- Wilfred. Spencer taunts Wilfred with a laser pointer, causing Wilfred to go into a slight frenzy and shout for the red dot to show itself. Cue the Indian women next door walking out asking what's going on. (Note: Yes, she's wearing a bindi.)
- Wilfred suffering from A God Am I.
Ryan: You've lost your mind! It's like you have some sort of...God complex.Wilfred: I'll let you in on a little secret, Ryan. I AM GOD! THUNDER!!!Ryan: How did you do that?!Wilfred: LUCKY COINCIDENCE!!!
- Wilfred's conspiracy theory at the vet's office.
"The puppet master is Bob Barker!"
- Wilfred. During The Stinger of one episode, Wilfred and Ryan are playing Clue. When Ryan tells Wilfred he guessed the killer wrong, Wilfred flips the game over, and punches Ryan in the face.
- He did the same thing with Monopoly because "he keeps it gangster".
- Wilfred does not understand Monopoly money.
Ryan: How many times do I have to tell you that money isn't real?Wilfred: Tell me one more time.Ryan: That money isn't real.Wilfred: SHIT!
- The stuffed giraffe from episode 7 turns out to like S&M.
- Wilfred using Jenna's panties as a tea bag.
- The whole "Squishy Tits" incident. Jenna unknowingly eats marijuana-laced candy and becomes really stoned, so during a live newscast she starts fondling her breasts. This even gets turned into an in-universe viral music video!
Jenna: My tits are so squishy!
- Wilfred killing a pelican.
- Wilfred telling Ryan he poisoned him complete with Evil Laugh.
- Ryan getting caught having sex with a stuffed giraffe toy.
- Wilfred "possessed" by Ryan's old dog Sneakers.
"That man is not the real Magic Johnson. I died in 1992. That guy looks nothing like me."
- Wilfred and Ryan forming their own band.
- Wittle Bethie Bunny just got a Bwazilian.
- Wilfred finding out about Ryan's old dog Sneakers.
"Sneakers is no one, huh? (holds out a collar) Do you usually buy priceless jewelry for no one? Imitation colored glass? Plastic painted to look like metal? This isn't some cheap made in China knockoff. This was made in Taiwan, you bastard!"
- When chatting with his "Spirit Guide" during "questions" Ryan almost gets the answer to what Wilfred is... only for his guide to get an arrow through the throat.
Ryan: Wilfred!Wilfred holding the bow: Who, me?
- Wilfred is strapped to a device that will shock him if he tries to eat food out of a bowl. He doesn't ever really grasp the concept and he even manages to taste some of the food amidst the electrocutions.
- Mataman displays his divine powers by pulling a dove from behind Ryan's ear. Ryan looks away for a second and when he turns back, he sees that Mataman has bitten the head off of the dove.