Funny: The Polar Express

  • First off:
    Know-it-All Boy: It was five minutes to midnight four minutes ago.
    Conductor: Exactly.
  • And the payoff:
    Hero Girl: It's still 5 minutes to 12!
  • Let's get one more of him in there:
    Know-It-All (Reading the word punched on his ticket with his thumb over one letter): "Lean" What the heck does that mean?
    Conductor (Examining the ticket): "Lean" has four letters. I believe I punched five.
    (Hands it back)
    Know-It-Al: Hey, are you sayin' I can't read?? (Reads it again and looks back sheepishly) Oh. I'm sorry.
    (Boards train)
    Conductor (To himself): Lesson learned.
  • A blink-and-you-miss-it one. As Hero Boy and Hero Girl are sharing their goodbye hug, the conductor briefly checks his pocket watch and makes an exasperated face that just screams "Get On With It Already."
  • Hero Boy telling the hobo that he's "looking for a girl." The hobo howls with laughter and replied "Ain't we all??"