Funny / Nikita

  • The conversation between Nikita and Owen.
    "There's more guardians out there, just like me."
    "That's okay. I have a plan."
    "You do?"
    "Phase one, find them. Phase two, kick their asses. Phase three, veggie shakes! It seems to be working great with you."
    • "You wanna be the bunny or the piggy?"
    • Nikita explaining how she hates explaining her plans by explaining the plan.
  • The Engineer and Birkhoff playing Mortal Kombat.
    • Even funnier when one realizes that it was not yet out! Shows that Division has all levels of power...even over Netherrealm Studios.
  • Birkhoff telling Michael to stop obsessing over the recruits (like Nikita and Alex) because "it's getting kind of creepy."
  • Michael's repeated line of "I don't like that guy" in regards to Owen in 1x18.
  • "Betrayals" has one very good moment (which, considering the nature of the episode, is a highlight):
    Malcolm:(about Michael) Who's this guy?
    Nikita: No one. We just sleep together.
    • Michael's expression when she says this is rather funny, too.
  • The "two deltoids" that must follow Birkhoff everywhere in "Betrayals" ("even follow [him] to the bathroom") until he cracks the black box's code.
    • And Birkhoff being in his jim-jams whilst talking about this aforementioned government-secret-containing box with the potential to destroy the country.
  • Birkhoff's rant when the recruits fail his hacking exercise and Alex calls it hard.
    Alex: This hacker stuff is really... complicated.
    Birkhoff: Actually, it's not, it's simple, because, you see, I do all the hacker stuff. I write the exploit. I even make it look like a video game so your tween minds can understand it!
  • The flashback in 1x04 of Nikita challenging Michael to a fight with one hand behind his back. The funniest part? He wins. But what really sells it is when he lands the first blow and she chuckles, "Michael!" in a teasing tone and finishes the scene off by calling him a tease.
  • After Nathan answers Alex's home phone, he gets Michael instead of the delivery guy and notes: "He sounds like Batman."
  • After all hell breaks loose during Alex's first mission, Michael asks if she's okay and she exclaims: "HELL NO!"
  • When Ryan gives Nikita a chance to escape by pointing a gun at his boss.
    Ryan: I expect you to break me out of prison the second you have the chance.
  • Birkhoff in the season premiere.
    Birkhoff: I need you to tell Division that I'm not working with you guys.
    Michael: You rescued us to prove you're not helping us?
    Nikita: Aw,'re lonely.
    Birkhoff: I am not!
    Nikita: You rescued us because you're lonely, and you have no friends.
    • And later, when Michael is speaking to Amanda over video chat and their new nerds manage to track where he is, Birkhoff loses it and jumps in front of the camera, giving a huge, hilarious rant ending in "It takes a whole squadron of you rejects to even get CLOSE to me, AND I WANT YOU ALL TO DIE KNOWING THAT!" There's a brief pause, and then Michael obeys Birkhoffs earlier orders:
    Michael: By the way, Birkhoff is not working with us.
  • When Birkhoff is watching Ari's plan to take over Zetrov fall apart, he decides to utter the following line while remotely hammering in the last nail in his coffin:
    "Okay Rasputin, just die already."
  • Most of Alex's lines from "Shadow Walker"
    "Roan drives like an old lady"
  • In "Dead Drop" Sean is shot, and is on morphine. He starts babbling and acting like an over-optimistic little kid.
    Sean: "You gotta learn to enjoy . . . the little things in life. Have you seen this cot?" *sits up and pats the cot he's lying on* "This cot is awesome."
    • And then to Alex:
    Sean: *to Alex* . . . You're awesome ... Alex Udinov? More like Alex Youdinov-"
  • Before Nikita leaves to infiltrate Division and shut down the satellite, Birkhoff says a heartfelt goodbye and then sneaks in a kiss. Michael's face is absolutely hilarious as you can tell it pissed him off but he sort of respects Birkhoff for having the balls to kiss his lady. And then Birkhoff lampshades the moment.
    Birkhoff: (pats Michael's shoulder) Mikey, you can kick my ass when you get back. Okay, buddy?
    Michael: (calmly) Will do.
    • The President's reaction to finding out he's now at Percy's will:
    "Are you saying we're powerless to stop a madman... in New Jersey?"
  • Alex explaining her plan to infiltrate Zetrov with stick figures, with appropriate smiley and frowny faces, and the subsequent look on her face when Birkhoff questions who a figure represents.
  • Alex channeling Birkhoff, screaming at the top of her lungs about how she is awesome when she finds Roan's car.
  • Michael and Birkhoff saying that they'll hack "indirectly" by saying "checking" or "peeking". Ryan gets pissed off at that because they aren't under Percy anymore.
  • Nikita telling Sean that he can't touch the hotel's minibar after arriving in Hong Kong.
  • Overlapping with awesome (and heartwarming), Michael frantically charging a bunch of cops, while handcuffed, to grab Nikita's engagement ring.
  • The BUTR UAV.
    Nikita: "Butter"?
    Birkhoff: 'Cause it's slick like that.
    Nikita: Gross.
  • This moment from the very first trailer
    Michael: Find Nikita when she doesn't want to be found? That's next to impossible.
    Nikita: (walks up) Hey guys. Thought I heard my name.
  • In 'Black Badge", Nikita steals her dead opponents' nice shoes. It's hilarious.
  • That them were trying to help Cassandra and her son escape, Michael & Nikita dress up as caterers. They have one of their intimate talks then in the end Birkhoff tells them they should learn to turn off their comms.
  • Nikita taking a member of Oversight hostage turns into Black Comedy.
    Roan - Nikita has Gaines. What's our move?
    Amanda - I have to check with Oversight. Hold (checks her nails). Kill them both.
  • Alex comparing Amanda now running Division to someone who just made Top Model.
  • Alex about to reveal herself to the world felt like she was about to tell everyone she's Iron Man.
  • Most of Birkhoff's bragging.
    One push of a button. Boom. Sneakers. River Phoenix. Rent it. What's up?
  • Episode 6 when Percy watches Alex's interrogation as if its his favorite TV program.
    Shh! I'm trying to watch.
  • "Shadownet. Taste the rainbow."
  • An Out-of-Character Moment for Nikita when Michael suggested that they adopt his son Max.
    Nikita: Because... IT'S FRIDAY AND MY LIFE IS INSANE!
  • In the Season 3 gag real, Maggie Q mocks the season's constant "One Last Job before we can shut down Division" tendencies:
    Maggie Q/Nikita: This is the last one. It has to be. It's Episode 21.
  • In season 2, when they watched a tape made in the 80's about the Kill Sat codenamed Crossbow.
    Michael: No wonder they called it Project Star Wars.
    Birkhoff: Star Wars? This thing worked about as well as The Phantom Menace.
  • Alex explaining her situation to her Evil Former Friend Yuri, highlighting how absurd her back story really is.
  • Amanda retreats to her office when she thought a Deadly Gas attack on Division was about to be implemented. Alex stops it in time and when Amanda looks outside, all she got was a puzzled look from an oblivious Sonya.
  • That episode where Percy regained control of Division. He tells Sonya to contact Birkhoff. Sonya says yes when Birkhoff asks her if she's alone, cut to a wide shot to see everyone in Division is watching and listening.
  • In "High-Value Target," the police are in a hotel sweeping rooms looking for a gunman. Michael and Nikita are in the room Amanda had been held in. To evade the police, they get in the shower together. The officer finds them, and...
    Michael: Whoa! What the hell is this? Did my wife send you?
    Nikita: You're MARRIED?
    Officer: Sorry! I'm sorry, there's been an incident. [looks at the bed, which has chains that had been used to hold Amanda] ...carry on...