Funny / Just Shoot Me!

  • From the episode 'Two Girls For Every Boy':
    • When Finch tries to get the supermodel's passport renewed (which he can't do, because it's not HIS passport), and the clerk tells him:
    Clerk: If you were the President of the United States and this was a matter of national security, I still couldn't help you!
    Finch: Sir, if I get this passport renewed, I have a chance to make every man's dream come true!
    Clerk: Two women?!
    (Every man in the office looks up)
    Finch: Yeah.
    Clerk: Give me the papers, sir (begins stamping). Get this man through!
    • The slow hand clap after Finch failed to get his threesome with Maya and a supermodel after trying so hard.
    • Before that, kicked off by the passport office scene, the montage of Finch running around to get the various errands done, recruiting numerous different men to help once he explains his reasons—one particularly funny bit has him bumping into some menacing gang members who go from getting ready to beat him up to helping him paint an apartment.
  • Maya describing the story of King Lear, inspiring Dennis to go see it.
  • The entirety of the "Lemon Wacky Hello" episode, but particularly this exchange:
    Jack: (having been confronted by a police officer, thinking it's about his accidental drug ingestion) Officer, the day a man can't enjoy a tasty treat from the Orient is the day I move to a cave and sleep on my own beard!
    Officer: ...I'm looking for Nina Van Horn.
    Jack: ...Take her away.
    • Also, throughout it all, Dennis has a bad trip. Which leads to this exchange as the officer leaves:
      Officer: You've got some strange folks here.
      Dennis: Tell me about it, and I have to work with them...(speaking on phone) Hi, I'd like Mongoose Rental, please? (crazy grin — to the police officer) They eat snakes.
  • "I'm Charlton Heston. Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun."
  • "You can't hurt me! The Mayor loooves it rough!"
  • The way Finch says "Ooh, check out the boobies!" makes it sound like he's just...''you know''
  • "Nina's Birthday" has Jack order Maya to get along better with Nina, and tell her that she needs to develop some people skills. At the end of the episode, Nina and Maya gets along just fine since thanks to Maya, Nina ended up having sex with a man half her age who was totally into her. This prompts the following lament from Jack:
    Jack: Maya, I said people skills, not pimping skills!