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- This excerpt from witness testimony in the pilot on what Boyd yelled before blowing up a black church:
Deputy Tim Gutterson: ...two white males drove up in a dark SUV, they parked at that corner by the curb, one male got out with what looked like a bazooka, said a few words, and then fired at the church.
Raylan Givens: What'd he say? This fella that got out of the SUV?
Tim: One said it was "Liars and Hoes", another heard "Time to go"...my favorite's "Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-ho."
Raylan: Great. We should put out an APB on Cab Calloway.
Tim: I think he's dead.
Raylan: Then he should be easy to find.
- Episode 1x04, "Long in the Tooth," has a scene in which Raylan and a fugitive (Roland Pike) are under sniper fire. Roland tries to spit out a confession using a long Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer analogy, resulting in Raylan asking:
Raylan: "Is that it, Rolly, are you trying to tell me you're gay?!"
- Episode 1x08, "Blowback", in which a deputy U.S. Marshal walks into a fried chicken grill:
Deputy Tim Gutterson: I'm a deputy U.S. Marshal, ordering you to get me some chicken.
Griller: I shut down the broiler—
Gutterson: What's that? *points to a delivery bag*
Griller: That's the last order for delivery—
Gutterson: I'll take it.
Griller: Like HELL you will—
Gutterson: I'm officially requisitioning this chicken. If this *slaps down some cash* doesn't pay for it, send an invoice to the courthouse.
Griller: But... what do I tell the customer?
Gutterson: You tell 'em the U.S. Marshal service is grateful for their patriotism. *walks out*
- How about this gem from Episode 1x06 "the Collection"? When Raylan is offered to see an art collector's collection of "Hitler paintings" he responds with:
Raylan Givens: I'd rather stick my dick in a blender.
- Then there's what happens to the paintings...
- Dewey Crowe is responsible for a lot of these. From 1x11, "Veterans":
Dewey: You might strike out the shepherd, but us sheep, we will never get struck out. Or scattered.
Raylan: Or words to that effect.
- During the shootout in 1x13, "Bulletville":
Raylan: I'm Raylan Givens!
Boyd: No, I'm Raylan Givens!
Raylan: You trying to be funny?
Boyd: A little.
- The scene at the end of "Long in the Tooth" where Rachel tries on Raylan's hat in the car. This troper giggled all through it.
Raylan: I know it was probably hard for you to get where you are in the Marshall service.
- Also when Rachel and Raylan have their first long chat in the car:
Rachel: Why? Because I'm female? Because I'm black?
Raylan: No, because you're an idiot.
Rachel: (astonished and somewhat amused look)
- 2x01 gives us a great exchange when Jimmy Earl Dean catches Raylan trying to get Loretta out of the former's trunk.
Dean: Are you stealing gas?
Raylan: Yeah. Shit. You caught me. I'm stealing gas. I don't know why I do it. It's not like I can't afford it.
Dean: Yeah. Whatever. Get out of here.
Raylan: Can I just have a couple of gallons?
- 2x03, "The I of the Storm". Dewey Crowe's entire story in the episode, including Raylan's ease at disproving his attempt to frame him.
- 2x06, "Blaze of Glory," provides us a fantastic chase scene, in which Art—with his bad knee—is chasing after the villain of the week, who happens to be an old man dying of emphysema, both of them struggling to move at more than a snail's pace in trying to get to an airplane. The topper to this is that the villain took himself off his oxygen, and Art's chasing him with the tank in tow so that the guy doesn't die.
Raylan: Do you know where I'm from, asshole?Robber: No, where?Raylan: Harlan County.Robber: So?Raylan punches the guy in the faceRaylan: Down there we know the difference between dynamite and road flares.
- From the same episode: Raylan is staring down a bankrobber who has what he (the bankrobber) thinks is dynamite strapped to his chest:
- 2x11, "Full Commitment." Tim is assigned to be a very reluctant Raylan's bodyguard. It goes less than smooth.
Raylan: I gotta talk to some people, alone. So either you let me go, or I'm gonna have to give you the slip.
Tim: I love this shit. This shit gets me hard.
Raylan: ...Well, then, we've both been warned.
- 3x3, "Harlan Roulette": The scene listed on the Main Page of this trope under Mutual Kill. It doesn't sound funny, but it's absolutely hilarious, watching what ought to be a great success for Raylan (and a relatively small one for Glenn Fogle) fall apart due to Fogle's dimwitted henchman. I guess you just had to be there . . .
- 3x4, "The Devil You Know", the prison guard who broke Dicky and Dewey out of jail is heading back to his hotel room when Raylan spots him from his car. The guard drops his chicken and goes for his gun, thinking he's got the upperhand. Raylan runs him over. Twice.
Graham Yost: Hitting a guy once with a car? That's okay. Twice? That's funny.
- The second time, Raylan actually sees the guard getting up through his rear view mirror and rolls his eyes before putting the car in reverse.
- In an interview the executive producer explained the thought process when creating the scene
- While grilling Limehouse, Rachel mentions she was born in Tennessee, which piques Raylan's interest and the two of them go off on a tangent that makes Limehouse roll his eyes and suspect that the two are more than Just Friends. Even funnier, just before they leave, Limehouse makes a thinly veiled pass at Rachel and the look on her and Raylan's faces is hysterical.
- Also from "The Devil You Know":
Boyd: I sense a disturbance in the force.
In walks Raylan.
- Pretty much everything poor Dewey Crowe goes through during "Thick as Mud." Some selected quotes during his hold-up rampage:
Dewey: (after sticking up an appliance store to discover that everybody uses credit cards now) I need cash! (grabs clerk) Where do people use cash?!
Dewey's next scene
Dewey: (taking a small wad of 1s from a stripper) Oh, Jesus, not again! Don't tell me guys pay you by credit card! I saw some girl say on TV she can make three thousand bucks in one night on the pole! Now granted, she was a 9.5 and you're a 6 if I'm feeling generous but you'd be good for a grand or so!
Stripper: It's ten o'clock in the morning, and Lexington ain't hardly Vegas!
Clerk: I'm not sure I like your attitude.
- Then there's everything that happens in the convenience store, where he learns not to stick up or blaspheme in the house of a pious man.:
Dewey: Well, I'm sure I don't give a good goddamn either way!
Clerk: Son, I'll ask you not to blaspheme in here.
Dewey: Listen, you old shit, I need to find this address! Now, you gonna help me or not?!
Clerk: Well, let's say not and leave it at that.
Dewey: Oh, you wanna leave it like that, huh? (aims pistol at the clerk) You see what happens, dumb-ass?! I was just gonna get the directions and be on my way! Can't imagine you got much in this dump worth taking but whatever you got you can give over just for pissing me off!
(beat, as the clerk just eyes Dewey, still smiling)
Dewey: Jesus Christ, are you deaf or somethin'?
Clerk: Son, you've cursed His name twice, and there's not gonna be a third time.
Dewey: ...got to be about the stupidest GOD—(shotgunn'd)
Raylan: What the hell you talking about?
- Of course, this being Dewey, he manages to survive, and continue bringing the funny. When Raylan catches up with him...:
Dewey: It's best you not blaspheme in here, Raylan. Apparently the owner takes that real serious!
Dewey: Holy shit...you mean I got four kidneys!?
- And this little gem, when he's asked to take a piss, to check if his kidneys are still there.
- Also, Raylan's terrible "Lawrence Nightingale" pun and the ensuing explanation of the joke. Rachel's expression doesn't even change.
- Upon having to deal with the FBI, Art releases this little gem: "There must be some kind of Dick Test that all FBI agents have to pass."
- In that same episode, Tim uses Raylan's name as a verb. He doesn't explain it but in the context, it basically means to ride up on a criminal, threaten them, beat the shit out of them, and put the God of fear in them. Raylan claims: "I don't even know what that means."
- When Quarles finds out how complicated running a crooked election in Harlan County can get, the expression on his face is a mix of boredom, annoyance and horror. Up to that point he thought that all he had to do was bribe the right people and Limehouse was just fishing for a bigger bribe when he suggested hiring a 'campaign manager'.
- In season three, Duffy's facial expressions when he behold's Quarles instability and recklessness. The look on his face during the trailer scene between Quarles and Donovan in "Guy Walks into a Bar" was priceless.
- A thug pulls a knife on Raylan, who then flashes his gun and groans: "Shit. I forgot my knife."
- Rachel demands to see some drug dealers to ask about Dickie Bennett and one of the enforcers, a typical idiot misogynistic racist, won't let her pass and then makes the mistake of touching her shoulder.
- Pretty much everything the perky bartender girl says to Raylan in "Loose Ends", "Guy Walks Into a Bar", and "Measures."
- In "Measures" Raylan and Art speculate if God is laughing at them.
Art: Why? Because we shot the guy looking to kill the guy you wish were dead?
- In "Measures" Art shoots a thug in the leg and then realizes how much paperwork he has to fill out as a result. He gains a new appreciation of what Raylan has to go through on a regular basis.
- In "Slaughterhouse," seeing the normally calm and collected Duffy lose his cool when Raylan played Russian Roulette with him. A screaming, panic-stricken Duffy is comedy gold.
- In a very serious case of Crosses the Line Twice in the season 3 finale, Raylan tells Winona that the cops said Limehouse "disarmed" Quarles during the gun fight. It's such a lame pun that references a horrifically violent scene that you can't help but find it funny.
Quarles:Oh shit! It's a piggy bank!
- Quarles, who at this point has gone totally off the deep end, laughing at the hiding place of the money. Stuffed inside a pig.
- In "Watching the Detectives," the cop's awestruck reaction to Raylan's "next one's coming a little faster" recap: "Deputy, that just might be the coolest thing I've ever laid ears on."
- Boys learning to choose his words more carefully during "Hole In The Wall"
Boyd: Take care of him.Starts walking away, Colt shoots HiramBoyd: What the hell did you do that for!?Colt: You said 'Take care of him'!Boyd: I meant cut him loose!Colt: (looking sheepish) Ooooh shit.Boyd: Well I guess I have to be more careful with my words.
Ellen May: You know, he's a furry. Usually he just dresses up like bunnies and stuff, nothing scary. Well, I was on drugs, and it was a really good costume... He gonna press charges?Ava: He's the Judge Executive. What's he gonna say? He was shot in a whorehouse wearing a bear costume?
- The entirety of the Audrey's shooting. The origami, Ellen May asking if the million dollar bill was real, and of course, the bear suit.
- Raylan's almost offended look when Rachel calls him "Wyatt Earp" during "Truth Or Consequences".
- In "The Bird Has Flown" after Raylan has cuffed Randall to a car, he tells him not to speak or he'll shoot him again with a beanbag round. He then looks inside the car, and realizes all of his money that was stolen was spent to buy chickens.
Randall: There's money in fighting chickens Raylan, you think about it-
- Raylan then proceeds to shoot him.
- "The Hatchet Tour" gives us the simultaneously hilarious and awesome spectacle that is Constable Bob going Tony Montana on the house of two men he was sent to arrest.
- Boyd finding himself surrounded by US Marshalls and State Troopers and finally figuring out that Shelby is Drew Thompson.
Boyd: Drew Goddamn Thompson.
- Wynn Duffy offering Raylan to sit down, shoot the shit and come up with fun ways to dispose of Hunter Mosley for killing Arlo. The three of them exchange some very curious looks.
- Art going on a long list of reasons why Drew Thompson, alias Sheriff Shelby, is so awesome.
Art: First thing we're gonna do is we're gonna acknowledge that this guy is awesome.Rachel: What?Art: I mean, he shoots Theo Tonin, fakes his own death in spectacular fashion, pushes a guy out of an airplane while he's flying it, parachutes into Harlan county with enough coke and cash to jumpstart the economy of small country, and then he has the balls to get a job in law enforcement, not once, but two times! He spends a couple days riding around with you while you're looking for him, and now he's run off with a hooker half his age. That's some badass shit.Raylan: It's pretty badass.Art: Yes, it is. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You wanna let those guys be the ones, or are we gonna be the ones to take that badass?
- The above in GIF form.
- "Get Drew" has a couple of priceless moments between Rachel and Raylan, who seem to have a very interesting dynamic somewhere between Unresolved Sexual Tension and Odd Couple. For instance, she very calmly threatens to start singing showtunes if he doesn't wait with her in the car at the roadblock and Raylan replies, "Promise?" A few moments later, she informs him that she has the same pair of panties that Raylan saw in Drew's hideout, which prompts a hysterical moment of silence and staring contest between the two before he walks off without saying anything.
- Kush, Ellen May's former pimp, is darkly hilarious in "Peace of Mind". His "hideout" is a conspiracy theorist's paradise, he's afraid of government drones, and he confronts Boyd and Augustine wearing a full suit of body armor.
- Even with a 300,000 dollar settlement, "A Murder of Crowes" proves Dewey is still a complete Butt Monkey.
- Boyd and Duffy torturing poor Cyrus...with a BB Gun during "Good Intentions".
- The Marshal service confiscates the property of a loud-mouthed, racist and filthy rich Detroid mob launderer. After Rachel and Tim have to use Raylan's car, Raylan takes the rich guy's. When he gets back to the office, Art and Vasquez initially sound like Raylan's going to get a stern talk about it, only to give him the expensive house just to piss off the launderer more.
- After Art stations Rachel in said money launderer's home alongside Raylan, she gets an awesome line in as the annoyed Raylan leaves the office:
Rachel: (with a sweet Southern accent) Call if you're gonna be late for dinner.Raylan: (Death Glare)
- You would think killing a skimming traitor (who suspected nothing) would be a simple task. But in the hands of Dewey Crowe, it's an almost episode long bit of Dark Comedy during "Over The Mountain".
- Raylan and Tim, badasses to end all badasses, scurrying for the top of their cars when the dog comes at them. Made even better when Tim does not come down off the car for the remainder of the scene.
- After the shootout with Elias Marcos during "Shot All To Hell", the Marshals wind up finding a shot Theo Tonin inside a shipping container.
Art: Hello, Theo.
- Dewey trying to act like a ransoming badass to Boyd, only to be hindered by shitty cellphone reception.
- Carl talking himself out of Crowe captivity and an encounter with Raylan and Rachel by saying that the reason he's beaten up and tied is a certain kink he and Danny share. The sheer "What the hell?" look before Danny catches on is classic.
Carl: Well, Danny and I here, we never did settle on a safeword, did we?
- Boyd and Daryl trying to talk their way out of police custody by pretending to be missionairies. It's an act that Boyd can almost pull off, but coming from hulking redneck Daryl it becomes downright hilarious.
Dewey: It's not gonna look good we get pulled over with a bunch of dead dudes in the truck.Daryl: You don't need to worry Cousin Dewey, cause we just hide the bodies under all that heroin.
- Earlier in the episode, there's this exchange:
- In "Wrong Roads", Roscoe delivers a profanity-laced exposition on King Lear in the middle of a standoff. No one in the room has any idea what he's talking about.
- In "Wrong Roads", Wynn Duffy manages to be both gracious and crude when complaining about the quality of coffee to hotel room service.
Duffy: Hi, this is Wynn Duffy in 236. Could you send up another pot of coffee, please? Because this one tastes like my ass on Sunday. Thank you, dear!
- This exchange when Raylan and Miller manage to take Roscoe, Jay, Daryl, Wyn Duffy, Jimmy, Mikey, Picker, and Boyd unawares while Roscoe and Jay are trying to extort money or heroin from the rest and Boyd is trying to use the opportunity to get them to underbid Daryl for transportation of drugs:
Raylan: Miller, would you call this a herd, a gaggle, or a flock of assholes?Miller: I would call this a United Nations of assholes. cocks gun
Boyd: Raylan, may I be excused from the table?Raylan: No you may not.
- It also doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome
- From the same scene:
- The sheer surprise of Danny falling in a sinkhole and killing himself with his own knife. Not to mention Raylan's reaction. According to Word of God, Timothy Olyphant was laughing the entire time they were shooting that scene because he found the scenario so hilarious and horrifying at the same time.
- Dewey practically telegraphing his murder of Wade Messer to Boyd and Daryl. Boyd by the way, happened to be wearing a wire. The look on Raylan, Tim and Rachel's faces are priceless.
- During a meeting, Boyd asks Duffy if it's okay if he smokes. Duffy says his hotel room's non-smoking. Immediately after, marshals kick the door in to arrest Picker; Boyd's completely unfazed.
Boyd: Well, I guess this hotel takes that non-smoking policy pretty serious, Mr. Duffy.
- Boyd Crowder on hunger in the season six premiere: "I'm so hungry I could eat out the ass of a low-flying duck."
Raylan: (whacks drug dealer in the face with a shovel, flooring him) Halt. U.S. Marshals.
- Tim shows up to arrest a drug dealer so he can't help Boyd knock over a bank. Said drug dealer races out the back door. Raylan is standing just out of frame. Guess what happens?
- Upon hearing Dewey is getting out of prison again, throwing a serious crimp in his plan to get Boyd, Raylan visibly pulls himself back from going on a long, profane rant and simply says "That's unfortunate."
- And he elaborates that Dewey is so stupid that he'll screw up again and get caught and then awesomely quips, "Good things come to those who wait for stupid." when Dewey indeed gets right back into trouble.
- Walker struggling to keep the tranquil part of his Tranquil Fury as Calhoun takes a phone call in the middle of their confrontation.
- Choo-Choo, the mentally impaired muscle man, is a stitch in practically every scene.
- "Noblesse Oblige" gives us this gem of a conversation.
Earl: Actually, I was hoping you'd try and grab my pecker again. See if it goes the same way now that I'm paying attention.Raylan: I ain't gonna grab it. I'm just gonna shoot it off. You understand me, Earl? I'm gonna shoot your dick off.
- When an angry Boyd drops by, Duffy advises his henchman to take his cigarettes. Recalling the fate of Picker.
- One ill-timed cellphone call during "The Trash and The Snake" leads to The Wiz getting blown to bloody bits, which splatter on a rather unfazed Boyd and Duffy.
- Dickie's outrage upon learning he sold the Bennett land to Loretta.
- Tim's admission of how he would like to die one day: "I want Sigourney Weaver to choke me out with her thighs."
- Mikey's attempt to play "aplex" in Scrabble, then using it twice in completely different ways.
Seabass: What the hell, man!? Is he alive?!Choo-Choo: Mm-mm.Seabass: I said a starter tap!Choo-Choo: You want him slapped like a little girl, you do it. Alright? You ask me, he gets Amtrak'd.
- Wynn finds that Katherine's grandchildren are visiting, and briefly looks terrified at having to deal with kids.
- Tim offering a fist-bump to the former guard after taking Wynn Duffy's cattle-prod "like a man." The funnier part is that he wasn't even being sarcastic this time.
- Seabass telling Choo-Choo to give Calhoun "A starter tap". His "Starter tap" knocks Calhoun dead.
- The cops who find Calhoun's body in the woods ask Raylan why his card was in the guy's wallet, seeming to imply that Raylan might have something to do with his death, and Raylan stares blankly at them before declaring, "Because he was my realtor." The dumbfounded looks on their faces are priceless.
- The following exchange between Raylan and Tim after they essentially tattle to Avery that Walker, Seabass, and Choo Choo accidentally killed Calhoun:
Raylan: Wonderful things can happen when you sow seeds of distrust in a garden of assholes.Tim: You just come up with that?Raylan: I read it somewhere.Tim: Well, do me a favor and say it again slow so I can write it down.
- Tim's obsession with finding out how the Givens front lawn got burned.
- Raylan and Art finding Wynn in a tanning bed. "That's pretty high on the list of things I wish I hadn't seen."
- Wynn on his 911 emergency: "I'm not sure where to start."
- Tim being a little shit and asking Raylan if he can get a cut of the ten million Raylan is suspected of helping Ava steal from Boyd.
- Art cheerfully greeting the incarcerated Earl with, "Hey, dumbshit!"
- Vasquez throwing a pathetic tantrum in Lexington after he discovers the bulletin about looking for Raylan. How pathetic? Even Nelson Dunlop deadpans him.
- Constable Bob proceeding with the kindest and the most polite arrest of a federal fugitive in the history of police work.
- After Raylan goes rogue, he is arrested by a no-nonsense highway patrol officer who refuses to cut Raylan any slack just because Raylan is a US Marshal. When Raylan tries to talk himself out of the situation, the officer tells him to shut up or Raylan will spend the rest of the trip to the station in the trunk. This is the same threat Raylan likes to use to unruly prisoners and he said it to Dewey in season one. Raylan is dumbfounded as he realizes the irony of being on the receiving end of his usual schtick.
- Boyd's response to being interrupted in his attempt to kill Ava: "Goddammit Raylan, your timing SUCKS!"