- "That belongs in a MUSEUM." "SO DO YOU."
- In 1912, as a young Indy and fellow Boy Scout Herman stumble upon a bunch of bandits who discover the gold cross:
: (discovers a snake has been crawling on his leg for some time, starts promptly freaking out)
Young Indy: Hey, it's just a snake.
- He even picks it up and tosses it away as he said that!
- Indy breaking a floor tile in time to a Librarian stamping his books, with the Librarian looking in utter bewilderment at his suddenly incredibly noisy rubber stamp.
- It's even better in the novelizations-the Librarian concludes that his hearing is getting worse and decides to retire!
- After throwing out a Nazi official while in the disguise of an attendant: "No ticket!"
- Made even funnier by the fact that he's speaking plain American English to a bunch of German passengers.
- Followed by all of the said passengers pull out their tickets and frantically shout "TICKET!"
- Most of Indy and Henry's lines, in fact; Sean Connery and Harrison Ford have excellent comic timing for normally dramatic actors.
- [spotting fighter planes] "Dad! Eleven o'clock!" [Henry checks pocket watch] "...what happens at eleven o'clock?!"
Indy: (gesturing frantically) Twelve, eleven, ten! Eleven o'clock, FIRE!
Indiana/Henry Jr.: Dad, are we hit?
- Also, "Fly, yes! Land, no!" What makes this funny is that Harrison Ford is a rather successful pilot in real life. What makes it even funnier is decades later, he ended up crash-landing a WWII vintage plane (he was injured, but not seriously so).
Jones, Sr.: "Junior, there's something I have to tell you...
Indy: "Don't get sentimental on me now, Dad. Save it for when we get out of here."
Jones, Sr.: "The floor's on fire. See?"
Jones, Sr.: "...And the chair!"
- "Dad!" "What?" "DAD!" "WHAT??" "DAD!!" "WHAAAT?!?" "Head for the fireplace!"
- "Our situation has not improved."
- When they wind up on the opposite side of the secret door in the fireplace, they're in a communications room of some sort, at which point a woman looks up and notices them. They both give her awkward grins. She grins back... and yells, "ALARM!"
- The hilariously awkward beat between Indy and Henry Sr. when he finds out his dad slept with Elsa. Even better because it wasn't in the script.
- "She talks in her sleep."
- When they're on the plane, talking about their...mutual love interest above:
Henry: That wasn't the only thing we shared.... (Sly smirk)
Indy: Oh—now that was really pathetic. You were old enough to be...her-her grandfather!
Henry: (Shrugging) I'm just as human as the next man.
Indy: I was the next man!
- The little smirk he makes after he says it is hilarious.
- When Elsa gives Indy the "Austrian goodbye", Henry looks over his shoulder, sees it, and gives a sly smirk. Fridge Brilliance, in a way—this is, for all intents and purposes, James Bond smiling approvingly at Indiana Jones's skill with the ladies.
Colonel Vogel: And this is how we say goodbye in Germany. (Punches Indy in the face, causing him to bump heads with Henry Sr.)
Indy: I liked the Austrian way better.
Henry Sr.: So did I.
- The scene where Indy sneaks into the Nazi rally in disguise and runs into Hitler . . . who thinks Indy's just a starstruck fan, and autographs the notebook containing instructions on how to find the MacGuffin.
- "How does one get off this thing?" "(Brody gets knocked off the tank accidentally)" Made even funnier when Henry notices that Brody's no longer on the tank - you can see him lying there in the background, dazed and probably wondering what the hell just happened.
Jones Sr.: Where's Marcus?
- Sean Connery squawking like a seagull to scare a gigantic flock of seagulls into the air.
- They then cause the approaching Nazi plane to crash.
- The scene where they're trying to infiltrate the Nazi castle that Henry Sr. is being held in. Indy has a hilariously atrocious Scottish accent, Elsa's wearing the intensely out-of-place fedora, and to sum it up:
Butler: This is a castle...and we have many tapestries...but if you are a Scottish lord, then I AM MICKEY MOUSE!
Indy: How dare he? *knocks out butler*
- And when Indy comes crashing through the window of the room his dad is being held in, his dad cracks him over the head with (what he thinks is) an incredibly valuable Chinese vase. His dad is heartbroken at the loss, until he realizes it's a fake. Indy is more concerned about his possibly fractured skull.
- One of the German pilots actually trying to fly into the tunnel to chase after Indy and Henry, tearing off the plane's wings and setting it on fire, and ending up passing their car. The look on the pilot's face just says, "I did not think this through."
- This film remarkably has a Crowning Moment of Awesome, Crowning Moment of Heartwarming AND Crowning Moment of Funny all at the same time without a word of dialogue. When Henry Jones Sr., Marcus and Sallah watch the tank which they think Indy's inside go over a cliff, they all stand heartbroken on the edge of it. Indy gets up and dazedly walks to the cliff edge, staring confusedly along with everyone else.
- Just before the tank goes off the cliff, Indy's hat seems to decide Screw This, I'm Outta Here!!
- Even funnier is Marcus' reaction to Indy's survival he, much like us the audience, were wondering how the hell he survived such a close call.
- Sallah desperately trying to hint to Marcus that he should run as German soldiers close in on them, until he finally just shouts "Run!" and punches a soldier through his newspaper.
Marcus: (confused) Yes.
- The classic Gilligan Cut, from Indy giving an awesome, totally straight-faced lecture to the Nazis that they'll never be able to find Marcus as he'll blend in perfectly with the locals—to:
Marcus: Does anybody here speak English? Or even Ancient Greek? Water? No, thank you sir. No...no, fish make love in it. Chicken? No thank you, I'm a vegetarian! Does anyone understand a word I'm saying?!
- And when Sallah tells Marcus to hide in a nearby shop, which is, in fact, a Nazi truck that drives off. Sallah can only stare and lean over in disappointment.
- As above, almost any time that Denholm Elliott (Marcus) is onscreen, he hams it up for all he's worth, including at the end when everyone is set to ride off into the sunset for a Happy Ending.
Marcus: Indy! Henry! Follow me! I know the way! Hyaaaaahhh! (Spurs his horse, which takes off, bouncing him violently in the saddle)
- That's actually a moment of awesome for Denholm Elliott, who in reality was an experienced horse rider, with enough skill to do his own riding in that scene and make it look like Marcus was going to wipe out.
- A Tempting Fate moment:
Henry: What are you doing? Get down!
Indy: Dad, we're well out of range.
(Sallah's car was hit)
Sallah: That car belonged to my brother-in-law—
Indy: COME ON!
- It becomes a Brick Joke when Indy angrily tells Sallah that he doesn't need camels. Sallah explains they're not for transportation - they're to pay his brother-in-law back for the car.
- This exchange between Indy and Henry Sr. after it comes out that Indy brought the MacGuffin with him:
Indy: Will you take it easy?
Henry Sr.: Take it easy?! Why do you think I sent it home in the first place? So it wouldn't fall into their hands!
Indy: I came here to save you!
Henry Sr.: Oh yeah?! And who's gonna come to save you, Junior?!
Indy: I told you...*seizes a machine gun from a distracted guard, then mows away everyone with it, leaving his dad totally shocked*...don't call me "Junior"!
- "Look what you did! I can't believe what you did!"
- The best part is that it's James freakin' Bond getting upset over some bad guys getting killed.
- A similar exchange a bit later:
Indy: I KNOW DAD!
Henry Sr. (cowed, quietly): Well, this is a new experience for me.
- "What about the boat? We're not going on the boat?"
- When the Nazis offer the Sultan a chest of jewels and gold, he is not impressed - he is impressed by the Rolls Royce, however. Donovan quickly adjusts his plan, smiles, and tells the Sultan, "The keys are in the ignition."
- And when he says he'll offer them vehicles, provisions, and "tanks" with his accent, Donovan replies with "you're welcome".
- "You call this archaeology?"
- Indy laughing after killing the last Nazi motorcyclist chasing them, then doing a double-take at his father who just frowns disapprovingly and then casually winds his watch. Indy then glowers like he's thinking "Nothing's ever good enough for him!"
- Before the front wheel explosion, Henry was clearly impressed that Indy was using a flag poll as a jousting lance.
- Indy's bemused look when he somehow manages to kill three Nazis with a single shot, the bullet passing through them like they were cardboard cutouts.
- When Indy is teaching a class and all the girls are gazing at him!
- I swear, there are more girls this class than in the first movie. Makes you wonder how many female archaeologists were running around after World War II...
- Unless they only chose his class because of the teacher.
- When we find out where Indiana comes from. "The dog? You are named after the dog?"
- Hey, he had a lot of fond memories of that dog.
- After dispatching one of the fighter planes in the tunnel.
Henry Sr: Well, you can't get much closer then that!
(Cue the remaining plane dropping a bomb near them, causing them to crash their car into the resulting crater)
- Indy and Vogel are fighting atop the tank and one of the Nazis in it is watching from the periscope. He turns and says to his fellow officers in German, "Die Amerikaner, die kämpfen wie Weiber!" translation . Indy in his struggle, unintentionally kicks the scope causing it to turn inside and hit the soldier from behind.
- "This is intolerable!"
- Sallah's introduction to Jones, Sr. while the latter is dangling from a tank.
"Father of Indy, give me your hand!"
- He even tips his hat while saying it!
- The Knight has a bit of a sense of humor when meeting Indy.
Knight: The last of the three brothers, who sworn an oath to find the grail and to guard it.
Indy: That was 700 years ago.
Knight: Long time to wait.
- And in what must be the understatement of all understatements: "He chose...poorly."