(Michele holds back tears watching Vivian get treated to a shopping spree) I just get so happy when they finally let her shop!
"Yeah, like those sales girls in Beverly Hills aren't bigger whores than she is!"
Here's how Romy handles meeting a suit salesman...
Romy: Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before and my shoe is filling up with blood.
She even pretends to limp just to make it look believable.
Romy's plan to get her and Michele a car for the reunion: pretend to have sex with Ramon, a car factory worker, so that he could let her borrow his. It's even funnier in the end.
Romy: Oh, Ramon. Your penis is so powerful. I'm cumming. Okay, thanks, get off me now.
Ramon: Ah, come on!
Romy: You wanted it to be believable.
"Who lost their virginity first?" "Oh big wow, with your cousin Barry. I wouldn't brag about it!"
The "I'm the Mary and your the Rhoda" fight. It gets even funnier (and darker) when the movie reaches to a dream future sequence that have Romy and Michele as elderly women (with Romy dying, no less) and they are still arguing about it.
Old!Michele: Tell your mommy that Michele Weinberger-Frink is on the phone and would very much like to speak with her.
Old!Romy [whilst breathing heavily]: No. Not until you admit that I'm the Mary and you're the Rhoda
Old!Michele:I'm the Mary! I'm the Mary! You're a pasty hag on her deathbed...
[Old!Romy slowly gives Old!Michele the finger as her heart monitor starts to decline.]
"We need something to go.... do you have some sort of 'business woman' special?"
As Michele is defending Romy from the mean girls...
Michele: Oh, shut up. And what are you picking on us for? We're not the one's who got fat.
Romy: Actually, I have been trying this new fat free diet I invented. All I've had to eat for the past six days are gummy bears, jelly beans, and candy corns.
Michele: God, I wish I had your discipline.
Heather Mooney gives out some laughs, as well. Especially in her first appearance, where the mere mention of Sandy turns her from Deadpan Snarker to Comically Serious:
Romy: Besides, didn't you have a thing for Sandy [Frink] in high school?
Heather: I did not have a "thing"! I did not have a thing. [Turns to another costumer behind her] I didnot have a "thing." [Turns back to Romy] I was very much in love with him. Very much in love, there's a difference. [Turns to the costumer behind her again] There's a difference. [Now back to Romy; bleakly] There's a difference.
[puts on her shades]
Heather: [whispers] I have to go now.
She also gives out one quote that's pretty relatable for anyone who had a hard time in high school...
Heather: Why don't you tell everyone I said I said to go fuck themselves for making my teen years a living hell?
"It's like I've given birth to my own baby girl, y'know? Only she's like, a big giant girl who smokes and says 'shit' a lot...y'know? Yeah...Let's fold scarves!"