Funny: The Professional

  • The Professional has a darkly funny moment in which corrupt cop/Psycho for Hire Norman Stansfield pauses in the middle of raiding a drug holder's apartment to discuss classical music with the owner.
    Stansfield: We said noon — I've got one minute past. (a long silence) You don't like Beethoven. You don't know what you're missing: overtures like that get my... juices flowing. So powerful. But after his openings, to be honest, he does tend to get a little fucking boring. (he laughs) That's why I stopped!
    (he sighs and turns to the thugs behind him)
    Stansfield: Toss the apartment.
    (as they start ransacking the place, Stansfield continues)
    Stansfield: You're a Mozart fan — I love him too. I looooove Mozart! (in a very bad German accent) He vos Austrian you know? (in ordinary voice) But for this kind of work.... (he mimes playing the piano on the mantlepiece) he's a little light. So I tend to go for the heavier guys. Check out Brahms — he's good too.
  • "...'ello, pilgrem."
  • For a regular comedy moment: Mathilda just fired six shots at random. Cut to Léon and Mathilda walking down the street, carrying their belongings.
    Léon: Mathilda, don't you ever do that again or I'll break your head. You got that?
    Mathilda: Okay.
    Léon: I don't work like that. It's not professional. There is rules!
    Mathilda: Okay.
    Léon: And stop saying "okay" all the time. Okay?
    Mathilda: Okay.
    Léon: Good.
  • The scene in the unedited version where Léon gives Mathilda a target practice lesson... in the middle of a drug dealer hit. You can hear the guy murmur "What the fuck is this?" in disbelief a couple of times until Léon puts him down for good.
  • Léon showing Tony his new apprentice.
    Tony: Isn't there supposed to be an age limit?
  • Stansfield's reaction to being shot in the shoulder has less to do with being wounded and more to do with being pissed his suit's ruined. He also wanders absent-mindedly around the apartment following the raid, including into the path of his underlings' weapons and has to be led out by his second-in-command.
  • A bit of Cringe Comedy, but it's pretty funny watching Mathilda troll the hotel owner by telling him Léon isn't her father, he's her lover. The guy's Reaction Shot is priceless.