'm busy dealing with a group of heroes. Nor should it fall apart because I got food poisoning and can't come into the office for the next week.

## But in the latter case, I will still have my squad of lawyers and my five year old adviser read it over to see if there are any loopholes I might have missed.

## If I kill two or more incompetent assassins in short succession, I will act under the assumption that the assassins are a diversion for some other action, and order an increase in military alert.
### And / or consider that if they're able to break into my place in the first place, either they're better than I thought (with support or not) or my security is seriously lacking in quality.
# I will get my scientists to give my minions nano-machines. I will then get them to make all doors and weapons respond to these and only these. This way the hero can't steal weapons or keys.
## If this is not possible, I will use my wealth to put individual locks on each door. Since the user recognition for weapons already exist I'll have those anyway.
# If my lair has hazards which a certain magic item can help the hero bypass said item will be placed in the section where the hero would need it.
## On the far side of the section where he would need it. Since, presumably, my minions would be coming from the inside and not the outside.
## My hazardous material oceans will be devoid of platforms that can help the hero get across. There will be alternate routes hidden throughout my lair for use by my minions so they don't need to deal with the lava/acid/toxic water/spike pits.

# After becoming king/president/god/Fuhrer/leader I will make everyone's lives way better. Then, while planning to do evil things, I'll have armies of loyal subjects who believe me to be the best thing to happen to the world since sliced bread (which I may have to invent for them, making it the best thing to happen since me).
## If I'm not careful, that might make me the Good Overlord, though. And I'd need a different list.

## If the region is sufficiently large and cold and secluded, there will be no need for a prison. I'll just pitch the dissenters off the train and tell them to build their own utopia if they don't like mine. Anyone who tries to get back will certainly freeze to death.

## However, I will avoid this tactic if religion conflicts is common in my universe. When there are Buddhist monks and TheFourGods around, GodIsEvil trope usually occur.

## Preferably, those scientists will be the same ones that also developed my bio-weapons for me on a part-time basis. While their weapon-research will be backed-up frequently, their altruistic works will not, and they will be instructed to tell this last part to the hero when he comes to kill them.

## There will be a Red Light District inside my secret base. Happy minions are productive minions.
# If any of my lieutenants has left to deal with the heroes, and I hear the other lieutenants comment that 'he's the weakest of us', it means he was killed by the heroes 20 seconds ago. I'll plan accordingly.
## If there is only one group of heroes threatening me at that given moment, why would I only send one of my lieutenants to deal with them? Sending all of my lieutenants simultaneously would allow them to bond and function better as a team.

## Train them in Krav Maga and MCMAC too. Krav Maga teaches you what to do in case the hero's mooks are smart enough to gang up on you instead of dancing around in a threatening manner while one of them is being beaten up. MCMAC teaches you unarmed combat, armed combat, and what to do if your gun runs out bullets (Hint: Guns are heavy enough to be excellent clubs.)

## The one exception is if it's a [[MetalGearSolid cyborg ninja]]. They don't need stealth.

## If my council of advisers has room for a totally average 5-year-old whose sole job is to check for plotholes, it also has room for a clergyman of the hero's religion whose sole job is to tell me what moral lines the hero will under no circumstances be willing to cross.

## For example, forcing an artist to do coloring books.

# I will invest in gene therapy, and then find the gay gene, as well as any genes that control romantic attraction. If the hero is male, my forces will be females genetically modified to all be lesbians. If the hero is female, my forces will be males genetically modified to all be gay men. Either way, their ability to fall in love will be removed as well. Not only will this prevent seduction by the hero/heroine, but, according to all reports and historical records, the casual sexual relationships in the Greek and Roman militaries strengthened bonds between soldiers and made them all better fighters.
## This of course assumes that said gene is a real thing in my world, and that being [[UsefulNotes/{{Transgender}} Gay/Bi/Non-Binary ]] etc, etc, is more genetic then it is just an out and out choice, if it IS a choice I will work on making them equally accepted and try to recruit the people best sexually oriented for handling the Hero.

# If I have to give my robots laws, I will give them the Three Laws of Evil Robotics. The Three Laws of Evil Robotics are:
---> 1) A robot may not injure the Evil Overlord, or through inaction allow the Evil Overlord or his plans to come to harm.
---> 2) A robot must obey orders given to it by the Evil Overlord and his lieutenants, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
---> 3) A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

** On second thought. I will hide in the chest in my OneWingedAngel form and blow his head off when he pops open the lid. No hero will ever deny a health chest, so the be-heading should go by without a hitch.

** Additionally, I will send this to my 16 year old son and daughter, have them edit it for 30 bucks, and encourage ''everyone else who sees the list'' to edit as well.
*** TheHero might cross paths with your kids and see that list, too.

** To that note, make your alter ego able to agree with you and vice-versa. [[VisualNovel/DanganRonpa It helps out on NOT getting yourself killed, Syo.]]

** I will take every precaution necessary to ensure that I don't [[IdiotBall let myself fall victim to said trap]].

** Also, as with [[InjusticeGodsAmongUs Zod]], it should be wise to call out a {{Mook}} or two, as well as using said place as a HyperspaceArsenal to keep my weapons and tools.
*** No. Unless the people there support you, send the heroes '''Anywhere''' Else. [[VideoGame/{{Skylanders}} Kaos learned that the hard way]], and I don't want to suffer such a FateWorseThanDeath.

** But be careful and have a backup plan if TheHero dies by any other cause.

** It will also help out handpick TheDragon members, [[ImprobableAimingSkills better their aim]] - [[AccidentalAimingSkills hopefully,]] become a BenevolentBoss, and bring out the best out of your army.

# My troops will be under orders to be on the lookout for anything that can be used as implements to enchant, enhance, upgrade, or in any way improve on any weapon or item. Common items such as ball-point pens, paper clips, rulers, furniture, etc will be secured as appropriate. Uncommon implements will be collected and turned in to a designated collections center, where they will be cataloged and then relayed using an undisclosed transport method to an undisclosed storage facility an undisclosed number of an undisclosed unit of measurement beneath the ground in an undisclosed location that will remain undisclosed.
** I will not BAN the practice of enchanting, enhancing, upgrading, or otherwise modifying a weapon or item. This does nothing to stop a MacGyvering Hero, and ensures that his equipment will be superior to that fielded by my own forces. Instead, I will encourage my Mooks to use the uncommon components kept in the aforementioned undisclosed storage facility to enhance their own gear according to their individual preferences.
# Make note of these things and avoid BondVillainStupidity conditions:
** If TheHero doesn't want to join you, kill on sight. And even then, [[WesternAnimation/{{Megamind}} be wary. You might not like what happens.]]
** I will not seek TheHero as a WorthyOpponent, even if it intertwines with the first note.
** Flant ''only'' when you kill TheHero, but stay focused, his buddies may take you down.
** Even if you're using the FiveManBand as a part of your plan, unless you're a [[VisualNovel/UminekoWhenTheyCry Witch]], don't hold too steady.
** Being evil is fine, being afraid to kill is not. If you want a easy way to nerve yourself into killing, go take a trip to [[VideoGame/{{Borderlands2}} Pandora.]]

** Heros have a nasty habit of gaining a ''violent'' HeroicSecondWind when mocked after a loved one's death, one that usually involves the death of one or more of my top officers, or myself (depending on the situation).
** It shows that I'm not a scumbag who preys upon the weak (which is petty), but an AffablyEvil ruler who respects his enemies and won't be so bad to live under.
# If I am ever able to create an EldritchAbomination, I'll have a plan or two, depending on what kind of beauty it is:
** If the thing I create is more of an animal with instincts, it will have a fail-safe put into it. Something along the lines of say overloading it on its own power if it attacks me or those important to me.
** If it is instead an individual, I will not turn someone already into a guinea pig and very likely [[TheDogBitesBack take revenge]]. Rather it will be clone or some artificial being I'll try to raise with love (and precaution). This version will also be allowed to explore under heavy supervision, rather than be crammed in some underground facility. A fail-safe will be kept in a separate location. That, and if I mistakenly caused MesACrowd with said artificial beings, have them treat the others ({{Mooks}}, EliteMooks, TheDragon members, myself and the [[EldritchAbomination other of their "dubbed" family]]) with kindness, respect and vise-versa. However, we should state (us being me, TheDragon members and so forth) that there are people who may wish to harm them (The Hero and his/her FiveManBand) and should approach with caution.

** If I'm ''already'' edible, I'll coat myself in something absolutely disgusting or poisonous to ward off potential consumers or get a mech suit. I'll take life over cleanliness and potential uncomfortableness any day.
# If I get the chance, I will endure TrainingFromHell from [[SNKBoss people who can turn heroes into paste the instant they move.]] Here's a small list of people to train from:
** [[MortalKombat Shao Kahn]]. Using weapons that autostun people even on block, as well as resist flincing damage
** [[{{Tekken}} Jinpachi Mishima]]. Using unblockable projectiles mixing with health-draining moves and insane Priority.
** [[ArcanaHeart Parace l'sia]]. Allow constant healing, trigger various effects, autocombo with the force of [[UpToEleven 11 flaming trucks to the face]] and having mere seconds of pausing before doing another, and predicting [[TheHero The hero's]] attacks milliseconds before the strike.

# Any and all explosives will be banned, including party supplies.
** Including firearms? Shooting too good for your enemies?
*** I said explosives. Standardized firearms are still allowed, but only for my Legions of Terror.

# If a prophecy specifically indicates that "no man or woman" will kill me, I will be extremely cautious of ''all'' of the following:
** Robots
** Aliens whose biology can't be mapped 1:1 to the gender binary
** Teams consisting of men ''[[ExactWords and]]'' women
** People who identify as [[UsefulNotes/{{Transgender}} non-binary, agender, genderqueer, or anything of the kind]]
** Cultures that never adopted the European-or-setting-equivalent gender binary, or are making even the tiniest effort to bring back lost traditions erased by same -- ''especially'' if my own evil empire is the one that did the erasing
** Accidents, forces of nature, or anything else that can kill me and reasonably not be credited to someone's actions
# If I have any strongly-held political beliefs, I will determine as quickly as possible whether the author means me as a PoliticallyIncorrectVillain, a WellIntentionedExtremist, or an example of EvenEvilHasStandards. If the answer is...
** PoliticallyIncorrectVillain: It is about 95% likely that the opposite of my viewpoint is blatantly true in my universe, no matter how little sense this makes, and about 100% likely that I can only be defeated by a shining example of my belief being proven wrong, no matter how little sense ''that'' makes. I will plan accordingly.
** WellIntentionedExtremist: It is about 70% likely that the hero agrees with my basic point and only disagrees with my methods, so I will make every attempt to persuade them to join me -- this will fail, but in the event of my defeat, the cause will at least be carried on. In the remaining 30% of cases, I will aim for the sidekick, or other important non-main characters, as surely one of them cares.
** EvenEvilHasStandards: The political stance is entirely irrelevant, but those who disagree with it are an easy supply of AcceptableTargets for any evil experiments or whatnot I need an unwilling warm body for, as the author likely cares more about making a cheap jab than making sense.
# No unauthorized materials will enter my realm. This includes but is not limited to...
** Hay carts with the hay in piles
** Weapons
** Contraband
** Possible nuclear bombs
*** Should any of these enter, they and whoever possesses them will be vaporized.

# When it comes to hostages, I plant remote controlled bombs inside them to make sure they die even if someone rescued them. Perhaps they might do some collecteral damage to my enemies? Just make sure they don't blow up in my base!

# When told "[[NoManOfWomanBorn no man can defeat me]]" I will not go round slaughtering girls. Someone will just [[RaisedAsOppositeGender raise their daughter as a boy]] who will have a grudge against me.

# What makes UndyingLoyalty? Of course, TheUndead! [[SoulPower The power]] [[{{Necromancer}} over death]] means FateWorseThanDeath for anyone who dares to oppose us.

# What makes UndyingLoyalty? Of course, TheUndead! [[SoulMagic The power]] [[{{Necromancer}} over death]] means FateWorseThanDeath for anyone who dares to oppose us.

# What makes UndyingLoyalty? Of course, TheUndead! [[{{Necromancer}} Power over death]] means FateWorseThanDeath to anyone who dare to oppose us.
#