- Perhaps his most famous bit is his KFC Famous Bowls routine, and for good reason.
- Patton tells the story of his one-nighter opening for a comedy-magician in a sports bar in Kentucky, where both he and the magician were shorted five dollars. The magician's on-stage revenge is sublimely ridiculous.
- Patton destroys the song "Christmas Shoes." Animated for your viewing pleasure.
"Jesus": I died for your sins, but those pumps are unforgivable~
- His bit about NPR being unlistenable:
Play some Zeppelin for God's sake. "It's our pledge drive, here on NPR, and we have a 20 minute field recording of a tumluku, which is a Bosnian instrument that can only be played when you have a pierced scrotum and 3 kids who've been killed by a landmine. (mimicks an instrument) The Tibetian practice of scream-singing rightfully died out in the 4th century BC, but 2 Berkeley trust fund students revived it, and here's a 40 minute sample: AAAH AAH AAAAH!"
- "I WANT ALL THE HAM."
- His impression of Daniel Plainview. Particularly when he sings "Milkshake".
- The Death Bed routine, especially when Patton announces the sequel: "Rape Stove"!
- The Star Wars filibuster, done while filming a guest spot on Parks and Recreation.
- While his defense for Ben Affleck as Batman was mostly heartwarming, there is one funny bit in at the end: with the implication he's going to suggest himself for the Joker.
- Patton and his brother go see Jerry Maguire on Christmas Eve.