Funny / Last Week Tonight With John Oliver Season Eleven

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• February 18, 2024:
  • John's first topic when returning? The Chicago rat hole. Complete with Call-Back to the rat erotica!
    • Later on, while cautioning against burnout, Oliver admits he gets the need to want to "crawl into a small hole and wait for it to be over", then says he knows a place, should the need arise.
  • When covering the Israel-Hamas War, John puts into perspective how utterly ineffectual Biden's private remarks regarding Netenyahu's conduct are:
    John: Whoa! Careful there, Joe, what if Bibi hears you? Nothing shames the guy comfortable with bombing hospitals and refugee camps like knowing that six thousand miles away, an eighty-one year old is muttering PG-13 words under his breath? What's next, is Biden gonna whisper "What a dick" into a seashell and toss it into the ocean?
  • John's admission that the thought of watching Trump talk on TV for the whole of the year makes him want to "Book a trip on the next Titan submersible."
  • Supreme Court Ethics:
    • John's tangent on wine:
      John: Think about the words people use to describe good wine. "Complex"? That's just a fancy word for "confusing". "Earthy"? That's literally dirt flavor! And "smooth"? Your best compliment is that it didn't fight you on the way down?!
    • John calls out Clarence Thomas's assertion that black civil rights leaders "Bitch, bitch, bitch, moan and moan, whine and whine" with the concession that the people "fighting for basic equality" should have "the chill, good-time vibes that we all associate with Clarence fucking Thomas".
    • The fact that ProPublica was able to find out which undisclosed trips Thomas went on through looking at his t-shirt.
      John: Look, journalism is a crapshoot — sometimes, you spent weeks hunting down leads, painstakingly building a timeline. Other times, your target posts a photo of himself on Facebook, wearing a t-shirt that says "Secret Undeclared Yacht Vacation 2003" and gives the whole game away!
    • John's admission that Thomas's fascination with "big comfy trucks that go vroom-vroom" would be endearing, had he not "caused so much human misery".
    • John ponders over what could have caused Clarence Thomas (a man with a white wife) to consider overturning interracial marriage:
      John: What caused that change of heart? I dunno! Was it fifteen years of marinating in right-wing money and vacationing with businessmen who could massively profit from it being overturned? We can't say for sure! But we can all think it together, can't we? Ready? Let's do that! One, two, three — "Yes, it's because of the money." Oh, shit, sorry! I thought it so hard, it came out of my mouth.
    • John's final offer to Thomas? One million dollars a year for the rest of his life (and a fancy motor home) in exchange for immediately leaving the Supreme Court. With all the money coming out of John's pocket.
      YouTube Description: [This is an] offer for Clarence Thomas that could ruin John’s life. Genuinely. You’ll see.
• February 25th, 2024:
  • The show opens with one of the members of Moms For Liberty (a far-right group concerned with banning and removing literature from school districts) reading an excerpt from Me and Earl and the Dying Girl as dryly as possible. Said excerpt discusses the intricacies of eating pussy.
    John: Look, I admit, I don't remember that scene from The Giving Tree, but it's been a while!
    • This later spins off into the "And Now This" segment, a compilation of these middle-aged and older women reading excerpts from books that clearly were not intended for them.
  • John outlines the difference between freezing an embryo and a person:
    John: If you freeze an embryo, it's fine. If you freeze a person, you have some explaining to do!
  • Pig Butchering Scams:
    • John's admission that, had he received a text along the lines of "Is this Dr. John? I'm Emily. Is my horse recovering well?", he would have fallen for the scam.
      John: I'm allowed to touch it like that, I'm a doctor!
    • One bank's CEO fell victim to a scam, resulting in the whole bank falling under. That by itself is not funny. What is, is John's assertion that there should be at least one step between "CEO gets scammed" and "Whoops! The bank's under."
    • Some people have taken to messing with the scammers directly with messages like "My name is Inigo Montoya. I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance have any six fingers on your right hand, do you?" and "Weewoo weewooo boner alert". John states he would have gone with "Awooga awooga boner alert", but all bodies are different.
    • According to John, the only reason someone should spend sixteen hours a day on social media should be because they love it, or they're fifteen years old and the algorithm has addicted them to it.
      John: You know, completely normal reasons.
• April 7th, 2024:
  • Executions:
    • John delivering messages on the dark topic of executions while on helium.