The newspaper article concering the start of World War One. The writer doesn't even try to pretend to know what the hell is going on in Europe, and points out that he's glad the United States is staying neutral... by selling weapons to both sides.
Professor MacDougal trying to speak You No Take Candle to Nastas, who calmly points out (with a hint of Never Heard That One Before) that there was a school on the reservation and that he speaks fluent English. And MacDougal still kind of does it after that point.
MacDougal: (in overdone body language) Good morning, Nastas! Would you like to take off your slippers? Or skin a rabbit? *clears his throat* I know, we cannot see the stars, but still, my heart is pure, and we meet, as equals! (to John) These savages must be spoken to simply in metaphores.
Nastas: No, sir. I grew up on a reservation and attended school.
Those who find the sex scene this. Especially the girl's random shouting of Viva Mexico!
Could be both. It comes completely outta nowhere, possibly prompting you to go "ARGH WHAT THE FUCK MY [family member of choice is in the room], DON'T JUST THROW THIS AT ME!". Then the chick goes Viiiiva Mehicooooo!~, and you can't help but laugh.
Or, for a third possibility, you get horrified by the sex scene, but can't help but laugh at Reyes afterward.
Whiskey, which makes John Marston violently angry.
Or optionally,drunk as a skunk!
Pass by a prostitute while drunk. She'll proposition John. John will refuse, stating he is a man of principles or something about his wife. Then make him stumble around the bar until John collapses onto the floor in a booze-soaked heap.
" JACK'S GETTIN' AN AUTOMOBILE!" Granted, it would be even funnier if you could actually buy one, but oh well.
When tying up a woman: "And they say romance is dead."
Say what you will about EdgarRoss, but his increasingly nonsensicalmonologue about Dutch's anarchy at the beginning of the mission "And You Will Know The Truth" is pretty amusing, especially John's bewildered reactions.
"A GLASS EYE?! ITS A GLASS EYE!" Poor Seth.
This cartoon, which you can watch in Armadillo. The second guy is especially fucking hilarious !
"Ain't ya got some peckers to be suckin'?" - Irish.
Luisa believing she and Abraham Reyes are going to marry when the guy can't even remember her name.
Reyes: How do you know my young lover, Laura?
Marston: It's Luisa.
Reyes: I will name a day after her: Laura's day!
Reyes: What? Oh yes... I knew a Laura too.
Herr Muller: "You fucking cheat! You fucking looked at my fucking cards you fucking cheat!"
The Walton's Gang member Link Huston that can be found in the Armadillo saloon and as a bounty target have some of this troper's favorite lines. He's about the only bounty target that, instead of shouting angry insults or threats at you when catching him and bringing him back to jail will instead laugh and make suggestive comments, such as remarking about you tying him up and saying he'll give you a kiss if you let him go. He's also the one you hear randomly shouting "Scum licker!" and "III'M coming for YOU!". Pick a fight with the guy and he may shout "Put it in me, come on, put it in me!" If you shoot Link and he runs for cover, it's both funny and sad as he then might shout "DON'T HIT ME, MOMMY! DON'T HIT ME!"
Also, when you've become so famous that people everywhere recognizes you and addresses you with name, bump into Link and he'll say "Oh Mr. Marston. Excuse me, Mr. Marston!" in a rather suggestive tone as well. That or "Kiss me. You won't regret it. Hehehe."
The mission "Who Are You To Judge?" has John retrieving a loved one named Lucy for a guy named Jeb. Turns out that Lucy is a horse. When you deliver her back to Jeb, the cowgirl that was looking after her says THIS:
"Life out here does funny things to people. I should know; my daddy kept goats."
Your second encounter with Sam Odessa:
John: "California is in the west. Just follow the setting sun."
Sam: *walks away* "snort setting sun..."
It's pretty damn funny when you've spent the whole game fighting to be reunited with your family, to the point that when you finally get to ride up to the door of your home, most players probably expected a teary eyed and relieved Abigail to come greet him... instead the first thing she does is to run in fury towards John, immediately pounding away on him while shouting "You no-good, hillbilly piece of shit! I thought you were dead! Where have you been, huh? Where have you been?!" which made this troper immediately wonder if you go through all that trouble only to find that John is a Henpecked Husband, (but fortunately she calms down).
Marston finds Irish trying to rob a pair of nuns in Thieves' Landing.
Irish:*points gun at Marston* Who the hell are you?
Marston:*takes gun from Irish* I'm your old friend, amnesia. *pistol whip*
West Dickens giving instructions to the crew for the assault on Fort Mercer.
West Dickens: Marshals of the law, when the shooting starts take that as your cue to....start awarding each other medals.
"You get the smelly end!"
John when releasing a hogtied person: "I'm going straight to Heaven for this!"
Step 1. Travel to Torquemada. Step 2. Start pushing people. Step 3. Run to the far right side (besides the Five Finger Fillet table) and jump over the wall there, then go as close to the edge as possible. Step 4. Stand and watch while the people you pushed tries to chase you but instead ends up sending themselves screaming and plummeting down a 300 feet canyon wall. (Just don't push soldiers, you'll become Wanted and they'll shoot you instead).
John really doesn't like the automobile that he's riding in with Ross and Fordham, especially after it breaks down, leaving them open to an attack.
John: So much for this automobile of yours. If this is the future, God help us all.
Ross: It's not the automobile. A bad workman shouldn't blame his tools. Perhaps if Mr. Fordham maneuvered it with a little more finesse...
Fordham: I was trying to escape an ambush, sir!
John: Even if it was runnin' fine, they'd still have caught us. I can walk faster than this piece of crap! Give me a horse any day.
In the early sidequest "Jenny's Faith" we get this gem of an exchange:
Jenny: Faith can move mountains. That's what it's all about.
John: You're trying to move a mountain?
Rob a place and John might randomly shout "TAXMAN'S HERE!"
"I GUESS THIS MAKES ME A GUNMAN!" After slaughtering dozens.
The game actually rewards Video Game Cruelty Punishment: kidnap a woman, hogtie her, put her on some railroad tracks, and let an incoming train smash her to bits. You'll get a trophy/achievement for this.
At the end of the mission "The Prodigal Son Returns (To Yale)", McDougal hugs John goodbye to which John's body language just says "Ugh."
If a thief attempts to steal your horse, you can simply whistle and the horse will throw the thief off and return to you.
Marston shouting at the victim of a cannibal: "You broke this poor fool's leg!"
While riding with Seth:
Seth: (to himself) Have you looked in the cave, Seth? (In weird, feminine voice) No, it's very dark.
John: What did you say?
Seth: I-I didn't say nothin'.
John: I just heard you say something.
Seth: You're a crazy man. You should get that head looked at.
John: Seth, I need someone who can get a wagon inside Fort Mercer. I was told you could help me, but I'm not sure you even know what day it is.
Seth: I don't. I can't even tell you what year it is.