Funny / The Wilds

Hilarity ensues when you trap eight teenage girls on an island together, amongst other less funny things. Beware: unmarked spoilers!

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Season One

Episode 1: Day One

• On the plane, Shelby suggests an icebreaker by pairing the girls off to get to know each other.
  Toni: This white girl said "pow-wow".
  Martha: So?
  Toni: So it's not her word. You should be triggered.
  Martha: Okay. I'm not, though.
  Toni: Why am I always fighting your battles for you?
  Martha: I don't know. Because you like fighting?
• Dot and Fatin get paired together for the icebreaker, leading to this exchange:
  Fatin: I've got a few questions about your cargo pants.
  Dot: Well, I'm not a lesbian, sorry to disappoint. I just like storage.
• Dot's incredulity at Fatin's suitcase, out of everyone's, being the one to wash up.
  • Later, Fatin gives the rest of the girls some of the clothes from her suitcase to keep warm. Dot, who earlier had been questioning Fatin's choice of girly-slogan shirts, pulls on a hoodie that reads "more issues than Vogue".
    Dot: This is my rock bottom.
• Toni and Shelby go looking for water together. It goes as well as expected.
  Toni: I'm so sick of looking at your fucking ponytail. I feel like it thinks it's better than me.
• The girls play Never Have I Ever in honor of Jeanette on their first night stranded on the island.
  Dot: Never have I ever had a threesome.
  Fatin: (drinks)
  Dot: With two guys, not two girls.
  Fatin: (drinks)
  Dot: On my period.
  Fatin: (goes to drink, but doesn't) I mean, I'm not a freak.

Episode 2: Day Two

• Leah is hesitant to swim out to the wreckage with Rachel because of the rough waters, despite previously volunteering.
  Rachel: (scoffs) Fucking typical.
  Leah: Okay, I feel like you can't say typical about someone you've known for a day in, like, a really atypical situation.
• Dot hears something rustling in the undergrowth, so she throws a rock at it. Turns out it was just Fatin taking a piss.
  Fatin: You need to not throw shit at unarmed brown people.

Episode 3: Day Three

• The episode's opening, which sees post-island Dot dancing around the compound lip-synching into her ice cream to Poison’s “Fallen Angel”. She turns around and sees the men who have been conducting the interviews waiting for her, and her ice cream falls onto one of their shoes.
  Dot: Ah, shit.
• On the island, a huge thunderstorm hits the girls. Between the wind, the rain, and the sand fleas, Fatin is not having a good time.
  Fatin: FUCK. MY. LIIIIIIIIIFE!
• Dot takes down an entire milkshake in one go, suitably impressing Dr. Faber. The field notes that accompany the episode state that Dot discovered in elementary school that she doesn’t get brain-freeze, and has used this ability to win money by challenging dudes to milkshake-drinking competitions.
• Toni flops down next to Fatin and grumbles about how Shelby is just using Martha and that Toni's pettiness, as Fatin put it, is simply her looking out for her best friend.
  Fatin: (beat) Are you an Aries?
  Toni: What? Who the fuck cares?! GOD! (storms off)
• Fatin's advice to Martha about how to get a guy to like her.
  Fatin: Oh, that's easy. You just stop paying attention to them and then they just like appear out of nowhere.
  Toni: (Plonks down a mannequin she found on the beach) So, this guy washed up. Is he good for anything?

Episode 4: Day Six

• Fatin, Shelby and Nora are washing themselves in the ocean and have the following exchange:
  Fatin: Time for a quick whore bath.
  Shelby: Excuse me, what is a whore bath?
  Nora: Just the pits, tits, and slits.
• Toni and Dot are arguing over the bag of Takis Fuego that washed ashore, as both of them had bought some before getting on the plane. Shelby tries to intervene, but Toni isn't having any of it.
  Toni: The situation is that they're mine and anyone who tries to take them is a colonizer.

Episode 5: Day Seven

• Nora performs a "loving homage" to Fatin, which includes wearing one of her fuzzy coats, holding a "zero fucks" bracelet, and putting on a voice.
  Nora: Honestly, I resent being called basic, because would a basic bitch make out with Elon Musk at a yacht party and inspire the designs for the new Tesla? Don’t @ me.
• Tensions run a little high in the woods during the search for Fatin.
  Rachel: (Makes a "crazy" gesture at Leah)
  Leah: I'm not fucking crazy!
  Rachel: (Makes a "what did I just say" gesture as she leaves)
  Leah: (beat) I know screaming that did not help my case… but I swear I'm not fucking crazy.

Episode 6: Day Twelve

• Toni's... display with the oyster has to be seen to be believed. All the girls (save Shelby) find it hilarious.

Episode 7: Day Fifteen

• Martha’s “Cake by the Ocean” dream sequence is… something to behold.
• Leah becomes suspicious of Shelby, thinking she knows more about the island and their situation than she's letting on. She confides in Fatin.
  Leah: She looks tired.
  Fatin: She should be. She’s been working her ass off for the last three days trying to make up for her Westboro Baptist moment, as if that’ll get her uncanceled.
• The following exchange between Linh ("Jeanette") and Gretchen:
  Linh: Americans love to drink when they’re feeling miserable, don’t they? That’s a big difference between here and Australia.
  Gretchen: When do Australians like to drink?
  Linh: All the fucking time.
• Linh builds a profile of Jeanette’s likes, including but not limited to her hydroflask, the American version of The Office, and Timothee Chalamet. Thom is in disbelief that Gretchen let Linh borrow her dogs for her Jeanette photoshoot.
• What’s the first thing Shelby does after kissing Toni? Panic and run away as fast as she can. The next time we see the two of them on the beach, Shelby is still running with Toni chasing after her in concern.
• Nora and Rachel get into a scrap. Dot sits off to the side, trying to ignore them. Leah wonders if they should intervene. Martha is wearing a sort of fluffy green cape with a frog head on it that she found in her washed-ashore suitcase, drinking vodka. Fatin provides commentary.
  Fatin: Ouch. That was a knee to the tit, ladies and gentlemen, but wait, Rachel’s not down and out yet.
  Nora: (screams)
  Fatin: She retaliates with a heel to the twat! Shit!
• After Fatin's electric toothbrush gets knocked to the ground, she turns it on to check that it still works. It does, but then starts to lose speed.
  Fatin: It's dying!
  Leah: I've never related so much to a toothbrush.

Episode 8: Day Sixteen

• The episode opens with a talk show host interviewing the girls, known now as “The Unsinkable Eight”... until Fatin says something inappropriate and the picture cuts to the girls sitting on the beach. The talk show was all in their heads; preparation for what they’re going to do and say once they’re rescued.
• Martha eats some gummi bears she found in Jeanette’s bag. Leah studies the label.
  Leah: Yeah, no, Martha, these… these aren’t candy. These are edibles.
  Martha: Well, I know they’re edible; I just ate them.
  • And then everyone but Shelby eats one too, in solidarity.
• While they’re high, the conversation turns to orgasms. Turns out Dot, Nora, Leah, and Toni have all masturbated at some point while on the island. Rachel asks where they even go to do it.
  Dot: What I like to do is just take Martha’s suitcase… (Martha flips over, concerned) ...and open it up and just get inside it…
• Shelby does turn out to masturbate. With her family's Jacuzzi water jets.
• All the girls minus Shelby, who is slowly drinking herself into a Sanity Slippage on the shore, head out into the waves to mess around and have fun. The montage feels almost as if they just let the actors loose in the ocean and recorded what happened.
• Martha spots Alex in a tree. What stops this being a disaster for Gretchen’s experiment? Martha is still tripping balls and thinks that he’s the mannequin Marcus, come to life. Gretchen almost can’t believe her luck.

Episode 9: Day Twenty-Two

• Shelby asks for Toni’s opinion on the Sanity Slippage haircut she gave herself at the end of last episode.
  Shelby: How bad is it?
  Toni: Not bad. I mean, looks like you get your hair cut at a salon staffed by toddlers, but not bad.

Episode 10: Day Twenty-Three

• Even though Martha, as well as Toni and Shelby, found food last episode, none of that food has made it back to camp yet. In the meantime, some of the remaining girls have resorted to a homemade slingshot to try and kill a seagull.
  Fatin: I’m not sure how stoked Martha would be to know that you’re using her cupcake bra as an animal death cannon.
• Fatin’s appreciation for Martha killing the goat knows no bounds.
  Fatin: This must be what cavewomen felt like when their men came home with meat. Like, I am legit hot for you right now.
• The very last line of the season echoes the thoughts of many audience members. Leah finds footage of a boys’ island, Gretchen’s control group for this experiment, looks directly into the camera, and says:
  Leah: What the fuck?

Season 2

Episode 2: Day 34/12

• Butch lesbian Toni turns out to be a huge fan of fancy weddings.
• Leah and Rachel pull a tote of supplies in from the surf. Supplies for a retirement party.
  • Shelby is extremely excited by the dishwasher-safe plastic silverwear and the idea they don't need to eat with their hands anymore. Then she coos with delight over paper plates.
    Fatin: You're going to lose your girlfriend to this kitschy party shit. Can you [Toni] get her off like this?
  • Leah breaks up in insane laughter at the sight of a piñata. Apparently it looks like a friend of her father's named Top Ramen ("actually Paul") who once did lines of ramen seasoning.

Episode 3: Day Thirty-Six/Day Fourteen

• The girls have adopted the party tableclothes as blankets, even if they do look silly.
  Leah: I kinda feel like I'm in a basket of French fries.
  Toni: Or a church basement on spaghetti dinner night
• Shelby then gets excited (again!) at being able to make her bed again. Fatin thinks bedmaking (the "domestic fucking hamster wheel") is dumb, prompting a survey. Shelby, Rachel, and Martha ("I like hamsters!") make their beds, while Toni, Fatin, and Dot do not. Leah is wishy-washy on the subject, and is instantly mocked.
  Rachel: Okay that's actually fucked up.
  Fatin: Truly sociopathic.

Episode 4: Day 42/15

• After finding out it's Dot's birthday, Fatin declares, "She is 18 today, people. Which means she can legally vote, she can buy porn, and she is officially no longer of sexual interest to Jeffrey Galanis." Leah just responds to this with a mildly annoyed "really?"

Episode 5: Day 45/16

• Henry catching Gretchen off guard by singing "Welcome to My Black Parade".

Episode 6: Day 46/26

• Kirin lip-syncing to "Cut to the Feeling" by Carly Rae Jepsen.