- "I'm not even a backdoor-virgin anymore, thanks to Roman. By the way, that hurts! I couldn't even go to Flags the next day. I had to stay home and sit on a bag of frozen peas."
- "My tit!"
- As horrific as Jennifer's murder is, Nikolai lets out this gem before the band sacrifices her:
Satan is our only hope. We're working with the beast now. And we've got to make a really big impression on him. And to do that, we're going to have to butcher you. And bleed you. And then Dirk here is gonna wear your face. (Beat, as Dirk gives him a look) Relax, I'm kidding about the face thing. The rest is gonna happen.
- When seducing a jock, Jennifer places his hand over her breast and says "Feel my heart... I think my heart is broken" in the most overwrought whisper one has ever heard.
- This exchange, as the band starts their performance:
Nikolai: Good evening, Devil's Lake -
Audience Member: Devil's Kettle!
Nikolai: (not missing a beat) Fuckin-A, it is.
- Jennifer's reaction after Chip impales her? "Got a tampon?"
- Needy and Jennifer's very first lines to each other in the movie.
Jennifer: Hey, Monistat.Needy: What's up, Vagisil?
- When Needy is changing into her outfit for the rock show:
Chip: Those jeans are hella low. I can almost see your front butt.Needy: It's a rock show. This is my rock look.Chip: Well, I can see, like, your womb, so...