Funny: I, Robot
- "You are the dumbest smart person I have ever met in my life!"
- "Ugh! You're the dumbest dumb person I have ever met!"
- "Do you ever have a normal day?", "Yeah. Once. It was a Thursday."
- And of course, this exchange towards the end:
- Farber: Mother-damn, she just shot at you with her eyes closed, Spoon!Spooner: HEY! Did you just shoot at me with your eyes closed?!Calvin: Well, it worked, didn't it?Farber: Spoon, she is shit-hot, you gotta put in a good word for me—Spooner: Stop cussin' and—Farber: —and go home, I got you! *runs off*(Spooner runs over to Calvin and grabs the gun from her)Spooner: Aim and fire.
- "ACHOO! Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit."
- Whilst investigating Lanning's house, Del tries in vain to get the man's cat to leave him alone.
Spooner: Look, I understand you've experienced a loss, but this relationship just can't work. I mean, you're a cat, I'm black, and I'm not gonna be hurt again.
- "Hold my pie." "What?" "Sir, hold it or wear it."
- "You are experiencing a car accident." "THE HELL I AM!"
- "USR: Shittin' on the little guy. ...That would be the fade out."
- "You're saying cats did this to you?!" "How the hell would cats do this to me? Are you crazy?" "Why are we talking about cats?"
- "...I don't know what 'blithely' means but I'm gonna go get some coffee. You want some coffee?"
- "So what hospital are you going to? I'll meet you there and sign you and your buddy's cast."
- "Somehow, 'I told you so'... just doesn't quite say it."
- Spooner and Calvin's entire argument in the car while chasing after Sonny—showcasing their Like an Old Married Couple relationship—particularly the last two lines:
Calvin: It was a left, by the way, back there. [Points]Spooner: [Shakes his head] You must know my ex-wife..
- "Sonny!" "Yes, Detective?" "Calvin's fine! Save me!"
- "You're lucky I can't breathe, or I'd walk all up and down yo' ass!"
- "Aww HELL naw!"
"THE HELL I AM!"
- Before that, the line he says upon seeing the robots themselves is just as good: "There is no way my luck is that bad."
- Shortly afterwards: "You are experiencing a car accident."
- In the story about QT-1, the robot ends up behaving like a robotic Muhammad, and "converts" all other robots in the space station they are in to his religion, which worships the station's central power plant, and in which everything out of the station simply does not exist. Donovan and Powell get confined to their rooms, but it turns out that QT-1 can use the controls easily. When a new team comes to replace Donovan and Powell, the leader of the new team says he'll be damned if he lets the robot take the controls. Donovan and Powell get a laugh when they realize the newcomers will stay in the station for weeks...
- The SPD model that suffers a 'nervous breakdown' on Mercury begins singing H.M.S. Pinafore: the techs are utterly mystified, since there's no real reason for a maintenance-and-repair robot designed to spend its existence on Mercury to have been programmed with centuries-old operettas.
- In "Escape!", a new FTL drive is successfully constructed and tested, with a few.. side-effects.. on test-pilots Powell and Donovan:
"Does your coffin fit differently lately? Why not try Morbid M. Cadaver's extensible caskets. They are scientifically designed to fit the natural curves of the body, and are enriched with vitamin B. Use Cadaver's caskets for comfort. Remember - you're - going - to - be - dead - a - long - long - time!"