We'd say, "The whole damned video," but that's really not enough for a page.
- The various "weather updates" on the surface of pre-life Earth, culminating in "Weather update... it's raining."
- The digression on the evolution of amniotic eggs.Learn to use an egg.
Amphibian: I was already doing that.
Use a stronger egg. Put water in it. Have a baby, on land, in an egg. Water is in the egg, baby in the egg, in the water, in the egg.
Reptile: Works for me.
Bye bye, ocean!- "Aaand now everything's huge."note
- "Society: coming soon to a dank river valley near you."
- The Running Gag regarding the breaking up and reunion of China's states. Multiple times. The slight hesitation in Bill's voice in the last one implies that even he's getting exhausted with how many times this happened.China is whole again!… then it broke again…
- "New arrivals in India! Maybe it's those horse people I was talking about... or their cousins or something? And they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff~"you could make a religion out of this (hinduism)
- Chandragupta dealing with the Seleucid Empire:Knock knock, it's Chandragupta! He says, "Get the hell out of here, will you get the hell out of here if I give you 500 elephants? Okay, thanks, bye."
- Time to conquer all of Innndiiiiaaaa- er, most of Innndiiiiaaaa~
- Why only most of India? The Tamil kings. No one conquers the Tamil kings....who are the Tamil kings?
Merchants, probably~! ...and they've got spices!
- China (under the Qin circa 220 BC or so) has three main philosophies: Confucianism ("having good morals"), Daoism ("go with the flow"), and Legalism ("fuck you, obey the law").
- "It's a bird! It's a plane! Iiiiii'ts the Seljuk Turks!""Aah!" says the Byzantine Empire, which is getting so small it almost doesn't exist anymore.
- "There's the Gupta empire, not Chandragupta, just Gupta. First name Chandra. The first."ok, i get it
- ""Heyyyyyyyy," said the Romans, eating the entire Mediterranean for breakfast."
- Bill's multiple failed attempts to pronounce "Majapahit".
- "So you think you can conquer the Byzantine Empire? 'Yep', said the Ottoman Turks. Nice job, Ottoman Turks [...] Don't forget to ban Europe from the Indian spice trade. 'What?? That's bullshit!' said Portugal (spiceless)."
- "'Wait!' said Christopher Columbus, probably smoking crack."
- "'Damn,' said Amsterdam." (pregnant pause) "We gotta start pillaging some stuff."
- "Question one: Can you get to India through North America? No, but at least there's beaver."
- "Question two: Steal the spice trade. That's not a question, but the Dutch did it anyway."
- The best iteration of the "you could make a religion out of this" gag:Wait, if France is broke why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? "Let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!" said Robespierre, cutting everybody's head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. You could make a reli– no, don't.
- Which becomes even funnier if you are aware that some of the revolutionaries, Robespierre included, actually tried to make their own religion. Two, in fact — the "Cult of Reason" and the "Cult of the Supreme Being", neither of which gained much traction and were both banned by Napoleon.
- The explanation of how India (and Pakistan and Bangladesh) got its independence from Britain:Gandhi: Hi, I'm Gandhi and if Britain doesn't get the hell out of India, I'm going to starve myself in public.
(Britain leaves)
Gandhi:... wow, that worked? - The United States defeating Japan during World War II is treated as a Mortal Kombat-style showdown. Even funnier considering that in the previous video the tragic event was treated with quiet dignity and pathos.Bonus round! Pacific showdown! United States vs. Japan! FIGHT! (Little Boy is dropped on Hiroshima) FINISH HIM! (Fat Man is dropped on Nagasaki)
- Additionally, there's the fact that the atom bomb is described as an "extinction ball", and is picked from a list where the other two options are "boat" and "plane".
- The launching of Sputnik and the Moon landing are treated as a Friendly Rivalry between the U.S. and the Soviet Union.Soviet Union: I'll race you to space!
