(From Vol. 1: Evil Dead has just defeated Redneck Devil Without a Cause in about 10 seconds.)
3D (Violent J): "That was the fastest match in JCW history!" Gweedo (Shaggy 2 Dope): "Who gives a fuck?" Luscious Johnny Stark (Jamie Madrox): "I don't know whether to laugh or cry or what the hell to do." Gweedo: "That doesn't mean one fucking thing. That's no kind of accomplishment. It's only the second fucking match in JCW history any fucking way!"
(From Vol. 2)
Slick Rick Buggles (Legz Diamond): "From Asslick, KY, weighing in at 725 FUCKING POUNDS, HORNSWAGGLIN' HILLBILLY!"