"Our best friend Doug is probably face-down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!"
Alan's response to the legality of counting cards while gambling.
Alan: Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system. Stu: It's also illegal. Alan: It's not illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane. Phil: I'm pretty sure that's illegal too. Alan: Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden.
Alan trying to calm an enraged Mr. Chow.
Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me? Alan: Nobody's going to fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! He destroys cities! Please! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.
Alan interacting with the hotel staff.
Alan Garner: Can I ask you another question? Lisa: Sure. Alan Garner: You probably get this a lot. This isn't the real Caesar's Palace, is it? Lisa: What do you mean? Alan Garner: Did, umm... did Caesar live here? Lisa: No. Alan Garner: I didn't think so.
The cops barging in on Jade's room. "Shut the baby up! Shut the baby up!"
Melissa: I just wish your friends were as mature as you. Stu: They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them. (Phil, Doug and Alan pull up outside.) Phil: Paging Dr. Faggot! (Beat.) Dr. Faggot!
The Stinger. The morning after Alan and Cassie's wedding, a hotel room is shown to be completely trashed (think of the other morning-aftermath scenes from the other movies), with a motorcycle stuck in a wall along with a minigun having shot many holes in another wall, Phil waking up in Cassie’s wedding dress and Stu walking in to the room, with breat implants (but Stu only notices that he’s wearing women’s panties!) The Freak Out that follows when he notices his new boobs is also insanely funny. And the gangs Oh Crap reaction when Alan remembers that Chow gave them the wedding cake, cutting to the same monkey from TH2 jumping on his head, and Chow popping up, totally naked with a samurai sword.
Marshall reading Alan and Chow's letters to each other.
Marshall: "Dear Leslie, OMG, the McRib is back! Why was it ever gone?"
Alan: I know, right?
Marshall: "Dear Alan. Today I peed on a guard and blamed it on another inmate. Wish you were here."
Alan: Yeah, I wish I was there too. It sounds hilarious.
The entire scene scene with the chickens attacking everyone and Chow trying to shoot them, then Chow reveals that he only feeds them cocaine and chicken.
The guys repeatedly calling the other Doug "Black Doug" and him getting increasingly irritated by it.