- How quickly Stephanie decides that Number 5 was an alien and how quickly she accepts the idea of being visited by the "alien" was rather amusing.
Stephanie: Oh my god, I knew they'd pick me. I just knew it!
- Howard, scared about what the malfunctioning Number 5 might do, makes this comment:
Howard: What if it decides to melt down a bus full of nuns? How would you write the headline on that?!
- Ben is generally pretty good for these. When Crosby was taking No. 2 (without permission) on his hunt for No. 5, Howard started freaking out some more.
Howard: Great! So instead of $11 million on the loose, we're going to have twenty-two!
- Newton and Ben bantering at the beginning of the film:
Ben: Newton Crosby, you must make instantaneous appearance!
Newton: (causes the robot hand he's manipulating to flip Ben off)
Ben: Was that a "yes", or the number of your intelligence quotient?
- Any and all of Ben's Malaproper phrases.
"I am standing here beside myself." (I am beside myself)
"So now I am having no job to speak about. I will have to smack the sidewalk." (I have no job to speak of. I will have to pound the pavement)
"I have seen some strange, bizarre drivers, but you. You will be awarded a cake." (I have see some strange, bizarre drivers, but you take the cake)
"With excitement like this, who is needing enemas?"
"Newton, we are wasting valueless time!"
- And this great Ben line:
Newton: So what do you think of her?
Ben: I am thinking she is a wirgin. Or at least used to be one.
- Well, that narrows it down.
- And this one:
Newton: Where are you from, anyway?
Ben: Bakersfield, originally.
Newton: No, I mean your ancestors.
Ben: Oh, them. Pittsburgh.
- Just Ben in general.
"Bye-bye, goofy woman. I enjoyed repeatedly throwing you to the ground."
- "Hey laser lips! Your momma was a snowblower!"
- Johnny reprograming the pursuing SAINT prototypes, turning them into...The Three Stooges.
- When Number 5 proves his sentience by noting things a coffee stain looks like:
Newton: Holy shit!
Number Five: No shit. Where see shit?
- When Number 5 kidnaps Crosby, he's a little slow in complying to drive the truck...
Number Five: Today, bozo! Today!
- Fred tries explaining that he didn't "lose" Johnny Five. He just "misplaced him, y'know? Like your car keys."
- The moment that Number Five/Johnny Five discovered the bookstore and begins heading towards it excitedly. By the time Fred catches back up to him, it looks like a tornado erupted inside the building.
- The Los Locos gang "theme song".
Johnny: Los Locos kick your ass! Los Locos kick your face! Los Locos kick your balls into outer space!
Ben: If you had a mouth, I would be washing it out with soap!
- When Ben comes looking for Johnny Five and find him at the police station, he's chained up. When Johnny's told he's free to go, the first thing he does is rip the heavy chains restraining him off the wall like paper.
- After Johnny Five prompts Ben to ask Sandy out on a date. Ben goes along with it, but only after Johnny offers to help him out in asking her. So Johnny uses a neon sign to guide Ben. Unfortunately the sign starts to malfunction and naturally Hilarity Ensues.
Ben: (still reading the sign, unaware of the problem) Tu mama hace el amor con mi perro.
Sandy: Wait. I know a little Spanish.
Sandy: My mother... sleeps... with your dog?
: (covering his eyes
) Oh, no!
Ben: Uh, well, that's an expression in-in my country, where, uh, sometimes we are speaking... Spanish. It does not mean that your mother is sleeping with my dog. Oh, no no. It means that, uh, the people that she is sleeping with, they are, they are like dogs!
- Sandy's cab driver eagerly playing along while trying to decipher Ben's musical clues to his location.