Funny / Short Circuit

Short Circuit:

  • How quickly Stephanie decides that Number 5 was an alien and how quickly she accepts the idea of being visited by the "alien" was rather amusing.
    Stephanie: Oh my god, I knew they'd pick me. I just knew it!
  • Howard, scared about what the malfunctioning Number 5 might do, makes this comment:
    Howard: What if it decides to melt down a bus full of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that one?!
    Ben: Nun soup?
    Howard: BEN!
  • Ben is generally pretty good for these. When Crosby was taking No. 1 (without permission) on his hunt for No. 5, Howard started freaking out some more.
    Howard: Great, great! So instead of $11 million on the loose, we have twenty-two!
  • Newton and Ben bantering at the beginning of the film:
    Ben: Newton Crosby, you must make instantaneous appearance!
    Newton: (causes the robot hand he's manipulating to flip Ben off)
    Ben: Was that a "yes", or the number of your intelligence quotient?
  • Any and all of Ben's Malaproper phrases. Just Ben in general.
    "I am standing here beside myself." (I am beside myself)
    "So now I am having no job to speak about. I will have to smack the sidewalk." (I have no job to speak of. I will have to pound the pavement)
    "I have seen some strange, bizarre drivers, but you. You will be awarded a cake." (I have seen some strange, bizarre drivers, but you take the cake)
    "Bimbo!" (Bingo)
    "With excitement like this, who is needing enemas?"
    "Newton, we are wasting valueless time!"
    • And this great Ben line:
    Newton: So what do you think of her?
    Ben: I am thinking she is a wirgin. Or at least used to be one.
    • Well, that narrows it down.
    • And these twi:
    Newton: Where are you from, anyway?
    Ben: Bakersfield, originally.
    Newton: No, I mean your ancestors.
    Ben: Oh, them. Pittsburgh.

    "Bye-bye, goofy woman. I enjoyed repeatedly throwing you to the ground."
  • Number Five: "Hey laser lips! Your momma was a snowblower!"
    • Johnny reprogramming the pursuing SAINT prototypes, turning them into The Three Stooges.
  • When Number 5 proves his sentience by noting things a ketchup stain looks like:
    Number Five: And resemble... look like... butterfly. Bird. Maple leaf.
    Newton: Where!? (looks it over himself) Holy shit!
    Number Five: No shit. Where see shit?
  • When Number 5 kidnaps Crosby, he's a little slow in complying to drive the truck...
    Number Five: Today, Crosby! Today!
    • Even funnier when you remember that, in his first attempt to capture Johnny Five, Skroder motivated his men first to move out, then to get into position both by shouting, "Today, gentlemen, today!"
  • The scene where Johnny 5 dismantles that guy's car (in about 10 seconds), lays the pieces out in order, reads the manual and says, "Piece of cake!"
  • This exchange between Stephanie and her ex.
    Stephanie: Let go of me you mutation!
    Frank: Goddammit, don't call me that!
    Stephanie: You don't even know what it means!
    Frank: Yeah, well I can find out!

Short Circuit 2:

  • Fred tries explaining that he didn't "lose" Johnny Five. He just "misplaced him, y'know? Like your car keys."
  • The moment that Number Five/Johnny Five discovers the bookstore and begins heading towards it excitedly. By the time Fred catches back up to him, it looks like a tornado erupted inside the building.
  • The Los Locos gang "theme song".
    Johnny: Los Locos kick your ass! Los Locos kick your face! Los Locos kick your balls into outer space!
    Ben: If you had a mouth, I would be washing it out with soap!
  • When Ben comes looking for Johnny Five and find him at the police station, he's chained up. When Johnny's told he's free to go, the first thing he does is unlock the shackles on his arms with ease.
  • After Johnny Five prompts Ben to ask Sandy out on a date. Ben goes along with it, but only after Johnny offers to help him out in asking her. So Johnny uses a neon sign to guide Ben. Unfortunately his interference gets some interference, so the sign reverts to its normal function, with Ben oblivious. Naturally, Hilarity Ensues.
    Ben: (still reading the sign, unaware of the problem) Tu mama hace el amor con mi perro.
    Sandy: Wait. I know a little Spanish.
    Johnny: (waves his arms to warn Ben) Oh, No! No! No! No! No!
    Sandy: My mother... sleeps... with your dog?
    Johnny: (covering his eyes) Oh, no!
    Ben: Uh, well, that's an expression in-in my country, where, uh, sometimes we are speaking... Spanish. It does not mean that your mother is sleeping with my dog. Oh, no no. It means that, uh, the people that she is sleeping with, they are, they are like dogs!
    • From the same scene:
    Ben: Well, it takes a tough man to make a tender... chicken.
  • Sandy's cab driver eagerly playing along while trying to decipher Ben's musical clues to his location.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/ShortCircuit