Funny / Thief of Time

  • The Abbot, who as a serial reincarnator has an adult mind in a toddler's body. He alternates from a sophisticated vocabulary to saying things like "Wanna bikkit wanna bikkit WANNA BIKKIT". It's implied that he deliberately selected his most annoying acolyte to attend his physical needs, as well as acting as the target for awkwardly-swung toys and suddenly ballistic baby food.
  • The exchange among the Auditors turned human over what their names are, with one viciously stealing whatever name is claimed to be superior.
  • One of the Auditors thinks that the word "organ" makes a good insult. This results in such gems as "Do as I say, you organic organ!"
  • Using chocolates as weapons. Heck, the entire running battle against the Auditors, including using signboards against the very literal-minded Auditors, including a left-pointing arrow marked 'Go right.'
    • Then there's DUCK, to which Susan's reaction is "Ah, now we're getting metaphysical."
  • Lu Tze attempts to teach Rule One (always act cautiously around wrinkly old men) to an angry mammoth. The mammoth is unreceptive due to one brain cell thinking it should trample him, one brain cell thinking it should gouge him, and the last having wandered off and thinking about 'as much sex as possible.'
  • When Susan approaches Nanny's cottage she looks over her garden and all the lawn ornaments there, one of which is a gnome holding a rod... except that it's not the fishing kind of rod. Susan can't believe it, until she meets Nanny at the door and she gives Susan a look that says "Yep, that's my gnome, and be thankful he's only widdling in the pond."
  • War, the Anthropomorphic Personification of, well, War, is being henpecked by his Valkyrie wife. Even as he rides out.
  • In the opening, Death observes the Death of Rats performing an experiment with some buttered toast, to see if the Auditors are planning anything. Death then gets up for some exposition, only to slip on the way back to his desk.
    Help me up, please. And then clean up the damn butter.
  • Death and the Auditors, toward the end, are arguing about whether it's the Apocalypse and how the Auditors broke the rules. In pops the prophesied angel with the iron book...only for Death to have to awkwardly inform him that he is no longer official — revisions in the holy text wrote off that bit as apocrypha. The angel is considerably annoyed at having wasted his time.
    • And then gets ever-more-flustered as the actual battle commences in a manner he didn't anticipate, until he's reduced to asking Mrs. War for a pencil so he can revise the book's contents.
    • The same Angel using HIS OWN HALO as a saw to cut away some old corrosion in his book, and its accompanying sound effects descriptions.
  • The "koans" of the Way of Mrs. Cosmopolite, including such gems as "It never rains, but it pours."
    • One is 'Do unto otters as you would have them do to you', which Lu Tze suspects he may not have transcribed entirely correctly, though apparently he does make a point of treating otters respectfully.
  • In the denouement, one little girl in Susan's class is writing about their latest class trip - to learn about witches. They also learn about Greebo.
    The wich sang us a song about a hedghog it had lots of dificult words. She has a cat it chased Jason up a tree.
  • One in the blurb: it mentions the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse "and Ronnie, the fifth Horseman, who quit before they were famous".