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- From Episode #2 Miss Right:
Drew: (to Mimi) Ohh, and this must be your dog. Oh, he's a big fellow, huh? I guess it's true what they say about dogs and their owners. (beat) They look nothing alike.
- This comment from Drew to Mimi when he finds out she is Mr. Bell's new assistant.
Drew: Learn how to signal, you jerk! (He honks the horn and it plays the first line of "Dixie".)
- Drew borrows his neighbor's truck for carpooling to work with his fellow co-workers. The traffic causes him to slam on the brakes.
- From Episode #4 Nature Abhors a Vacuum:
Drew: I fired Mr. Bell's pencil sharpener. OH MY GOD!
- Drew doesn't realized he just fired Mr. Bell's girlfriend.
Kate: You put me in this position. If he still had his girlfriend, he wouldn't be going after me.Drew: Oh yeah? Well, if frogs could fly (beat) well we'd still have this problem, but wouldn't it be cool?
- This exchange between Drew and Kate in Drew's kitchen after their conversation with Mr. Bell at the Warsaw Tavern.
- From Episode #5 No Two Things in Nature are Exactly Alike:
- Mimi tricking Drew into entering Mr. Bell's office when he wasn't required to do so by Mr. Bell.
- From Episode #6 Drew Meets Lawyers:
Drew: I'm sorry. You must get a lot of these nuisance lawsuits, huh?Fenn: Brother, you wouldn't believe what we have to deal with. We used to be personal injury lawyers. (Geller then accidentally cuts himself and starts bleeding.)
- Guest stars Penn & Teller as fictional lawyers "Fenn & Geller" meet with Drew at work.
Drew: (singing) ...from the thing, to the thing, from the thing.
- Drew's neighbor Peaches brings him a misprinted "I'M WITH STUPID" t-shirt that has an arrow pointed up.
- Drew not remembering some of the lyrics to "God Bless America".
- From Episode #7 Drew in Court:
Drew: It was the "modeling" part right? (turns to the stenographer) Uh, just don't type that down. (she continues to type away) Hey uh, stop typing. (she continues doing that) Knock it off. (she keeps typing) I said "Knock it off!" (she keeps going) The person who types this is an idiot. (the stenographer stops and gives Drew a look)
- The stuff Drew does around the ex-smokers in the carpool at the beginning.
- In court, Drew tells the female stenographer to not type the word "modeling" (which he said in his previous statement) into the court record.
Lewis: Yes......no......I mean yes.
- Lewis' answers to the standard question everyone is asked when taking the stand in a U.S. courtroom.
- After doing some research on Mr. Louder, the gang discovers that he invented the Cubicle. Originally, apparently, it was an actual cage, but it was discovered that only three walls were necessary, and workers will just feel trapped psychologically. Drew thinks for a moment, then says, "My God! You mean I can just walk out?"
- Drew wins the Batmobile in a contest. The night after, Drew goes into a panic discovering it missing, and various authorities he calls don't take him seriously because... well, it's the Batmobile. A cop finally shows up on Drew's front door, and asks "Do these two belong to you?" What follows may be the single funniest image in the entire series.
- Season 4, Episode 5, "Sexual Perversity in Cleveland" has Oswald accepting an offer by DrugCo to have breast implants given to him (and double if he poses for the calendar). Drew and Lewis ask to see them. Oswald is annoyed by the request but decides to let them see. Then, they ask to touch them:
Drew: You touch 'em don't ya?
Oswald: Well, sure.
Lewis: We want to touch them for the same reason. You got 'em. They're there.
Oswald: All right, but here's the deal. Left hand only. Fingertips, no palms. And no honkin'.
- Oswald wonders why they're so obsessed seeing his breasts. "Hey, if you had a hand growing out of your head, we'd want to shake it."
- Then, just as they're about to make physical contact, Kate walks in, and everyone scatters like cockroaches when the light turns on.
Kate: What would I have walked in on if I'd stopped to get gas?
- Pretty much the entirety of Season 5, episode 9, "Drew Cam", but mainly Kate telling Drew she's in love with him while he's doing another commercial.
Drew: Anything you say better be about this refridgerator.Kate: Fine, let's talk about your refridgerator. I'm in love with it, I'm in love with your fridge.Drew: Who wouldn't be? Look at all the eggs it can hold!
- When Drew nearly dies, Mimi makes sure his obituary is put in the paper as a prank. However, this triggers Drew's "Doomsday Prank" which he can't call off. Mimi is handcuffed to a chair and forced to watch as four Drew lookalikes in only underwear and glasses dance to "I'm Too Sexy."
- Drew We're not going through his backpack.Oswald Well that's probably for the best, every school boy knows that World War One was started when the Archduke Ferdinand was shot for going through the Kaiser's backpack.Drew You get everything just about half right, don't ya?