Funny / The 13th Warrior

  • In the morning, the vikings starts passing among themselves a bowl full of water. Some drink from it. Other gargle their throats and spit the water back. Some wash their hands, after blowing their noses into them. Ahmad, immaculately clean and sitting in his most elegant robe, observes it all with increasing disgust. Eventually the bowl is passed to him, with no ill intentions and as a sign of good manners toward a guest. By this point he looks as if he was about to throw up into the bowl and he quickly pushes it away.
    • Made even more funny in the script and original cut, where the scene lasts a bit longer. Herger looks amused at Ahmad's reaction and asks something in Norse, then switches to Greek when he realises they can't understand him.
    Ahmad: What he said?
    Melchisidek: "Don't Arabs believe in cleanliness?"
  • When asked his name, Ahmad includes his full name with all of the "ibn" connectors that are a common feature of names for his people.
    Herger: ...Aben?
    Ahmad: No, no [...] 'ibn' means, "the son of."
    Herger: [to the others] Aben.
  • After slowly learning Norse by sheer immersion, Ahmad eventually overhears when his mother is insulted. He opens his mouth for the first time for what appears to be months, carefully saying every word to make sure everyone understands.
    Skeld: She probably was some smoke-colored camp girl. Looked like that one's mother.
    Ahmad: My mother (All the Norsemen instantly get silent, stunned) was a pure woman from a noble family. (beat) And I, at least, know who my father is, you pig-eating son of a whore!
  • Having to listen his horse being called a dog for the n-th time, Ahmad decided to show off the remaining 12 what he and his mount are capable off. After few impressive jumps, including one over Weath's own horse (and throwing him off the saddle into mud), he catches up with rest of the group
    Buliwyf : (jokingly) So, the dog can jump
  • Herger the Joyful is, by far, the funniest character in the whole film.
    [upon learning that the "fire wyrm" is an army of men carrying torches]
    Herger: I'd rather fight a dragon.
  • Herger throws Ahmad a Viking broadsword, which is rather unwieldy for the aristocratic poet:
    Ahmad: I cannot lift this.
    Herger: [holding his arms out in a shrug while smiling] Grow stronger.
  • Ahmad has his face clawed after the first encounter with the Wendol. A Norse woman starts to tend his wounds, while he keeps hissing out of pain from what appears to be few harmless, shallow cuts. Then she starts applying an ointment, which is revealed to be boiled-down cow urine (ammonia is a strong antiseptic). Ahmad panics about such filth being put on his face, demanding clean water instead. The woman nods in agreement, but then describes the fever and infection he will get by the morning if she's not allowed to finish her job. Ahmad eagerly allows her to cover the rest of his wounds with the ointment.
  • The whole metal worker scene, starting with Ahmad doing more damage than helping and ending with his flashy moves with his brand new pseudo-scimitar.
    Weath: Give an Arab a sword and he makes a knife!
    (Ahmad shows of his skills, eventually pointing the blade at Weath, who doesn't even blink)
    Weath: When you die, can I give it to my daughter?
  • This gem:
    Ahmad: What happened?
    Herger: An engineering dispute... [camera pans to Herger sharpening his sword and shields laying at his feet]
  • During their escape from the Wendol's lair, swimming out through the Thunder cliffs.
    Herger The way we'll know is: if they don't follow us it's too far to swim!