Funny: Last Action Hero

  • Two words: Acme Dynamite.
  • The T-1000 and Catherine Trammell are seen strolling out of the police station.
  • "Could I speak to the drug dealer of the house, please?"
  • "I'll be back! Ha! You didn't know I was gonna say that, did you?"
  • The Hamlet trailer.
    Schwarzenhamlet: To be or not to be... Not to be. (KABOOM!)
  • "They [the attack dogs] are exceptionally well-trained." Benedict snaps his fingers, and the dogs quickly form a canine pyramid.
  • The scene in which Benedict kills Vivaldi.
    Vivaldi: First, you're my friend! Then you do a... (swirls his finger in the water) 360 on me!
    Benedict: (exasperated) 180, you stupid, spaghetti-slurping cretin, 180! If I did a 360, I'd go completely around and end up back where I started!
    Vivaldi: ...What?
    Benedict: Trust me! (shoots Vivaldi)
  • Danny realizing he's Wrong Genre Savvy when trying to play chicken with Benedict's car.
    Shit! I'm the comedy sidekick!
  • Danny: "I can PROVE this is a movie! Look, a cartoon cat just walked through the door!"
    Slater (blankly): So? He'll do it again tomorrow.
    Dekker That cat is one of my best men!
  • The whole "Cops Getting Assigned Sidekicks" thing.
  • Also, Danny goes cross-eyed and moans as Slater's car is about to land on the Coca-Cola semi-truck.
    • The black van chasing them unsuccessfully tries to copy Slater's stunt and explodes, the effects of which happen behind Slater as he assures Danny that he'll live to experience all the joys of young adulthood, such as acne, premature ejaculation, and his first divorce.
  • "Iced that guy--to cone a phrase."
  • Benedict is stunned to find that you can steal a car in the real world without police sirens instantly sounding. So he goes to a garage and shoots a mechanic. He then immediately checks his watch and starts counting, waiting for the sirens. He fires another shot, just in case:
    Benedict: Hello! I just killed a man and I did it on purpose!
    (silence)
    Benedict: I have just shot a man and I want to confess!
    Neighbor: Hey! Shut up down there!
  • The part where Slater is being held at gunpoint by Practice and Danny shows up with a gun of his own, giving Practice a speech about how he should have just shot Slater instead of talking.
    Danny: But no, you're the typical villain—dumb.
    Vivaldi: (cocks gun) You ain't no genius yourself, kid.
    • The scene immediately following that shows Slater and Danny handcuffed to the wall.
  • Two cops show up outside a supposed crack house:
    1st cop: Are you sure this is the right address? This don't look like no crack house to me.
    2nd cop: What do you want? Sixty guys dancing on the lawn, throwing cocaine at each other? Just kick the door in.
  • When Slater walks into his apartment and for no apparent reason shoots the closet twice. A dead assassin's corpse falls out.
    Danny: How'd you know there was a guy in there?
    Slater: There's always a guy in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors.
    • Apparently, this is supposed to be a gag that happens once per Jack Slater movie.
  • In the opening, a cop blocks Slater from entering the building where the Ripper is holed up.
    Slater: Hey! You want to be a farmer? Here's a couple of 'achers!' (executes a Groin Attack that launches the cop six feet in the air)
  • Benedict has a subtle one. When Slater crashes Whitney's pickup truck through Benedict's front door, he gets a look on his face that screams, "Again?"
  • When Danny finally points out Vivaldi's house, Slater launches into a sarcastic rant, and it is absolutely hilarious.
    Danny: The bad guys are in there! (points)
    Slater: You know something? You should be wearing this. (hands Danny his badge)
    Danny: (takes the badge) I don't think I've earned it yet.
    Slater: You don't understand. You just solved the entire case. You just revolutionized the entire history of police training. All those years at the Academy studying human character, psyche of the terrorist, fingerprint analysis, all the courses that I've taken in surveillance, hostage negotiation, and criminal psychology. I mean, all I had to do was just drive around the neighborhood and point my finger at a house and say "THE BAD GUYS ARE IN THERE!"
    Danny: You think you're funny, don't you?
    Slater: I know I am. I'm the famous comedian, Arnold Braunschweiger.
    Danny: Schwarzenegger!
    Slater: Gesundheit.
  • Slater's speech to Dekker at the end:
    Put a sock in it! I don't care who does what to your stupid highway! And stop shouting! I'm not deaf!
  • Benedict's answer to Slater's question about him being a henchman: "No, I only go as far as 'lackey.'"
    • Their tense conversation in general, ending with this line from Slater:
      Slater: Why would I be wasting my time with a dime-store putz like you when I could be doing something much more dangerous, like rearranging my sock drawers? And how will you snap your fingers after I rip off both of your thumbs?
  • The joke with Practice's name.
    Practice: How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
    Slater: Practice!
  • On the way to the mobster's funeral, Slater runs into Practice, and they decide to continue together. Along the way, Slater discovers Practice's true colors and admits that Danny warned him not to trust Practice because he killed "Moe Zart" (Danny figured out that Practice would turn traitor all because he is played by F. Murray Abraham, who played Salieri in Amadeus).
    Slater: Danny told me I shouldn't trust you. You killed Moe Zart.
    Practice: Moe...?
    Slater: Zart!
    Practice: (beat) You know, I've killed a lot of people; I don't remember all of their names.