WARNING: Spoilers are unmarked.
- This line at the end of the film:Reid: Hi-Ho Silver, away![Beat]Tonto: Don't ever do that again.Reid: Sorry.
- Pretty much anything Silver does is either this or awesome. Like his ability to appear in the most improbable of places.Tonto: Something very wrong with that horse....
- Tonto's attempt to convince Silver to bring back Reid's brother instead is particularly amusing.
- Anytime Tonto's unreliable narration is pointed out by the kid he's telling it to.
- "You did not speak of her as the wife of your brother." (lewd expression)
- On the train, Tonto attempts to warn the lawmen escorting him and Cavendish that the latter has a gun by making hand gestures. When Cavendish kills the lawmen anyway, he catches Tonto still holding his hand out like a finger-gun, which he then not-so-convincingly tries to pass off as scattering dirt as part of his Indian ritual.
- Out of nowhere, Reid gets hit in the shoulder with an arrow, and he gives the most hilariously girly scream imaginable, and just falls over (he's fine, though).
- Tonto's response when Reid asks if he sterilized the stitching needle: "Yes! I make urine on it!" Cue Reid's scream.
- John trying to coerce Red into talking by stating the health code violations in her brothel.
- And Tonto taking dictation!
- The fact that Tonto cannot decide whether Silver is stupid or just pretending to be stupid.
- "Horse dead."
- Every time Tonto states that nature is out of balance.
- John's Adorkable question about whether Red's (a brothel) is a dance club.
- John threatens to let Tonto do whatever he wants to Frank, the cross-dressing member of the Cavendish gang. His response? "What does he want to do to me?"
- "He gonna violate me with a duck foot."
- "Did my name come up?"
- "You hear it, too? I was hoping it was in my head."
- After the dust has settled, the band that was injured at the start of the train chase still has to play, in casts and bandages.
- John picks up a doll that a little girl on his train dropped and playfully tosses it to her...only for the doll to get sucked out the window.
- John's attempt to apprehend Butch gets interrupted by Butch's goons opening the door behind him. Moments later, John is chained up next to Tonto.
- When Tonto wants to make a quick getaway from the train about to crash, John gives him hell for it.John: [tugging at their chain] Have you no decency?!
- One of Butch's goons yelling "SHUT UP!" as John and Tonto give alternating answers to his question.
- Tonto citing Dan as a great warrior while John just says "That's my brother."
- Tonto had been hoping the Spirit-walker would be John's brother Dan and is quite disappointed in John being chosen. Consequently, he nicknames John "Kemosabe", which in this movie means "Wrong brother".
- "My gluteus!"
- John disables Tonto so he can bring Cavendish to justice rather than executing him on the spot. After coming around, Tonto mutters how much of an idiot John is. Despite not understanding English, all the Chinese workers nod in agreement.
- In climax, Rebecca tries to sneak on Cole to knock him out, only to be accidentally knock out by a chunk of silver thrown by Tonto.
